| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 9/4/2007 6:37:01 PM | | I doubt that I'll be posting anything that hasnt been said already...but how the do I get someone to respond?!!! I got one to respond, and she turned out to be an A-hole....luckily I didnt go meet her, I think she was having scheduling issues for all the dates she was setting up, whereas I have no time for silly games like that. I agree with earlier posts that say that the women are EVERY bit as unrealistic as men....dont try and blame it all on us ladies, you are just as shallow and materialistic as we are | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 9/5/2007 5:31:26 AM | A few days ago i was reading thru the topics in the Global Forums and found one that was similiar to this one. The thread starter was a woman who says she knows this reallly really great guy and they get along sooooo well and have a great time together and have loads in common BUT,,the only thing lacking is,,,she isnt sexually attracted to him. She was basically asking if she kept seeing this guy would the attraction eventually just sorta happen as it does sometimes when you know someone you're not all that attracted but eventually the more you get to know them, they start to look attractive in your eyes. Alot of good responses both for yes,,and no.
I find that to be the case alot of times whether its online or in real life. We meet someone and think wow what a cool person but dang,,they really arent all that attractive. How many of us (and yes im including myself), have passed up some really great men/women who had this awesome personality, but we just couldnt get passed the looks thing? Seems to me,,the older and more mature we get,,looks arent quite as important as we thought they were back then. We arent quite as picky. How many of us are still finding that we do that tho?
There is nothing wrong ( i dont think) in having preferences, but maybe if we gave the ones we thought had the super personalities where things just totally clicked a chance,,,we just may find the one we were meant to be with! | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 9/5/2007 5:14:24 PM | That's a good point Ms. Ripley. I'll admit I've been on the receiving end of it.
Good enough to be a "friend" and good enough to call for favors, but when it comes to romance (let alone anything beyond that) the excuses roll out. My favorite is when she says I'm a "game player" because I don't want to rush into marriage. Same woman is always saying to me she'll never marry again. Huh? Or the one about how my life plans don't fit with hers (I plan to retire to the U.P. someday and somehow that makes me a "hermit"). Sheesh.
No, I think you hit it on the head. She's just not attracted "that way" and doesn't want to admit it. I think she enjoys the situation as it is, but it gets awkward for me socially. If I meet someone else (rare enough anyway) and admit I'll be out of town on vacation for two weeks soon with Ms. X it is hard for the new friend to accept! So much for honesty, because it ends things right there. It's a lot to deal with when there's an ex-non-girlfriend in the picture, and I can understand that.
Once this trip is over I think my best bet is to stop taking her calls. You get tired of being used, and it's an obstacle to finding the right one. | |
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tdbaby
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Joined: 5/10/2007
Msg: 29 | |
| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 9/5/2007 7:40:22 PM | | Onder? Why on earth would you spend 2 weeks with someone if you know it is going to end? Why not just end it and go and actually enjoy yourself. Sounds like you are getting all kinds of mixed signals. If you really feel that way you just typed, I would not wait, I would just let it all out and tell her how you feel and that is what you should be doing anyway because you are selling yourself short. Why continue to let someone use you? I don't get it. Sorry, just had to say it. If you are going to be honest, you first have to be honest with yourself. It just won't work otherwise. | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 9/5/2007 8:14:39 PM | Reasonable advice, I admit. But in a sense the trip is a commitment hard to break and I hope to enjoy it despite the situation.
The trip has been many months in the making, and we've had it out a couple of times. I was led to believe things had changed, but later it was made clear they hadn't. I'm on to this sort of game now though, it won't happen again. I plan to make the best of it and then move on, much warier. "Fool me once" and all that. | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 9/6/2007 5:30:54 AM | OMG Life is simple......why do people complicate the hell out of it!!!!!!!!
You say......"But in a sense the trip is a commitment hard to break " Why would you commit to a situation with someone you aren't sure about in the 1st place??? In your other post here you said she called you a player for not wanting to rush into marriage but that she didn't want to get married, that your long term plans were different. It sound like both of you are playing games, it seems like neither of you wants to be alone even if you are with someone thats not right for you but want to keep your options open at the same time.
"The trip has been many months in the making, and we've had it out a couple of times"............. If this was the case then you should have been able to cancel and move on before this trip. | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 9/6/2007 2:35:27 PM | I can see how it looks pretty silly to the objective observer.
No, when this trip planning got started I was under the impression that it was an opening into exploring a relationship again after 9 months of no contact. It wasn't that I wasn't interested, but she'd backed off and I assumed was off for greener pastures. Suddenly (I thought) she was re-opening the door. By the time we'd worked around work schedules, family schedules, getting the money together, getting travel arranged... we were into late May. Then she lowered the boom that "by the way, we aren't a couple."
Then she went silent on me for 6 weeks. Women! (ducking)
I assumed I was out of it. When I finally got a response again I suggested it would be better if she found someone else to go along or just went alone. That didn't sit well at all. She started tossing the word "platonic" around a lot from there on.
I foolishly agreed, but subsequently found what an obstacle this scheduled trip was to being taken seriously by other women. So I asked again if she didn't think she'd rather travel with another companion. Nope, nope, nope. She could go by herself but (insert numerous self-martyring comments)...
The trip should be fun, we just aren't where I had thought we'd be by the time we got to the departure date. I'd have shrugged it off except that I hadn't realized what an outcast it made me in the eyes of anyone else I met. Other women don't seem to buy this "platonic" thing. Trying to be objective, I can see their point.
It'll be a closed chapter soon enough now though. In the meantime I'm just trying to keep a sense of humor about the whole thing. | |
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tdbaby
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Joined: 5/10/2007
Msg: 33 | |
| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 9/6/2007 3:18:02 PM | I would pull my funds and go do something fun even if I had to go by myself! Let her **** and moan and hollar, right now, she has you exactly where she wants you, or you like being there. There are committments and there are committments that need to be broken for sanity sake.
I have many friends who are men and we are platonic...LOL So, I don't see that being an obstacle, instead, I think I see someone who is hoping for a change of heart. I can tell you from what you wrote, it ain't gonna happen. She is using your integrity against you. And the fact that she knows how you feel. And maybe that is what other women see. They may be seeing a man who has feelings for someone else and they do not want to enter into a relationship where you would go if she snapped her fingers...that type of thing. I know I wouldn't.
If I were you, I would close the book now and let her go off without you. That is the way she makes you feel like you did something bad, when in reality, she is using it against you.
It is just my opinion and that don't amount to a hill of beans...but like I said, you first have to be honest with yourself. | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 9/7/2007 1:47:07 PM | More excellent advice. But the trip kicks off in 2 days now, so changes aren't too reasonable at this late date. It's been a hard lesson but I think it's been learned. I plan to enjoy myself with all of the illusions behind me.
They may be seeing a man who has feelings for someone else and they do not want to enter into a relationship where you would go if she snapped her fingers...that type of thing. I know I wouldn't.
This is exactly why once the trip is over I think I have to make a clean break. | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 9/7/2007 5:28:21 PM | If often say when we complain about a gender we're really complaining about the human race. We just tend to focus on the other gender more often, so their character faults become more obvious to us. Most everything you're describing about "men" I have found in the women I date michiganrose.
Women tend to glance over a very important reality about Men. We want fairness, not chivalry. If you don't think a man is paying attention to who you are as a person, it's highly likely you are not paying attention to him either. Maybe you say rude things to him. Maybe you engage in playful insults that you think he's enjoying but are really pissing him off. If you do this sort of thing to a man, he's not likely to defend himself, because our culture doesn't consider defending yourself to a woman masculine. Most likely a man you annoy on a date is going to screw you, then never call you again. A big difference between men and women is that we don't have to like you to have sex with you. Usually a man screwing you then never calling you again is not something done out of lack of concern. It's usually quite intentional. He's not calling you after the sex because he doesn't like you. He may even hate you. He screwed you and knows that doing so is causing you to be more emotionally attached than you were previously. He wanted that to happen because you were rude to him or because he just didn't like you in the first place. He knows after having sex with you and not calling you again is going to hurt your feelings. It's a passive-aggressive act of revenge. I know, I've done it more than once myself and didn't feel the least bad about doing it. If a woman is going to be rude to me and treat me like crap, why should I care about her feelings? | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 9/22/2007 3:56:29 PM | I hear ya. I have some say that I'm "cute" or "hot" but alot of times that's coming from the guys only after one thing. What ever happened to actually taking the time to get to know someone?
I mean some time ago, I met a guy and when I first met him I thought "who in the heck is this dork" and that "dork" ended up being the one I had the strongest feelings for over time. Unfortunately our paths crossed at the wrong point. I have always thought this was a good one....
The $20 Lesson
A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill.
In the room of 200, he asked, �Who would like this $20 bill?�
Hands started going up.
He said, �I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do
this.� He proceeded to crumple the bill up. He then asked, �Who still wants
it?� Still the hands were up in the air.
Well, he replied, �What if I do this?� And he dropped it on the ground
and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. �Now who still wants it?�
Still the hands went into the air.
�My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what
I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in
value. It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.
We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value: dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who love you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE.
You are special - Don�t ever forget it.�
Count Your Blessings, not your problems | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 9/24/2007 7:55:30 AM | | I agree totally, men are accepting of the fact that you have kids but yet expect that you should have a barbie figure. In real life, woman who have had children do have some curves to them. Just a fact of life. Wonder if they would feel the same way if they were able to have children and they did not get to keep their physique? My opinion is if they are looking for arm candy then they are not really looking for someone that is real and true. Nobody should be accepting of someone who is not willing to accept them for who they are. I know that there are a few out there who really are accepting of who someone is and truly care about common interests. | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 9/24/2007 3:15:25 PM | Yeah, alot of guys do go by "looks". But it's not just guys, the women do the same thing. Hey, it's their loss though. Looks fade over time, the heart and soul are what lasts a lifetime. One's personality stays.
I gave up on looking, I basically search for friends and I figure if it's meant to happen, it will. If not, then what can ya do? Nothing:) | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 9/24/2007 3:58:47 PM | For me, I have to have physical attraction as well as a lot of common grounds/goals. People tend to think that I am being a player just because I date commonly with different women. Truth be told, that it takes a good first meeting/date to determine if there is any chemistry. The mainstream type of woman I have ended up trying a relationship with were decent/good looking women that were a little more than the average body type, maybe even average. Even the amount of dates, I never sought anything sexual out of, as sometimes it was sought out of me. I can honestly say I am a good looking guy and I set out to find a good chemistry but with someone who I find attractive. I can't just have a relationship without that attraction, otherwise I would think of it more as a friendship; someone you get along with and have a lot in common and not attracted to them.
Now I have to say that I tend to find out more and more that I am picky and that I won't settle for less, even if this means that I stay single for the rest of my life. God knows that I have had nothing more than 3 months since high school and it may continue to be so. I tend to find that I end up being around a lot of people who are single to the bone and that may have a bearing on who I am.
Back to the matter at hand, you are probably right that a lot of guys are out for looks only or a quick lay. Its just a matter of holding out and testing the water for awhile before making any moves. Maybe the ones that are looking for looks are a bit higher on the scale which could in turn make it true that maybe you are also into the looks as much as those guys. Maybe its true, maybe its not. Keep the train moving, but have a break while doing it and enjoy the ride. Just my silly cheap thrilling two cents. | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 9/28/2007 3:44:44 PM | Lets be real here. I cant think of anyone who can honestly say that they are looking for someone who is a wonderful person that they don't find physically attractive. We all want someone who we think is attractive. The really good news though, is that what I find is attractive, is not necessarily what another person finds attractive and I might find some one attractive that anther person(s) doesn't find attractive. As to those who are looking for attractive and nothing else, well they get what they asked for usually. Most folks want more than nothing.
Stew | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 1/22/2008 3:14:56 PM | | its simple..i find someone who has a great personality very attractive..looks will change as people get older..they become older,fatter,the 6 pack on the stomach has now turned into a keg of beer,,ect ect..u dont fall for someone on how they look,,u do by how their personality and their true being is | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 1/31/2008 5:37:18 PM | All the good ones were taken by the smart ones earlier on, and they knew they had a good thing, and they sure as hell aint' letting go of it!!
Laughing out loud!!!!
That's great!!!!
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 2/4/2008 7:09:16 AM | | well theres nothing wrong with looking for a cute guy or girl..but theres so much more that goes with it...people put to much on how someone looks nowadays..its the persoanlity that makes it or breaks it with me. | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 2/4/2008 11:58:11 AM | When it comes to facial features and style and what not, I agree you can't judge a book by its cover.
When it comes to hygiene, weight, and so on... I think you can. I've been heavy all my life and I've never had this victim mentality like so many do in regards to weight. I'm overweight because I eat like crap, lack self-control, am lazy, had bouts of minor depression, and so on. Lately I've been trying to turn all of that around and get on the right path. Don't get me wrong, I don't look at a fat person and assume they are that way for the same reasons I am. And it isn't like I refuse to date people that aren't Barbie dolls. There is just a point when you get so big that it effects your health, hygiene, what you can/can't do, and so on. I want to get in shape so I can do some things I love again. I don't want to end up like my mom who put on weight and became so depressed that it played a big factor in the breakup of my parents marriage. I don't want to look like Arnold but I'd like to go play basketball without feeling like death after 15 minutes. Obesity more often than not comes from a variety of character flaws and they aren't real attractive ones for me. I'm trying to turn my life around and I'm interested in finding someone who can encourage me and help me do that. Not someone with the same flaws and we end up dieing at 45 due to heart attack or stroke. | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 2/5/2008 6:21:07 PM | Topics like this are one of my pet peeves!! Why generalize that men are the only ones that go on looks........as I'm sure many women are driven by looks as well ! This is not a "men only" issue. 
As singles, most people need someone that they are attracted to and find a certain level of physical chemistry with. It has been that way since we as a society moved away from "arranged" marriages, and it will continue until the end of time.
In everything that we do, from buying clothes to buying a car or even a home, we all want to get the most eye appealing product for our money, and in selecting a mate it's no different.
It's the rare person that can honestly say they look to the inner person rather than the outer person first when selecting a significant other..........BUT looks should not be our biggest determining factor. | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 2/6/2008 8:10:30 AM | | I couldn't disagree more with your initial premise. We do exist, but most women are looking for the perfect male. We have to be accepting to any and every quirk a woman may have and remain the perfect male. I don't want to deal with ex-husband drama, money drama, and how wrong men have treated you before. Contrary to popular belief, not all men are interested only in sex, nor do we want to be pampered. I find intelligent women very attractive, and confidence is attractive. . Yet, it seems that unless a guy treats you like crap, you aren't interested. Looks are important, but it all has to do with how a woman carries herself. | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 2/6/2008 5:11:25 PM | | im mean seriously...i would rather be with someone who talks,laughs,has fun,someone i can really have a good time with..again yes WOMAN and men,the 1st thing u do notice is how a man or woman looks..duh..butwhen it really comes down to it..dont you want someone who can stimulate your mind more and keep your interest | |
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| Men that expect to much and only look for look's
Posted: 2/7/2008 3:20:42 PM | A photo reveals more about a person than just their looks. Their body language tells much about who they are on the inside.
Even if you posted that you like every single thing I like, plus wanted to be the sugar mama of a 6ft, 2in fat guy who liked Jeeps and photography I still wouldn't respond to you because there's no photo revealing that last bit of information about yourself.
We are here "selling" ourselves. If you come to my door to sell something I'm going to look at you through the peep hole before opening my door. Obscuring my view won't open my door any faster.
Surely you have a camera or know someone else who does. They're really not that hard to put up here, and it'll go a long way toward achieving your objective of finding love. | |
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