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| Would you want to know.....
Posted: 3/11/2007 10:40:50 AM | | that's so easy: the person an irresponsible bum. if one has children, one needs to be committed to those children. anyone who isn't, has no character. RUN from this person. | |
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| Would you want to know.....
Posted: 3/11/2007 10:42:30 AM | Juliet,
Couldn't agree more. Sounds as if OP is in this very situation with her child's father, and is extremely bitter according to her profile. I don't agree with babies being flashed all over a dating site, but that's my opinion.
I think you're wrong. I don't think this has anything to do with the OPs child's father. The kid is hers. She hasn't left it. The question is whether or not you'd want to know if the person you are dating has a child. You’re muddying the waters here, unnecessarily.
Yes, her profile is bitter. She may have reason to be for now. (E.g. the child's father wants nothing to do with his kid.) Or, she may just not know how to express herself the way us older people are able. But, again, I don't believe it is directly related to her question.
OT:
A guy I met on a dating site flew in from Idaho to meet me. After a weekend, he was talking about leaving his three kids in Idaho and starting a new life with me.
I never ran so fast in my life. | |
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| Would you want to know.....
Posted: 3/11/2007 10:52:32 AM | | yes, of course. i'm not sure what kind of circumstances would lead to a parent not being involved with his or her child, but personally, i don't think i could share a relationship with a man like that. i can't imagine choosing NOT to be a part of my children's lives. | |
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| Would you want to know.....
Posted: 3/11/2007 11:45:12 AM |
If I were married and my wife cheated after we'd had a child I would leave her and forget the child
You help bring that child into this world you damn straight help support it. It doesn't make a damn bit of difference if you and your ex gets along or not. If the kid is yours you pay that support. That is the bottom line. | |
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| Would you want to know.....
Posted: 3/11/2007 6:20:14 PM | No my questions have nothing to do with me.
Its just this guy keeps asking me to take me out and he claims to miss his kids but all he ever tells me he does is go out and drink and that he never sees them.. I don't think it is something I could EVER look past. | |
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| Would you want to know.....
Posted: 3/11/2007 8:31:15 PM |
Ok then...
If you were in a serious relationship with someone and found out they had a child they never told you about and never saw would you still persue the relationship?
You found out about the child that he had not told you about OR he found out about a child he did not know about???
If it was that you found out, it was quite decietful on his part to not be open and honest with you from the beginning. I am a single mother and have NO respect for someone that does not have anything to do with thier children, emotionally, financially, etc. There is NO excuse on God's green earth that would keep a father from his child if he was a responsible parent.
I actually dated someone like that recently and he was a woe is me because of it but made no effort to have arelationship with his son. I lost ALL respect for this person after that.
Just think if yo udo go out with him, things progress, you could be in the same boat as his ex. not a good one to be in..
good luck | |
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| Would you want to know.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 2:04:00 PM | OK.. how many of you actually HAVE kids?
For parents, i know you know what you are talking about.. but heres the thing.. what if the situation prevents the father/mother from seeing their kids, and they live outta town.. they still pay child support, but they just cant afford to travel to see his/her.. does that mean that guy has 'low morals'?
My point being.. there ARE situations that make it so one parent can not be in their childs life as much as they wish to be.
I have a son,4.5 months old right now, and i have to fight with my ex JUST TO SEE HIM.. and i will have to move out of town in order to get the job that i need to further my education.. Does that make me a bad parent?.. or an 'immoral' guy? I would think it would be HER that was being immoral for trying to make it hard for me to see my own son. I give her more money a month than needed, and she complains about wanting more.. and about how i never help out and all that crap.
Also, my decision to move out of town to further my education.. makes it so that i will not be an 'active' part of my sons life. Im 21, and i cant follow my ex and my son around the damn country if they decide they want to move. Does THAT make me a bad father??.. and if anybody thinks it does, than you better stop and think about life in general... things never work out exactly how you want them too. Parenthood is no exception. | |
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| Would you want to know.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 2:14:22 PM | | of course I would; I have met a guy who is a single father for two; believe it or not that attracted me the most; it says a lot about the character of the person | |
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| Would you want to know.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 2:42:01 PM | | heck yes i would want to know why they abandon there own blood? I agree it says a lot about a person.. and if they did that to there own blood.. what chance have i got? | |
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| Would you want to know.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 3:13:35 PM | | Yes, I most certainly would want to know. Someone who could father or bear a child and then ignore the existence of that child would not be of the character that I would choose to associate. Could anyone that has such little feeling or regard for their own children really have any true feeling or regard for you? | |
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| Would you want to know.....
Posted: 4/20/2007 5:17:51 PM | | There are no second chances regardless of the situation or how harmless whatever happened may seem. As far as maintaining a relationship with the child goes, financially yes I would support them, as far as being a part of the childs life, I can't honestly answer that question without having been in that situation. | |
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| Would you want to know.....
Posted: 4/20/2007 5:24:50 PM | | thats not always true about the conversation coming up about kids .... i know a guy that had kids taken away from him and his partner for a good reason...this friend remarried and did not tell his new wife about the kids as he no longer has any contact with these kids as they were put in foster care....his new wife found about the kids and left him after a sort period of time of marriage. | |
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| Would you want to know.....
Posted: 4/20/2007 5:54:12 PM | Knowing is important. However, listening to a reasonable explaination as to why can be just as important. I have a friend, a very good man, who has children from his first marriage that he never sees. Two of them. He is now remarried and has three children and is an ideal father. He goes the extra mile on everything for them. He loves his wife dearly and they always seem like they are in a new relationship, but they have been together for 14 years.
His first wife took off with the kids. She was a US citizen and left Canada with them and ended up in San Diego, California. She met up with her old boyfriend, got a divorce and remarried and he adopted the kids before my friend could do anything about it. He also didn't have the money to fight it to any level that would matter. He has no rights to his children of his first marriage, and can only hope that they will want to see him as they grow older. He attemped a couple of times to see if he could just find out about them, but was told that they believed he had abandoned them and that they wanted nothing to do with him,
When he told me about this, as a friend, it is the olny time I have ever seen this rough and tumble engineer break down in tears. He tells very few people because they tend to not listen and pass judgement quickly, on him. It is his biggest regret and downfall in life and something that bothers him on a daily basis. | |
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| Would you want to know.....
Posted: 4/20/2007 5:55:56 PM | | I've hear excuses about why parents abandoned their kids but that's all they were - excuses. Sorry if that sounds harsh but the flip side for the kid is much harsher so no fair. | |
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| Would you want to know.....
Posted: 4/20/2007 6:09:36 PM | I think you're talking about people pretending they care about their kids when their actions belie how they really feel. This is called 'duplicity' and it's a form of deception. If you're looking for advice I'll offer mine - always assess a person from what they do not what they say - if one contradicts the other - and on top of that, add your gut feeling if in doubt. The reason there is a contradiction is because there is some form of deceit - either deceiving themselves, and\or you.
The real kicker is when they know full well you would disaprove if you knew the truth so they deliberately PLANT the idea in your head that contradicts your doubts about them. This is a common sympton of conning - duplicity - in the hope that you as a good person will believe the better version of the story so that you don't feel that you are being too harsh a judge (judge not lest you be judged mentality etc etc). It's taking advantage of your good nature to do this and they know it and they despise you secretly for falling for it. Sad but true. It happens only when you don't listen to your gut and your gut is screaming at you I'd guess and that's why started this thread. I think you have the right and responsibility to yourself to decide to trust your gut over anything someone tries to tell you when you don't feel sure they are legit. Good luck. | |
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Tarika
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Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 42 | |
| Would you want to know.....
Posted: 4/20/2007 6:12:17 PM | | Yes, I would want to know. If he was not involved in their own children's lives, I wouldn't want him involved in mine. | |
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| Would you want to know.....
Posted: 4/20/2007 6:24:18 PM | battlewedge -
I am a parent of an 18 yr old. I am a senior professional making great money, living the way I choose but I had to wait to get here. I had to wait until my kid was older to persue my career. When my kid was younger I had a choice. Abandon my kid and go chase the high life or clean houses so that my kid can come with me to work and let me tell you, cleaning houses for me was very hard and poorly paid back then but I was with her every day and we have a bond so strong it's incredible. There are choices. You are choosing your career over your kid. Nobody can stop you but let me tell you, when time has passed, your career will never substitute what you and your kid are missing out on. The only reason to not be with your kid is you are in jail or dead. Everything else is negotiable if you are willing. I feel badly for you. Your choices are of your own free will even if the situation is not. Sorry. I don't revel in making you second guess yourself and I'm sure you are thinking about the future by persuing your career but I don't think it's likely to turn out the way you expect and I feel this is an important enough matter to say it like it is. | |
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