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Posted: 6/13/2007 12:51:53 AM |
Whereas Democrats are so used to sticking it up everyone's rear end that they should have no problems sticking it to you.
Hhuummm and here I just thought they were giving pearl necklaces. | |
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Posted: 6/13/2007 8:16:52 AM | I am amazed at how someone can pose a question in these discussion, and pretty soon, insults are thrown left and right at people you will never see or know personally.
I think this woman who pose this question really wanted to know, and understand among men, she probably did search it out, and to assume that the man in question did not go to the doctor is not her answer. The first person who replied to her was right on, but I got the impression she just wanted to hear or read many opinions.
I am older, and still interested in life, every part, but we that have grown older know that something on us may or may not work. Everyone is not a 10, when one gets older they will change. I am just thankful to be alive, and if I find a man who look at life as a chance to share it with someone special, the working of his body will be of interest, but not the main thing.
I think people have sometimes forgotten, when two people come together in a meaningful relationship....thats just it, its meaningful. I think of my mother and father who were married happily for 40 years before he died of cancer. I have not seen many couples as close or suited for one another as they. I thought my ex and I would be like them...not so! There are so many things that make a couple have a special relationship, its hard to limited it to just one thing not working. Lighten up folks, its a discussion. | |
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Posted: 6/13/2007 3:19:30 PM | I don't think it's that big a deal as long as you have love for each other it dosen't have to be sexual. There are lots of ways to share the love for each other. But it can make one or the other or both feel bad.  | |
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Posted: 6/13/2007 4:46:46 PM | | I've just read a thread where the majority of women posters rated their libido at 10 and above. Hmmmm .... | |
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Posted: 6/19/2007 5:09:13 PM | I am a therapist and advertise mainly for working with phobias, yet the vast majority of all my clients, male and female, come with sexual problems.
Men with ED and /or penis size worries. Women with low libido or problems achieving an orgasm.
Most often they initially talk of other general issues such as depression, but this normally moves on to the specific 'related issues' as descibed above.
Most resolve the problems with a bit of confidence boosting, some guided fantasy, encouraging use of lubricants, and of course a trip to the GP for Cialis, HRT or other pharmaceutical solutions.
An often quoted figure is 50% of men over 40 have some ED problems. I would say it was actually much higher than this. | |
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Posted: 6/20/2007 3:37:38 PM | | forty shmorty im 25 and im already impotent as f uck. | |
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Posted: 9/21/2007 4:17:47 PM | Even if there aren't any potency problems ......Sex seems to be more of a curse to long term 'relationship' than a blessing anyway...... In 'my' own past most relationships started out perfectly, with both of us wanting sex as much as the other..... and every time and any time is the 'right' time for us both ........then as the months and years go by it changes to things like, one wants it in the morning and the other at night ....one is too tired and the other isn't .... one wants to try new things the other doesn't.......one loves it in the open ....one loves it indoors.......one is disappointed because it was a quickie or else was only in the mood for a quickie...... and it seems more and more difficult to 'ever' get just one of those brilliant times, when the mood, the desire and everything else is just right for us 'both'.
At my age I think I would sooner meet someone who only cares about the 'relationship' and couldn't care less about the sex anyway. | |
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Posted: 10/3/2007 2:31:17 PM | | Impotence rates vary, and depend upon genetics, and lifestyle. Genetics effect: diabetes, heart trouble, etc, which can play a role. Lifestyle involves use of: coffee, booze, smokes, cholesterol, etc, which can play a role. "Use it, or lose it" is also a factor. Guys with diabetes, heart trouble, etc, who have sex every day remain more capable than do guys-with, or without health troubles-who go for years without sex. Bad health, and bad lifestyle, and years of not having sex, combined can really cause problems. Healthy lifestyles, frequent sex, and better family health history, makes things better. To some degree a man with impotence can reverse it by adopting a better lifestyle, staying on his meds if needed, and trying for sex more often. Even if a guy can not get it up at all, he can recieve some pleasure from having his limpness licked, and he can give great oral to his woman, and use dildos on her, cuddle her, etc. Even total impotence need not mean total sexlessness. I am 55, and have never had a problem yet. Some guys are totally impotent by age 30. Some men are still able to have sex into their 90s. There is no way to put a number on such things. It is an individual thing, and you can only ask...or try and see....with each guy you want to do. | |
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Posted: 11/9/2007 7:15:31 PM | Artsyred52: It's not uncommon at all. What is also not uncommon is men blaming women for it! I was married almost 25 years...the last 13 of those years...without any intimacy at all. It practically took a sledge hammer to even get him to discuss the issue; then when he did go to a doctor, the doctor wanted to know if his wife was FAT!!!! (I was 5'6 and weighed 120#) At first he tried some treatments.....but made me feel so guilty for "making him do it" that I just totally lost interest. I'd spend night after night....taking showers so he wouldn't hear me crying over the running water. I believed it WAS my fault. I thought....he was punishing me because I made more money, had more friends, better relationship with our kids. After year 8, I told him I couldn't live that way and he said he didn't have a problem with it....so I should handle it on my own. When he realized that I would really leave him....he FINALLY went to a serious doctor who took the problem serious! He was beyond being helped by drugs, and scheduled surgery for a penile implant. (I told him not to do this for me....but for himself...cause I was done) He went in for the surgery...and was sent home.....bad EKG. He scheduled the surgery 2 more times...each time....bad EKG. They finally sent him for a heart catherization.....3 arteries blocked......100%, 100% and 90%. They were amazed that he was still walking around. So, instead of a penile implant, he had a triple by pass!
So for the guy who said that if he's important to them then his impotence wouldn't bother them....pffffttttt fool!
For the guy who thinks you should settle for oral alone...ask him if he'd be willing to settle for sniffing that food but NEVER getting a taste of it! Bet he'd be whistling a different tune!
Don't LET anyone tell you that you're evil or demanding because you want a WHOLE relationship. NOT in this day and age! Don't feel guilty about it....if MORE women would be honest maybe men wouldn't be dropping dead with coronarys because of their stupid EGO. | |
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Posted: 11/9/2007 8:06:15 PM | My ex had this same problem.........early impotence in his late 30's ....... He felt that I just wasn't turning him on enough.........turned out he had a major coronary in his early 40's!!!! I knew it was his health but heck, he's 61 now and you know what? He still complains that it's his new wife's fault...........
For me, love with sex is preferable but that's just not always possible. I would rather have the love which can still include affection and intimacy then call it quits just because there's a problem............ | |
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Posted: 11/9/2007 8:37:14 PM | Ok, I just did a search to make sure there wasn't a thread already to ask this question and there isn't so....if it's going slightly off topic forgive me but I have to ask anyhow.
At what point in a developing relationship should a man disclose this problem? Wait until she's deeply emotionally attached and hope that it won't matter to her...or give her all the fact up front so she can decide how important it is TO HER?
It's taken me quite a while and a lot of soul searching before deciding that....I might not want to be married again, but I don't want to give up living either! The thought of marriage absolutely terrifies me, not just for this reason, but, yeah...mostly. Last year in my church a couple in their very early 60s were newly married. Everyone held them up as the perfect Christian example of how to do things. Bragged that they made TOTAL disclosure to each other about their finances, family issues, etc. The marriage lasted less than 6 weeks! A good friend of mine who's best friends with the female...in fact introduced the couple to each other....did not elaborate other than.....it was a sex issue. So, you have these people professing to be totally honest....and all along, he was withholding information that was obviously a deal breaker to her! Am I looking at this wrong? To her, she thought saving this for marriage was an issue of honor and to him, it was an issue of hiding the truth. So apparently this poor woman has been so humiliated that she can't even face her friend anymore, and the guy is at church every week with a new date. You have to wonder if he's being any more honest this time right?
As for getting affection and intimacy from a man who has this problem.....whewww, I'm skeptical. What about "Men give romance to get sex, and women give sex to get romance"? What about honesty? What about respecting the other person? | |
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Posted: 11/10/2007 1:03:01 PM | in general, you need to distinguish between the full range of ED causes and solutions versus performance anxiety issues--the latter, i will vouche, go away if you have a sincere and loving relationship. but there are also both men and women who are not feeling sexual "desire" at all, for a variety of either hormonal, pheremonal and/or depression related issues or perhaps from medication itself. some will get help and some will not, being happy the way they are--simply not sexual. if they chose, there are many ways to deal with the issue and yes, some will involve alternatives. however, if they chose NOT, you need to decide if it's enough for you. some people are still nurturing and affectionate. so, you can deal with the other aspects yourself. furthermore, you can start out in any relationship, fully sexual, yet this issue will happen later on. thus you should be apprized and prepared.
as with anything when you "commit" to someone and this happens, you need to ask yourself, THEN what will you do? the older you get, the more likely it can strike at any time. will you leave him or her? many do divorce for this reason and find themselves in the same boat later on. this is the juncture where love, sex, commitment all come together. it is also one of the reasons why many people chose NOT to marry, so they can move on when this or anything similar happens. kind of sad, to me. but then again, i often wonder if i am from this planet. myself, i am passionate and it might enter in the picture in a beginning relationship if the man in question was simply not interested in anything. but if it happened along the way, i would like to think i would stick by him, assuming he was trying to deal with it and not go into denial. he would, however, have to be affectionate and nurturing at least. | |
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Posted: 11/10/2007 1:20:12 PM | Yes, there are remedies to some situations but guys need to check their hearts. It's a prime forecaster of heart attacks! Too many guys can lose their lives because they won't admit that it really is a health problem!!! I can't urge guys enough to be aware of this and don't worry about the sex.......worry about your HEART!
And making a relationship work with this problem is all about the guy's attitude. As long as he doesn't go into denial, the relationship can be just as loving and affectionate as ever.........IMO | |
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Posted: 11/10/2007 11:21:03 PM | At what point in a developing relationship should a man disclose this problem? Wait until she's deeply emotionally attached and hope that it won't matter to her...or give her all the fact up front so she can decide how important it is TO HER?
I think the same question is still being asked concerning women who want orgasms from intercourse. When should a woman tell a man she isn't getting it, and is it OK to fake it? Obviously, a man can't (easily) fake an erection.
I think the answer to BOTH questions is the disappointed party needs to bring up the subject as soon as it's a problem. So if you're gonna tumble in the back seat of the car on the first date, that's when you need to ask!
Stop waiting for the man to guess what you want and start asking some questions! If his answers are no good, you need to explain why it's a problem for YOU. (If he says it doesn't bother him, take him at his word). Explain you expected full-service...if that's not a possibility...you need to renegotiate your relationship or he needs to find a way to keep his end up (..groan..).
If he says is DOES bother him, that's the time for the full-court press---get him to a doctor and see what can be done. Waiting and hoping is not a strategy. If you worried about dating men over 40, maybe you should bring the subject up early in your dating. "Last year I dated 3 guys who had ED and they did nothing about it----what would you do?" | |
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Posted: 11/10/2007 11:30:31 PM | FYI: I've experienced ED off and on for the last few years. I have diabetes type I, I'm on three meds and it still took me by surprise. It's been inconsistent, and I believe sometimes it's more anxiety than physiological. However; in the grand scheme I simply don't have the power, the punch, and the readiness I had even 5 years ago. It just ain't there, but I'm not dead yet.
A few years back when it first became noticeable, I was overseas in a strip club having a pretty good time. I allowed myself to be guiled into a pretty intensive lap dance by one of the club's feature performers. At the end of her writhing session she actually did a crotch check on me !?! Well...I could tell she was pissed, because I wasn't hard. I was very happy with her lap dance and had been semi-erect earlier in the night, but when the judgement came, I got a sour look. Oh, well!!! Maybe she was expecting a wet spot in my pants too, I dunno... Good memory tho.... | |
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Posted: 11/11/2007 10:45:15 AM |
Stop waiting for the man to guess what you want and start asking some questions! If his answers are no good, you need to explain why it's a problem for YOU. (If he says it doesn't bother him, take him at his word). Explain you expected full-service...if that's not a possibility...you need to renegotiate your relationship or he needs to find a way to keep his end up (..groan..). Very good point! I think that it's much easier to do that TODAY than it was....20 yrs ago when I was in this position. It's no longer the taboo subject that it used to be and while I'm also sure that it's still an uncomfortable issue for men to discuss "openly", hopefully they're seeing that it's NOT a statement about their masculinity, but rather a very common health issue which can in most cases can easily be remedied.
The folks who make comments like this one ;
At my age I think I would sooner meet someone who only cares about the 'relationship' and couldn't care less about the sex anyway. have NO interest in a REAL relationship. What they're actually referring to is a "friendship", not an intimate male/female "relationship". And this one:
Well, if my "little head" is what you are after, you aren't my cup of tea even if it still worked. I would like to be appreciated for more than my Johnson Rod.....
and this one
PS. If a woman thought I was Important she wouldn't worry if I was Impotent! and this one:
If I met someone and he couldn't "perform" and I cared for him deeply... I could live without sex, oral or otherwise. There is much more to love than just the physical aspect of it. These are all examples of people who are satisfied with "friendship" or what is referred to as "companionate" love. (according to "Sternberg's triangular theory" which defines 7 types of "love") The 3 ingredients of "love" are, committment, intimacy, and passion. As defined, CONSUMMATE LOVE, is that which, and I quote: "occurs when two people are passionate, committed, and emotionally close. COMPLETE, BALANCED love of THIS kind occurs ONLY in very special relationships", close quote. When one is only interested in companionship, then by all means, there are no issues when sexual passion is omitted from the relationship. But to anyone who is seeking the COMPLETE, BALANCED kind of love that we dream about....there MUST be passion! I know, I know....some of you are going to jump all over me and say that you can have passion without sex, but I disagree! Several years ago I heard on a radio talk show, a Christian psychologist talking about homosexuality. He brought up a VERY interesting point. His statement was to the effect that same sex couples cannot possibly have "sex"...what they're doing is "engaging in sexual activity". Eureka!!!! It's possible to engage in sexual activity WITHOUT having sex. Hmmmm, interesting concept, but what happens when you throw in the human psyche? In my own experience, when my husband lost the ability to have sex.....he lost all interest in engaging in sexual activity! That meant, no kissing, no hand holding, no nibbling at my neck when I was trying to cook dinner, no setting close on the couch watching TV....NOTHING. ALL "sexual activity" was cut off....because he KNEW it wasn't going to lead to any COMPLETION. What we had what was called "Empty Love"....all committment, but no intimacy or passion. I fail to see how anyone can uphold "empty love" as a goal for the rest of us to try to attain! It seems a very shallow kind of relationship, based on 2 people who are committed to not much more than agreeing that they have no desire to be complete or balanced.
Those of you who think it immoral to even have sexual desire...why don't we take a look at the "authority".
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (Amplified Version) The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does NOT have authority and control over her own body, but the husband; likewise also the husband does not have authority and control over his body, but the wife. Do NOT refuse and DEPRIVE and DEFRAUD each other (of your due marital rights), EXCEPT perhaps by MUTUAL consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves unhindered to prayer. But afterwards, RESUME marital relations, lest Satan tempt you through your lack of restraint of sexual desire. | |
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Posted: 11/11/2007 11:27:50 AM | | I really wouldn't be happy in a situation where there wasn't the whole package. I would not feel comfortable with the situation, as I would be feeling that I was a taker. If that's considered shallow - so be it. | |
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Posted: 11/16/2007 6:07:07 AM | | My last two husbands both were either completely impotent of partially impotent. The first was impotent due to a severe cardiac problems and the second was due to high blood pressure and eventually diabetes. #2 could occasionally have an erection, but like your boyfriend it was very short-lived. With husband #1, we had a very active sex life. With #2, it was fine for a number of years but I was always the one initiating it, which didn't bother me. It got to the point though, that I would try to initiate sex and he wouldn't be interested. After being repeatedly turned down (this went on over a year), I quit asking, thinking maybe I was putting too much pressure on him and he'd let me know when he was in the mood. We didn't have sex for the last two years of the marriage. Guess he was never in the mood. But when we split up, he blamed me for us "living like roommates". Damned if you do and damned if you don't. A man being impotent wouldn't cause me to leave the relationship. There are plenty of ways to satisfy each other if you are creative and willing, but he must be willing. | |
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Posted: 11/16/2007 6:19:38 AM | I've had this experience with two men I loved. One was sadder because he was only in his late 30's when it started and I was more worried about his health, he was more worried about his ego and he ended up having a major heart attack in his early 40's. Luckily he survived but he's still struggling with accepting himself and that's sad. He has so many more good qualities then just being sexual but he can't seem to see that.
The second one had a much better attitude about it and therefore was able to continue to have a loving relationship. In fact, he said that in a way, losing his ability to have sex, forced him to see that women had OTHER good qualities other then being sexy! He actually began to find women he had fun with instead of just good sex and putting up with the other parts he didn't like for the sex....... And affection and loving were still there............so it doesn't have to be the end of the world........it can actually spark an emotional growth in men......... | |
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Posted: 11/16/2007 7:53:57 AM | Tough subject....but I can relate to what you are saying grandma booboo, and you, too, friendlyldy.
My ex-husband began having "problems" in his early 30's, but of course I always got blamed for them. I was 4' 11" tall weighed 100 pounds back then, looked like a teenager, but there was always something "wrong" with me that "turned him off", so he said.
I never "outed" him in a public forum; never would. He is now 55 years old, and both hypertensive and a Type 2 Diabetic who refuses to monitor his blood sugar, or do anything that is required to reasonably control his hypertension or diabetes.
His last three "ladyfriends" have publicly embarassed him about his impotence problem (even referring to him as "limp d__k" to our 30 year old daughter)HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE......but do you think that he blames them for his problem? Hell, no -- it's still MY fault, from "back in the day." | |
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Posted: 11/16/2007 10:07:19 AM | Lordy! I've never seen a subject more difficult to talk about than this one. In large part because there seems to be NO agreement on what any of the terms mean. . . . So I'll state
mine. Sex *includes* everything we do with our bodies and souls up to and including penetration. It is NOT, however, *only* penetration. It IS still sex *without* penetration. It is even sex if one of the partners does not come, but joyfully and fully participates because they wish to be there, and to be doing this/that. Even if it's *only* to make their partner happy.
ED is simply a mechanical problem. And does NOT necessarily have to do with the ability to orgasm. It IS however a fact that about 30% of men with diabetes also have low testosterone levels. This CAN be remedied. It is also a fact that many of the meds taken for diabetes/high blood pressure can diminish sex drive in both men and women. (Calcium channel blockers/beta blockers). Some meds for depression do the same (SSRI's) Unfortunately, Doctors don't tend to volunteer this information. And Viagra and its cousins DO NOT work for everyone.
All of that said: it is perfectly possible to have a rich, interesting, loving, caring, HAPPY sex life with absolutely NO poking going on. During my 66th year, I had a partner who had serious ED problems. We were making love, and both were fully orgasmic, twice a day. And I have to say that's better than I ever managed in my teens, twenties, thirties, forties, or fifties, lol!
My conclusion? Where there is love and wisdom, anything is possible.
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Posted: 11/16/2007 10:34:21 AM | | OMG, this thread reads like an entire season of "Sex and the City." I feel badly for those guys with ED/Performance Anxiety problems. But if it couldn't be resolved, it would be hard for me to live with. For some women, it can really hurt their self-esteem and make the relationship feel lacking. Everyone is different. | |
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Posted: 11/16/2007 12:50:43 PM | Well I am one more guy with Type II diabetes who developed ED. All the responses I read were quite interesting. My opinions are as follows:
When I meet a lady I mention this as soon as the subject of sex comes up in any fashion. It may be hard to talk about it before the fact, but it is even harder after!
I appreciate all the ladies that don't see this as a deal-breaker. I also feel sad for those whose man had ED but would not address it. I would not advise any lady to put up with this for long. I would not put up with a lady who was in denial of a sexual problem either.
As far as treatment options, I advise finding a competent doctor and following their advice. Self-treatment is unwise IMHO, and quackery abounds. | |
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Posted: 11/17/2007 1:45:22 AM | | I just turned 65, am a type 2 diabetic. I am very much sexaually active, to maintain a strong erection for intrcourse I do take a pill, but not every the time. I enjoy an active sex life with my partner sometimes 2 or 3 times a week, including oral. I consider myself lucky in that my partner understands that. Getting enough sleep and rest and avoiding to much alcohol before sex also helps to keep it up. | |
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Posted: 11/17/2007 4:57:19 AM | GrandmaBooBoo....
At what point in a developing relationship should a man disclose this problem? Wait until she's deeply emotionally attached and hope that it won't matter to her...or give her all the fact up front so she can decide how important it is TO HER?
In my opinion , the second date ( if there is any attraction at all)
By the same token, a woman should tell a man wheather or not she would like to have sex included in a relationship. And dont tell me about being DRY, KY will fix that easily.
That's the way I operate anyway.
Kahuna | |
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