| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/4/2007 4:19:02 PM | | hi no your certainly not on your own mate my girlfreind finished it aprox 18 months ago and ive totaly lost the plot been in hospital put on medication tried to kill my self 3 times have problems eating whats the point dont want to live now cannot face the world anymore stay in bed lots of days this is no life and get realy pixxed of with people saying move on hell how can i i love her so much i feel crap just no point anymore so your not alone mate all ican say is good luck steve . | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/4/2007 4:36:26 PM | I have not read all the replies, but I am certain you are not the only one. The only thing I can say is you must find the courage, will and strenght to move on. You are the same age as me for all practical purposes. I am turned 40 not long ago, and I ended a realtionship that seemed to have a lots of promise just days before a bday that most people dread.
Assuming there is no hope of a reconcilation you have to move on to someone new, its the only way.
On a separate note, what seems to erk me lately, not so much on this site, but on some others where the women have the narrowest of age preferences. An example is someone who is 33 has an age range of 30 to 35, I can under stand a 25 y/o not wanting to date a someone much older, but someone 30ish, ending their age range at 35? c'mon? Are we dead at 36? I said this here once before i think, but are all those commercials for "ED" influencing women? A 40 y/o guy is not much different from a 35 y/o, now 50 is another story. I cant speak for all the guys, but you wont find viagra in this 40 y/o's medicine cabinet, and have no need for it, and hope I never will.
I know this has nothing to do with this guys post, but its been bugging me constantly, and the f'd up thing is the 30-somethings I would seem to match best with are the ones who are doing this, but I get lots of responses from 20 - somethings appearantly looking for the stability of an older guy.
Thanks. | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/4/2007 4:40:27 PM | I agree with you lostwolfeye
Oops, that reply was to Den, not Charles. You may be right Charles. I just don't like the idea of being doped up to cope.
I went through the same thing almost 7 months ago, I am still not completely over it.
It does get easier and the only one who can change it is you.
I have been one to believe that drugs are not the answer to anything,
Get out and enjoy time with family and friends. Spring is in the air, don't let life pass you by, waiting for someone who doesn't want you.
No one wants someone who don't want them. life is too short.
You will eventually love again, and you will look back on this as just another learning experience. | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/4/2007 4:54:13 PM | Perhaps you can rent the DVD "The Secret" which speaks of the Law of Attraction. Basically this states that whatever we focus our mind on that is what is in our lives - so if you are constantly thinking of her more of the same thought comes back right at you.
Try this - get a notebook at the dollar store and start a new "manifest book". In it make a list of all the wonderful qualities you wish in a new partner, what would she look like, how would she smell, what color are her eyes, and so forth. Create the woman you wish to have.
Next, make a list of all that makes you happy - a nice country drive, a walk in the woods, a beautiful sunset.
Next make a list of items you desire to have in your life - a new toaster, a good set of wheels, a new tool box.
In my book I look through magazines and cut stuff out and tape it in. Then, when these items come into my life I write the date next to the item on my list.
It is all about changing your focus - and as you bring your focus into alignment with what is right and good and working in your life, and what you truly desire, you will experience, see and know profound and exciting change.
Life is sweet when we have something to look forward to - yet we are the pilot in our own life, so we have to figure out what it is we want and set the attention to get it.
Repeat to yourself several times a day "All is Well" - and all shall be. You are in a good space right now - make the transition - you are worth it!!!
Blessings! | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/4/2007 5:02:24 PM | Also, try saying this - as many times a day as you wish -
"I bless you with love, and release you from my life".
Letting go in love may not always be the easier road - but it is the higher road and the most healing for all involved. | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/4/2007 5:15:31 PM | Stevvee - I feel for yo and I feel your pain - and you feel overlooked, like no one cares and what is the blasted point. Stevvee, you are the point. I think that when you are in a relationship for that long you identify with the relationship and to a point that becomes who you are. When the relationship ended it felt like your life ended. You felt all used up with no turning back and a black hole in the future.
So now, I must say, this is about you not her. Let that go and focus on you. That is scary because without her you don't know who "you" is. That is ok - the "you" is just buried deep inside right now and you need help, loving support and encouragement to get "you" back out. It is a process. Begin honoring yourself by each day finding one thing you like about yourself and one thing you like about life. Maybe it is your smile - maybe you make a great omlet. Maybe you liike tinkering with cars. Perhaps start wood carving. Whatever these things are write them down on paper and affirm the truly wonderful, beautiful soul that you are.
Blessings! | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/4/2007 5:15:47 PM | | I think you should turn around and get off that "mountain"...there are plenty more to climb that are much prettier.... | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/4/2007 5:18:23 PM | Cry, cry, cry - it's the body's natural way of getting rid of all that emotion! But set a time limit on it because you deserve to have a great life and to move on! Take time off work, rent a stack of DVDs, close the curtains, and cry and watch movies - think about all the things that make you sad. Call friends to talk about it. Get it all out.
And then when the two weeks or whatever is up, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, make a list of things you like to do and are interested in and start pursuing things for you. Get out, meet people, enjoy new hobbies (especially stuff that you liked and she didn't), maybe take a trip somewhere. Give yourself permission to enjoy life and to be happy again.
There is no set time limit for grieving. We are all different and our relationships are all different. I promise you though, that one day, you will get through the day without crying, and one day you will realize that you are over it, that you are okay, and that you will love again. And then you're going to think of my message here and say, hey, she was right. It might not be next week, or next month or even next year - but it will happen. Then you can pass this message on to the next person who is going through what you are going through now because it happens to everyone and you are not alone.  | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/4/2007 5:44:44 PM | I did it but ........ it is not easy. You have to be totally committed to “stop living in the past”. You have to be smart enough to understand it is in the past - you can NOT change the past - the past is now history.
You must FORCE self preservation because you just don’t care about self preservation - you keep saying “what is the use” - you have to FORCE it.
At 17 years (into the marriage) my wife (now ex) informed me - I was no longer in her plans. She moved and divorced me and my head was still spinning. I was in total shock - so where her two daughters that we had just raised.
THEN she kept hanging on to me. Calling often - coming over once in awhile - for THREE YEARS I let that (friends crap) go on.
THEN - I got tired of trying to exist on denial and FORCED self preservation.
1. I stopped picking up the phone when she called - she called about 7 or 8 times in the next two weeks. The first time I did not pick up the phone was the first day I TOOK BACK “me”. It got easier the next time and easier the next time.
2. I got about 60 gigs of personal development ebooks off the net.
3. I got VERY SERIOUS about *******ME******** - it was no longer about HER - it was now all about me.
4. I took FULL responsibility for my thoughts - my actions - my choices - my life
You have to fully remove the other person from control - control over anything that has anything to do with you.
They are them - you are you and the two of you have nothing to do with each other anymore.
Start by spending at least 30 minutes each day thinking about all the things you have to be grateful for - kids-relatives-friends-health-pets-grass EVERYTHING - that right there changes your mood.
Decide - to think about you - your future.
Reframe your thoughs from (you thoughts will help guide you to what you think most about)
Why do I hurt so bad
to
What all can I do to feel better about myself and my life
And get with it ............. | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/5/2007 7:11:42 AM | | Ron, you are an inspiration to me. Thank you!!! | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/5/2007 10:40:42 AM | | Thanks from me too Ron, that was great. Sometimes its hard to get past that person who did you wrong. Your advice was excellent. | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/5/2007 6:52:56 PM | | This may sound a bit unsympathetic or a bit too ladish, its not meant to. Ok i once had a girl, thought she was the love of my life, she dumped me........ you get the idea. Best way to get over it, fool around with loads of women. It will serously give you a confidence boost and you will need that if you are going to find a new love of your life. Also it helps to turn your love for her to hate. Your feeling pretty bad, its her fault......... eventually you will feel notheing but loathing and disgust for her. works for me anyway | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/5/2007 7:43:05 PM | | It is nice to read we all have similar problems in life. I am trying to get over a girl right now and it is so hard....I know I will eventually....But dang it is so hard....Love really does hurt sometimes. | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:04:49 PM | well tou aint the only man i tell ..you..i was with my wife for 6 years ..married for 3..we have three kids together .and i die inside everytime i see somthing ..that remotly reminds me of her..there is no one way to grieve and that old saying time will heal..im still waiting my self..we have been apart for a year now,,i have cosody of our kids..and lookin at the kids somtimes makes me want to shed a tare..but all i can do is recpect the situation..and fill my life with love for somthing else ..besides pain of a loss.. | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:07:39 PM | I feel your pain . I dated someone for almost 4 years . When we broke up I thought I would be over him in record time. But date after date proved to be so disappointing
I tried to get over him and move on but I couldnt. Still to this day , I think of him a lot.People say it is because I have never really met anyone like him , so giving and attentive. I know we were meant for each other, but the circumstanses of life would not let us be to gether. I still miss him everyday. When you fall deeply in live an dthen it ends, it is very hard to leave behind. Good luck to you. | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 41 | |
| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:15:42 PM | We are all in a minority of one !
Took me about 2 years after the last one to get everything sorted, also if your still cut up about it, dating or finding a replacement isn't the way to deal with it either (if your dating here).
Go see a councillor for a quick chat, its what they are there for. | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:21:28 PM | | OP the problem is your focus. You are focusing on how your life was happy with your ex. If you believe that it takes someone else to make you happy then that is when problems arise. Happiness comes from within. | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:23:53 PM | I've been there sweetheart and I honestly have to say, that even though I have moved on and feel better about it all, I still think about him daily. I have come to acceptance though as it ended almost 4 years ago. It also caused me a year and a half of suicidal depression.
I do not know if I will ever be over him completely and who knows what the future may bring. We remain in a very tight friendship even though that hurts. My heart goes out to you my friend and hope you feel better soon as there is no magic little cure.
:))
Witchy | |
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Pipnty
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Joined: 6/13/2006
Msg: 44 | |
| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:52:59 PM | hey, i can see where you are coming from when i broke up with an ex it5 was really hard but in my situation we had a child together and one on the way. but i found it really hard and struggled big time to get over him, and face the fact that he wasn't coming back. i did alot of stupid things and ended up getting in a little bit of trouble with the police, not a good idea doesn't help the situation so don't try that one. in the end he just ended up being the biggest deadshit and after nearly two years i realised he wasn't for me as i wanted a decent life and he wanted nothing much out of life at all.
so like others said when you think of her think of the bad times and the things you disliked about her, and trust me there will be plenty, there is in every relationship that doesn't work.
go have fun, find away to vent your anger and frustrastion, punching bag, house renovations, make something if you like building
you just have to find ways to take your mind off it you never know if you try thse things and i mean really try, don't cry about her when you are meant to be doing things as to get your mind too busy to think of her name, you will get to the stage where you will remebr the things that were once important, name birthday, special occassions and so on.
i got there in the end and i fell like i wasted my time thinking about my x so it takes alot of hard work and effort but is worth it in the end | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/5/2007 9:05:45 PM | Ok you have said counselling with your pastor but have you prayed about it...Reading
Finding Peace by Charles Stanley will help a great deal.....good luck | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/5/2007 9:20:15 PM | You are stuck in a rut and you are burying yourself deeper by re-affirming it. You will simply have to get out of the rut and no-one can do it but you. If she is gone , she is gone. Simple and true!
There is no such thing as the perfect "one and only" or a "soulmate" and anyone who thinks so is foolish. So get her out of your system, start doing some things you like, enjoy yourself and be friends to others. When you feel confident enough see about asking someone out. It doesn't have to be and rightly should not be anything more than a friend; someone to make you feel comfortable.
To be honest, no one in their right mind would want someone who is pining after a lost love. Just grow upo and get over it.......like the song says ... "find that little child inside and kick its little ass"!
I do not mean to downplay anything you have gone through. Most people have disasters in relationships and after a re-evaluation of themselves, they move on. Many carry permanent baggage with them because of it, and just continue to ruin further relationships. For get that completely/ Just clear yourself completely/and move on.
You have to throw aside the baggage and throw yourself right out there again and hope for the best and make it happen. Don't fixate on the first kind and/or pretty face that comes along either. Find someone that is comfortable / fun/and a realy great person.
You will never be able to completely figure out why you ended up single and you will never completely know what someone elses reasoning was, so do not even try.
Just do what is right for you and enjoy life .... it realy is pretty great, and there are plenty of realy great people out there. Just remember, they do not want to hear about your breakup, but they want to hear about you and you want to hear about them. Listen, look, do the little things, and realy enjoy yourself. As I always say...... living well is the best revenge......... It realy ticks the ex off for some reason, and I don't even care ..... but they seem to.
HAVE FUN AND LIVE! | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/6/2007 7:45:07 AM | Blue eyes, yes I have prayed about it, every day, often, always..... I will check out that book. Lets see, that will make it how many books I've read? 20? 21? | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/6/2007 9:04:53 AM | So then that would make this your first love? Either way I don't know any specifics, so i'll just take a stab in the dark.
I think everyone needs their own time to find themselves again, you can't force it no matter how much you read, how much you talk to people. Of course it never hurts to talk to people because one day everything will just add up in your head, and the advice of other people will finally make sense.
I just lost my first love not too long ago, yeah it still hurts, yeah i'm still young. I always wondered what being young has to do with love.
My guess is you might be feeling guilty as to what happened, that it was something that you could have prevented. Thing that helped me was that it takes two people to have a 'commited' relationship. That is something they call 'unconditional' love.
You sound like a nice person and someone who was willing to work on anything because you had that much love for someone. Don't blame yourself, and if I have to give advice its this.
Don't feel sorry for yourself, those 18 months that you are feeling bad you cannot gain back.
Oh and just to make sure, there has been no contact for those full 18 months? | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/6/2007 9:35:35 AM | Dear lostwolfeye,
Have you tried to go out into the world and do something that would get your mind off of her? If not, I think its about time that you do. I was the same way you are now. I was with a guy for 4 years, we were engaged and everything was fine. Then one day, he told me that it was over. It definatly was unexpected cause i thought for sure that everything was gonna be fine, but i turned out to be wrong. Of course i couldnt stop thinking about him. Every song that i heard reminded me of him. But it helped to listen to the songs and cry. i wouldnt suggest meds cause even if they do help, you could get addicted to them or you might have to rely on them for the rest of your life. but if you do decide to go with meds, make sure they actually work, and once you feel like you dont need them anymore, then dont take them.
You are definatly not pathetic for crying. Thats a wonderful way for any man or woman to show emotion. It helps, trust me. Just dont try to kill yourself or anything like that. It may feel like its the end of the world for you, but its not. Everything must get worse before it gets better. Keep your head up. You'll be in my thoughts.
Take care,
Faithfullyurs2107  | |
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| Am I the only one?
Posted: 4/6/2007 11:18:10 AM | | Stay-a-while. There has been contact. However that ended 3 months ago except for some e-mails and those stopped 3 weeks ago. Thats why I tell others 'No contact!!!!' because I see what it has done to me. Love is an addiction in my opinion. And no she wasn't the first woman in my life, only the first woman I ever truly loved. Guess I never really knew what it was like to love a woman until her. Probably why its so hard to let go. Scared I'll never find it again cause it took so long to begin with. | |
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