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Mykis
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Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 51 | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 3/9/2007 10:01:35 PM | Look Bi-polar syndrome is a curse to those who have it. it affects the emotions of a person, now they could be on top of the world and everything is rosey, then they can't even get out of bed, and even still more there are those who are prone to rages. I was one of those, I recalled one time when I was going through one of those rages my beautiful and living wife had to step inbetween me and one of my children, what I saw woke me up, this was the woman I loved and adored, her eyes were filled with such fear that it still haunts me to this day four years later, all I could do was cry. Here I was abusing verbally abusing my family. Its something I have to carry with me for the rest of my life. It took almost four years to get the medication right before I was stable. I still have my good and bad days but who dosen't. All I can hope for is that you can give him at least your understanding and compassion, and only if you can, your love. I'm not saying to take him back, only you can make that desicion, only you can know if you want to grin and bear it or just say asta la vista baby.
hope for the best. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 3/9/2007 10:09:40 PM | | What I forgot to mention is that marriages with someone having bi-polar, the divorce rate is very high. Yes I am divorced, but even though it hurts it was for their safety and their protection and I would not have it any other way | |
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Mykis
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Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 54 | |
| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 3/9/2007 10:31:55 PM | | As i have stated, those who truly suffer from bi-polar disorder, tend to lose a great deal, especially when it comes to human interaction. It is also takes (sometimes)a great deal of time to properly diagnose symptoms. I have personally seen the process last more than ten years. People also have a tendency to self-diagnose themselves. There are people out there that will just be hurtfull for other reasons besides having a diorder such as bi-polar. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 3/9/2007 10:53:02 PM | | read the patty duke story....she was a successful actress who lived with it...and did well once she got the proper treatment....many do survive and do well once diagnosed and are cared for properly..but its up to that individual on how they choose to go on with their lives......and nevertheless deal with their issues..... | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 3/10/2007 2:12:46 AM | Absolutely you should not take him back.
First of all you have a 9 year old son that is watching this all go on. Don't think for one minute that this isn't affecting him, because it is.
Second he has already broken one promise to get help and will only continue to do so.
The compromise is that he lives somewhere else, gets his behind to a doctor and gets the help that he needs, and you can date if you so choose to in the meantime.
Let him grow up, get on medication and learn that just because he chooses to act this way doesn't mean that other people have to deal with it as best they can.
As for the his family ridiculing him thing, what he doesn't tell them, they don't know. That is just an excuse. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 3/10/2007 4:54:10 AM | | never posted before, or even read these, but somehow came upon this and had to say, I am with Ralph, RUN.....I went through this with my ex for far too long, and all my information says nothing will change, my ex always said "You love me more than I love youl",,, she was right, I was a doormat for her mood behaviour, I thought she was multiple personality, or bipolar, but finally read about BPD and there she was, there seemed to be no information about a cure, but just RUN was about all I could ever get out of it, and she gave me the boot, I was still hanging in there for all that misery. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 3/10/2007 5:15:37 AM | | totally agree with you !To think a nurse says this! I'm Bi-polar on meds and live a pretty good life...my family and friends are very supportive and are educated/educating themselves. It is an illness just like Diabetes...management/proper meds/lifestyle changes/and patience with the illness. Being Bi-polar does not dictate who I am nor does it control my life! | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 3/10/2007 5:28:53 AM | | I have a step son with Bi-Polar disorder. They have highs and lows but 9 times out of 10 they have more lows. Very seldom do they have a day that is normal unless they have the right medication and it can take years to get the meds right. There's a clinic in LaGrange Georgia that work only with this disorder and have a high success rate. It's not a disease to be taken lightly. I know at my step son's lowest he has tried suicide twice. Maybe you can talk him into some kind of program to help him with this condition. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 3/10/2007 4:10:51 PM | Sorry to here of your relationship, denisejam,.....I know the condition all too well. I just divorced my wife of only 2 yrs just about 8 months ago. I too, loved her unconditional and have to say i still do. But you also have to consider as I did, Borderline Personality Disorders as well. ( It perked my interest when you said you were walking on egg shells) There's a book out entitled just that, and if you read it, you'll see parrallels of identical behaviour. My ex had both, (Bi-polar & B.P.D.) according to our councellor, and was very dangerous to be around when the swings happen, mentally and physically.
Her cycle was aprx. every 4-5 weeks. One week, perfectly normal and loving.,....second week, start quitely withdrawing....easily upset. Third week, verbally belligerant and would start drinking every nite from the moment she got home from work.(even tried to hide the beers in her car) Fourth week..........all out war,...humiliate you to your core..go into drunken rage.......actually would go off in a room and scream and talk as if there was someone there she was talking to. I usually had to leave the house at that point.
In those two years of marriage, I probably lived there maybe 7-8 months total.
Oh and yes, you're right about them being masters of manipulation. They will twist the truth to suit them and Always make you out to be the bad guy (called being painted Black) It will ALWAYS be YOUR FAULT......ALWAYS!
One other person here said something that is also very true and that is, the disorder, left untreated completely takes over, or becomes that persons' personality. They will deny to the point of tears that there is Nothing wrong with them...........It's ALL because of YOU!!!!
From what I've learned, bi-polar is a disorder that can be hereditary, while BPD is a condition of intimacy. They cannot be in a relationship with anyone for fear of having to love in return. They all possess very low self-esteem, cannot tolerate any form of critisism, are often narcissictic, abuse some form of substances to self-medicate, yet outside of the relationship they are often very flirtateous and conversive and appear to others as quite normal. Sad to say, they do better on their own.
I feel so bad for anyone who has endured a relationship with these types of people. I too, loved my wife beyond anything and anyone, including myself. They suck all the love you have to give right out of you into their emotional "Black Hole"
They all say time will heal the heart.................I'm still waiting! | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 3/10/2007 8:57:11 PM | e7997 - dont take him back until he gets the help he says he will get. I was married to someone with bi-polar - and who refused to admit it - for 27 years. He destroyed our family, our marriage, our finances - you name it. I loved him, and I was the faithful wife and to everyone else, we were the perfect couple. I had no self esteem, believed everything he told me - especially about how no one else would ever want me. I was the cause of every bad thing that ever happened, and I believed that, because he never took responsiblity for anything.
As long as the bi-polar disorder is in control, you will never have a life. You will never be good enough for him, no matter what you do.
So, where did I wind up? With someone even worse, and he is a physician. I learned all I could about bi-polar disorder, offered to see his psychiatrist with him, set up his meds for him, tried to make sure he ate well and exercised. Trying to fix his life was impossible and I literally would have wound up making myself physically sick trying to be everything he wanted me to be. He ended the relationship, which broke my heart into a million pieces, but ultimately was for the best.
I say, like the others, RUN.
Oh, yeah - I'm an RN. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 3/10/2007 11:16:37 PM | I wanna thank everyone here who has supported me or defended me. The sad truth about dating an UNTREATED BPD is that most victims end up getting dumped after they've put up with their BPD partner's behavior for so long. They will have invested all this time into trying to win back their love, just to end up being dumped and having their heart shattered into a million pieces. The victim should be the one dumping from the get go.
LESSON LEARNED: You either put up with an untreated BPD's B.S. or walk away. There is absolutely no other alternative. Please, RUN don't walk. | |
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Posted: 4/10/2007 10:40:39 AM | run huh? that's some extremely IGNORANT and IRRESPONSIBLE advice for a supposed "RN" who "just broke up with a bipolar." for one thing, we are't "bipolars," we are people who deal with a disorder that affects just about every aspect of our daily lives, and it is called "bipolar disorder." there is no such thing as "a bipolar." people with bipolar disorder. some RN huh? so yes, if u can't deal with the disease, then you don't feel strongly enough about the person who has it to try. instead of running, that is. deserve better things? better than what? a disgustiong bipolar who is out to ruin your life? please ms. RN, don't insult anyone's intelligence. if u had the sense to stop and think for a minute how difficult it is to deal with someone's constant mood swings who HAS the disease... then imagine how difficult it must be to try and deal with actually BEING bipolar and see people you care about turn their backs on you because it's too much trouble to try and understand. that is officially the worse, most ignorant advice i have ever heard from anyone. goo luck with your selfish life!!
xox | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/10/2007 10:45:26 AM | | see that he gets the help, then consider what you want to do. my last bf was also bi-polar but i had to keep him my EX. too much of a roller coaster ride...would have been better if you're guy had cyclothymia; much easier to deal with. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/10/2007 10:50:27 AM | | often times it's not "up to the individual" how to go on with their lives. seeing it and experiencing it are two different things, depending what end of the conituum they're operating in. if not under proper care, they're decision making abilities are impaired. it's also a fact that lots of bipolars drink or do drugs b/c that's how they're used to coping. if they keep doing it once medicated, it can make things WAY worse. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/10/2007 11:11:40 AM | I feel for you, I've been there, done that. Mine had help and was on the Med's but with them when they are feeling good they don't think they need them, then it's back on again. I went up and down and never knew minute to minute where I stood. I was not married to him Thank God but we lived together. He attacked me twice in four years but after I put him in jail that stoped. Every Christmas he would go out and buy things, return things, over and over, then Christmas night just like clock work he would hit bottom and the things he would say would hurt even though I knew it was coming.
He never ran around on me but talked about it all the time and could not see why he should just be with one person, the sex was just sex no feelings for him and if he could have found a rich woman he would have lived with her just so someone could take care of himself.
I know it hurts cause when they are not tripping on what ever they are great but they do damage and it's takes awhile to get over them. It's the major up's and down's you have had going on for so long you still have no clue what just happen.
Take time, stay away, no matter how many med's, no matter what this is the way they are. I have finally gotten to the point I just feel sorry for him, he can't help the way he is and I think that must be terrible but there's nothing we can do except protect ourself. Yes the guilt will be there cause you have be up and down but just remember time helps, you loved him and some place inside he probably loved you but it is what it is.
Take care out there, hang in and most of all talk to people, especially people who have been where you are, that helps you understand what's going on and you are not alone out there.
If you would just write to me, I will be more than happy to be there for you.
Gypsy | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/10/2007 11:25:16 AM | You are right Kailey, people are not "bipolars" or "heart attacks" or "gallbladders" and we nurses know better to refer to them as their disorder, however, we too are sometimes insensitive to "name calling"--that said, a person living with bi-polar &/or a personality disorder has some real problems that need to be addressed before they can function effectively in society and within relationships in a healthy manner.
Personality disorders are not usually successfully treated, they are not "mental illness" as such, which "bi-polar" is. Sometimes bi-polar is easily treatable other times it is difficult to treat, even if the person with it complies with medicaiton and therapy.
No one, however, should suffer with another person's mental problems if the person with the mental illness is not trying to help themselves, or is denying that they have a problem.
Severe damage, irrepairable damage can be done to children, to relationships, and to many lives by one person who refuses to treat their illness or fails to recognize that they even have one.
The people around them, in that case, can only do one thing, and that is to disconnect from the person who refuses to acknowledge or treat their problem. I aplaude those people such as the one poster with bi-polar who recognized that his illness was scaring his wife and child and that their safety was at risk. A person who is that caring and concerned about his o wn problems deserves a hug from us all for putting the interests of his child and ex-wife before his own.   | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/10/2007 11:29:54 AM | This thread is such a huge HUGE collection of misinformation. Bipolar people are human beings who want and need to be loved just as much as anyone else. Yes, their episodes can be horrifying and painful, and yes, there is a lot to know and learn when being involved with someone who suffers from this CHEMICAL DISORDER.
I have raised two bipolar children to adulthood. My son has had the great good fortune to find a young woman who is strong enough to love him in spite of his disability. I thank God for her every day.
If you love a bipolar, LEARN. The research out there is abundant. It is the best thing you can do for yourself and for the one you love. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/10/2007 11:34:05 AM | | I've lived with a bi polar lady my whole marraige. when she was on meds things were Okay, not great, but okay. As the years went on the illness got worse, as it always does, she went of meds and left me and the two boys of our marraige of 28 yrs and immedeiately moved in with the man who used to live accross the street, that she had known for two months. Without meds things can only get worse. With out him addmitting that he needs help, there is nothing that can be done. Although it is a mental illness, it is much the same as being and alocoholic, or drug user. They need to want to change, and they have to take the first steps to do so. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/10/2007 12:07:38 PM | To the poster Ralph1972-
If you can say that no one should be with someone with bi-polar than you are just being a biased critical person that has no understanding of the human race. Are you saying that you are perfect in every way and have never made mistakes. To comdem all people that have a condition or a problem because of your experience is horrible. To say that people with bi-polar should not be in relationships just proves how much you don't know. If you put it this way than look at it as, bi-polar, mood swings, personality disorders, alcoholisn, drug problems, cancer, heart conditions,ect..... should never marry or want to be happy because people with all these problem have the ability to hurt someone, not meaning to. These all are things that people don't ask for and deal with themselves every day. Are you saying that all these people don't deserve happiness the same as you? True it is hard to deal with expecially if that person will not get help, but with meds and understanding, living with it is easier. You really should not go around condeming every one with a problem from your experience. You have no right. There are horrible people that hurt other people that don't have these conditions, there is bad people no matter what way you look at it. I can not beleive how biased and heartless some people can be. I congatulate you if you can say you have never done anything that has hurt anyone. You are a rare person than. i am not saying everyone with this condition is a good person, just like with everything else, judge each person individually based on them, not their condition. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/10/2007 12:19:39 PM |
To comdem all people that have a condition or a problem because of your experience is horrible. To say that people with bi-polar should not be in relationships just proves how much you don't know.
Tender, this is so true and thank you for saying that. Each person and situation is quite unique.
There are horrible people that hurt other people that don't have these conditions, there is bad people no matter what way you look at it. I can not beleive how biased and heartless some people can be.
Exactly my point. When my son is episodic, he can say some pretty vile things. His fiancee knows that he doesn't mean them and she has learned to just let him rage until he gets it out of his system. He has never committed an act of violence toward a person in his life and has the best, most compassionate heart of any person I know.
i am not saying everyone with this condition is a good person, just like with everything else, judge each person individually based on them, not their condition.
Exactly right. They are PEOPLE. Just PEOPLE, with HUMAN failings which may or may not be compounded by the bipolar disorder. | |
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Posted: 4/10/2007 1:11:17 PM | | thank u, i agree though, that it shouldn't be an issue to accept or seek treatment if it is going to better relationships with the people who care about you ("you" referring to people with bipolar disorder). it would be irresponsible and selfish not to do everything you could to help yourself and relationships. absolutley you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves, i know that personally. took me a while to realize that i was being selfish in not recognizing or accepting that i needed to take certain extra measures to ensure my life and relationships wouldn't be ruined or dictated by bipolar disorder. but luckily for me, nobody turned and ran away because i was stubborn. i was very fortunate to have people who stuck around long enough to see how i turned it around and cope with it ( very well thank u!! :) and i have to say, i feel worse for the people who don't have the support and patience of family and friends and are left alone before they realize they need to help themselves than the people who get fed up and give up. just my opinion tho, maybe i'm a little biased ;) | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/10/2007 2:04:07 PM | | Kailey, I am glad for you that you sought treatment. Some people with "problems"--such as alcoholism, bi-polar, depression, and other problems, won't "see" that they need "help" until they are flat of their back and alone because they have pushed everyone away with their repeated bad and hurtful behavior. So, sometimes, the best thing you can do for a person who will not recognize that they DO have a problem that impacts their relationships is to disconnect--sometimes having those they care about leave them, wakes them up. doesn't always restore THAT relationship, but sometimes it does. | |
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