| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/23/2007 8:33:09 AM | Hi there, just wondering how you both are doing? Don't feel afraid to cry, tears are a way to release your fears, and your happiness. You have a wonderfull relationship with your son, and maybe this will be a long and hard road that you have started on, but remember your not alone, we may be thousands of miles apart, but be happy in the knowledge that all of us that are replying to your updates are all sending love and get well wishes for you all Keep strong, and a smile on your face no matter how hard it gets
Helen | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/23/2007 5:54:02 PM | | Well i've actually spent lots of nights thinking of different senerios I would come up with to different situstions such as this one. I am a single mother of a boy who is gonna be 3 this june and my answer to this question is that you really don't tell them that you have cancer because children don't ubderstand what that means. I would at a young age explain that mommy has caught a bug just like the flu that they get but this bug is alot worse. Over time it will make mommy very sick and may stay with me for a long time or may never ever leave because this bug really likes mommy's body so it's movin in. your gonna see me get sick or feel tired many times and we may not always be able to do the things we always do but when mommy goes to all her doctors appointments to get better then we can play anything you want to. at this point if you really thought you needed to tell them it's cancer then tell them the bug has a name and it's name is cancer. I would make it interesting and easy for the child to understand. I supose this senerio might change for a child over the age of 10, but thats what i would say. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/24/2007 4:14:28 AM | just let you all know that my son did ok with his treatments that he had...we stayed in the hospital and hes now back at home as of thursday...ive just been spending time with him and being there for him...i think the first hard spot we got over..which helps both of us believe that we can get over the next spot
thanks and have a good weekend | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/25/2007 10:58:00 AM | "God would not put you through what he knows you cannot handle"
Not a big bible thumper, but sometimes these words can give you strength. From what I can tell, yes it is extremely difficult thing you are going through. But you will find whatever way that will help you through this. You and your son will always share this incredible bond, and no child could have a more caring father. He will always still be your child and always will seem to have more courage than any little man could have. Children are wonderous like that. :) | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/25/2007 3:39:14 PM | I think for me... it would be a hard talk... My mother in law died of cancer... so my daughter knows what it is... I shave my head to help raise money for childhood cancer research almost every year... and my daughter is currently growing her hair out, so she can cut it and donate it to locks for love (they make wigs for kids undergoing cheemo)....
There would be a lot of prayer, and a lot of tears.... We have seen both sides of cancer... my mother in law died, but my cousin lived....
I'm glad to hear your son is going thru treatments and things are going well... I will add him in my prayers!
Good luck! | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/26/2007 3:38:23 PM | so after this weekend i had the hardest time of my life..well i know that some points will be harder but this is the first time..it was a nice weekend here and Kj had fever off and on most of the weekend i had to watch him to make sure that it didnt get too bad..the bad part was that he wanted to go outside and play all weekend but i told him no becuz of him having the fever...i felt so bad for him becuz he just wants to be a kid and he cant be..i feel bad for keeping him inside all weekend and i wish that i didnt have too...i thought that i would just share this with you...his fever went down for now and he seems to be doing fine...the start of the month he is going to go back to school
have a good day and week | |
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ladii
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Joined: 3/13/2007
Msg: 59 | |
| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/26/2007 11:01:30 PM | | I would be open and honest and tell them at an age-appropriate level. They need to understand what's happening to their bodies. Fear of the unknown is a lot worse then fear of the truth. Be open and honest and support them every step of the way. Treat them like children before their illness and soak up as much knowledge for them. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/27/2007 2:59:10 PM | In a few years time, when he understands things that little bit better, he will understand why his dad didn't let him out to play that one day, and will realise that you did it because you love him so much.
You are doing incredibly well hun and so is your son. All the best. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/27/2007 4:52:23 PM | My heart and special prayers go out to you and your beautiful son. I was brought to tears reading this thread. You are a special man, and an even more special Father. God Bless you. Your son is extremely lucky to have you in his life as his primary caregiver. I only wish all Dad's could be just like you.
You are doing the best you possibly can in this most sinful scenario you have been given in life. Stay strong, and don't be afraid to let it all out when you are alone. You need to do this. Our thoughts are with you both. Take care. xo | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/27/2007 5:30:33 PM | your son has an amazing father,and you already know how amazing that little boy is! Keep positive and know that we are all thinking of you.
you are handling things 1000x better then I think I would in the situation and just remember that God only gives us what we can handle, whether we know that at the time or not...stay strong and take care of yourself and that beautiful child. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/28/2007 4:23:22 AM | ITS HARD TO TELL A CHILD THAT BECAUSE THEY DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS AND WHERE IT COMES FROM !! IN MY FAMILY THERE ARE 2 KIDS THAT HAD CANCER SO YOUNG ANDTHEY ARE GREAT NOW AND KNOW NOW THAT THEY STILL HAVE IT ANDTHERE GOING TO BE FINE WITH DOCTORS THAT HELP THEM OUT!!
MAY 4 I FIND OUT IF I HAVE BRAIN CANCER ANDITS HARD FOR ME CAUSE I HAVE 2 KIDS UNDER 2 YEARS OLD SO ITS HARD JUST FOR ME TO BE TOLD *CRYSTAL WE THINK YOU HAVE BRAIN CANCER AND WE NEED TO FIX IT SOON*
AND THIS HAPPENED TO ME ON CHRISTMAS DAY SO ITS HARD HAS HELL TELLING KIDS !!!!!!!
CRYSTAL | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/28/2007 4:48:43 PM | | thats a hard one and age does play a role. but it would take awhile but i would tell them the truth because after time there going to no somethings wrong. but i would say like mommy sick or daddy sick and see were they say and tell them the truth i wouldnt keep it from them. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/28/2007 5:02:38 PM | I have been thinking about this a lot as I am going in for an ultrasound for a lump that has been persistent and that the doctors cannot determine with other methods what it is. It's probably nothing, but I would be lying is I said the thought had not crossed my mind. So it's an afternoon of blood work, biopsy and a little fear.
It was a wake-up call to re-do my will, which has not been updated in 3 tears. I have since talked with my family, and my insurers, and am getting the document notarized here at the office tomorrow.
I fhtis thread does nothing else, hopefuly it will remind single parents how critical it is to have an updated will, being updated every 3 years or when circumstances chage (you buy a house, you purcahse new life insurance, etc). | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/29/2007 2:03:43 AM | My daughter had a 'wilms tumour' ( tumour in her kidney) when she was 4and a half yrs old, so going into great detail wasnt going to help anything, we told her she had bad lump in her tummy called cancer and always always told her what was happening as far as medicine, treatment,etc. we told her that some people can die from cancer other people dont die, but we hoped she would be one of the ones to 'not die' as long as we were honest with her she was fine, didnt do anything like not tell her she was being visited to have finger prick for blood, even at 4 - 5 yrs old she wanted to know what was going on.
my advice is be honest with everyone about it as much as it is difficult and so very painful..... thankfully my daughter is fine and is now 15yrs old ........ good luck to anyone having to deal with this............ | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 3/29/2007 2:56:42 AM | it depends on the child and what kind of cancer. when a child gets this dx, there are counselors who will help both parent and child with this question. in general, you allow the child to direct the level and intensity and intervals of questioning. please ask your oncologist for the appropriate therapist who specializes in cancer. not only before and during treatment but afterwards to make sure the fear is dealt with. also the cancer counselor can go over the stages of cancer, etc. as well as the difference levels of seriousness. for example, some cancers are more dangerous but are contained and some are less dangerous but are spreading. so a dr. normally doesn't have the time to explain it all, but the counselors and therapists do. if this is all office based and outpatient, then ask the local hospital --either cancer center or community education.
best wishes to you both. you will do well, one day at a time. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/5/2007 1:51:01 AM | | i know you all havent heard from me in awhile...ive got alot of things going on and this is all getting hard...i know i should take care of myself but i dont know its hard...i dont know when the last time i slept all night has been or eaten alot...i just want him to get well but i dont know...it seems like all this is just worse...he went back in the hospital last weekend but is out now and is as good as he can get right now...somedays i just look at him and i dont know what ill do or how ill go on if anything happens to him...i love him to death he is the only child of mine i got left...dont get me wrong i love Luke the one im raising thats not mine but it is hard to think that your family line ends now...i know it does for sure becuz he wont be able to have kids when hes older...i dont know maybe im just being bad for saying all this...im just blah anymore and you think about alot i guess...plus the 4th was the day my best friend passed away so im having a hard time with that...then there was something else that went on in my life that is making everything hard...i just want to say thanks for everyone that has showed caring and everything even though i just got on here tonight for the first time in awhile...sorry about that..take care and thanks again | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/5/2007 7:08:00 AM | Honestly I don't want to give an answer and just hope and pray that I will never have to do such a thing. IF that was ever to happen I will deal with it the best I can at the time.....mostly with God's help.
Edit:
OP....I just read beyond the original post.....I am so sorry. I don't know what else to say. May God be with you and your child in your time of need. All I can say is to pray, pray as much as possible. Ask for guidance and for healing. I don't want to tell you that I understand because no one can possibly understand the pain you are feeling unless they have or are going through it themselves. I can only imagine.
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/5/2007 10:57:25 AM | I love how the tele always brings interesting topics.
After my shock and many tears - I would lean on the only source I have ever found to be true to me - God. God would give me the strength to stand up strong (like ~ Elizabeth Glaser of Pediatric AIDS Foundation ~ Now there is a true inspiration)
I would then take the strength I was given and carry my four children through the fight together to help the one stricken. Hopefully filling them all with the strength to survive - and help pull others through as you go along.
My children have taught me that there is nothing more important than their well-being and happiness. With this all falls into place - and trust me, I have almost lost a child to illness, lost a son to drugs and deal with the riducule of attention deficit disorder. But I plan to slide into home base with all in tow and possibly a few good lost souls I have picked up along the way who strengthen my belief, spirit, strength and make me proud to be their friend. (Michael - the Elf, Verdawn, Robyn.... )
You would be surprised how many people out there are going through, have gone through the worst and made it. Listen and Love one another.
~ Prayer - Many thanks God for the blessing to have known my Arthur of 22 and Cy's Cody of 14 and may you forgive Mimi and Joe of their shortcomings and help them to find peace. | |
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pbrfan
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Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 71 | |
| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/5/2007 12:19:10 PM | | I think that one thing to remember is that children know alot about cancer from listening to adults and media attention. I would make sure they understood the statistics instead of forming a terrifying fear of the outcome always being death. I think I would put more emphasis on the people who have survived. Experts are now saying that treatments are so effective that they are starting to treat cancer as a disease that is maintained, like diabetes. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/6/2007 4:38:22 AM | Hard!! I have never had to do this, but my friend's daughter has leukemia diagnosed around age ten. I remember her saying that the psychologist suggested that she and her husband go for counselling, because for many parents, the child will come to terms and accept the diagnosis and get on with life, while the parents have th hardest time. Marriages break up with the stress. The parents never recover fully from the potential loss of the child. My friend's daughter has gone through chemo and is doig really well these past few years. But the danger of relapse will always be there.
I have another friend whose baby boy was born with a major heart issue. He spent his first year of life in hospital, undegoing various surgeries. She and her husband had to decide to just let him lead a normal life, but knew that he could die anytime and prognosis was not good. He did die at age 12, at school, just put his head down on his desk and didn't wake. The parents did split up during all this. Later on, they got back together and ended up having another child - a healthy baby girl. Strong and resilient people.
Blue Moon II | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/6/2007 2:09:37 PM | Oh I love you for sharing these stories.
Good advise - it is always nice to pick up your pieces and take them in to a psychologist to get glued back together... especially if you can do it for free on insurance. If not, try a university. They always have additional avenues. Sessions are a good way to glue yourself back together. Plus his friend's son has got to be at an all time low now. It would really be good for the kids too.
Thanks again, I will cherish those true stories you shared! | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/8/2007 6:25:42 AM | Hi there, you are going through the hardest thing in the world, and yet you feel you have to apologise, you have nothing to apologise for. Me I would be ranting at the world, about the injustice of life. This is going to be a rollercoaster ride, your going to have ups and downs, just like that wonderfull lad of yours, as long as you stick as a family, show love to them all, you will get through this. Keep thinking positive and know that we are all thinking about you all
Take care and keep us posted when you can
Helen | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/8/2007 11:18:01 AM | Well I would be honest with your son and tell him the truth about his illness but tell him when it has sunk into you and when you are ready , you could let him sit down and watch a program on it with you and explain that the person in the programm has the same illness as your son. I have worked with elderly people with cancer (i worked as a care asst in an elderly care home) I have cared for them getting through the illness and some not so lucky. I do hope you manage to tell him when you are ready , I have had to tell relatives that their gran or mother or aunty has cancer ,I have to admit it isn't easy. best of luck to you mate, hope you both pull through it together.  | |
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