| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/10/2007 5:25:38 PM | I would call his job - not to talk to him - to see if you get some kind of "news". Or call a friend.
At this point you realize it was no doubt a silent "seeya" but I think you would like to know for sure.
If he is OK you don't need to talk to him to anyone about him. If you can find out he is ok - then you can stop guessing. | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/10/2007 6:20:31 PM | "I guess so, maybe i will email that to him, "live like a man, die like a coward"
I hope I caught you in time. NO!!! Don't do it! People that do the disappearing act are not worth the effort. Keep your dignity in tact and your head up. | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/10/2007 6:47:02 PM | thanks
i am definately not going to send the email...i wrote a big one out, but if he is that inconsiderate not to call, it wouldn't even phase him..
my next question is then, how can men not expect us to become jaded and "damaged" if we keep getting treated this way. All these good guys that finish last. where the hell are they!
Thanks for the tips.....can't believe this hapenned to me...first time for everything I guess! | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/10/2007 7:07:06 PM | | It's not just guys, it's everyone. Most people don't have the courage or balls to end it, so they disappear. If he wanted to contact you, or was thinking of you, he'd let you know. Dating sucks, I know it hurts, but move on, there's another fish out there for you. Put it behind you. | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/10/2007 7:09:21 PM | It's ok to write the nasty email you didn't send. It helps get it out of your system. Been there, done that.
Getting hurt happens to men too. There really are good men out there. Guess what. They are wondering where women like you are. So take your time getting to know someone and hopefully it will pay off for both of you.
Good luck!! | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/10/2007 8:33:44 PM | Do you like the Billy Joel song called "Honesty". It is one of my favourite songs. I do remember once questioning my females with a woman, but I was honest with her, and I found out that I really did care for her. That's all I will say about that one.
I have no idea what happened to him. However, some men are cowardly, and would rather disappear than say they have misgivings. A friend of mine was dating a lieutenant colonel. They went out for quite a while, and he then disappeared. She saw him on-line. Imagine that. A lieutenant colonel not having the valour or courage to inform a woman he simply doesn't feel the same anymore.
You can be jaded about many things in life including about relationships whether you're a guy or girl. We guys can't be responsible for the way some other men behave. We can only answer for our own moral conduct. I didn't raise the guy to behave that way. I am not his father or mother. I wouldn't raise my kids that way. It's selfish. Nice guys are out there. I suppose I am one of those nice guys, but I am spending my nice energy on my friends and on myself, of course. | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/10/2007 9:12:58 PM | Probably the cowardly lion rearing his head. I'm feeling rather jaded myself. my supposed sweetheart that i've been seeing for a while now has jsut stood me up. now he could be in the hospital, i've been worried sick all night, but you know, when i try calling his phone goes right to voicemail. when i spoke with him just after 6 he was on his way here suppsedly, he was a half hour away, if he was telling the truth. Well, no call, no show, when i called just got voicemail. i do hope he is ok, i don't want for him to have gotten in an accident as i care for him a great deal, but i have realized i don't need the added stress. I have alot of stressers in my life an dating should be fun. Hang in there, as I will too. I can't really see any explanation or excuse except hospitilization and being unconscious being acceptable at this point, But I guess it's best to know now, if someone has so little regard for your feelings, right? I mean it's the disrespect that i cannot take anymore. Hang in there hun. he doesn't deserve you
Hugs
M | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/10/2007 9:33:49 PM | Only thing I can say here, is I had a friend who couldn't find a friend (yeah of the lover type friend). When she did, two weeks later, he was in the hospital with pneumonia. Was there a week longer before they let him out. Might want to do the detective work before drawing conclusions. But that's just me.
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/10/2007 10:04:27 PM | Well, i should have said this before, but this happened last weekend, he said he was on the way, never showed...supposedly got in a minor accident, couldn't find his phoen till next day, yada yada yada. like a fool i chose to forgive him and give him another chance.... but this weekend makes me feel pretty naive and foolish. I smell something rotten in denmark! 
To th OP, i hope there is a reasonable explanation, but i'm finding it's usually a lack of manners and conscience that is the reason.
Chin up, we'll be fine!!
Damn i just wish i hadn't made all that fondue. my fondue rocks...i know what I'm having for lunch tomorrow!!! | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/11/2007 6:16:29 AM | well, no need to wonder anymore......
against my optomistic nature, my gut was right. He is not in the hospital or dead in a ditch. I got the "silent see ya" I had a friend call and he answered, so I called back and nothing....
At least I know, don't know if that is better or worse, i was holding onto that little ray of hope that I really wasn't such a bad judge of character.
thanks again for the advice! | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/11/2007 6:39:03 AM | | I would guess he has taken the cowards way out and not bothered to let you no that it is over, i have no idea why people do this, it would be so much easier for all concerned if they just called and said its over, but some people never grow up. Forget him, dont waste anymore time worrying about him. | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/11/2007 6:56:12 AM | | he obviously met some1 else that is the only reason.....if you guyz had sex for two months then he left, he has found sex elsewhere....no man well no dog gives up pootnanie for no pootnanie....he has 2 be able 2 get it somewhere else be4 he leaves it....sad but true...wit most guyz anywayz......there really are good guyz like me looking for a sweet girl that will just treat me right.... | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/11/2007 7:11:33 AM | | How about this one.,.,,,I was chatting with a guy for a couple of weeks...he came on a bit strong , but according to him it was because he was tired of being alone and really wanted a girlfriend. I found it to be a little too much for someone I actually haven't even met, but he was sooooo convinced that we were going to get along great...even asked me if I would consider moving to Alberta with him....he said he had lots of work out there. Now keep in mind we haven't even met. I get a call from him one night that he had some "business to take care of" and that he would be in my area the next day. We made arrangements to meet and spend the day together. I had to do some juggling on my part because I do have kids. Guess what, Never heard from him again....I called his cell phone...all it said was "customer not available"....at first i gave him the benefit of the doubt, waited a couple of days and tried calling again, ...same message...that is why I'm leaving this site...I decided to give it one more week ...after th at ...I'm tired of th e games men play....isn't there someone out there that is normal and that really wants what he claims he wants.....I'd rather be alone | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/11/2007 7:56:53 AM | Sorry OP to hear that. Well , my guy (well he's not my guy anymore, hehe) isn't in the hospital or incapacitated, was on here late last night and removed me from his favorites list and himself from mine. What a cowardly and childish person. He obviously has some mental issues, i mean come on, telling me he's on his way, letting me go to all the trouble cooking something nice and knowing I'm sitting here waiting and that he's not going to show.... I'm sorry, that's mental cruelty. WTF. My guess is that he found another fishie to play with , probably wanted me to be available in case his other fishie didn't work out, hence not being up front about the fact he wasn't coming. I'm sure he may read this post but who cares. He's too much of a coward to face me and talk to me about what his problem is so who cares what he thinks...he's the jerk-off. Really tired of this crap, think i need to take a break. Will definitely pay more attention for any red flags next time, Hard to trust anyone really. chin up everyone!
M | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/11/2007 8:01:45 AM | OP - At least now you know for sure, that it is over. He is a coward and very immature. After 3 months at least you deserved to be told and it should have been in person. Just remember that this guy has shown you absolutely no respect.
sandii4 - I just had a similar thing happen to me, though only after a week a talking everyday and being told how great I was and how much the guy was looking forward to meeting me. When it came to the weekend he didn't call like he said, he didn't return my call or email. I tried one more email and he deleted it without reading it.
Why do people have to be so immature and disrespectful. Just tell the person you changed your mind or are no longer interested. A lot of us are actually adults and we can handle it. We are not going to turn psycho when we get rejected.
The truly unfortunate thing is that there are a lot of people who do the disappearing act. From my experience, I would say 90%.
I really hope there is such thing as karma, and these people have the same thing happen to them. | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/11/2007 10:15:08 AM | that is why I'm leaving this site...
Don't do it, girl! I've met some wonderful guys (friend variety), and I do mean wonderful. Maybe if you loosened up on the height restriction, (and age and location, lol!) there'd be more fishies in your net?
Kook, I'm sorry. It would almost be better if he WAS in hospital, wouldn't it? Karma does work, though: this guy's condemning himself to a very lonely old age. And he'll be wondering why. . . .
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/11/2007 10:26:48 AM | | Women also disappear on guys just to let you know. I've had it happen a bunch of times to me. But about your situation, you should have gotten to know him better before sleeping with him. 99% of guys on this and all websites are looking to get laid. Be more careful and get to know the guy longer before you get intimate with him. That's all this clown wanted from you. | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/11/2007 11:21:14 AM | i really didn't think i had slept with him too quickly.....but again maybe my too quickly time frame is wrong.
I am sure girls do it too and makes them equally as cowardly.
If all he wanted was to get laid, he didn't have to stick around and wine and dine me so much....but whatever right....lets hope karma sees this one! | |
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lorie1
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Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 44 | |
| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/11/2007 11:35:40 AM | I am glad that if this had to happen to you,it was only 3 months of your life invested,it could have been longer, before you found out he is so unstable.
Now,I will tell you something.I have met a guy here,on site,who claims to be separated,and it says so in his profile. After 2 coffee meetings,I decided to confront my hunches by asking him. He was indeed married,still living with his wife,and looking for Out of marriage sexual liasons,only. At this point, he is married for 14 years,still on the site,and his wife knows something is wrong,but not in the picture yet.Please, be glad you found out what you need to know about your "fish" You were not given the brush off.Don't claim,or accept that rationale.How can you be dumped by someone whose own actions dump himself?
Now I know where some person,back in the 80's started a send them a bouquet of dead flowers" service.Only,don't waste your money! Get yourself a bouquet of something wonderfull to look at,it's way better than thinking any more about him... | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/13/2007 6:40:48 AM | I guess it is better to find out now what someone's truly like. I tried getting an answer from mine, afetr all I felt I was entitled to one after sharing intimacy, spending alot of time together, but to no avail. Why do I do this to myself. I suppose we want to see the good in people and want to believe others are caring human beings like we are. But alas this experience has shown me that some people are just bottom feeders not worthy of any more of my time or thoughts. and Yes, karma always comes around to bite these people in the end, like the 3-fold law..... blessed be
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/13/2007 10:05:34 PM |
guess it is better to find out now what someone's truly like. I tried getting an answer from mine, afetr all I felt I was entitled to one after sharing intimacy, spending alot of time together, but to no avail. Why do I do this to myself. I suppose we want to see the good in people and want to believe others are caring human beings like we are. But alas this experience has shown me that some people are just bottom feeders not worthy of any more of my time or thoughts. and Yes, karma always comes around to bite these people in the end, like the 3-fold law..... blessed be
This of it this way....you could be bitter about it, refuse to open up to people, and see the good in them but, what will that gain you? And besides, the best revenge, always has been, and always will be living well. So hey, go out and find someone who is a lot less f*cktarded, and enjoy yourself! | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/14/2007 6:27:07 AM | You're right smileygirl, I'm trying not to be bitter. and he is an emotional retard for sure. I know there are alot of nice guys out there. I do basically think most people are good and capable of loving relationships and of being faithful, but there are some who are just shallow, especially in their emotions, or lack of. I just wish i could warn other ladyfish on this site as he's very active. Hmm watch out for those teacher/soldier/am emotionally literate (hahaha funny) types.
but such is life. I heard a saying before that God takes care of his own, that sounds pretty good to me! | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/14/2007 7:38:05 AM |
This is just a quick question to any guys out there...Any insight into why guys do this Gender bashing. I'm just as curious to hear from ladies why some of them also like to "disappear".
shed a little insight to a situation that happened to me SOME people, men AND WOMEN, are gutless spineless incommunicative cowards. That's the simplest way to explain it.
and don't realize a phone call to end things is so much more respectful Not so sure about this; one of my relationships ended this way, my partner suddenly did a 180, said she didn't want to hear or see me for a week, I let two weeks go by, I call her and ask her for explanation of the 180, and she invents three reasons which are exaggerations and could easily have been rectified on my part had I known before the 180.
As strange as this sounds, sometimes it's best that someone "disappears". Then you just chalk it up to spineless, gutless, irresponsible behavior on their part, and you move on. Unfortunately this happens to BOTH women AND MEN. | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/14/2007 8:01:59 AM | Hey there!
Some people have insecurities and/or trust issues. Perhaps he had some issues about your leaving for a few days. Wondering what you were really up to. A friend of mine had a similar experience. People are often not truthful with their feelings.
Happy Fishing and be careful out there! | |
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| The disappearing act?
Posted: 3/14/2007 6:23:59 PM | | i think its an internet dating thing some guy just pulled that with me then ater 2 weeks came back and when i asked what the hell happend to him had no explanation wierdest thing really but hey thats DONE | |
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