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Posted: 11/17/2007 5:42:14 AM | | Yet another "Nursey" and I agree......each to their own needs.......there are many ways to make love ...heaps of outercourse can be just as pleasing as intercourse | |
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Posted: 11/17/2007 5:48:27 AM | This has been an issue in my relationships for some years.The first fellow acknowledged the problem quite early. He was a diabetic and hypertensive, so meds did not help. He was not keen to try Viagra but was very affectionate and we had an active sex life.The next guy tried various pills without success, but other factors played a significant role and the relationship ended.
Having gone without penetration for a long time I have to say that I miss it but there are other ways of making love that are satistying to both partners.They just have to be creative.It sure helps when the man lets you know it is not your fault ie admits that you do in fact turn him on even though his body does not show it in the usual way. | |
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Posted: 11/17/2007 5:53:09 AM | | The diabetes was more of a contributing factor to this lads problem.I had just watched a show on diabetes and that is one of the factors that diabetes effects | |
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Posted: 11/17/2007 5:58:22 PM |
In my opinion , the second date ( if there is any attraction at all) LOL! well, thank you Kahuna!!! At least one person agrees that a woman should have the right to decide whether or not it's an important issue to her! | |
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Posted: 11/17/2007 7:43:35 PM | | I have had several experiences with men who suffered from ED...from their diabetes, high blood pressure, antidepressants, etc. And, yes, I agree with all those women who say that there are many many ways to sexual satisfaction that don't involve penetration...at least for the woman. BUT the other half of a satisfying sexual experience is the man's satisfaction, and that's where I get all confused! After doing everything I can think of to do to please him...there is still no erection (even with pills), and no orgasm. So...and I hope this doesn't sound mean in any way...but how can you know when to stop? How can you ever "satisfy" him? When your partner does not have ED, it is all so straightforward...he gets an erection and then he cums. But with a partner with ED...well, I just feel so frustrated for him, and I find it so hard to believe that he is "satisfied"...for lack of a better word. I understand that the things I do feel good to him...but is that really enough for him? How do you know when to stop doing what you're doing? I know this sounds really dumb, but believe me, it is an honest, sincere question. Guys, can you fill me in? | |
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Posted: 11/18/2007 9:01:19 AM |
After doing everything I can think of to do to please him...there is still no erection (even with pills), and no orgasm. So...and I hope this doesn't sound mean in any way...but how can you know when to stop? How can you ever "satisfy" him? I'm not a guy, but have been told the answer to this question enough times that I know it by heart. Satisfy him? Get into the kitchen and bake him a pie; no he's getting nothing out of it so he's not interested in your petty sexual needs. No, he doesn't want to play with your vibrator, you're just rubbing it in (no pun intended) that you can do something he can't. And no, he doesn't want to sit on the couch and cuddle or hold hands, it ain't leading nowhere that he's going to like going so stop pressuring him and act your age! (Direct quotes from a man with ED) | |
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Posted: 11/18/2007 10:43:17 AM | Grandma, I hope those quotes were from men and not you! I give her credit for caring about him! But I would think that he would let you know.........ask him ...........  | |
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Posted: 11/18/2007 11:08:06 AM | | LOL! No friendlyldy....they were not MY words.....but HIS. Don't have to ask him....when I told him I wanted a divorce he just said, "I'll miss your cooking"!!! LOL! and the dang freeloader still comes over about twice a week for dinner! I'm about ready to tell him if he wants to visit the grandkids...he can come pick them up and take them to McDonalds!!!!!! LOL! | |
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Posted: 11/18/2007 11:44:51 AM | kitticat ~~ if there is NO erection, hands are not likely to work. Oral certainly can and does most of the time, with some patience. I think it helps if he's fully aware that *you* are loving it. Perhaps you can work out some signal from him that tells you that this time it isn't going to happen, and you can just move to full snuggle. I could generally tell when I stopped hearing his grunts, moans, and groans. But also, full snuggle can move back to oral, and work the second or third time. As long as he's awake and with you. . . . We often worked it so I'd do him first, and if he didn't come, he'd do me and that rearoused him so, after, I'd move back, and he would come. I know: TMI. But heck, somebody has to talk, and the guys aren't, lol!
Count yourself lucky that he's participating. Some get to the point where they just don't care at all, either about themselves or about you. At that point, if you are among those that still care, it's not likely that the relationship is going to make it. I've never quite understood why it has to work this way, but it seems to. E.g., I give marvelous hours long backrubs, which are exquisitely appreciated by the receiver, but from which my only pleasure is being aware of their pleasure. So why, in a loving relationship, something like that (or anything else that you do that pleases him) can't be "exchanged" for what pleases and pleasures you, puzzles me.
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Posted: 11/18/2007 7:28:53 PM | I CAN BOOK AND I CAN COOK BUT BE PREPARED TO BE HAMMER HEAD SHARK FRIENDLY      
YEAH HE'S A JUMPER | |
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Posted: 11/18/2007 8:14:46 PM |
Guys, can you fill me in?
Sorry, I have ED...but I can try... 
I understand that the things I do feel good to him...but is that really enough for him? How do you know when to stop doing what you're doing? I know this sounds really dumb, but believe me, it is an honest, sincere question.
I know everyone is different, but I for one would be happy that I wasn't pushed away and was at least given the chance to make it happen. Snuggling under the sheets and making out is all good (not sitting on the couch holding hands). As long as you're not yanking at it or trying to mount and grind you should be okay. You can stop when he stops grabbing your behind and your breasts. Heck, as long as he's playing with you the game is on!
As for making a pie ~ !! Always a good move---shows you appreciate his presence and attention and you're not mad at him. | |
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Posted: 11/19/2007 3:08:57 AM |
As for making a pie ~ !! Always a good move---shows you appreciate his presence and attention and you're not mad at him. Hmmmm, 25 years of baking pies, don't you think he might have shown HIS appreciation....ONCE??? A few men SINCE (the divorce) have shown great appreciation of my pie baking skills.
Like I said on page 2 post: Doctors first assume, "your wife must be fat". Hmmm, nope, 5'6" 120 #. Guess men need anorexic women to be motivated? Ohhh, no, I know...she's not sexy enough. Well, I bought out Fredericks of Hollywood and Victoria Secret....if he had some other idea of "sexy" he was welcome to shop with me, but Nope.....not interested. No problem....a few men SINCE (the divorce) have truly appreciated the garterbelts, stockings and 5" heels.
but I for one would be happy that I wasn't pushed away and was at least given the chance to make it happen. Amen brother, I WOULD have been happy if I had NOT been pushed away and not given the chance to make it happen.
Snuggling under the sheets and making out is all good (not sitting on the couch holding hands). Last time I looked it too 2 to make this happen...if he's not willing...what's a wife to do? Rape him perhaps?
You can stop when he stops grabbing your behind and your breasts. WOW, sure glad to have permission to stop beating ones head against a brick wall after only 13 yrs.....it feels so good when you STOP!
What a typical "pass the buck opinion!" Once again, you missed the post which stated that AFTER divorce is filed....men generally take the issue serious enough to see a REAL doctor who doesn't blow smoke up your butt about it being the wifes fault. In my ex's case....he needed a TRIPLE BYPASS. So now, why don't you tell me where all the caring compassion was....I saved the mans LIFE by divorcing him!!! Ohhhh, let me see, now the heart problem was my fault for baking too dang many pies??? Sheeessshhh, guess this issue is destined to be the woman's fault no matter what she tries. And don't give me that didn't try had enough crapola....13 YEARS bud...not 13 minutes! And the dude who implies that having a breast removed and getting dumped is the equivalent.....you need an anatomy lesson! Check again....completely different functions on opposite ends of the frame...but I guess any lame excuse to pass the buck will suffice in the absense of a more reasonable argument.
Once again....WOMEN....if you're dealing with a man who WILL NOT address this issue....LEAVE!!! You'll not only save your sanity....you may be saving HIS life!!! | |
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Posted: 11/19/2007 3:23:31 AM | | I am surprised at the number of women who are open to a impotent mate. Do we assume that these woman want to avoid sex? I have never had an incidence of impotency, but I don't have any other health issues either. | |
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Posted: 11/19/2007 3:28:00 AM |
Sheeessshhh, guess this issue is destined to be the woman's fault no matter what she tries
I have to comment on this. I had a happy marriage until this problem came up back in the 80's when he was in his late 30's. And yes, the biggest problem is that he just kept thinking that I was the problem.........it got to the point where 3 hours of love making wasn't "enough".........but his attitude was to still blame me.
And it was tragic because not only did he break up our family over it but he's gone through two ex wives since and 20 years later, he's still blaming the wife he has now. And still sending me emails saying he will never love anyone like he loved me. And trust me, he's tried everything .............
When men deal with is the way he has dealt with it, it's impossible for women to have a loving relationship with him............
And it did effect me! From then on, whenever a guy had a problem, I needed reassurance that he wouldn't blame me and kill the relationship!
But in the second relationship, HIS attitude made it totally different. He tried things but when nothing worked, he just was more loving in more ways. Our relationship actually got better because instead of love being about JUST sex, there was more cuddling, more kissing, more hand holding, etc............And instead of making love and being sexy being a first priority, the first priority became loving, caring, having fun together and that kind of stuff..............
It's all in the attitude..............really........ | |
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Posted: 11/19/2007 4:25:30 AM | Message 114: EVERY POINT.....agreed!!!! It IS all in the attitude! But when the attitude is that it's the woman's fault, always, and NOTHING....I mean NOTHING she does is right, or enough...then it's ABUSE!
And it was tragic because not only did he break up our family over it but he's gone through two ex wives since and 20 years later, he's still blaming the wife he has now. And still sending me emails saying he will never love anyone like he loved me. And trust me, he's tried everything ............. I wouldn't give too much sympathy to the other 2 ex wives however. My ex told me that several women he was involved with after me had insisted that THEY could cure him. That THEY knew how to arouse a man. So this hatred and discrimination against us, the true victims of ED is not only coming from the men....but also from arrogant women who THINK they're so much hotter than every other woman. I say....let them learn the hard (LOL! no pun intended) way!
And it did effect me! From then on, whenever a guy had a problem, I needed reassurance that he wouldn't blame me and kill the relationship! HECK yes, it effects you! (and me) But you won't see any articles in a magazine about the emotional abuse a women takes over this issue. Nor will you hear (as this thread has proven) that in MOST cases the problem can be rectified, IF the man is willing to admit to a problem in the first place. AND you won't hear about the large numbers of men who when they cannot be helped simply REFUSE to engage in ANY form of intimacy....right down to refusing to call his wife "honey" or "babe" anymore! They MENTALLY divorce you, and society expects you go on pretending that you have a marriage. ED is a touchy subject....awwwwwww, oh....but mental abuse.....nahhhh, get over it, you're just not looking at it with the "right attitude". (HIS) | |
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Posted: 11/19/2007 8:12:29 AM | It really is amazing that we can at least TALK about this. But what a shame that some men still don't admit to a problem and refuse to seek help. Instead some still wish to blame women (this opinion being formed from reading these postings).
However, IT IS a problem and a couple CAN overcome some of these difficulties with the available medications. But working together to achieve intimacy in other ways and not necessarily penetration, can still give a satisfying sex life. There are many many ways to satisfy each other than penetration. Those couples willing to explore and work together achieve so much more than sex. The level of intimacy and closeness attained is only imaginable to some.
We have to be willing to understand and be together in our expectations and how we want to reach that wonderful level with each other.
JMO - reached from personal experience. | |
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Posted: 11/19/2007 9:02:51 AM | Kitticat,
The best answer I can give is that you should not be attached to his orgasm any more than he should be attached to yours. It has been well-known for years that many women do not have an orgasm from intercourse and can supposedly deeply enjoy sexual relations without an orgasm. Being a man I can attest to the first statement but leave it up to you ladies to confirm the second. I learned long ago to keep going as long as the lady wanted to and to stop when she didn't. Later on I learned how to talk about it if need be. Now I find myself in a similar place. Sometimes I climax naturally, sometimes I force it because the lady likes it, and sometimes it just ain't gonna happen no matter what. In any case, I enjoy it immensely.
I suggest a straight-forward conversation with the lad about this. If he is worthy of your attention, he will be ecstatic that you want to do your best to please him but don't want to pressure him. Stay in the moment and enjoy whatever you are doing. Pay attention to what he is doing and you will know. Don't pressure him to "finish" rather let him set his own pace. | |
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Posted: 11/19/2007 9:09:25 AM | I believe too many people put too much emphasis on the results (climax) rather than the intimacy of sex with someone you love. Some of the best sexual experiences I have had didn't end in climax but was enjoyable just the same, mainly because of the closeness, cuddling and the love shared by both.
On the other hand, some of the worst times was pressure to "finish" .
It just depends on the 2 people involved, and communication is a must. JMO | |
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Posted: 11/19/2007 10:58:59 AM |
I am surprised at the number of women who are open to a impotent mate.
Perhaps because you're still in the dark ages. A man with ED, who's dealing with it is the epitome of powerful. And loving. Open, on an extremely difficult subject, giving, and caring.
Do we assume that these woman want to avoid sex? I assume by "sex" you mean poking? No. I think not, lol! But it's pitiful that any grown-up would equate the two. Perhaps "these women" have discovered heights and depths and joy from being fully sexual with a male who *only* has *mechanical* problems. If a woman wanted to avoid sex, she'd pick a poker, lol! The pokers jus' gitter done, and drop off to sleep. A powerful man and woman can make it last for hours. . . . and hours. . . and hours. . . . And that's only the beginning. . . . . . .
I have never had an incidence of impotency, but I don't have any other health issues either. Good luck with that, Bunky. If you live long enough, you will. (As will we all ~~ nature of being alive. Only way to avoid it is to die.)
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Posted: 11/19/2007 2:05:07 PM | | This is an interesting topic.I have found out over the years that some women are better in bed than other women.That one aspect has always been the reason for a long lasting erection for me.I had an ex that swore up and down that I had ED and she almost had me believing that I did but lo and behold my new girlfriend had it up for hours.So it could be that the woman is just not sexually compatable with that particular guy or the woman is not skilled in pleasing her man. | |
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Posted: 11/19/2007 3:48:01 PM |
So it could be that the woman is just not sexually compatable with that particular guy or the woman is not skilled in pleasing her man.
That is what a lot of men who have ED would like to believe.
collegeprince, that may have been the case for you, but since you aren't 50 yet, you still may have a problem later on. JMO | |
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Posted: 11/19/2007 4:03:40 PM |
So it could be that the woman is just not sexually compatable with that particular guy or the woman is not skilled in pleasing her man. FINALLY, someone who understands!!!! That is exactly what I told my husband....that maybe he didn't find me attractive....but there were a LOT of much younger and better looking men than him who DID...find me extremely attractive. See there, I not only saved his life...but I freed him up to find something better.
You got it goin on there collegeboy! | |
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Posted: 11/19/2007 4:32:13 PM | | I'd love to know how a discussion topic of MALE IMPOTENCE could turn into an opportunity to bash women. So far, it seems that women are responsible for ED because 1. we put too much emphasis on sexual performance, 2. we are afraid of sex, 3. we don't know how to please a man, 4. he does not find us sexy or attractive, and maybe even because we 5. don't bake enough pies. Interestingly, if a woman has a problem reaching orgasm, that is ALSO her fault because she is frigid...hates men...afraid of sex...whatever else. I am glad our shoulders are so broad. | |
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Posted: 11/19/2007 5:33:37 PM | | Isn't that the truth! It's like when older guys say that women their age just don't look good enough for them to be attracted.............that's another way of saying that they didn't get turned on. ............... A lot of them just can't get turned on much anymore! | |
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Posted: 11/19/2007 5:58:52 PM | | Sorry.You have me wrong.I'm not bashing women.I'm pretty sure there are plenty of women on here that have been with some men that could not turn them on.I'm just talking about my experience.I cannot speak for anyone else."AgelessWonder" I do not have a problem.She did.She just did not know how to please me.I have not had a problem since. | |
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