| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/19/2007 7:19:09 PM | I guess that being a mum and a nurse I find it a hard thing to express diagnosis with anyone let alone if it were one of my own. I think the worst thing you can do is hide things. Being honest and siting down a few times in a row to explain to your son, in order for him to understand. Little at a time so he under stands.
The problem with the "c' word is that from the moment anyone hears it they begin to greive. Getting some good advice and support from social worker or greif counsellor can help you to stay strong because he really needs you to hold it together. You can build yourself up to show him that you are not afraid. You will build strength from this experience along with you son. Try to keep as normal routine as you can, having friends come to play and chatting to the parents of those friends to help his friends understand that you are focused on healing and remaining positive.
The good person you sound you are, I am sure the moment will come and you will have the courage to tell him without fear. Children are very resiliant,the unconditional love they have for us parents is enlightening iI'm sure you will get through this. I wish you all the best, have faith inyour self he needs you. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:51:59 PM | | thanks you mare29 for the st judes thing ive been told alot to take him there...but the hospital that he goes to and was in works with st judes...they are interlinked or something like that...they have docs from st judes...thank you anyways that means alot that you put that up there | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/20/2007 1:05:36 AM | My son is about your son's age. I know he finds comfort and release in journaling. I bought him a journal a few years ago when my ex and I split, and he's filled it with his thoughts, jokes, song lyrics, poems, and other things that were on his mind. Children that age are savvy; they're not stupid kids. Level with your son. Be honest. Be optimistic, but don't give him false hope. Talk about death, and if you believe in God or afterlife, discuss it with him. Answer his questions. Don't skirt any issue that he wants to talk about. Kids often try to hide things or "man-up" in order to prevent their parents from worrying. Remind him that you are there to take care of him. Remind him that the cancer and the resulting stress, sickness, and problems are NOT his fault. Above all, make sure he knows how well-loved he is. I worked in health care for years, and honesty twinged with hope and delivered with love is always the best policy.
You need to take care of yourself, or you will be no good to your son. Force yourself to eat. Sleep when you can. Ask for help. Everyone around you understands that you are maxed out, and they are probably wondering what they can do to show their concern. Let them help you. Also, don't be afraid to acknowledge your fears, anger, etc over not having grandchildren or any other issues that arise. Don't beat yourself up for being human.
I wish only the best outcome for you and your son. Blessings on your family. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/20/2007 1:18:34 AM | I just want to say I wish and pray for the best for your little guy. I can't imagine how difficult that must be. What a tough little guy he will be after he fights it and gets well | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/20/2007 8:35:42 PM | I'm glad you guys mentioned St. Judes...my daughter who is 6 and in the first grade raised $200 on her own doing a math-a-thon for St. Judes. It meant everything to her and she was very proud at what she accomplished. I'm glad your hospital is associated with them and I want you to know that your son is always in my thoughts and prayers (as are you)...Please take care, both of you...  | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/25/2007 10:53:27 AM | | i want to tell everyone thank you for you care and thoughts...i just wanted everyone to know that my son passed away last night at 2:32am...he was asleep when it happened...im still in shock but i know ive had alot of support from here...i just wanted to let you all know that...i will give more info later if you would like it or you can message me | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/25/2007 11:51:42 AM | | I am really sorry to hear about this. As a parent, this has got to be one of our biggest fears so I am truly sorry this is happening . I just want to say , however, that I think it's really great you are sensitive to his needs, trying to make sure you tell him in the right way so as not to upset him too much. I think there is probably no "right" way to do this, but what matters most is that he senses that you care about him and will help him through anything. That is what I think he needs more than even information. Children just want to feel safe and know they are taken care of. I am hoping your health insurance is working with you and they are giving you everything you need. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/25/2007 1:08:14 PM | | I would be as honest as possible....kids are smart. They know when something is wrong. Show them some respect and tell them the truth. It's awful, but it's better than lying or withholding the truth. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/25/2007 1:28:36 PM | Speaking as a parent who had to......
Be honest and upfront, children are a lot smarter than we think especially when something is wrong.
Tell them what is happening and what will....knowledge is power and in this case it reduces stress and fear of the unknown.
Let them have an opinion, even small children have feelings and need to be heard. Include them in the process.
Be a support but honest, share your fears (not dump or rely on them) showing you're vulnerable reassures them that what they feel is ok.
Love them the same as before, even if you feel more or less.....consistency, normalacy are critical.
Be There in the moment, treasure every detail and take care of yourself. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/25/2007 1:56:24 PM | firstly i am so sorry for ur loss, you and your family are in my thoughts i hope you find the strength to get through this very sad and hard time. i hope you have a lot of support from family and friends.
i also hope you can see that hes not in pain anymore and will be looking down on you wishing your pain away.
xxx | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/25/2007 6:06:56 PM | | I am so sorry for all that you've had to bear, and I wish you comfort and strength for the days, weeks and months that lie ahead. My thoughts and prayers are with you. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/25/2007 7:36:14 PM | There are no words of comfort or prayers to be said that can bring your angel back to you, but know that your other son is going to need you more now then ever before and to know that you grieve too and that its ok to be sad but to also remember the good things about his brother.
Love is a gift, the love of a child, regardless of their time with us, is a priceless gem, unfaltered and always pure....
Take that love you had for him and he had for you and know that he his watching you and wants only the best life for you and your family...
our greatest life is when we are in our dreams awake....
my prayers and thoughts as always are with you.... | |
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Aronel
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Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 120 | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/26/2007 2:50:49 PM | Aweomse question! Very thought-provoking!
I am a single mom of 3 sons who are 17½, 15 and 10½. I have been the type of person and mom that I say it as it is and deal with whatever comes my way. I like to be prepared and ready, as best as I can anyway.
Personally, my dad died of cancer and I watched him through the last 3½ months of his life and I learned a lot as to what to do or say during such a time. Mind you, everyone is very different even in the same situation.
I would be prepared, start off with getting everything in order, legally. Where will the kids go if I die, what happened to them, my estate etc. Once I had everything in that way in place then I would contact family members as my back-up, get them prepared so if the kids find they would want to talk to someone other than me then everyone is on the same page. When the time came for me to sit down with the kids I would do as I have always done, set it out as best as I know how, with what info I have and then sit with them and listen to what questions, comments and even tears that need to be wiped. I would let me kids feel secure about what will happen over the course of the cancer and then what will happen afterwards (if I were to die). I want my kids to know that no matter what, I love them, they are loved by others, and they will always be taken care of.
Does that help? lol I feel all mumbo-jumbo in thoughts now! lol What a topic to bring up ... really gets a mind and emotion pumping. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/26/2007 3:17:58 PM | see_me_for_who_i_am,
I'm thinking of you, your family and friends
and wishing you all hope in the midst of sorrow,
comfort in the midst of pain.
With Heartfelt Sympathy...
Rosemary aka luv2mwah
of BC, Canada | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/26/2007 7:46:17 PM | In you and your roommates little boy, your son's spirit lives on. Know he loved you so very much and I am sure he is so sorry for the early departure. Someone upstairs must sure know there is some strength in you. I know I can read it between the lines.
You give your roommates son a super big hug from Vegas. In each other there is comfort. If I could reach into my pockets right now, I would send you both to Disneyland, Anaheim. I know the mouse could bring you smiles, just like he did Walt at his lowest point in his life - and look at his family now. Forever changed by a little mouse.
Prayers To You Forever ~ Lynn | |
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darzz
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Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 124 | |
| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/26/2007 8:17:20 PM | | Hi, tonite i read your question and as i read my heart broke for you, im so sorry your son passed on, i wanted to message you but being from canada i wasnt allowed so i had to comment here . I couldnt imagine what you are going through, for myself right now im going through a devorice its horriable im having a hard time dealing, but to lose a child, i couldnt deal like you said in one of your postings god only gives you what you can handel, and obviously you are a strong man and you will get through this it takes time so im told time only meaning that the heart wont feel as broken cause your heart will always be broken. Children are the greatest gift just remember you were blessed to have your son and he will be watching over you at all times i feel for you, take care, God Bless. | |
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| i got question for all the parents out there
Posted: 4/26/2007 9:24:07 PM | if i was in that position i would seek professional advise on the best way to not only break the news but to educate to the best of my childs learning abilities what was happening to him and what treatment would be used . but it also depends the child's age too. i have a 3 year old and i know he would not be able to grasp the concept of what was about to happen.
but if i was on my own i would have no idea how to tell my child . DON'T WATCH TV LATE ANYMORE | |
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