| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 3/12/2007 4:41:11 PM | Independent woman aren’t but when they add that bossy, demanding, threatening, I don’t need you crap.. Yes they are.
If your in a relationship… that means TWO not one.. Independent means one. I think Guys need to be needed just as much as woman do. | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 3/13/2007 12:22:06 AM |
Hmmm... I thought you were still living with your ex-husband.
Yes, I am...and he's a great roommate. Does a guy having a roommate make him dependant?? Nope. If I had a female roommate, or a gay guy, would you think I was dependant on them? Nope. We split the bills 50/50, and don't have a joint bank account. What's the difference? A piece of paper? | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 3/13/2007 3:28:48 AM | depends how you refer to independant,
if it was you can change the tire if you had a flat, or able to do DIY things without help thats great as is if you are clingy and jealous.... thats also great | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/23/2007 10:43:58 AM | My exwife and now possible ex Gf were both firstborns. That is often a trait for independant women. But very single person is different. While my recent GF was the most loving sweet and attentive lady I have ever known, any type of decision she made had very little to do with me. Most recently, and frustrating to me, was the night she called to say she quit her second job as a park caretaker, and got a new place to live. Now I knew she didn't think we would be compatible living together (since I am a slowly recover slob at home). But she didn't even ask me if I wanted to help her find an apartment or drive her around to look or anything! One person on my thread (and the only one to reply, woe is me) said her big decisions had nothing to do with me and were none of my business since we weren't married. But I was not concerned about the "budget" or anything since we didn't live together or share that stuff, I just thought it would be nice and "normal" to let your boyfriend of 1-2 years know whats in your head, what your plans are, and if I had any thoughts. That's what I call an independant woman! At least I was warm and a good kisser... | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/27/2007 5:10:14 PM |
“How can I ensure that I don't push men away? Does anyone have any guidelines they'd like to share?”
- don’t shove it in their face
- don’t even talk about it
- forget the words “independent woman” (you know you are - you don’t need to tell people)
- don’t try to blur the line between male and female
- don’t play that Helen Redding (sp) song too loud when the guy is around (it might sound like “I am woman watch me roar”
That was pretty good. | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/27/2007 5:37:25 PM | It's inherent for men to be "doers". If independant, to a woman, means, "You sit down... I'll do it." all you are accomplishing is humiliating him. Men have this need to do things for their mate. Telling a man you have his qualities and prefer it to be that way well, you will not like the end result.
One thing that drives me nuts is when I am out with a woman and she doesn't wait for me to open the door for her. Especially once I comment, "I'll get the door" and she, in front of others, ignores the chivalry and opens the door herself. These women usually make comments very ignorant of the fact that I was trying to be a gentleman.
Needing to claim your independance aloud is also announcing your arrogance. And that, to me = Red Flag | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/27/2007 5:50:47 PM | | Yes and no. It all depends on how they go about being independant. If I offer to help them with whatever it is that they're doing and they give me a snotty reply like, "I can do it myself", THAT is what is a turn off to me. | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/27/2007 6:18:32 PM |
If I offer to help them with whatever it is that they're doing and they give me a snotty reply like, "I can do it myself", THAT is what is a turn off to me.
I'd never do that! I'm inherently lazy and would prefer all tasks I ever lift a finger to do are immediatly met with my man saying "No, let me get that!"
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/27/2007 6:25:02 PM |
I'd never do that! I'm inherently lazy and would prefer all tasks I ever lift a finger to do are immediatly met with my man saying "No, let me get that!"
You'd be surprised at how many men there are that are like that only to have to go into hiding because a so-called "independant" woman comes at them in a manner like I described. | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/27/2007 6:36:20 PM | lol Well, I've read a lot of these threads, since they're a dime a dozen.
It's time to have some fun with it and stop taking ourselves all so seriously.
And gentlemen, define the independence you seek when you mention it on your profiles, that will save a lot of confusion, apparently. (See 75 pages in relationships on the topic) | |
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S__
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Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 38 | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/30/2007 8:27:31 PM | As a functioning adult, I kind of take it for granted that most people (men and women) are independent.
It makes me wonder what kind of baggage, or what kind of experience they've had, that they feel the need to announce it. Especially multiple times (in profile write-ups or forum postings, for example).
I don't read guy's profiles, do you see guys announcing themselves as independent on a regular basis? | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 40 | |
| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/30/2007 9:24:12 PM |
lol Well, I've read a lot of these threads, since they're a dime a dozen.
It's time to have some fun with it and stop taking ourselves all so seriously.
And gentlemen, define the independence you seek when you mention it on your profiles, that will save a lot of confusion, apparently. (See 75 pages in relationships on the topic)
I say we have a button where you can yes or no vote a thread, a poll basically. As with the delete reasons to have it moved to the "Looks the answer is X, OK !!!" Where X is the yes or the no forum.
An no independent are not a turn off, they are very attractive, angry attacking over powering women looking to prove something are a turn off, and the two are very different. | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/31/2007 12:11:34 AM | There are different 'levels' of independence, as some have mentioned. This applies both to men AND women.
On one extreme is the person who 'doesn't need anyone, for anything, ever.' They believe, or want to believe this, so much, that they tend to over-stress that point entirely too often, or try to do things that they do, indeed, need help on, and are often too stubborn to ask, or get made at themselves for even thinking they 'might need help,' or worse, mad at you, for simply seeing this fact. This level of 'independence' can be a real problem, period. Everyone needs help, at something, sometime. Everyone.
There are others that like to do for themselves. They may want to pay, or split dinner bills now and then, or more often, and won't ask you to help them on things they can easily do themselves, but are able to understand when they need help, and are OK with asking, instead of beating themselves up over it, or you. These are some pretty cool women. :-)
I think it's really about a reasonable balance. Some people like more time to themselves, and others seem incapable of being alone for a single day..and some I've already mentioned at the 'other extreme.' Either extreme is unappealing in general, but the 75% or so range in between extremes works for, and is attractive to, many people. | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/31/2007 12:33:33 AM | | Independent women are great...to have as friends.an independent can be a great person to talk to,share ideas with,or just to hang out and have a drink with.to date though??never ever ever....to date an independent woman is poison to a man....think,man swimming in water with a shark,is that safe at all?thats just my opinion.I was raised very very traditional,so thats just my opinion. | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/31/2007 6:57:51 AM | Find things for the guy to help you with.
I personally like it when a woman can do everything herself, but sometimes asks me for my advice, or my help in something I can do for her.
I once watched an episode of 8 Simple Rules, where the grandfather comes to stay, and he feels useless and unnecessary. The mother deliberately did something to the car, so he could fix it. Made grandpa feel great!
Also, I remember when a girl asked me to show her how to play pool. I realised afterwards that she already knew how to play pool. But it sure felt good getting close to her, and it felt even better when I realised that she wanted that touch. Mmmmmmmm!
And gentlemen, define the independence you seek when you mention it on your profiles, that will save a lot of confusion, apparently. Someone who CAN look after things when you're not there, and doesn't fall apart when you're busy with work, or friends. I should think that would be obvious. If she doesn't understand that, then she's used to having men fall all over each other to do her favours. Women who value that sort of attention are no people that I get on with, in my experience. | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/31/2007 9:09:24 AM | | MJ1967, don't let remarks like "I can do it myself" be a negative influence, sometimes those , not just women, that are independant have to learn their limitation through their own stupidity. I know plenty of independant women and they are great to be around, but have noticed one thing, they seem so really clash with each other compared to those that would be considered submissive. From what I have read, majority of guys like an independant woman, but not one that throws it in the guys face, well that just defines a bragger and no one likes a bragger, period! | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/31/2007 9:21:03 AM | If you're Independent that is a good thing.
If you are Independent and don't need/want a man be prepared to be ignored. This is a dating site. never ever state you don't Need/Want a man.
As for it's appeal. most men would love a woman to pay her share in a relationship. There are a few more classical minded men who would be offended by it but talk about it.
There should be no issues with Independent women. It's the ones who make an issue of it that will not be happy or successful in a relationship. | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/31/2007 9:30:58 AM | Independent women are awesome. Clingy, needy girls suck the life out of you.
Just don't be one of those nasty, ****y, manipulating wenches that drive men away and say "oh he must just not like independent women"  | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/31/2007 10:59:23 AM | | I love independent women! Nothing is more sexy than a well educated hottie, who is in control of her destiny! I would be honored if she chose a guy like me to share her life with..:) I am always looking for an awesome confident and well rounded woman to date! | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/31/2007 4:18:05 PM | What an eye opening, informative topic. Wish I had read this before I went into complete and total defense mode(over the course of a few years). I think you guys are being so upfront and honest that females have to take your repsonses with the respect due them. I agree that needing a man and wanting a man are polar opposite terms.
Needs indicates provision of food clothing, shelter.
Wants indicates desire, longing for, appreciation of and a willingness to compromise and share the responsibility of the relationship.
There are women looking to find someone to pay the bills, there are men looking to find someone to let them. This can also work in the opposite direction. That creates a negative interdependence within the relationship as I see it.
I am able to provide the basics and a few of the luxuries available in life for myself.
I think I have been guilty of advertising that I can do it all....but it was from a defensive standpoint, while I shifted my once married for 20 yr mind into the mode o f wow, its now all on me to manage the life issues and care of my kids. There are those who think that because a woman is widowed, they are easy prey...dealt with it, know it to be a fact. I can take care of myself, I do it everyday, that is a compliment to me. I am by no means a man hater, I have no desire to change a man to suit me. He is either the type of man I "WANT" to be involved with, or he is not. I am not pressured by the inability to provide for myself to give in and give up my sense of personal self.
Yes, I have gone through some angry moments..felt cheated, over my circumstances. It took some time, changing some ways of thinking on my part to understand the difference in being defensive me and being the Independent me. I was capable and competent throughout my marriage. We shared all the responsiblities. It was TWO SIDED ..I was really sorry to find myself without that sense of security in my life, and again, it required accepting and adjusting some attitude.
I dont think there is just one general answer, but the poster who said it was in the overall attitude I think was most accurate in my experience. | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/31/2007 5:51:04 PM |
But, being a single mom (with grown kids, now) I have had to be independant and have grown comfortable in that role. How can I ensure that I don't push men away?
Being "independent" or not probably has very little to do with your ability to get a date.
Consider the reality of your situation
A) Your profile says you don't want to date any man under six feet tall. You're 5'8 according to your profile. If you didn't want to date a man shorter than you, I think most guys would understand why. But those four inches from 5'8 to 6'0 has eliminated a staggering number of men from your available dating pool. No one says you can't want what you want, but can you get what you want?
B) Most women over 50 years of age don't have an easy time out there in the dating world. The older you get, the harder it is for practically everyone.
C) Your kids are "grown" but you are still a single mother. Some men will refuse to date a single mother no matter what. The pool of men who won't do it is probably fairly large.
No one says you don't have to settle for what you don't want to date or don't find attractive, but you will have to accept that your circumstances and your personal preferences has pretty much narrowed your options down to a very few select men. And the ones you would find attractive probably have dating options as well. Because they are available doesn't mean they will pick you.
The ability to take care of yourself is simply a question of survival. Everyone has to do it. Doesn't make you more special than anyone else. Doesn't make you a better dating partner. Just means you are doing what most people have to do to survive.
Men are not complicated. If they find your looks, your personality and your circumstances attractive, they will want to pursue you and date you. If they don't, they won't. This might be a shock to you, but laying the blame on men and calling them insecure because you pay your own bills, when the reality is some of them just don't find you attractive, is kind of lame. The blame game is lame.
"Independence" is not why you aren't finding the dating partners you want. Being unrealistic about your circumstances and how they matter in who you can date and who might want to date you is probably a bigger culprit. | |
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| Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/31/2007 6:06:30 PM | Hmmmm, very interesting.
I am glad to see that when I decide to date again, and actually try to find the "one" the only thing I really need to worry about now is whether or not him and my daughters get along. Now I do not consider myself an independent woman, like most people would say, I consider myself a woman who is doing what she has to do to get ahead in the world and provide for her family.
To all of you guys who helped a woman become independent I must give you some respect, along with those of you who have tried to help a dependent female out also. When I found out that I was gonna have my 2nd child, I didn't know what I was gonna do, my bf at the time, wasn't working, I was supporting myself the unborn, my 1st born and him. I decided I needed a change, because I couldn't support all of us by serving tables. When I told him that I wanted to go back to school and get my stuff together, so that I could better support us, he threw a fit, and we got into a huge arguement, needless to say, I packed my stuff, and moved. I was decent enough to leave him the apartment.
I wish I would have known a man who would actually show me support and push me to do better. I respect all of you who were there and helped  | |
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