Tiggee
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Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 26 | |
| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 3/9/2007 3:35:32 PM | Leave. I know what you're saying about a vow before God, but do you really think that God wants you to live like this? This marriage is not what God had in mind to be a permanent part of your life, I promise you that. Even if your children are not currently in danger, you are showing them by your example that this behavior is acceptable. It's not! It's hard to see a way out when someone has beat you down so far. But, if you take a step, and then another, and just keep stepping away, eventually it becomes clear. Be careful to plan your way out to guard your own safety...abusers hate to lose control.
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 3/9/2007 4:04:38 PM | For one, I am not one to tolerate beating well. It's one of the very few things that upsets me.
That being said, look at it like this, EVEN if you didn't fear for yourself...do you really want your children to grow up in that environment? It could do one of two things, it could either scar them and they could have a screwed-up personality. Or they could grow up thinking it's okay to treat your significant other this way. Which both are very wrong.
Now for your sake, noone deserves that kind of treatment. People need to learn to express anger in other ways besides verbal and physical abuse. Yes verbal abuse is just as bad as physical.
I wish you all the luck in the world, I hope you get out safe!
-Mike | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 3/9/2007 4:06:18 PM | Hi Babs...... please turn the caps off...that is considered yelling...
As for your question.....
If your partner beats you do you stay or leave?
You call the police #1.... as assault is a crime.... If this has happened and you failed to report the incident....and the next time your child is hurt....you might be liable too as you have contributed to the assault by keep your child in an unsafe environment...
Thing is many people do not reports assaults...and sooner or later someone gets killed or seriously hurt.....whos fault is it then? Everyone that has failed to report a crime with this person......
If this has influenced your life negatively you will need help.....
Wishing you the best -
0:)
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SaucyM
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Joined: 1/10/2007
Msg: 29 | |
| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 3/9/2007 6:18:02 PM | I would be a mistake to bring this man into your life again.....children do not need to grow in in volitile environments..... you have to remember, that if you bring this man into your life again, you are having your kids believe that this type of behavior is acceptable.
Your number one priority should be your kids, they need to feel that their home is a sanctuary.... not a place to dread going home to.
He has already inflicted some emotional damage on them even if you cant see evidence of it yet. Most women beaters grow up watching their dad beat their moms.... most women accept that, from watching their moms getting beat when they were little.
The worst thing you could do to your kids is to expose them to this man again. The most selfless thing you could do is to forget about your feelings for him and move on with your life....for your kids sake!
Saucy! | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 3/9/2007 6:23:11 PM | There is a term (which happens to be one of my favorite): "You teach people how to treat you", point blank.
If you stick around through him voilating and abusing you physically (and your children emothonally), that tells him that he can get away with it and that it's ok.
It's like a child who keeps getting into serious trouble, and his mom says over and over again- "your gonna get it if you don't stop"; if he never get's "it", do you think he'll ever stop?
Leave. Leave and mean it... | |
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krissi
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Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 31 | |
| just walk away renee!
Posted: 3/10/2007 1:47:02 PM | | hey, i can totally understand what you are going through. I left my ex last feb. we reconciled briefly last summer......................I wound up with a broken nose, fractured cheek and a heart that hurts like HELL! NO it will never be easy but he will NEVER change! And you already know it just gets worse! There will be someone out there who will treat you well, you deserve it and so do your chilren.................take care and my thoughts are with you! BE STRONG GIRL! life is too short for that shit! | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 3/10/2007 7:14:38 PM | Do you stay? Is that a joke?? You get out, should have left at the first sign of any physical abuse towards you. Then you call the police, if they wont do anything, find someone who will, a couple guys with bats should do. There is only one thing lower, than a man that hits a woman and that is a rat with syphilis. | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 3/10/2007 9:17:54 PM | | LEAVE ........why did you even write this? There are way too many people out there. If it's a lover or just a friend, f them, if they hurt you there is always someone else willing to be with you. | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 3/11/2007 12:11:29 AM | Well, if I had a partner and she ever hit me....first I would be outright surprised....
Anyway, it seems to be pretty common that people in this situation actually THINK about this. It's always surprising to me....
I agree with pretty much everyone else.....its time to go. Best thing to do no matter how you look at it. | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 39 | |
| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 3/11/2007 12:29:22 AM | Maybe it's different from my perspective (I'm a guy)...my first gf, I was about 22,
gave me a pounding....she had jealousy issues. Anyway, yeah I
stayed for awhile but one day...it came without warning - she kicked me
in the head as I was climbing the steps and her sister caught
me before I flew down.
You may never be as lucky as I was...I could have been paralyzed
or dead by some "accident" created by my abuser. I left 2 minutes
later and never saw her again...packed my bags and moved in with
my brother in another city until I got set up.
He's a freak, OP, he's like a leech that nobody wants and has you
convinced somehow with words that any psychopath can
practice and use so they can blend in with normal people and take and use. | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 3/11/2007 3:09:13 AM | I guess it is something that should be talked about not just pushed under the carpet. It was something that i have often questioned myself over the last four years. Even though it isn't going on now, i still often ask myself what did i do so wrong, what could of i done different, why was he so nasty, for the one's on here that say i shouldn't even of made it a discussion you were sure as quick to voice your views and i guess twice as quick to click on IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE !!!!
Sad fact is that their are a lot of us so called women that do put up with this sort of behaviour, sorry that i upset people also just by typing IN CAPS what is so wrong with this, i do not class it as shouting to me it looks a lot more neater, so how you can offend people and you don't even have to do something wrong. lol makes me laugh. But thank you for all your views like i said i thought it was a good but difficult question to ask as i know that this sort of thing is a day to day part of life.
Hugs Babs | |
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| E WOK
Posted: 3/11/2007 3:11:45 AM | | Thank you for sharing what happened to you, it good to know in a way i wasn't alone, i know that many many people day in and day out go threw what we did and i guess i stayed a little longer than most, it is hard though....... because it makes you feel like your have failed ..... | |
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| E WOK
Posted: 3/11/2007 3:47:52 AM | | Hell, I'm 22 and was divorced before I was 20. If he beat you then he broke that vow then and there and in no way is that love | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 3/11/2007 4:13:49 AM |
sorry that i upset people also just by typing IN CAPS what is so wrong with this, i do not class it as shouting to me it looks a lot more neater
Its a lot harder to read, and its common "internet etiquette" (not just on POF) that putting things in all caps is SHOUTING!
Sad fact is that their are a lot of us so called women that do put up with this sort of behaviour
The words "put up with" are the key there. Its up to a particular person to decide how much they will put up with from others in their lives. Reality is, if you caught someone cheating on you, is that something you would put up with? Remember that putting up with it, letting them get away with it, will probably only lead to it happening again and again. The same with physical abuse, if you continue to put up with it, then you are allowing the cycle to continue.
As the saying goes, "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me", if you allow it to happen again then *you* are equally at fault for the situation. And it boils down to self-esteem, I mean its not just "putting up with him forgetting to put the toilet seat down" here, one needs to have boundaries on what things are not as important, and maybe they can put up with, and what things are unacceptable no matter what. To me, cheating and/or abuse are probably on the top of that list, but those are my own personal boundaries. I've known women who have been in similar situations, and repeated those situations over and over, and it *is* sad, but I also realize that it is *their* choice to continue in a situation of abuse. Nobody is going to stand up for you, if you won't stand up for yourself, and you have to have a solid understanding (which any grown adult *should*) of what is acceptable to *you*.
for the one's on here that say i shouldn't even of made it a discussion you were sure as quick to voice your views
Yes, because the reality is here in the forums we've seen the same, often, and most of us want to help in a situation such as that. And yes, it is a "sad fact" that many people put up with situations such as yours, and you'll find many women here who have been in similar situations who jump in to "share their experience" and tell you that its *not* going to change, you can't fix someone else, and that your best bet is to get out. We say it shouldn't even be a discussion because, well, it *shouldnt*, its a sad sad fact that there are people out there (of both sexes) that put up with this form of behaviour. | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 3/11/2007 6:36:39 AM | | Very clear, leave and have him charged to he fullest extent of the law. There are no excuses for abuse, and you have a duty to yourself, your kids and any future partners of his to charge him and get away from him. There is no discussion on this one, get away from him before he kills you or one of your kids, it is that serious. He may not mean to killl you or a kid but accidents happen, or he might get in a mood where he can't stop hitting you and really do some damage. How would you ever be able to forgive yourself if he killed one of your kids. | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 3/11/2007 9:53:28 AM | | Get out now and never look back. The only man that ever hit me is someone I don't know and yes he was hit back. ( a stupid person on drugs) that thought I was someone else. If a man hits me then not only is he history, he better be prepared to pay the price. I hate men that think just because they are bigger and stronger that they can beat women. Those men are afraid to pick on someone thier own size and would run from another man. | |
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| THANK YOU...
Posted: 3/11/2007 10:18:28 AM | I have read each and every posting about what other's view on this subject, i felt the need to ask because like i said i was once in this situation only a few months ago, i know i have made the right choice in what i did and got out....
But for other's out their that might be in the situation like i was i feel that this is a good place to view what other's have told me and are still telling me....
I guess i might of wrote some things on here in the wrong context but i know where i am coming from....
Thank you once again for enlighting me on the fact about the CAPS in this forum ...
Hugs Babs ..... | |
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| forever ?
Posted: 3/11/2007 3:55:59 PM | | I guess you didn't read what i wrote i have left him it was a question that i wanted to discuss was all .... | |
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