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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 3/16/2007 5:38:57 PM | In these types of situations it sometimes can be hard for women to leave..because it gets into the whole cycle of violence. I dont want to put words into your mouth but do you question leaving because you love him, are scared of where you can go, are scared of what will happen to you if you do leave?
I agree with others that it would be most beneficial for you to leave. It is very unlikely that this man will stop abusing you. When he says he's sorry and that it wont happen again is not true, it will. There are supports out there that can help and protect you and your children. There are places that will help you get back on your feet and be independent. So I encourage you that there are alternatives out there that can help and it can be ok.
Hope this helps.
LL | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 3/16/2007 7:19:55 PM | Question
If a man beats a woman is he really all that or is he a whimp ??
My opinion report him charge him let him sit in jail fror awhile file a restraining if you have to but don't take him back because he is not da man if a man  even so much as slaps a woman | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 4/3/2007 10:36:25 PM | There is only one choice. Leave. No one deserves to be treated in such a way that they are physically or emotionally hurt. It may not feel right, right away, but with time you'll know that you made the right choice for you AND your children.
Leave. | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 4/3/2007 11:26:47 PM | As a Teen, I actually lived in a couple of women's refuges. Not being an overly violent/mucho type guyI was appalled by the violence I'd seen inflicted. So nowdays I always say leave. If it was to happen to me, I'd be gone gone gone, guaranteed.
toe knee :-) | |
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| Leave Him
Posted: 4/4/2007 12:04:14 AM |  Leave Him
Don't fall for "Oh baby" - it was an accident, it will never happen again, I didn't realize I hit you That Hard, I'm Sorry... No excuse is good enough - Period! 
If he was really sorry he wouldn't of done it in the first place. If he had any respect for women he would know better. I have had friends go through this kinda thing and some of those guys turned into stalkers. Don't let this keep happening to you - call the cops, so you know you can make it out safely, he won't like that your leaving him, I'm sorry to say you can't change him. If you don't want to call the cops call call a Brother or a couple of male friends. If your new to an area most 95% of guys wont mind making sure your able to leave safely - we can be found everywhere.
I really hope you don't stay in such an abusive place.
You have Value, Your Worth More, you can do way - Way better. | |
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| One more thing
Posted: 4/4/2007 12:18:54 AM | Sense we already know he's abusive "Get a Restraining Order" this will make it almost impossible for him to obtain a firearm legally. If he obtains one some other way and it is found "within" his possession he could do serious time.
I'm not trying to scare you, just make sure you know some of the things you should do.
If a wild animal tried to hurt your baby a mothers natural instinct would be to protect her child. Well even if he doesn't hit your kids he may resort to trying to keep them from you or using them to get to you.
Leave, there are shelters, church's, family, and just regular people who will help you in everywhere in the free world. You obviously have access to the internet, you can also get on at most libraries, find a place to go... | |
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| One more thing
Posted: 4/4/2007 1:19:44 AM | It sounds to me like you did exactly the right thing Babs. The same thing has happened to many other women and although it's possible that a change in your own behaviour could reduce the risk it doesn't mean that you did anything wrong in the first place. It was his decision to hit you, not yours. So, it is his responsibility and up to him to accept that. If you are afraid this might happen again with another man then I would suggest going to a encounter group or a support group which surely must exist somewhere near you. There you could get some ideas on what to do differently to avoid such people or get out of their way before they go off. Take care :)  | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 86 | |
| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 4/4/2007 6:32:04 AM | NONE OF US ARE IN DANGER NO MORE I HAD HIM DEPORTED BACK TO THE STATES SO REST ASSURE IT'S JUST ME THAT HE CAN DO A WORK OUT ON NOW NOT MY CHILDREN
Your immigration officials are fast.
WHATYOUWAITINGFOR THANK YOU FOR YOUR SHORT SWEET NOTE TO ME I NEED A KICK UP THE BUTT I GUESS
And what is he chop liver? | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 4/4/2007 6:54:52 AM | BATTERED
NO MORE VIOLENCE, NO MORE PAIN,
WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO DRIVE ME INSANE,
DO I LOOK LIKE A PUNCHING BAG, SOMETHING TO HIT,
I'VE COME TO THE POINT, WHERE I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.
HIT ME, SLAP ME, KICK ME WHEN I'M DOWN,
THE SMILE ONCE UPON MY FACE IS NOW A PERMANENT FROWN,
YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME WITH EVERY PUNCH,
YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME AS I LISTEN TO THE BONES CRUNCH.
I AM AFRAID TO LEAVE, AND YET AFRAID TO STAY,
AFRAID FOR MY LIFE EVERY SINGLE DAY,
AFRAID THAT I HAVE DONE SOMETHING WRONG,
AND KNOWING THAT I'M NOT VERY STRONG.
AFRAID TO LIVE, AFRAID TO DIE,
AFRAID OF EMOTIONS, AFRAID TO CRY,
SO I WILL BUILD A WALL AND BEHIND IT STAY,
TILL THE ANGELS COME TO TAKE ME AWAY.
WHO DO I TURN TO , WHERE DO I RUN,
OH MY GOD HE HAS BOUGHT A GUN,
I HAVE NO FAIMLY, I HAVE NO FRIENDS,
WILL I HAVE TO SUFFER ALONE TILL THE BITTER END.
SOMEONE HAS TO SEE , SOMEONE HAS TO CARE,
OH DEAR GOD I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THERE,
I CAN HEAR HIM COMING, I WANT TO RUN,
BUT INSTEAD I GO FOR HIS GUN.
I DON'T HAVE TO GO ON, OR SAY ANYMORE,
I AM SURE YOU CAN GUESS HOW THIS ENDS,
I CAN HEAR THE POLICE THEY ARE AT MY DOOR,
I'LL SIT IN A JAIL CELL WHILE THE BRUISES MEND.
WAS IT FEAR, DENIAL, OR SELF DEFENSE,
I'LL LET YOU BE THE JUDGE,
TILL MY TRIAL BEGINS. | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 4/6/2007 8:58:14 PM | | i grew up for the first 11 years of my life watching my momma get the s**t be out of her and let me tell you now she has left him after 3 years of him stalking us and i will tell you that she is the most strong and powerful woman i know. It was so bad when i was younger that he would threaten to kidnap me if she left him so she kept me out of school. I will remember this one incident as long as i live...when i was 4 years old he came home from work one day and she didnt cook him what he wanted for dinner i watched him drag her by her hair to the bedroom and close the door and i remember my mom screaming for her life. You need to leave him because not only will this haunt you forever but it will your kids as well, they never forget what they here and see from their parents. Be strong and if there is anything that i can do to help let me know cause i know about this kind of thing and want you to be strong and i want you to be the most powerful woman that your kids know | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 4/6/2007 10:56:10 PM | He broke the vows the moment he hit you. You need to leave, immediately. Contact a local hotline for battered women, or a women's safehouse, or a church, for help.
Leave now. You would be wrong NOT to. | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 4/6/2007 11:28:15 PM | Unfortunately this is a common occurrence, a lot of battered women do not report these things , I'm sure the statistics are much higher , I have friends who work with Battered women, God Bless them, the Good Lord knows I couldn't do it
On Topic, you already know the answer to this question, but from what I understand some woman cannot or have the strength to just pick up and leave, I hear alot of people say well if i was in her shoes I would leave, cut his nuts off blah blah blah, its not that simple
Most of us cannot fathom what these ladies go through, and I hope to God none of you do, my best friend's sister was a battered woman and her background good job, masters degree but still fell victim.
To the OP, hopefully you saw the light and left this son of B*tch, your children and your safety should be paramount
Guys like him will be somebody b*tch one day when he becomes a guest of the government, Karma has a way of working her magic. | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 4/7/2007 7:05:22 AM | "babs1964uk" ... Unfortunately signs of one being a "batterer" aren't always apparent when you meet them, when you date them, fall in love with them, and ultimately marry them. Now that you KNOW first hand the "person" he is, as he's shown you HE'S AN ABUSER, you MUST LEAVE! I WON"T say he's a "man" because no "real man" would ever hit a woman.
Babs, the physical abuse NEVER GETS BETTER (as in less in frequency and force), IT WILL GET WORSE. If you can't leave him for YOU, as you may be suffering from "battered women's syndrome" you really need to gather strength within yourself to LEAVE FOR YOUR CHILDREN. Each time you remain in the home after the physical abuse occurs, you're telling your children physical abuse is okay. Each time you stay, no matter what words you share with them to calm the situation, to ease their fears, to protect them... etc, by staying with him in that house, you're telling your children it's normal, it's part of life. This is not criticism of you dear lady, this is a reality of what battered women convey by inaction to their children. As well, not always, but often, children eventually become the targets for the physical abuse.
This is not a reality you wish for your children in their future lives. Yet, having stayed each time, you've reinforced the message it's acceptable. The longer you stay, the more you've taught your children that. More often than not, those fallen victim to abuse (physical and/or emotional) have been victims of it in their past, as children, as witnesses to their own parent's abuse, etc. It wouldn't be unlikely for your daughter to end up with an abusive boyfriend or husband, and your son become an abuser himeslf. The legacy goes on and won't stop until the "victim" becomes a "survivor", using all the strength they can pull together within themself, they LEAVE!
Although the physical wounds will heal in time, the emotional wounds are far deeper than one can imagine... in both you and your children. The fact you've posted a forum on this is a good sign! A very good sign. Thank god for that. It's a beginning my dear, one that I pray will help you gain the strength to leave. It's not easy, nor will be for some time, once you do leave, but it will save you... save you and your children.
It's important you find out where a local women's shelter is, memorize the address and phone number. You can phone them (from a public phone) ahead of time if you wish, to tell them you will be leaving WITH your children. You don't need to call ahead, but they may help you in the plan to leave. Don't tell your children ahead of time, for their own safety. Ideally, when he's busy all day (working), you could take the children and yourself to safety within the women's shelter. When you're there, you can explain to your children what's going on. The staff in the women's shelter WILL protect you, help you to get on your feet again without the person (husband) you may have been dependant on. They will give you and your children the needed counselling and support you MUST accept to break this legacy my dear lady.
Please keep your chin up, know there's a warm smile here from me, wishing you all the strength in the world for you, to smash your fears of leaving, and do it, for you, for your children, and for all your friends and family that love you. All the very best to you dear lady. It'll be rough for a while, but well worth the fight to free yourself of this horror you call a "husband".
Soon in your future, a vibrant rainbow will draw your eye to it, quiet your thoughts a moment, and warm your spirit.
It's for you. For your new beginning... one that will bring good things to your life. May god give you strength and bless you.
*warm smile* RIBBON SKY | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 4/7/2007 7:11:22 AM | | Seriously what kind of stupid and retarded question is that? Why would someone not only put themselves in harms way but their children also? There is absolutely no reason why domestic violence should be tolerated. Just leave. You don't need to make excuses for the jerk that beat you up. | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 4/7/2007 7:00:16 PM | | he either gets help or show him the door. even if he gets help, if it ever happens again, show him the door. particularly poignant when children are involved. | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 4/7/2007 8:57:26 PM | | OMG! Babs, don't just walk out, dear lady---RUN! To the nearest cop and press assault charges! There's no excuse for hitting someone you profess to love. End of story. | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 4/7/2007 9:23:11 PM | Gold is up right now, sell some of those many gold chains on your neck and go get yourself a place to live, alone.
Are you really asking if its ok someone hits you ? your 43, not 12... OH COURSE ITS NOT OK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 4/8/2007 1:52:02 PM | Call the domestic violence hotline in your area and spend 1 minute on the phone with the counseler. If you make it thru that first minute, then stay on the line for another minute.
Tell the truth and face the consequences. Your marriage didn't turn out like you wanted.
Women who stay with abusive men get abused, usually until they get killed or kill their husbands. You need to get out of there NOW. | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 4/8/2007 5:15:26 PM | Look I grew up with this very sort of thing. Almost every single man my mother ever dated seriously, eventually beat her up. It's ****ing hell on kids, and if you've got some, don't for one moment think that they don't know or realize that mommy is hurt. That "i bumped into the door" stupid excuse never fools them...ok maybe the first time, but even then they will be suspicious and a little scared. I've grown up to resent my mother for NOT LEAVING THEM right away. It's the dumbest thing you could do, behind justifying it with "but he said he'll never do it again, he said he loved me" crap.
My advice from a lifetime of having to live with it.... LEAVE and NOW! Nothing, nothing, is ever worth it. Not love, not money, not marriage. | |
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| IF YOUR PARTNER BEATS YOU DO YOU STAY OR LEAVE
Posted: 4/8/2007 5:56:11 PM | | Some here that have written have said just leave, it is not that easy as it is a learned behavior remember. She is stuck, it may hurt but it is the "norm" for her. Familiar is easier than facing "unfamiliar" like, "How will I take care of myself, where will I live, my kids, etc.". Yes shelters are so great but the humiliation, the addiction to that person. I lived with an alcoholic for 10 years, more abusive verbally than physically but had both. During the 80's. I got weekly counseling while staying there and also attended Al-Anon on a daily basis during my lunch hour. Both helped me get the strength to leave finally. When told you are a "zero" and will always be a "zero" it is hard to believe in yourself and to love yourself. It takes time, doesn't happen immediately. I know it is best to be quiet but that has to be learned as well. If you can, get counseling right away. Go to a group if you can. That is where it all begins. Baby steps. God bless. | |
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