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mizbex
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Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 27 | |
| What do you do....when you loved a man......met someone new and now he wants you back???
Posted: 3/13/2007 5:50:13 PM | | You have to ask yourself if you can trust the old guy. He certainly has given you plenty of reasons not to. I was recently in similiar situation, dated a guy about three years ago, broke my heart, tried to get me back for the last three years, all the while giving me reasons not to trust him. This time he comes back wants to marry me. We went out a few times but I couldn't trust him, in my heart I knew it was wrong and the trust was gone. Basically that is what it comes down to, do you trust him? In your heart and in your gut. Plus, it is not just you, it is your daughter too. Be very careful. | |
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| What do you do....when you loved a man......met someone new and now he wants you back???
Posted: 3/13/2007 6:07:17 PM | I say...move ahead with the other guy...anyone that has broken your heart once...will surely do it again! He is feeling threatened byt this new Alpha male in your life and does what lot so men do...they don;t really want you in a certain capacity...but they do not want another man moving in on their territory...keep Mr. Wonderful as a FRIEND on ly and move on with the new love...you will have more fun~ | |
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| What do you do....when you loved a man......met someone new and now he wants you back???
Posted: 3/13/2007 6:15:30 PM | I had a guy EXACTLY like this - he wanted to be "friends" with me, when it was convenient for him. With him around and without him around I was getting battered emotionally and I couldnt cope with it. I have now left him (and his friendship offer) in the past where it belongs and decided to move on. I am now a lot more relaxed and happier and free to date again and do what I want to! Dont go back to the past sweetie - it DOESNT WORK ! Give the new guy - and yourself- a chance!  | |
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| What do you do....when you loved a man......met someone new and now he wants you back???
Posted: 3/13/2007 6:25:35 PM | | Do yourself a favour...and more importantly....save your little daughter some heartbreak. Don't give this hound the time of day...move on. Just because you knew him for 4 years isn't criteria to keep on knowing him. He broke your heart once.....geez must have been a great experience, cos you're lining yourself up to have it busted up all over again....AND with your daughter in tow as well. He had a chance and blew it.....your daughter deserves better (and believe it or not..so do you) | |
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| What do you do....when you loved a man......met someone new and now he wants you back???
Posted: 3/13/2007 6:48:07 PM | You've known him for 4 years and what has changed all of a sudden?
Does he know you've moved on?...Maybe that's the problem...some people only want what they can't have...
I don't know the whole situation but have had a relationship with a person I've known for a long time...Gave him many chances to make it right but only when I try and move forward does he claim he wants me back....Went back and forth a few times only to end up in the same place.
I think you need to look at the whole picture...if he loved you so much why did he let you go to begin with? ....
I finally learned that I deserve better...
Plus you have to think about your daughter....that makes it a no brainer for me.....If you don't know what you want I'll be damned if I put my child in the middle of it....moving in and maybe moving out in a few months cause he changed his mind again.
Which brings to mind one of my favorite movie lines of all times.
I'm tired of living my life around what it is men think they want...and I'm not gonna do it any more. | |
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| What do you do....when you loved a man......met someone new and now he wants you back???
Posted: 3/13/2007 6:53:35 PM | I am totally with Freude on this one... He wants you to move in... How about marriage? No talk about that? Why in God's name would you consider living with someone you are NOT in love with? Do you feel a deep abiding need to make yourself miserable? Oh, and then he comes back when you are trying to put your life together, claiming he was wrong and you are actually thinking about it? Honey, you need to learn some self respect. Get a spine.
Let's examine this wonderful guy, cheated on you? Flew women up to be with them? Not so wonderful. This exposed you to social diseases. You can't tell me you were ignorant and gullible enough to date some guy for 4 years without some assurance that you were the only one? A man who is totally self absorbed and who obviously has no regard for anyone but himself? It's like you fell out of the stupid tree and hit each and every branch on the way down. I can only pray you learned your lesson.
Or worse, that you let your daughter get more attached to him after the first big shocking incident? You need to not put your daughter in a live in position with Mr. Flake, particularly since he has shown himself to be entirely untrustworthy. I would not allow my dauther to have further contact with him, nor would I have remained friends with someone who did that to anyone, let alone me! I don't care how your daughter feels about him right now, she will recover and you have no idea what he might say to manipulate her, should he not get his way. Next time try not to let her get involved with the guy you are dating until there is a commitment on the table.
You are a very attractive woman. Even if you had not met someone you were interested in, I am sure a lot of men would line up for the chance to date you. But if you don't value yourself and your own sanity, it's meaningless. | |
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| What do you do....when you loved a man......met someone new and now he wants you back???
Posted: 3/17/2007 3:45:27 PM | I have a simple rule
"" Never go back ""
Hes doing the 'I dont want you but no one else can have you' routine All he is doing by getting you to move in with him is keep you on hold for another 4 years. Has he said he wants to marry you? No? Is there a ring to back it up if he did and actual plans to marry? no? Forget it...he couldnt commit 4 years hes not going to now. He just doesnt like the fact his long term casual and convenient relationship isn't handy to him now so the move in is a band aid to keep you in another state of limbo - this time for probably longer | |
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| What do you do....when you loved a man......met someone new and now he wants you back???
Posted: 3/17/2007 4:23:06 PM | Thinking further about this, the first guy really is pathetic. He knows that he doesn't care for you since he was fishing about 18 months ago, and he's broken your heart. Now that you have found someone else, who may well be better, he is prepared to mess that up for you simply because he feels lonely, or maybe just fancies some free sex.
This guy is selfish and clearly doesn't care for you.
A long time ago I was in a similar position. The lady was tremendous and we had a great time together, but I cheated and finally left her. Yes I missed her, and we were compatible on several levels, but the spark was never really there. Something was missing. I saw her with a new guy a few months later and felt jealous - this was my girl, and she didn't look happy either. BUT I let her be, feeling that getting back together again would not just waste her time but mine too.
This guy is not only bad news for you, but he isn't even being true to himself. Work on the new relationship and leave the loser to his sad life. | |
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| What do you do....when you loved a man......met someone new and now he wants you back???
Posted: 3/20/2007 11:31:34 AM | Sometimes when people break up with someone they forever view the relationship as a failure - and then when an opportunity arises to "correct" that failure - they jump at it, without thinking.
Adjust your thinking about your past relationship - it was not a failure - it was a lesson - What did you learn? Do you really need to learn it again? I don't think so.
Go find out if the new guy has some fun lessons to teach! Best wishes! | |
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trjet
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Joined: 5/29/2007
Msg: 47 | |
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| What do you do....when you loved a man......met someone new and now he wants you back???
Posted: 7/1/2007 6:12:57 PM | I think you know in your heart what the answer is , you just want another opinion on what your heart is saying. I have been in this kind of situation myself before. I have always remained friends with the men I have had relationships. Personally, for myself , I dont like all the drama that goes along with an ex and ex situation,but I always remember what broke my heart in the first place. I forgive that person for whatever had happened beween us, but I also forgive myself for my part in the problems of the relationship. We humans have free will and can pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and learn from our mistakes ,as well as our achievements. I don't think I would tell the man your with, that you are contemplating going back with the first guy who broke your heart. You will be hurting him by telling him, in between the lines, that you still love this other man, no matter what he did to you, and that you are seriously thinking about gettting back into a relationship with the 1st man and stomp on man #2 's heart. If you seriously love man #1, you need to break it off with man #2 but be honest with man #2.
Either way someone is going to lose out and get hurt. Thats the truth. Do you want to hurt someone else?
And if you really want to be with guy #2 then you must let go of the past and let go of man #1. You also should remember that when he was with you, he cheated on who he was living with then, to be active ly involved with you. Whats to say he wont do that to you when you get with him? So I say" To thine own self be true".
I hope it all works out for you. Good luck hun. I hope it all works out for you.
Your friend,
LL | |
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| What do you do....when you loved a man......met someone new and now he wants you back???
Posted: 7/1/2007 6:20:34 PM | There is an old saying: Never let a possibility dissuade you from a certainty.
This new guy is a certainty. The old guy is a possibility. The answer is obvious.
If the new guy turns out to be only a possibility and the old guy becomes a certainty, then you will have to change direction. But until that day definitely comes, keep going in the obvious direction stated. | |
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