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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/15/2007 11:30:01 AM | Well first let me say, I am sorry for the both of you. I cannot imagine how it feels to know this and then have to tell your child. I had cancer. When I found out I was in a state of shock. My first thought was how do I tell my children. I waited a few days before I told them. I think that you should tell your son that you need to speak with him about the doctor's appointments, he obviously knows something is up he is the one going to the doctors all the time. They are smarter than you think. I bet he is already thinking what is going on. I would tell him very calmly, without fear in your eyes. That would make him feel like he is doomed. Tell him that you found out that he has a sickness that is called AML and that he will have to get treatments for this. They might make him feel sick and they might not. I did not get sick from my chemo. I felt a little out of it a few days after but it passed. Always be as truthful as you can with out ever showing him that you are majorly concerned. Children will be watching for your reaction to this also and if you are freaking in front of him that will make him feel like he is going to die. Give him optomistic output. If he sees that you are not fearful he won't feel so bad. He will be scared. But there is nothing worse than a child who is sick and always seeing the parents reaction. Tell him the truth without all the worries(easier said than done) but if he feels you are optomistic that gives him hope and less worry. Being optomistic is a positive thing and sometimes helps a child get better. Be supportive and a lot of love. Tell him things as they come. some things you can tell ahead of it. Like honey the chemo might make you feel a little sick. but a lot of people do not feel sick. Don't get to heavy because he is going to have to deal with this news in his own mind and children will always think the worst if you are getting frustrated. Don't show him that in front of him. Have a support system for yourself, You will need it! If he sees you being calm that will ease his mind. The heavy stuff you can tell him as they go along. A little bit at a time at first is what I think. Just show him your strength and love and he will feel comforted and not so scared. If you need to talk you can contact me and maybe that will help.  Lafjoy a cancer survivor | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/15/2007 3:47:46 PM | | that is a hard one. my daughters are old enough that i could sit them down and talk to them openly about it but my son is only 6 so with him is a diffrent story. i don't have cancer but i have lupus and my daughters and i sat down and talked about what it is and looked up information on line together. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/15/2007 6:43:10 PM | | I beleive that would be a very good time to introduce our father into thier lives and what he asks of us from heaven though my own personally have an idea of who he is when there pets die or grand parents what do you tell them then? i tell mine that god really needed there help to watch over all the people still here so they dont get hurt to be his angels as well goes for the pets that have past on. So i guess if one of my children were diagnosed i would sit down and explain to them that god will need there help soon to become one of his angels so that you may take care and watch over us with his loving arms though there would be many tears cried for many nights and days and hours and minutes the fact is we want to make it a peacful passing and understanding not a fearful one | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/16/2007 10:01:43 PM | When I was nine my family was moving from the farm here to Australia. My day was a minister and they adopted most of our family. Thier social worker was introduced but my dad to her husband. They ended up joining our church and our families ended up buying land together, building houses and starting a farm together. As it happened, her dad went into a sudden coma so they left James and Joan (names changed) with my parents while they flew to Ontario to deal with that tragedy. My mom was a nurse and James fell ill very suddenly over a weekend- my parents ended up rushing him to U of A hospital one night a week after his parents had been gone. He was diagnosed with a tumour the size of a orange around his heart and no chemo was about to cure it.
I remember my mom didn't have to tell James how serious it was and even as a 9 year old farm kid, I was in awe of how a 7 year old kid just knew. My parents were in a real hard place and had to get James' parents back from Ontario and tell them- and too boot, our plane tickets were purchased, our house purchase made in Australia, jobs lined up to start there and not to mention the logistic of having to move our family of 12 across the planet- all within the next month over Christmas.
Did God let everyone down in this situation? To this day I can't answer that one. As a parent of two healthy kids I remind myself constantly how fortunate our life is. As it happened, James passed away two months after we left, their family split up. He was our childhood friend and all he asked was that we play and hang out with him same as we always did.
I have tried to pull some good from this in James memory in how I live my life. One of my best friends marriage broke up last year after him and his wife lost thier baby during childbirth. The only time he ever talked to me about it was to ask that when he invited me over for pizza and beer and to watch a movie, that I do it because he would be down and did not want to be alone- not to talk about the situation, but to just be there. So we ate and drank and watched a movie tonight- if James passing taught me anything, it was to just be there with them. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/17/2007 12:29:16 AM | just alittle update for anyone keeping up with this post...my son went to the doctor on friday and he starts his treatment next week...well he is still handleing this well in his own way...i think he is scared but doesnt so it or he is just not scared...tonight when i went in to tuck him int bed i sit down on the bed and gave him a kiss and hug he then looked at me and told me everything is going to be ok and he is going to be ok so i shouldnt worry...hes a smart little boy and i love him for that...like many of you have said kids know things that are going on before we do or we tell them and they seem to handle things better then we do...which now i do believe that alot...my son has handled this very very well
thanks for everyones messages they help me when i read them and if you would just like me to tell you how he is personally doing and not read this..(even though i will post updates as soon as i can on here)...just message me and if you cant let me know and ill message you or work out to where you...thanks and take care everyone | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/17/2007 12:55:18 AM | one of my friends sent me this poem about 5 years ago...it was having to do with something else in my life at the time...i thought i would share it just becuz i like it...i know i shouldnt think of the worst and i will try my hardest not too...i know there are always people i can talk to...alot of thanks goes out to people who have a taken the time to read and post on this one..heres the poem...its kinda bitter sweet i guess you would call it
A Child Is Loaned
"I lend to you for a little time
A child of mine," He said,
"For you to love the while he lives,
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty-two or three,
But will you, till I come back,
Take care of him for me?"
"He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
And should his stay be brief,
You'll have his lovely memories,
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return,
But the lessons taught down there,
I want this child to learn."
"I've looked this world wide over,
In my search for teachers true,
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labor vain,
Nor hate me, when I come to call,
To take him back again?"
"I fancied that I heard them say:,
'Dear lord! Your will be done,
For all the joy your child shall bring,
The risk of grief will run;
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.'"
"'But should the angels call for him,
Much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand.'"
Author Unknown | |
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Aronel
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Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 36 | |
| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/17/2007 2:40:04 PM | Dear SeeMeForWhoIAm
Everyone here has given you such good advise I dont know what i can add.
I too have a child diagnosed with leukemia (ALL). My heart goes out to you and your son.My daughter was diagnosed in june 2006 when she was 4. (9 mnths ago)and is still undergoing treatment.
We were very honest and open with her from the start . She is such an amazing person, she is my hero. We were open to her asking any questions that she needed to.We tried to let her set the pace of what kind of information she wanted to know(ie: death and dying). You are going to face some really tough questions,your answers will reflect your belief system.
I could share with you my experience if you would like.
Children are very resilliant and they dont seem to have the same perspectives on life that we do. I think it is because of the fact that children only really know life and surviving ,that they seem to be able to handle these things better than most adults. We tried to stay as positive as we could, and walk in faith.
AML is a tough one but we can be thankful that there have been so many advances in treatment. I will pray for you and your dear boy.
Surround the both of you with loved ones and support. Try to keep the faith . Please keep us updated!
These are from my girl to your boy         
I would love to here from you about how your son is doing, i cant message you because i am in Canada, | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/17/2007 3:42:08 PM | | I guess a child will be watching how you are reacting to it!!! If you are not fretting around him and are positive and 'normal' then the child will be just the same!!! He will pick up on your anxieties and worry. If you take it all in your stride and and handle it well, then so will he, you are the most important person in his world and he is learning from you!!!! I wish you both well x | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/17/2007 8:26:27 PM | God, OP, I am so sorry. That is such a hard thing for all of you to deal with. I work as an RN in a pediatric unit, and I know several of our leukemia families very well. There have been so many wonderful advances in treatment that have happened over the last few years. The kids seem to not only be surviving longer and recovering more, but living a better quality of life overall. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope your son recovers fully from this illness (I just freaking hate cancer....)
To answer your question, I am sure your son already knows that something is wrong. I would sit him down, tell him that he has leukemia, and it is making him sick. You could try explaining to him that his body is made from cells, and some of those cells aren't working like they should. Tell him that the doctor will give him medicine and radiation to try to get rid of the cells that aren't working right. I think you have to keep it simple, but answer his questions as honestly as you can. I would explain to him what the doctor wants to do for treatment, and try to be as open and honest with him as you can.
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/17/2007 8:50:50 PM | I didnt read your profile so i dont know where you live
but im sure there are some places u can go to where u can talk to other parents who have children with cancer and they can help you better.
Or perhaps do a google search and find a message board that helps parents.
For us on here to give you advice on something we have never experienced would not be wise. This is a very delicate and serious madder.
I will pray for your son, you and your family. May God keep you strong for your son. And may God help your son with a pseedy recovery
God Bless you | |
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beck11
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Joined: 7/27/2005
Msg: 40 | |
| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/17/2007 9:26:05 PM | I can not answer regarding cancer, as I have not been faced with that situation. I do have a 9 year old son who was diagnosed with diabetes at the age of 4. Most might say this is not a fair comparison, but it rocks your world hard. We have stayed positive throughout the trails and tribulations of dealing with the disease, and have never held him back from anything because of it. He is active in many sports and activities and tests both of his parents (divorced) daily for his freedom and independance as would any kid his age.
I would like to believe, if it was cancer, we would have dealt with it in the same manner, head-on with a positive attitude. The child deserves no less. I feel deeply for anyone who is in this position and best of luck to those who are!
M | |
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rm2
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Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 41 | |
| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/18/2007 5:39:15 AM | hi
Although both me and my husband had to tell our son that his father had an extremely rare cancer , I cannot imagine you having to tell your son that it his him that has cancer.
I can only say to you that what we did was told him everything from the begining as you know you tell them too, some people suggested i not tell him until we knew more but that would have been such the wrong decision and would have made telling my son that his father only had a few days was not easier but more acceptable to him as he knew from the start that expectation was low but postive thoughts are also important
My son was 11 at the time & we worry as parents that they will be unable to accept it, but believe me kids are more reslient than you think and more aware than you can imagine this all happen to us within 8 weeks from start to finish and im so glad we told him from word go, because he is an amazing young man now that way you can deal with each day as it comes together
It is unfortunatley not something anyone can advise you how to do because the words you use will come naturally from you because you know him better than anyone and he will accept what you say to him because your are his dad ...
Try and make him understand that cancer is not a nasty word its just something that can happen to me you or the garden post....and we will deal with it together
i hope i have helped you in some way and if i can anymore please let me know
be lucky x | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/18/2007 2:00:29 PM | | ok i got another question can someone tell me what the different stages of cancer are i know they range 1 through 4.the doctor tried to explain it but you know the how that goes with all the doctor terms.thanks for your help. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/18/2007 2:46:14 PM | this link might be of some use... it is very people friendly and anyone will be able to understand the going ons with medical terms..... have a look around.... they have everything from what is done to living with it..
http://www.leukaemia.org.au/web/aboutdiseases/leukaemias_index.php
in honor of your son..... i gave a friend an extra $50 bucks to go from a 2blade shave to a smooth as a babies bottom in the worlds greatest shave that happened over the last few days here.... i dont know if you have it over there.... but it is wonderful seeing everyone getting together raising money for this and willing to shave their heads or colour their hair for this curse.... hopefully this year we have done even better then ever and the money raised goes towards helping families and also is funding the medical research for find a cure. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/19/2007 11:49:57 AM | | i just want to tell everyone again thank you for everything it means alot that people can help like this and share their stories with me.if you do have a good experience with it please let me contact you. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/19/2007 5:59:51 PM | There has been lots of good advice sent to you. Children are very strong and will take in what they need to know and then ask more questions as they need to. The unknown makes us afraid. What we do know can make us strong, you and your child. your child will amaze you ,they are smart, he may already feel like you are holding something back from him. Be as honest and as loving as you can. Crying is OK. My thoughts are with you and your family. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/20/2007 9:47:38 AM | | just to let everyone know if i dont post for a few days it becuz my son is having his first treatment today this afternoon.im trying to keep a postive thinking and everything but its hard to do that.ive already broke down a couple of times (not in front of him) and i didnt sleep last night even though i knew i should have.i guess this is just the start of it all and look at me already.i dont know how this is going to be but i know ill always be there for my son.if you understand thanks for understanding. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/20/2007 11:50:02 AM | Sometimes we need and have to be strong but in a way it is okay for him to see that it's okay to be scared and that sometimes we don't have all the answers.
I am thinking positive thoughts that your son will come through this with flying colours and that he is really lucky to have a dad like you.
Just knowing you love him and care for him will help him to beat this.
I know that my kids are what kept me going.
And just spend time with him doing the things he loves talking about the things that interest him and whatever is on his mind.
Take care of yourself so you can take care of him.
This is a great place to come.
Lots of friendly and caring ppl. | |
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Aronel
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Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 50 | |
| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/20/2007 12:22:24 PM | hey there
I should have wrote this the last time:I am sorry I did not get this to you last night when you needed it most.
After the first day I felt this incredible sense of peace and relief... I knew that my daughter was going to be alright. I just knew deep down in my soul that she was in the best place she could be! Before the first day she looked so sick it tore my heart out, but when she started getting the transfusions she got her color back and started getting her energy back.She could actually smile again! I think that was the biggest gift ever. This is just the beggining of the end of that nasty disease, your son is going to beat it!!! They know so much more about leukemia now.
Kids do so much better than adults recovering from this disease and they seem to handle the chemo much better too. Your son is going to win!!! And I hope you will see the improvements very soon.
Try to not be afraid...remember he will win.
And do not worry how you will handle it because you have more strength in you than you can ever know, do not be afraid to reach out to the people around you. It will get better.
Best hopes and wishes to you
Loni | |
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