| Impotence
Posted: 3/13/2007 9:09:36 PM | | I just have to chime in on this cuz I got the old ED accusation from my ex. It may just be ADD not ED. Last time I checked it took 2 to tango. | |
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Posted: 3/14/2007 9:38:29 PM | MY comment is to the original poster... artsyred52( I cant make the quote thing work)
Erectile Dysfunction is extremely common in diabetic men of any age. It has a great deal to do with improperly maintained blood/glocose levels. Elevated blood pressure and the medication to correct that can also cause erectile issues. My thoughts are that you both may have been better served had you sought medical advice during the relationship as opposssed to on-line forum advice now. Too late for the past.... but maybe helpful in future.
And a side note to erm1956....it is a very unhappy woman who stoops so low as to toss that at a man in an argument. Perhaps it wasnt that it didnt work..it just wasnt interested..(yeah I got the ADD reference)....Could it have been a case of the little head thinking more clearly for a change? It does indeed take 2..otherwise it's masturbation and I'm thinking ED doesn't factor in. | |
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Posted: 3/14/2007 9:41:07 PM | | One way tht you can get an idea of the cause of ED being physical more than between the ears is whether or not the man gets an errecton in the morning or duirng the night. If he does, the ED may be as much mental as physical. | |
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Posted: 3/14/2007 9:42:28 PM | One of the benefits of being 50 vrs 15. It's more about the big head instead of the little one.  . btw I'm type 2 and have not manifested any complications related to it. | |
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Posted: 4/9/2007 6:45:20 PM | | I am the one who started this thread and I thank everyone for their imput. I guess I did not fully explain the situation...Since it had been a long time since I had been intimate with anyone and because I didn't just want casual sex, I did wait 3 mos before we slept together. This problem was clearly not from anxiety on his part because it remained the same for the 2 yrs we were together. The sexual connection with the man I am with has always been important to me. Oral sex is good for foreplay but intercourse feels like really connecting and is very satisfying to me. I am a registered nurse and am knowledeable about ED. WE did go to a urologist several times, trying everything from drugs taken orally and injected into the penis(!), tests to check blood circulation (everything was OK),****rings, etc. Nothing helped. We did investigate penis implants but he was not big on the idea. I stayed with him for 2 yrs because I cared deeply for him. I always thought that if he was really interested in getting good at oral sex with my help that things could work out. But, because of his difficulty with the situation he kind of turned away from it and our sexual activity decreased. For it to be discussed, I always was the one who had to bring it up...he never would. Things began to fizzle over time. It felt like a wall was developing between us because of it. | |
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Posted: 4/10/2007 3:28:10 PM | Ahhh....I bet that was very trying. We all hear about "the old dog, new tricks" but some people aren't comfortable with Oral Sex, touching etc. I went out with a man that was catholic...he told me that he was taught to have intercourse as quickly as possible for procreation reasons and that was all he could bring himself to do. I couldn't get him to touch me at all. He was serious...I don't think he would have had sex at all if he didn't want to get me pregnant. Fortunately I figured this all out before that happened. For various reasons men don't want to learn new tricks...it happens.
Medications have hurt my libido. There are many reasons for performance problems in people. It's embarrassing to admit, be you male or female. I would never reject or belittle a man with ED. I would just hope he could enjoy whatever we could do.
Women, at least, can complete an orgasm without erection. Men cannot and that is why men don't have to go through labor and delivery. 
Sorry, could resist a joke. | |
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Posted: 4/10/2007 7:46:54 PM | | Interesting thread. At 47, I am very physically fit (lots of exercise) eat well, and don't drink. I can get a wicked erection, but if physically repulsed at all, do not have the same capability that I did twenty years ago. So its important that when I hook up, it is with a woman that I am attracted to, smells good enough to eat, and wants to go all night. So ladies, take care of yourselves, and smell good when you hit the sack! | |
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Posted: 4/11/2007 3:07:09 PM | .
Sometimes I just gotta reply – even if it is somewhat off topic. Because:
<div class="quote"> Anyone who has had any kind of circulatory or past heart problems can't take these drugs without it damn near killing them. That's why when viagra came out at first guys were dropping dead like flies. Because they were past heart patients and didn't care about the high risks of taking this drug. is quite the misinformed statement!
First, what is now called Viagra originally came out as a heart medication. It was okay as a heart medication, but really nothing special. However, during the research trials, one of the side effects was not well reported because many men taking the drug thought of it as a good (healthy) thing, rather than something wrong.
Later, when cardiologists tried to take the men off the research protocol there were a few complaints. The men (and some women) LIKED taking that drug! Not only that, they also seemed to be getting a little better simply because they were getting more exercise (in bed).
Then, two things happened: FDA suggest that that research study end and better heart medications came out. By then, even some physicians sometimes used the drug for “other than cardiology reasons.” Therefore, the drug company rethought the use of the drug and somehow got it approved by FDA for ED patients. (I really have no idea how that happened because I worked in cardiology research and so lost interest in the drug.)
Viagra and Cialis do not have a great deal of affect on the human heart unless . . . and this is Very important . . . unless the patient is also taking some of the other heart medications. Viagra does not mix well with some other medications and strange problems (some serious) may occur if they are mixed. Cialis can be even worse sometimes because it stays active in the body for two days.
But, no, no one was ever “dropping dead like flies” from using these drugs. To the best of my knowledge, they are perfectly safe for all but about 10% of society. Even so, just to be sure, I wouldn’t fool with any of that drug type without first getting a good physical from the physician prescribing them. They are not a “treat,” but a “treatment” and many drugs have unexpected consequences when used improperly.
On the other hand, I’m told by friends and colleagues alike that they work well. And, personally speaking, I’m glad they are available because, who knows, I might have a need myself someday. 
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Posted: 4/14/2007 5:09:47 AM | | who cares????????????????????????????????????????????? SEXUAL INTIMICY IS JUST THAT!!! JUST BETWEEN CONSENTING PEOPLE. SEXUAL PERFORMANCE IS JUST THAT ALSO.!! IF ONE WANTS TO CRITIQUE THE OTHER PERSON, IN THEIR SEXUAL ACTS, WELL I WOULD FEEL LIKE THE INTIMICY JUST DIED- AND IF I WAS A MAN, I WOULD PROBABLY LOSE MY ERECTION AS WELL!!! AGAIN- THESE TOPICS IN THIS FORUM, IS ABOUT AS EXCITING AS YESTERDAYS ' COLD MASHED POTATOES!!!! | |
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Posted: 4/14/2007 7:17:16 AM | | Get rid of the CAPS! | |
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Posted: 4/14/2007 8:35:13 AM | No. Really. I understand what she was saying and I believe it. I had a relationship (my first one since my husband died) and the person was the only person I'd ever known with this problem. Of course it was awkward when it happened, but it didn't matter to me because I cared about HIM, not THAT. There are other ways to skin a cat anyway. He, however, had a problem with it. In his mind it was because I was not young/sexy/attractive enough. It didn't work out between us and I was really disappointed. He was younger and I am not what I was at 25. True enough. But he made me feel really bad about this. It has taken me some time to get over it and I just now am starting to feel a little better about myself. It has made me extremely wary of getting in a similar situation because I took all the blame for what was absolutely a medical condition of his on myself.
((All I can say is "wow".
I can hear the outcry if a woman got dumped because she had a breast removed due to cancer.
Men dumped you because they were uptight? Why do I have a hard time believing that after what you have posted.
ED is a medical condition like cancer, leukemia, tuberculosis, lupus....
To hold a medical condition against someone... again, "wow". )) | |
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Posted: 4/14/2007 8:58:43 AM | Impotence or "just not into you" ------- THAT....THAT is the question -------- And my god there are women who have performance anxiety and can't get it (up down or sideways) either !! ----- I know men have medical issues in middle age and I'm not trying to make light of it in any way, shape or form ----- but there are creative, fun and playful ways to arouse our darling who is having difficulties ---- If you love someone and are patient and understanding of their needs I believe "making love" will happen ---- we just need to develop and concentrate on different practices perhaps ---- and PLEASE I am no expert on sex in this era (others probably have much more founded responses) ---- just having come out of a 30 year relationship makes me pretty much a born again virgin ---- I do know one thing ---- If I love someone I will do all in my power to make him happy, satisfied and contented ---- even if it means wearing a superwoman cape and swinging around the ceiling fan OR OR OR ----- wrestling him to the sand when he THOUGHT we were only taking a moonlit walk along the ocean ---- BE DAMNED sand in the most uncomfortable orifices....I am woman....hear me roar !!!.....or whine and ouch over mocha later (wink)......
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Posted: 4/14/2007 12:13:04 PM | ((Impotence or "just not into you" ------- THAT....THAT is the question ))
Yeah but sometimes it really is ED, a medical condition that all the roaring and wrestling in the world won't change. That's when it's hard to handle. In my own case, I know that I did everything the proper way, the time that this happened. It was the medicine he took that caused it, and it certainly didn't mean he was less a man, but it was an organic condition. | |
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Posted: 4/14/2007 1:31:05 PM | I know ---- I didn't mean to make light of it ---- God knows men take enough potshots at "menopause" ----- If its not possible (at that moment) ----- a nice glass of wine ---- a good cuddle and a great movie ---- there sure are other ways to be intimate with your partner, friend and lover ----  | |
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| Impotence
Posted: 6/10/2007 7:18:17 PM | | interesting = found that viagra and cialis had little effect on my partner - the problem was that the erection was there (somewhat) but the desire was not.... Sexual desire to me is a rather normal thing and I was beginning emotionally to feel like there was something wrong with me.... though my head was telling me otherwise. Implants would be useless too if he wouldn't have the desire to use it. Heavy sigh | |
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Posted: 6/10/2007 10:54:12 PM | to the OP....I have to say that you have a pretty shallow outlook on things. Any man that you treated in this manner is well rid of you. You did him a favor, Set him free to find a woman who can appreciate him for the man his is , not the d1ck that he isn't.
I find it interesting that the initial posting was so lacking in what is now defined as crucial information. Is that because the thread responses didn't go your way and you needed to make yourself look better?... Suddenly you did all you could and he pushed you away?...funny that was so glaringly missing in the beginning...
In response to message 10..
"They have to be well physically, mentally
Heart disease and medication
Diabetes and the medication
and Cholesterol and the medication a
and just plain aging does it."
Add smoking and alcohol consumption to that list as well, along with most antidepressants, and a vast number of other prescription drugs.
All of the above factors are contributors to ED
That being said...any woman who doesn't realize the value of foreplay and oral stimulation as vital sexual techniques and counts on penile penetration for her sole level of satifaction is missing out on a great deal of erotic adventure. For many of us, (and I don't mean just us more mature ladies), penile penetration is a take it or leave it segment of our sex lives. It is like dessert after a good meal. Nice sometimes but not something that is required with every meal. If a man is knowledgable and willing to find my pleasure spots and get me there...and willing to let me please him in whatever manner is available and appropriate for his personal satisfaction, well damn...it is a win/ win proposition.
Bill Clinton don't know jacksh1t.....oral sex is most certainly sex and a damn fine way to spend a rainy afternoon....or evening or......well just about anytime.
A man doesn't even need a penis at all if he has an 8 inch tongue and can breathe through his ears.( sorry , I couldn't resist.)
No disrespect intended to those who suffer with ED. It is extremely common and can be devastating if not understood by a partner. My point here is that it need not be devastating to a sexual relationship. Education and understanding go a long way in avoiding the devastation that ED can bring to a relationship and the lives of the people in that relationship. | |
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Posted: 6/11/2007 4:03:38 AM | My most recent ex took care of ANY libido I may have had left. By the end of every day it was all I could do to keep from smothering her with her pillow, much less want to be intimate. But the diabetes and the medication for it took care of the physical side of the damage she started.
It kind of stinks, and it's frustrating, but women (thankfully) seem to be extremely understanding and are quite satisfied with alternative methods, so it hasn't been an issue in anybody's mind but mine.
I was really bummed about it for a while, but then I realized how slim the chances are of my ever having sex again anyway, so...... | |
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Posted: 6/11/2007 11:02:18 AM | Don't let Erectile Dysfunction ruin your healthy Sex Life.
On a personal note_this happens to men between the ages 40 years and 60 years.....and I'm sitting right in the middle Which kind of makes me a little paranoid. So check out the article below written by third-agers. (ages 40 to 60)
Source:
http://www.thirdage.com/news/articles/ALT02/07/02/14/ALT02070214-01.html
QUESTION: I want to make sure my wife has a good Valentine's day, but I often experience erectile dysfunction, which is very embarrassing as I'm only 45. Can you suggest anything to help?
ANSWER: Please don't be embarrassed. This problem is more common than you think. A staggering 52 percent of men over 40 have problems maintaining an erection.
Under normal circumstances, a substance called nitric oxide (NO) is responsible for controlling the physiological circumstances that generate and maintain an erection, such as increasing blood flow to the penis and restricting blood flow from it. Nitric Oxide molecules are produced in the penile artery wall from the amino acid arginine in response to nervous signals stimulated by sexual stimulation. The NO then triggers the dilation and relaxation of the arteries increasing blood flow into the penis. But this process doesn't always work.
Erectile Dysfunction (ED) can be caused by the side effect of some pharmaceutical drugs, emotional or psychological problems, blockage of the arteries to the penis, diabetes, nerve damage and also low testosterone levels caused by hormonal imbalance.
Try these nutritional strategies to give you a boost:
_If you are overweight lose it! There are a number of studies that suggest a link between ED and obesity.
_Eat a healthy diet that limits saturated fats, processed and refined foods, but includes essential fats (oily fish, nuts and seeds) as well as plenty of fruits, vegetables and whole grains. Poor nutritional choices may lead to vascular disease, which interferes with erection process by restricting blood flow to the penis.
_Aim to drink eight 8-ounce of water per day
_High cholesterol can harden, narrow or block the arteries (atherosclerosis) leading to the penis. If you have high cholesterol, talk to a health professional or nutritional therapist about how you can reduce it.
_Get regular exercise, which encourages the flow of blood through the body. Exercise also can help you manage stress, another possible cause of ED.
_Reduce your intake of alcohol and tobacco products.
_Clinical trials have shown that taken daily a new nutritional supplement called Prelox may improve erectile function and enhance sexual pleasure.
Prelox is made from a combination of L-Arginine, which is an essential amino acid, and Pycnogenol, which is an extract of the French Maritime pine tree.
Together, these substances generate the production of Nitric Oxide, which is important for the blood flow to the genital area. Pycnogenol also protects blood vessels from the damage that can occur from aging.
It is the unique interaction between these two substances which helps to maintain healthy blood vessels and sustain blood flow to the genital area, which in turn, is important in the body's sexual response, ability to maintain erections, and ultimately, sexual satisfaction.
In a clinical study 81 percent of men who supplemented with Prelox for six weeks showed an improved erectile function, and 78 percent judged Prelox to be effective.
_The herb ginkgo biloba may also be effective for both men and women. It increases arterial blood flow, which may have a positive effect on sexual function.
Source:
http://www.thirdage.com/news/articles/ALT02/07/02/14/ALT02070214-01.html | |
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Posted: 6/11/2007 11:09:39 AM | | Congratulations! Finally some honesty. I do not have problems (yet) but I chose to be nice which means if you say yes fine if you don't that is fine to and something will happen if you ask for that otherwise I will not ask. I simply find it too demeaning too do so. Why? Just that way I was socialized I treat women with respect always have and I hope always will. Yet in this day and age of liberal attitudes amazing how many women misunderstand this attitude of mine. | |
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bayrab
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Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 70 | |
| Impotence
Posted: 6/11/2007 11:34:57 AM | My issue with my ex's impotence was not that he had it but that it simply was not open for discussion. It was done, over, period. No more, never. Forget about it. Not gonna happen. Don't bring it up. Not going to a doctor. That's the way it is. Simply not interested.
There are lots of ways to satisfy someone and those weren't open for discussion either.
I think this situation can be dealt with so that no one has bruised egos or hurt feelings and both people can feel good, but it's got to start with communication. If one person just shuts down and won't even discuss it, then there can be no resolution or compromise. | |
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Posted: 6/11/2007 11:54:20 AM | It is truly very sad that some people still gauge the measure of a man by the erections he achieves. Sadder still when men do it to themselves. Says alot about society when we see that sort of self victimization every day.
Women who are convinced that they are less than a women because they are no longer whole. They have lost their uterus or their ovaries, or a breast, more tragically both breasts.
Men suffering from impotence feeling that they are worthless as partners and less of a man.
I don't have any magic answers, I just think it's very sad that some are so convinced that their total worth is directly connected to their sexuality.
Edit....
Did I miss something?
Does anybody know who or what Niceguy is referring to in message 69 ?
Am I the only one confused by his post? | |
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Posted: 6/12/2007 3:18:31 PM | Hi everyone:
This is a very important topic for all men (and women) as it will effect them at some point in there lives (women may be interested to know something on the subject just so as to understand what it is and deal with it appropriately).
Regardless of the reasons for the start of this thread, the real issue is that it’s real and will happen. The best that the man can do for themselves is to try and share information about the subject and how to deal with it.
In three days I will be fifty four years old, although I don’t have ED I do know that I’m no twenty year old and I’m sure my days are numbered.
Cialis, Viagra, are great products that have extended our joys to please and receive pleasure (and I hope other better “simulators” are on the horizon).
Sex is a very important component of any relationship. For me, its not just me getting my rocks off but the ability to have this extreme and private relationship with someone and knowing that you are not only receiving a gift but also providing one and to me, providing or knowing that my partner is “happy” is probably more important then me getting off.
These days, we are inundated with commercials about sex products, Viagra, Cialis (during Football season, lol) and who has not seen the Maxiderm commercial??
So for us aging man who don’t have ED but are not in their twenty’s anymore, what works as an aid, Prelox as the previous poster pointed to, Maxiderm or is it all just junk to suck money out of our pockets, that’s the thread we need, what is helpful and what is just pure BS (or is it all BS).
I have not tried/used any of these products but a time may come when I will have a greater interest in them (I tend to plan ahead) | |
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Posted: 6/12/2007 8:28:38 PM | I can vouch for the fact that I don't have a problem with a man who is impotent unless he has a problem with himself over it. The first guy I encountered with it was a nightmare. Love making became an ordeal centered around constant attempts to fix something that in his situation couldn't be fixed............ It was totally different with Wayne. He accepted himself and his problem as a natural part of aging and he learned other ways to express love and feel close to me.
Before he became impotent, the number one qualification for loving a woman was getting one who turned him on. After he became impotent, the number one qualification was getting one he really liked and enjoyed being with and doing things with.............It actually made him a better lover in every day life..........instead of in the bedroom........... | |
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Posted: 6/12/2007 8:47:34 PM | After being married and completely unsatisfied sexually for over 20 years..........
I would not want to enter a relationship where this knowingly was an issue. Now, if it happened later on in the relationship that would be different. | |
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Posted: 6/13/2007 12:34:11 AM | | Hopefully if you are in a relationship it's based on things other than sex, because if it's not and something should ever happen to prevent either of you from having sex, you would be in trouble. Let's face it, as we get older, chit happens and it could happen to anyone. | |
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