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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/30/2007 4:54:52 AM | | I hate to say this to you, gggalaxy, but that sounds like a lot more than bipolar disorder going on. The problem with many of yall is that you are lumping all of the behavioral disorders into the bipolar basket. Yes, they may be bipolar, but YES, they may have other issues as well that are far more serious. When coupled with bipolar disorder, very bad symptoms can happen. Bipolar disorder is no picnic, but it is not as severe by itself as yall are painting it. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/30/2007 5:25:15 AM | I AM DIAGNOSED BIPOLAR (BIPOLAR MANIA). I WENT THROUGH MANY YEARS IN MY FIRST MARRIAGE LIVING A LIFE OF CONSTANT DEPRESSION, UPS AND DOWNS... THERE WAS RARLY A DAY THAT WENT BY THAT I DID NOT CRY. BUT I WAS RESPONSIBLE NONETHELESS, HELD A GOOD JOB, RAISED A WONDERFUL FAMILY OF 3 SIBLINGS (HOW THEY GOT THROUGH IT, I WILL NEVER KNOW), AND MORE (I CONTROLLED MY PERSON AS BEST I COULD, BUT ONCE BACK HOME IT WAS NO PARTY FOR MY FAMILY WITH THE MOOD SWINGS.
WHEN I LEFT MY HUSBAND I HONESTLY KNEW AFTER ALL THIS TIME THAT I HAD A PROBLEM, WHICH I WAS CONSTANTLY TRYING TO ANALYZE. I DID THIS FOR HIM AS I COULD NOT SHAKE THE MOOD SWINGS AND FELT THAT HE HAD HAD ENOUGH; UNSELFISHLY AND STILL VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH HIM I WALKED OUT THE DOOR AFTER 26 YEARS OF MARRIAGE... THIS WAS A VERY PAINFUL THING TO DO.
IN 1999 I FINALLY WENT FOR TREATMENT (MEDICATION AND THERAPY) AND SINCE THEN I HAVE RARELY (EXCEPT AT TIMES WHEN THE MEDICATION'S EFFECT HAS WORN OFF, OR OTHER COMPLICATIONS) HAD BOUTS OF DEPRESSION, MANIA (WHICH ALSO INCLUDED PANIC ATTACKS).
AS FOR THE TERM USED: BIBOPAR: THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HAVING THE ILLNESS AND A PERSON WHO IS MERELY ONE WHO HAS BOUTS OF DEPRESSION. PEOPLE WHO HAVE DEPRESSION GO THROUGH MORE MOOD SWINGS, THE UPS AND DOWNS AND OFTEN TIMES THERE IS A LOT MORE TO IT I.E. YOUR MENTION OF CALLS ACCUSING YOU OF NOT BEING FAITHFUL, ETC. I NEVER WENT THROUGH THAT - THE THOUGHTS OR PHONECALLS OR BLUNT ACCUSATIONS.... THE BIPOLAR I SPEAK OF IS TORMENTING CAUSING ANGER - WHETHER SEETHING INSIDE OR VERBALLY TOWARDS THOSE AROUND ME, GREAT SADNESS, AND OF COURSE A LOT OF GUILT.
IF YOUR FIANCE REALLY COULD TAKE SOME ADVICE, AND GO FOR A QUALIFIED DISAGNOSIS (AND THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN AFTER A FEW VISITS WITH A SPECIALIST), THEN TRUTH WOULD BE TOLD. AFTER THIS, ONE REALIZES AND ACCEPTS WHAT IT IS THAT IS HAPPENING AND GETS HELP (HOPEFULLY), FINALLY LETTING GO OF ANALYZING ON THEIR OWN 'THE UNKNOWN' AND LIVING A MUCH BETTER LIFE. IT IS POSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!
SORELY MANY DO NOT LOOK INTO THE VENUES FOR HELP; FAMILIES, LOVED ONES, ETC. WHO LIVE WITH THIS SUFFER A GREAT DEAL AND ALL FOR NOT, AS THERE IS HELP FOR THOSE WHO TRULY WISH TO LIVE A GOOD LIFE (AND A GOOD ONE WITH THEIR LOVED ONES). | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:46:45 AM | Oxdrover:
1) Just because you have worked as an assistant to a psychiatrist doesn't mean you understand the life of people like myself and studentwrite any better than a complete stranger.
2) If you are saying things like "are you off your meds again?..." as a way of teasing someone with a neurological disorder, it's incredibly lucky for us that you're not involved as a psychiatrist's assistant anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if you were forced into early retirement.
3) Oxen are not very intelligent, and drovers are not quite geniuses either by tradition. If you want to make a point of your intellect, make it in a way that doesn't undo itself by being surrounded by hypocrisy.
4) "They deem him the worst enemy that tells him the truth."
Couldn't say it better myself, friend.
~ David | |
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| bi-polar finace disasterRE:A Common Woman
Posted: 4/30/2007 9:02:18 AM | | Dear Ox,As a PhD.(Organizational Behavior) I remain unimpressed with your so called credential's.As far as your rear end , since you have not downloaded a picture, I can only go by your own description .Concerning my interest in your ass..sorry dear you are not my type .The"hit a nerve",comment was a rather creative pun...kudos on that one.No, I was not insulted only sorry that your empathy is so selective and elitists.I am guessing that it stems from your guilt centering on the damage you must have caused to the mentally ill while you were in that field.I can feel sorry for you since your incompetence is so rampently common.....as are you. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/30/2007 9:03:52 AM | | All I seen of this thread was you have a 9 year old son....I would be focusing on him right now instead of the grown guy who can take care of himself. Imagine a father figure just disappearing like that...... | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/30/2007 11:10:29 AM | Student I am not sure why you flamed me in the first place with all the stuff, but I am sorry that you seem to have a problem with me...I am not sure where you got your so called PhD but most PhDs that I know would not be rude...so flame on, dear, I have nothing else to say to you except that your behavior is entirely inappropriate. By the way, a Registered Nurse Practitoner is not a psychiatrist's assistant. I don't claim to know everything, but I have definitely worked with people with anger management problems, and for some reason you seem to have some hostility and anger management problems aimed currenlty at me.
I would never "make fun" of anyone with any "problem" physical or mental. Bi-polar is a serious condition, but unfortunately, many people refuse medication/treatment, and others don't stay on it. They seem to actually enjoy the highs (I have had patients tell me this). I would never consider a relationship with anyone who had a serious disease of any kind who refused treatment---like alcoholism for example. It is a condition, but not "treating" it appropriately leads to pain for all concerned, so does depression, bi-polar and a host of other disorders and diseases. No one can "make" any one get treatment (unless they are court committed) but no one has to live with the results of someone else's untreated problems either...they can walk away. Or run. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/30/2007 11:49:44 AM | Don't ever call a neurological disorder or mental illness a "disease".
Don't ever scoff at another's PhD when you don't have one.
Alcoholism and bi-polar disorder are nothing alike. Anyone who really knew the ropes of a psychiatry ward or any kind of HMO would avoid ever comparing a drug addition to a neurochemical imbalance.
I am so disappointed, that at 18 years old I can speak for most of the bi-polar community, while you - a former nurse for a bona fide psychiatrist (I can only hope) - have resorted to name-calling and bickery from your first argumentative post onward.
~ David
EDIT: Actually, most PhD's have every right to be rude, and take advantage of it accordingly. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/30/2007 12:27:33 PM | Hi
Bi polar disorder also known as manic depression affects the persons perceptions. There are counselling for affected relatives on how to deal with the sufferer. Medication such as lithium often stabilises the condition but as yet there is no known "cure/remedy". Whilst on the medication the sufferer often complains of having been left without feeling the highs and lows of typical everyday emotions which can often lead their loved ones feeling left out emotionally and can be draining on their own self esteem. A sufferers behaviour can not always blamed on themselves and as such latitude should be given when dealing with the person suffering the condition. Like most injuries/sickness the carer/loved ones also suffer equally when living with soemone who has bi polar.
My advice would be to try and offer as much support that you can but priority in your case should be to provide as stable an enviroment for any children that may be involved.
John | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/30/2007 12:54:59 PM | considering you said his condition is undiagnosed and, therefore, untreated, he may be a dual diagnosis or could be in a mixed episode not to mention there are several different types of bi-polar all on its own. without meds and counselling he's mentally beating himself up and taking you and your kid along for the ride. he needs help but it's hard to force someone into treatment if they're not being harmful to themselves or others (and i'm not talking emotionally, i'm talking physically). i wish you the best of luck...get as much information as you can and at least you'll be functioning from a position of knowledge and can make informed decisions. bi-polar is hard enough for adults to understand; a 9 year old shouldn't have to deal with it.
carrie | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/30/2007 12:57:11 PM | | Oh, and not all bi-polar is as wacked as what your boyfriend is doing just like not all depressives are the same or all schizophrenics...he needs to get help BEFORE he comes back to you...no sense in enabling him so he can keep going on as if nothing's happened! | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/30/2007 1:14:57 PM | | I feel for you. I am a woman with bi-polar genes and sometimes wonder if I am bi-polar as well. It manifests itself differently in different people and of course it matters whether one is in the depressive stage or the manic stage of the illness. Your boyfriend is a pendulum. I have a brother with bi-polar and I'm wondering if your boyfriend is taking medication or is trying to keep an even keel on his own. Is this a medical diagnosis or self-diagnosis because they are different. Your boyfriend may also be using this as an excuse for his "bad" behaviour. But given his environment it is understanable that his issues on the trust side. Most of my deep relationships were with people who cheated on me and my last relationship where the person didn't cheat on me was disastrous. So it makes me wonder whether I deliberately sought out pople who were not totally serious. WE all have to take responsibility for our actions. We cannot blame the illnes, especially this one which is treatable. It must be hell for all of you if this is real especially your son who is being treated so poorly. The yo-yo parenting I think, is more devasting than him being completely out of the picture. But having said that, people with this illness need a lot of support and to know that someone is in their corner which it appears you have been. This is not about you keeping him happy and walking on eggshells trying to do the right thing. This is about him taking responsibility, admitting that he may be ill and taking the necessary course of action to get himself to level out. He either is or isn't bi-polar. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Not doing something about it and treating the two of you so thoughtlessly is. If he is seriously bi-polar it may take someone to get him committed to a centre where his illness can be treated. I had to do this with someone I love--my brother-- once It was really hard but was the right thing to do as the impact on his children was devasting and damaging their physche. He got lots of counselling and medical intervention. There is lots of info out there on the web and other resources. I suggest you avail yourself of the resources and perhaps your family doctor can help you but I wouldn't hold my breath. Your local mental health facility may also be able to help. He is not crazy he is ill and has a chemical imbalance which can be assisted through drugs and counselling and lots of support. You need to look after yourself and your son first and foremost. This is like alcoholism and perhaps a support group for families living with bi-polar would be a good group to think about joining. I am a lay person, this "advise" is only from 1st hand experience not as a medical practioner. It seems you really want this person in your life, give that serious thought and then Good Luck. I wish you well. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/30/2007 1:54:43 PM | | I know how hard it is to live with someone who doesn't seem quite right. Mood swings are horrendous. At least you have a diagnosis. I married someone when I was 19 and was immediatly into a debt situation. Because of pride and committment I perservered and we had 4 children. He would never seek help and because the condition was never diagnosed until after I left, I always felt it was my fault that I could never keep on top of the finances and he always blamed me. Afte r many many stellar jobs where he rose to the top and then crashed, he decided to go to law school. I supported him and he graduated with reasonable marks and once again I grew confident that he had changed but it was not true. Without medication these people are a disaster. You must stop thinking about yourself, and think about the effect on your son. If you have the luxury to think only of yourself, then by all means stay. Just remember that this man is a major influence on your son's life and is that what you want for him. I wish you only luck, I do not judge. Men in your life may come and go, but your son is your son for life and it's not a parent that he chose!. | |
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cinder
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Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 138 | |
| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/30/2007 1:56:29 PM | I too am surprised at the lack of knowledge so many people have about bi-polar: if we label everyone that is just a bad person with the disorder you are doing a big diservice to the real issue, A bi-polar person is as individual as you are, rudeness, jealousy, and all those things have nothing to do with bi=polar. Blaming poor behavior on this is wrong. If we blamed all of these personality behaviors on bi-polar then pretty much everyone is. I urge those that think they are dealing with someone with this condition to learn the truth about it. People with this disorder can be great people just as those without it can be bad people. Read up before you label. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/30/2007 9:45:50 PM | | Dear Ox,I have no problems or anger issue's with you because I've met you long before this forum.I met you screaming hatred from the sidewalk when I was marching for equal rights.I met you again when you called me a traitor for marching for peace during Vietnam on the same day my father was treating the wounded in a MASH unit amid the chaos of combat.I marched on a Sunday afternoon but showed up for work in the wards of the wounded at Camp Pendleton Hospital,8:00 sharp and ready for work.I also watched you from the dozen's of schoolyards a military brat must endure.You were the one that picked on the weaker less confident kids.It was absent of a monitor to say stop...not even me.I was afraid of you too.Now faced with living the last part of my life(and yes I'm planning to live to be 108)I am no longer afraid of you or anything for that matter.My father died last year and was buried in a full military funeral dressed in uniform with all his medels, including one he failed to mention, the individual Presidential Citation. We seldom agreed but I remember as a child reading the Hippocratic Oath 0ver his desk,it begins with First do no harm. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 4/30/2007 11:31:57 PM | > We seldom agreed but I remember as a child reading the Hippocratic Oath 0ver his desk,it begins with First do no harm.
We have this in common as my dad and I seldom agreed either.
It would be nice if more paid attention to the hippocratic oath, truly helping, rather than medicating those who have trusted them. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 5/1/2007 8:32:55 AM | I completely understand what you mean. I am just coming out of a bad relationship with someone who was bi-polar. I would do everything I could to make him happy, yet it never seemed enough. He refused to get any treatment for his bi-polar, but he promised he would try not to have his mood swings so much. We dated for a year, and out of that year, he would break up with me at least once a month. But at first, it was not like that at all. It was maybe six months into the relationship that he started that. Finally, this time, I just said that enough was enough. It hurts very much, but I have to let him go. And you have to do the same. I know that I am young, but my heart has been broken nontheless. He was my first love, and it really hurts, but for my own peace of mind, I had to do it. And over time, the pain wil heal, and the heart will mend itself. I hope that helps you out a little, anyway. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 5/1/2007 12:55:09 PM | Angelface, I'm sorry for your hurt and I'm sorry that your friend wouldn't seek treatment.
Medical providers are supposed to "do no harm" and most of us keep that oath, to the best of our abilities. Medication for people with bi-polar varies from person to person some, but the purpose of the medication is to level out the tremendous mood swings from very UP to very DOWN so that the person will "fluctuate" normally up and down, but not have the wild swings from the manic where they think they can "walk on water" and do dangerous and unwise thiings to where they feel like they are "crawling on the bottom of the ocean" and nothing will make them feel good. Everyone has a bad day once in a while, or a sad day or a very happy day but those mood changes are within the "normal" ranges of things.
The chemicals produced inside our brains have a great deal lto do with our "moods" although we might not like to admit it--a person with bi-polar has a problemm with the chemicals, how they are produced or absorbed that tends to make their "moods" go up and down in ways that end up producing an unhappy life...for them and those that love them. They also need counseling besides medication to learn to cope with their mood swings so that the things they say and do during a mood swing don't disrupt their lives, jobs and their families. At best it can be a difficult problem to cope with, but untreated and at worst...isn't a happy picture at all. If a person refuses treatment no matter how much you love them, or what your relationship to them is, sometimes the only thing you can do is to let go--get out of the relationship and move on with your own life. People who stay forever in any destructive relationship are not healthy themselves. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 5/2/2007 4:29:07 PM | Actually, I am slowly learning that it is okay to let go, and it is starting to hurt a little less each day. I truly do love him still, and I feel badly that I couldn't make the relationship work, but what you said, about a person refusing treatment, and having to let them go, it really does make a little more sense than before. And you are completely right about people in a destructive relationship. I realize that now. Your explanation about the whole thing was quite interesting, and sounds almost identical to what I was going through. Thank you for your posting. It has helped me realize a few things that I didn't notice before.  | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 5/2/2007 5:04:53 PM | I was married for a very long time to a man who was mentally ill. It was prevelant at first but over the years it just got worse and worse. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. The last several years of our marriage were like living in the twilight zone at times. He never believed that he needed help. Even two of his employers sent him to see psychiatrists and still he did not believe that there was anything wrong with himself. He always said I was the crazy one and needed help. He would go through periods of almost normalcy and then the illness would slowly work it's way back into our lives. He refused to take meds and the last time that he went through an episode my kid's and I knew that we had to leave. After years of mental abuse from him during these episodes I finally found the courage to leave. He lost his job and was unemployable. He bought a house and took all of the equity out (and there was quite a bit) and still managed to get himself into debt. He stalked me and harrassed me for months and then one night he ran head on into a dump truck. I removed life support after three weeks in intensive care. Because we were not legally divorced I took on the responsibility as admistrator of his affairs because no one in his family wanted to deal with it.
Sometimes I blame myself. I feel sometimes if I hadn't tried harder to get him help that this wouldn't have happened. But the fact is that he would never admit that he had a problem and unless he admitted it there was no hope.
Although I don't have an answer for you please consider this. Even if your guy admits that he has issues and starts taking meds there is nothing to stop him from discontinuing medication. I've read up on the subjects of both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder and the problem is that when people take meds and start feeling better they often stop because they don't feel as though they need them. My ex started taking meds a few times and stopped before they had a chance to work.
My advice to you is let this guy go and move on. As bad as I feel for your guy I feel worse for you and your child. I have two children (both boys) who are emotionally scarred from the things that they have seen and endured.
I lost almost everything after years of hard work and perserverance and I am still cleaning up my ex's mess.
I am sure you have feelings for this guy as I had for my ex. I struggled for years because I had feelings for the person that I once knew who no longer existed.
Don't let this guy ruin your life as I let my ex ruin mine. Again I lost almost everything, I lost my youth and I am almost broke because of the financial situation that he put me in.
You will get over him and some day hopefully you will find someone who is emotionally stable and who makes you happy.
Remember that you are a good person and you deserve only the best.
Good luck to you in whatever decision you make. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 5/2/2007 10:43:03 PM | There are several serious problems here. The first is allowing your child to consider a man as a father before you are married. If YOU are upset and confused, imagine what you have done to your child. Your first concern needs to be for your child's welfare. What do you need to do to give your child a proper father figure and help him get past his own hurt? Involve him in sports? Big Brothers? Church? more visits with your male relatives? Shield him from your dates in the future?
Bipolar disorder is a serious, but highly treatable, brain disorder. It's similar to diabetes in that if a person takes their medication daily, they can live normal lives. I would not refuse to date someone solely because of bipolar disorder. But he wasn't seeing a psychiatrist regularly and you had other problems going on in this relationship. Jealously and suspicion are killers in a relationship. Stop feeling terrible. You are better off without him. Move on. | |
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Mr. T.
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Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 146 | |
| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 10/26/2007 6:16:05 PM | I had been married to a woman that is bi-polar, that marriage lasted 28 yrs. As the persons age gets on the desease get stronger, and without medication is uncontrolable. I spent the last ten years in and out of doctors offices, psycologits offices, family counselling, couples councelling.....you name it I did it, all in the hopes that she would eventually get help. The best way I could describe this whole thing was a emotional roller coaster ride, trying to keep her affairs away frim the kids, trying to bring her back into the reality world the rest of us lived in. Despite all of that two years ago she walked out the door and promptly moved in with the neighbor accross the road. They now live on the opposite side of town. She has had little to do with the two boys who live with me , except for dragging them through the mud whenever she hits her states of depression, by having friends, family, school councellors, sports coaches call them into a one on one and grilling the kids about why they don't want to see her. It should be noted that the oldest is 19 and has been around when she has left the house with some of her boyfriends, has seen her leave us behind on numerous occassions, only to return when the latest relationship fizzled out be it after a week, or at times several months. They have no idea of the damage that is caused and what they leave behind. I have always loved this woman, but almost ended up with a nervous breakdown the last time. If you are strong and the love and caring you have for the person is great then try point them to the proper medical help. They need a comination of counselling and medication. I unfortunatley can not longer see my boys being hurt and no longer have the strength. It has been almost two years since she has left and she still will not move forward. I met a very nice lady- a nurse - and we hit it off in several areas, common intrests, common goal, and both a physical and emotional connection, but because she will not move forward on the division of property, and the divorce, I think I have now lost this ladyas well as she is frustrated with the fact that thungs are not moving forward........I only wish she understood that it is not my doing.......
Bottom line is that this is probably the worst of the cognitive mental illnesses out there. These people often function well in a structured setting such as work, but out side of the structure setting they are quite delusional, and have not rational descion making processes, are easily swayed and influenced by suggetions from others, and are almost always led astray by people who they confide in as friends - usually the opposite sex - and are taken advantage of.
If your love is strong and you can get family members, and medical profesionals on board give it your best shot, but if not walk away from it early, before this desease has the oppertunity to destroy you and your kids. | |
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| RE bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 10/26/2007 6:46:05 PM | | Yes, I know what Bipolar is. I was educated by my best friend who has the disease. Bipolar if you google it, will have a basic 13 or so questioner. If you have 1 of the disorders, you could be bipolar and should be checked for it. I dated a very nice woman that had it. She carried a conversation on for 20 minutes straight, and she was the conversation. She could not write a simple letter, but would fill 3 pages, and write in both sides of the envelope. This is a very sad, life long disorder that takes constant therapy with a psychologist, and medication. Anyone tell you different, they are fooling themselves and in denial. Bipolar people tend to be exceptionally smart, gifted people. The sadness is, with out medication and hard word, and dedication, they will never discover their full potential. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 10/26/2007 6:49:34 PM | | I think I can help you. If you would like to talk more with me please e-mail me. Beckseight27@aol.com I was married to a bi-polar jerk for 2 years. Under the guise of their disorder you will sometime find abuse. It sounds to be like he was. I think in so very many ways you would be better off with a healthy person. Two halfs do make a whole but not in dating. Each person needs to be healthy in order for a relationship to work. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 10/26/2007 6:51:55 PM | My daughters fiance was bi-polar and he took his life recently. I don't know much about the illness except to know that you can't predict anything about them. He took his life in front of his family. He committed the act one month to the day after my daughter ended their engagement. It was the ultimate F-you.
Yet, I don't believe he was in the right frame of mind to rationalize the long term effect on other people cause he was mentally ill.
I also have a young son who looked up to this man like a big brother. My son now has his issues in not dealing with his emotions.
I pity your fiance's situation, and I urge you to get out. Run. Don't look back.
J. | |
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| bi-polar finace disaster
Posted: 10/26/2007 7:09:03 PM | | Ok, I'm bipolar also, I have been since I was 19. Not all bipolars are this way. Some cycle 3 times a day and some like me only have an attack 3 to 5 years. He doesn't sound like he takes medication at all but thats not enough. You must learn what it take to keep you healthy, Sleep or lack of it is number one on the list of things to watch, no drinking, eating right and taking your meds. If he refuses to take his medication, that would be warning signs, he's not serious and doesn't need to be in a relationship of any kind. Also you, if your planing any kind of a relationship with some one thats bipolar, you must educate yourself. Knowledge is a key to making it work. More than once I ended up in the hospital because of things I simply didn't know. Personally, he would seek and get help before I would even think about opening the door. | |
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