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| Impotence
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:04:43 PM | We know, collegeprince, we know  | |
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| Impotence
Posted: 11/19/2007 6:16:21 PM |
I do not have a problem.She did.She just did not know how to please me.I have not had a problem since. Did WE say any differently? You say you have no problem...it's gospel. Now if WE say we didn't have the problem.....well......nooo, not likely....we were probably fat or too aggressive, or whatever. I totally agreed with you. I didn't turn my ex on....so I left him free to find one who did. I found one 16 yrs younger than my (ex)....6 yrs younger than me....who had NO problem finding me attractive at all.....3 or 4 times a DAY....7 days a week!!!! LOL! after that....I had NO problem! Everyone should be happy now right? LOL! I surely know that after 13 years of being rejected....I sure was happy! LOL! I was dancin on the frikken ceilings! Been 10 years and my ex is still looking for one that can turn him on...maybe he's too picky. Not my problem anymore! | |
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Posted: 11/19/2007 6:52:56 PM |
my ex is still looking for one that can turn him on...maybe he's too picky.
I think a lot of guys are still looking ............ | |
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Posted: 11/19/2007 6:56:13 PM |
I think a lot of guys are still looking ............ LOL! well.....just shaking my head....dunno what to tell em. He said it was MY problem and I should solve it....so I did......guess he should take some of his own advice! LOL! | |
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Posted: 11/20/2007 6:51:12 AM | A good plan B will make up for the equipment not working, if intimacy is included.
If it is just about banging the bodies together, even if it works, there are too many other factors that would cause a guy to get a poor score. And it would not necessarily have anything to do with how well he did. Might have done good and smelled bad = thumbs down from the lady viewpoint.
Gotta be some intimacy. It is a tough way to find out there is none, naked, and with someone who does not truly care... | |
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Posted: 11/24/2007 8:54:42 AM | Tell a guy his package is a boo-boo or a wee-wee and he'll be instantly impotent!
Reminds me of an old joke:
Guy take a girl home and drops his pants. He says, "Ya know what this is?"
She says, "Yeah, that's a wee-wee!"
He says, "No Lady, that's a di*k!"
She says, "No, I've seen a di*k and that's a wee-wee!"
Jim | |
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| Impotence
Posted: 11/24/2007 9:09:29 AM | I am surprised at the number of women who are open to a impotent mate. Do we assume that these woman want to avoid sex? I have never had an incidence of impotency, but I don't have any other health issues either.
I'm surprised as well, because I most definitely am NOT. It's one thing if you're in a long-term relationship with someone, and things start to go wrong. It's a whole 'nother' thing, in my opinion, to begin a relationship where you know that's something you're likely to never get (shudder).
It has been well-known for years that many women do not have an orgasm from intercourse
WTH are you talking about? I'm sorry, but you are very, very misinformed.
and can supposedly deeply enjoy sexual relations without an orgasm.
No, what I'd be experiencing would be incredible frustration. Once you have one..you know exactly where those "enjoyable" feelings are going...and stopping before you get there is a bad, bad thing.
I do agree that many women don't orgasm. I have friends who don't. And every one of them lie to their significant others or husbands and say they do...because....it's so important to the man.
I strongly suspect that women who really don't care that much about the sexual part of the relationship are the ones who are saying that they don't mind if the man can't get an erection.
Collegeprince? I'd be very interested to hear what the new girlfriend does differently than your wife did. Men are generally very vague about what "good in bed" means. | |
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Posted: 11/27/2007 11:20:40 PM | What a typical "pass the buck opinion!" Once again, you missed the post which stated that AFTER divorce is filed....men generally take the issue serious enough to see a REAL doctor who doesn't blow smoke up your butt about it being the wifes fault. In my ex's case....he needed a TRIPLE BYPASS. So now, why don't you tell me where all the caring compassion was.... GrandmaBooBoo, I'm not sure why you reacted to my post this way....I was answering a question posed by kitticat about knowing when to stop doing things to try to get a rise out a man. My answer was essentially "Don't stop!" Whether it works or not, sheesh, it's fun to try.
I don't know why you mentioned anything about a divorce or blaming someone. Everything I wrote was a direct reply to kitticat saying to keep trying because as a man I'd apprecciate everything you did short or using my penis like a engine crank.
Ohhhh, let me see, now the heart problem was my fault for baking too dang many pies??? ...but I guess any lame excuse to pass the buck will suffice in the absense of a more reasonable argument. Pies are good. Why do you say baking too many pies is a problem?
I really don't understand why you gave me such nasty feedback...?!? | |
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Posted: 11/28/2007 7:23:10 PM | Desertbro: First of all, I was addressing your comments....NOT you. If you read your message # 91, you'll see that I positively agreed with you on the issue of SPEAKING UP! The problem I see with your views however is that they are somewhat contradictory. You say to be honest....but then to pretend that there's not really a problem.
GrandmaBooBoo, I'm not sure why you reacted to my post this way....I was answering a question posed by kitticat about knowing when to stop doing things to try to get a rise out a man. My answer was essentially "Don't stop!" Whether it works or not, sheesh, it's fun to try. I reacted this way to your post because I believe it to be "abusive" to kitticat and to any other woman who's dealt with this issue. You have in essence advised her to continue having her needs deliberately neglected (which is a form of abuse) by admonishing her "Don't Stop"!!!! For how long? 10 years? 50 years? 100 years? At what point is she allowed to reject the guilt for something which she is NOT responsible for? IF you have my other posts, you will see that I'm personally well aware of the EMOTIONAL trama which women suffer due to this "disease" which is most times so easily corrected; but which most men would rather BLAME their women for. The fact that you find me to be irresponsible and blatently without any compassion merely because I DID stop.....AFTER 13 years.....of guilt, and crying, and loneliness, and a loss of self esteem....YES, I did stop. And BECAUSE I finally did stop....my ex husband's LIFE was saved. Had I NOT stopped....he would have continued to BLAME me for another 100 years....and would NEVER have finally gone to a doctor who found that he needed a triple by pass.
Now, you state that :
keep trying because as a man I'd apprecciate everything you did short or using my penis like a engine crank. Ok, but tell us.....for HOW LONG? IS there ANY point in time when you will give HER emotional needs any consideration....at all?
My pie baking comment was a DIRECT QUOTE from my ED ex husband who NEVER hestitated to tell me that he couldn't do anything....so he wasn't about to initiate anything by even so much as telling me....gosh, you look good today....but he never hesitated to ask when I was going to do something for him...like bake his favorite pie.
Now I do understand that as a man you very likely see absolutely NOTHING wrong with these kinds of behaviors. But I'm not a man...nor is kitticat...and we DO have emotional needs as well as physical ones. I stand by my view that no woman should have to BE BLAMED for this condition, NOR should be be condemned as a quitter once it becomes completely evident that the man is NOT interested in HER needs. | |
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Posted: 11/29/2007 12:25:49 AM | GrandmaBooBoo : Msg: 105, kitticat's post -- She said she felt sorry for the man and asked directly what she could do that a man would still appreciate given they had ED. She said NOTHING about being neglected or feeling guilty. She said "frustrated" and "confused" which I took to mean she wasn't sure if her efforts were on the mark. I understand your situation was different, but I was answering kitticat's post, not yours. I don't know why you are slamming me for telling kitticat what she has done is quite alright in a man's eyes. THAT'S WHAT SHE ASKED ABOUT. (I did not respond to Msg 123)
I did not tell her to pretend there's no problem. Quite the contrary, I said avoid grabbing and yanking (that will not "fix" it).
The fact that you find me to be irresponsible and blatently without any compassion merely because I DID stop..... Huh? I didn't mention anything about your situation at all. I had no comment on your situation whatsoever....! WTH?
Ok, but tell us.....for HOW LONG? IS there ANY point in time when you will give HER emotional needs any consideration....at all? In Msg 105 kitticat made no mention about her needs----she asked SPECIFICALLY about what a man wants, and that's what I answered her about. Now you slam me for not anwering a question she didn't ask?!? | |
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Posted: 11/29/2007 1:37:21 AM | In message 105 you simply failed to recognize the underlying guilt trip that was just about to be over in lieu of the more emotionally health rejection of the blame for something which SHE had done everything conceivable to rectify...but NONE of it worked. It becomes quite clear in message 123
I'd love to know how a discussion topic of MALE IMPOTENCE could turn into an opportunity to bash women. So far, it seems that women are responsible for ED because 1. we put too much emphasis on sexual performance, 2. we are afraid of sex, 3. we don't know how to please a man, 4. he does not find us sexy or attractive, and maybe even because we 5. don't bake enough pies. Interestingly, if a woman has a problem reaching orgasm, that is ALSO her fault because she is frigid...hates men...afraid of sex...whatever else. I am glad our shoulders are so broad. It was inevitable that she, and most women who have the desire to be emotionally well balanced that would need to come to this point. Sorry that you're feeling picked on, once again, there's no need to feel it was a personal attack, it was NOT. I attacked your opinions which are those very typically designed to keep the woman feeling guilty and responsible for the condition. Someone needed to very firmly and positively grant her permission to STOP the abuse. This is absolutely NO different that any other abusive situation in which a woman finds herself and feels that maybe if she just tried a little harder....she can FIX things. She CANNOT.
Now you slam me for not anwering a question she didn't ask?!? Ohhhhhh, but she DID ask it....you just didn't see it because it wasn't in black and white in BOLD print. Message #123 makes that more apparent. If you want to understand women....then you seriously need to learn to "read between the lines" because as women we've learned that we must be extremely tactful and say what we need to say without actually saying it....otherwise we'd be deflating the male ego.....another monumental sin used to keep us feeling sorry for poor men who can't accept the truth....at their core, they don't care if she's satisfied or happy, or fulfilled or appreciated .....etc, etc, etc.
You only have to take a look at message 117 to see how men feel about women's needs
Kitticat,
The best answer I can give is that you should not be attached to his orgasm any more than he should be attached to yours. It has been well-known for years that many women do not have an orgasm from intercourse and can supposedly deeply enjoy sexual relations without an orgasm. It is THIS kind of judgement AGAINST women that attempts to keep us believing that we are ABNORMAL if we DO in fact enjoy sex. Once again, designed to tell us that we're far too demanding and selfish and should shut up and be happy we have a man to cook and clean for.....AFTERALL, that is our ONLY REAL purpose.
This poster has been there as well, she recognizes that it is a PROCESS....a very LONG and painful process.
Count yourself lucky that he's participating. Some get to the point where they just don't care at all, either about themselves or about you. At that point, if you are among those that still care, it's not likely that the relationship is going to make it. I've never quite understood why it has to work this way, but it seems to. E.g., I give marvelous hours long backrubs, which are exquisitely appreciated by the receiver, but from which my only pleasure is being aware of their pleasure. So why, in a loving relationship, something like that (or anything else that you do that pleases him) can't be "exchanged" for what pleases and pleasures you, puzzles me.
As men you read only the black and white...she doesn't understand, she's puzzled. What you miss in this statement....because this woman is a compassionate and loving wife who LONGS to BE PLEASING and DESIRED.....is that she's HURTING, and NEGLECTED, and DEVASTATED by his refusal to reciprocate even ONE morsel of the affection and attention that she has given him.
Now, if you must continue to think that everything said is directed to YOU, then I can't change that. You will believe whatever makes you feel like the victim. This thread was started by a WOMAN....and I have addressed WOMEN who have not yet made it through the stages of the process that some of the rest of us have.
If the conversation is too emotionally draining for you then perhaps YOU should start a thread and bash women for not accepting the blame for the condition. I believe it's fairly evident that this forum has moved more along the lines of offering support to the "silent victims" of ED. You seem to begrudge us (women) even a small space on a public blog to offer understanding and support to each other. We're NOT trying to dominate ALL of the millions of places where you men have to go for encouragement and support....why would you so vehemently deny US this tiny little space in which we can tell each other.....it's NOT your fault honey....you are NOT to blame for this, if you can't take it anymore and it's making you crazy....they you DO have the right to leave. That really ticks you off that women are capable of being that loving and supportive of each other???? How many of these women have you found a tear in YOUR eye for? How many of them have you just wanted to give a supportive hug and tell them....it's OK, you don't have to put up with this anymore....you've done YOUR best... Ohhhhhhh I see.....none??? You just want them to "don't stop"...keep on trying.....NO matter what it is doing to them. | |
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Posted: 11/29/2007 5:54:28 PM | Desertbro and BooBoo, I am so sorry...I didn't mean to cause all this ruckus! In a way, you are both right about my posts...let me explain.
Desertbro, you took my post #105 correctly. I was recently with a man that I cared deeply about, and as the relationship progressed, he revealed that he had been impotent for many years. I should have seen that coming, since I am in the health care field, and he was 57, an uncontrolled diabetic, with high blood pressure. But because the relationship had progressed to that point of wanting more intimacy, I asked him if he would consider seeing his doctor for a prescription... which he did. Unfortunately, even with the Viagra, he was not able to even obtain an erection, let alone sustain one or ejaculate. I'll not tell you all the tricks I tried, but suffice it to say that I'm pretty sure I know most of them and have a lot of patience to boot. No, no pulling, yanking or cranking...honest. I know he enjoyed all that I did...afterwards he looked at me with such love and said, "Bless you". So I have to believe that in some way it did feel good, but my question was...if your partner can't reach orgasm, how do you know when you're done? When is the stopping point? As Arugula mentioned, the feeling of being close to orgasm but unable to achieve it is a very, very frustrating feeling. It almost seems it would have been better not to try. I wonder if a man with ED feels so frustrated that it is better not to even try, or if he truly enjoys the efforts made toward physical intimacy and emotional closeness. And if he does enjoy the effort, how do you know when to stop? I guess the best case scenario would be that when he feels that he is ready to stop, he should just put his arms around you and give you a kiss and say something like, "Thank you, Honey...that was very, very nice...I enjoyed it even though it didn't turn out as I would have liked." At least that way you would know it was time to kiss goodnight and go to sleep. So, Desertbro, you had the correct take on the question, and I thank you for your response.
However, as the thread went on, it did seem to me that lots of people were saying "He must not care about the person", "He's probably not attracted to her", "She doesn't know how to please her man"...and although I was not the OP, I did take offense to these comments. The caring was there...on both our parts...of that I'm certain. My looks? I'm no 10, but he claimed to find me quite attractive, and I believe he was sincere. And, no, we didn't try just once, but numerous times. So I did post msg #123, stating that I didn't see how ED was suddenly the woman's fault...it seemed so ironic, since for years...before we found out more about our own bodies...we were also blamed for not having our own orgasms. The simple answer was that we were just frigid if we couldn't orgasm. I found it odd...no, insulting...that women were being blamed for male impotence. Nobody is to blame.. our bodies just get older, and certain health conditions cause it to not function so well. Why try to assign blame? So, Grandma BooBoo, I know that this is where you are coming from, and that you were supporting me in that comment.
So you are both right, and I am sorry for creating confusion by posting 2 very different takes on the original question.
Oh, and P.S., for the record, he did not neglect my needs, nor am I afraid of sex, nor am I willing to do without sexual intimacy just because I am willing to maintain a relationship with a man with ED. Without putting too fine a point on it, I'm sure we all know there are plenty of ways for women to get an orgasm without penetration...
Can we all just kiss and make up now?  | |
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Posted: 11/29/2007 6:29:53 PM | | kitticat: Thanks for the affirmation, and thanks for sharing your experience with us. | |
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Posted: 11/29/2007 7:43:46 PM | Ok, I'll say it. these days I need a forklift to get it up. I guess I may as well quit the site now. All the little fishies just swam away. .grin..
That said, I find real affection and closeness make a pretty good forklift, they just take a lot more time to develop now. My mind is all there but the carcass doesn't obey, not at the drop of a hat so to speak.
Lack of sexual stimulation is not healthy for men's sexual ability. "Use it or lose it" isn't just an excuse for sex. Several years of celibacy are sexually devastating, requiring some attention to resurrect. Every "failure" to perform sets the emotional pattern for it to be repeated. Diabetes would certainly play a role. My doctor says smoking is a major factor too. Blood circulation, performance anxiety, emotions, etc. Men are more complicated than you think.
I've had situations where women make the decision around the 3rd date that it's time to boink and I'm not ready. For all the complaints I hear that men just want sex, in the cases where I wasn't a ravenous animal when first invited, no second chance was given. Time's up, no discussion, you lose, goodbye.
If I ever find myself in that situation again, and at this point it looks doubtful, I'll take the stupid pill and discuss my inadequacies later. Hopefully the woman will be understanding and time together will bring the heat naturally. | |
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ultraJ
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Joined: 11/29/2006
Msg: 140 | |
| Impotence
Posted: 11/29/2007 8:10:49 PM | Tar,
At least you're getting the chances | |
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Posted: 11/29/2007 8:34:16 PM | To Viagra or not to Viagra, that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler on the website
To suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous females
Or to take arms against ED and by opposing end it?
To lie limp, to sag: no more!
And by not talking to the doc we end the heartache
And the thousand natural erections
That flesh is heir to.
To enlarge, to erect; to erect, perchance to wet dream:
Ay, there's the palm rub:
For in that sleep of priapism what dreams may come
When we have shlupped off this manly coil
Must give us orgasm!
--apologies to the Bard | |
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Posted: 12/6/2007 4:44:24 AM | Desertbro,
Very, very cute! You are pretty talented! | |
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Posted: 12/7/2007 2:39:11 AM | Let me first say how much us guys appreciate how some of the females on this Post who are poking fun at this serious problem that men have.
Next, with the high percentage of women who have stated on their profile:
“Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter”
I question, why this is a concern to women on this site anyway. | |
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Posted: 12/7/2007 11:26:34 PM | I'm surprised by the number of thoughtless posts in this thread.
Pleased by the excellent advice shared in others.
I won't stoop as low as some "ladies" here did.
I 'll avoid sharing details of my personal knowledge on this topic.
But I will share my general thoughts-
1- Satisfying a woman doesn't require a rock-hard penis.
2- ED is a medical condition. One that may or may not be overcome.
Men don't "chose" to have it. They "chose" how, and if to treat it.
Sometimes treament is too invasive or risky to warrant pursuing.
3- To belittle, or "out", a partner with a sensitive, personal medical concern,
in a forum is unforgiveably ignorant.
Any indiscretion toward a partner, current or former, is. | |
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Posted: 12/8/2007 3:13:47 AM | | I'm still a pup. 47. And I currently do not have "erectile" problems. But illness (like you said, diabetes) s a major factor as we get older. And yes, there are plenty of drugs to treat problems. But my friend is recovering from prostate cancer and can't have an erection. That hasn't stopped him from having a great marriage. Sex is great. Hopefully we had our day in the sun, and sowed our wild oats and such. But now that we approach our golden years, there are so much more fun things to do together, other than sex (still you can try various forms of sex that doesn't involve penetration) but go out, have good time. Travel. Kiss and cuddle. It beats being alone all the time. Unless you want to be. Now that the kids are grown up and away, it's time for the adults to play. | |
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Posted: 12/8/2007 3:33:10 AM | | I bet they didn't have much trouble recruiting live participants for their clinical trial for this drug !!!! | |
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Posted: 12/8/2007 6:10:50 AM | | Impotence can be cause by many factors, medication, emotionally, physically, and illnesses. Best think is to find the problem that is the cost of it and deal with it.. | |
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Posted: 12/8/2007 7:39:07 PM | Iagree.....there are many reasons for impotence.......drinking (alcohol) can also cause impotence. | |
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Posted: 12/9/2007 6:51:38 AM | | Stud service is not on my list of must-haves. I date several men who are impotent. It doesn't diminish their "manliness" in my eyes. | |
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Posted: 12/9/2007 8:07:40 AM | When you get to the age group that most people responding here are in, impotence is a common thing. Diabetes is a major cause, and there are MILLIONS of men walking around who do not know they are diabetic. In my case, I contracted diabetes due to exposure to Agent Orange in Vietnam. However, I had no reason to ever be tested for it, and it was almost 30 years later that I was diagnosed as diabetic.
Which explained a LOT of things....
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