| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 9/2/2007 8:36:37 PM | Ummmm....... you just get on with life. You should not passively wait for life to happen, or for a relationship to start living your life.  | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 9/3/2007 1:52:25 AM | | I couldn't imagin being single forever. Don't get me wrong I'm ok with me time and all but friends are friends, but you don't share a a couch under a blanket with a hot cup of coffee in the morning talking about maybe how your going to spoil each other with a trip away this winter or maybe work on her car while she does something nice for you. That's two people being on the same page for each other, so No being single forever would suck. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 9/3/2007 5:59:52 AM | I am GOING to be single forever. And here's why.
This will sound stupid to a lot of people who can't see behind the words, but here goes.
In 2001 I rescued a malnourished, nasty looking dog. She was extremely skinny so I named her Twiggy. Time passed, she gained her weight back, I cleaned her up.... all of it.
I had her for 5 1/2 years. She stuck with me through it all. A separation that saw me drive all the way to Florida only to decide it was too hot there and came right back to Ohio then the divorce. When we moved it caused her to go through another adjustment period where suddenly she had only one grown up, no other dog, new house, new smells, new routines.... she was faithful through it all.
I had planned to take her around the country with me in my van, going to every city with a pro baseball team to see a game. She loved riding and would have loved that.
Last year, the day after Thanksgiving, her kidneys failed and she died. I have already lost both of my parents, been divorced three times, the first time seeing my 2 sons moved out of state where I could not visit them without MAJOR expense, but nothing hurt my heart like losing Twiggy. There was so much more fun to be had with. We had more places to visit, that trip to make, just much more life to live. And she was gone. I didn't eat for 8 days, didn't sleep for 9. I hated coming home and not seeing her standing at the French doors in the kitchen, excited to see me, tail wagging..... hardly waiting to hop in the car for a ride to the park and a walk through the woods, something I enjoyed as much as she did. Losing Twiggy was heartbreak at a level that I had never experienced, and do not want to experience again (though I got another dog, so it will happen once more.)
The point of making this post?
I don't want to be a woman's Twiggy. I don't want to leave someone behind that will have to deal with that pain. I am 56 and diabetic, and I learned of it late in life so it went untreated for a long time (25-ish years). Much damage was done and it can not be reversed. I MAY hit 65, and that is optimistic. Knowing I have probably 8-10 years left, I will not become involved again and leave someone behind to live through that kind of loss.
Yes, a dog is not a person, but to someone like me who has nobody and nothing else, that dog was the main form of interaction, and unless you have ever had pets, the bond is something that can't be explained and I won't try. Leave it to say it was an extremely painful loss, and nobody should go through that.
STUCK single?
Not me....... | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 9/3/2007 6:58:32 AM | Well first off, I don't view being single as being 'stuck'. It can and is for many, a life choice. I've been on my own going on 7 years now and it's been up to me to put together a formula that works.
I have a job that keeps me busy. Very supportive family and friends which whom I spend quality time with. I have also developed interests which don't include needing others around, such as writing, working on some crafts I enjoy and find I'm quite good at. I take trips on my own and in doing so, have met some truly wonderful people (singles and couples).
I don't lack for male friendships. Perhaps it's my personality that welcomes people into my life - positive and upbeat by nature. My circle of friends range in age from late 20s to a few in their 70s. I don't wait for others to inlcude me in their plans, I make my own.
If I never meet someone who's prepared to blend their life with mine, or wants me to do the same with his, then so be it. Life's not about what others can do for you, it's what are you doing for yourself!
I am not 'coping' with life. I am LIVING life! | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 9/3/2007 7:17:53 AM | | Eddie, your story is sad but I've witnessed sadder. The thing is, all of us are going to croak and a lot of us will probably go before you do. If we're part of a couple one is going to be left behind. My view is that you might have singledom in mind for yourself, but fate (if there is such a thing) may have something else in store for you. Don't be so sure of how your life will go - that's a sure recipee for something else to happen - why not just be accepting that anything can? The pain you felt about that dog was probably a release of all the emotions you kept "saved for later" until it became overwhelming. I don't think it's for you to decide whether a woman is willing to experience the pain of loss in order to be in a relationship with you. Maybe she doesn't want to be stuck single, and will want you to get with the team. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 9/3/2007 7:44:58 AM | but fate (if there is such a thing) may have something else in store for you
That is an interesting observation and I considered it before responding in this way.
I do not believe in fate. I believe we make our own fate. Of course we can not control everything, but interpersonal relations can be controlled.
Fate will have nothing to do with my remaining single. It is my choice and the decision is final. I make no attempt to meet someone with other than platonic intentions and in fact avoid from those situations. I am a loner and an introvert to the level where people call me misanthropic. I do not HATE people. I just don't like being around them much. (Yet for 22 years I played on stages 4-6 nights per week.... more on that in a minute.)
I believe in fate only to this point. It was fate that I was born on June 27th at 5 minutes after midnight. Had I been born 6 minutes earlier, on June 26th, my number in the draft lottery would have been 340 rather than 7. I would have not gone into the Army. I would not have been in Vietnam for 18 months and thus would not have been exposed to Agent Orange, which caused me to contract diabetes. I also would not have met wife #1 when I got back stateside because I would have not been where she was.
However, depending on how you define fate, I put all that into the "You play the hand you are dealt in life" category.
Relationships I have control over. Not control over the person IN the relationship, but whether I choose to be in one at all. And I do not.
Back to the band thing.... when I played, I used my first and middle names. For over 20 years, nobody knew my real last name. Thus I was actually "acting", being this other guy when I played. That was the only way I could play music for a living with my introverted personality.
True enough that it is not for me to "decide whether a woman is willing to experience the pain of loss in order to be in a relationship with you", but it IS my option to be n that situation to begin with, and I choose to not go there. My profile is EXTREMELY clear that I am only on POF to be entertained with these forums, and I find this to be better entertainment than anything I can get on Pay Per View. Particularly the broken hearts forum, where these 22 year olds go on and on about their life being over because some drugged out loser dumped them after the were foolish enough to have 3 kids with him. That just makes me feel SO good about myself, knowing that I am far too smart to make those kind of mistakes.
If we're part of a couple one is going to be left behind.
I will not be part of a couple, so there will not be one left behind.
3 failed marriages was enough. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 9/3/2007 1:26:42 PM | | As a guy who's only dated once with no relationship history, I'm dead on that very question myself right now. I could be happy avoiding too many heartbreaks. Or, I could be happy knowing I reaped the benefit of finding a partner and living "happily ever after" and enjoy raising a family. It feels like a pro's and cons situation. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 9/3/2007 2:57:24 PM | I think it all depends on the person. I feel im gonna be single for the rest of my life, but i dont feel im "stuck". Im happy being with my family and friends. That's what helps coping so much easier. If in the event i do meet someone, that okay if not den oh well.....
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 11/10/2007 5:16:10 PM | @EastSideEddie
I am sending you cyber hugs. 
I so understand your relashionship with your dog. I have had many dogs and it hurt everytime and yes, I kept them until the end and the attachment is difficult to understand if you have never owned pets.
It takes time. Please consider going to an animal shelter and find one that will "call" you. You are a good person and well, nothing but nothing beats dog love. Believe me, it helps with healing with your loss. You are not replacing your friend, Twiggy, you are just getting an other friend and I am sure that she is looking after you. I believe in dog heaven in a way. If it is any consolation, I hope that all my dogs, cats, horses will be there when I pass on. It is my hope anyway.
I too, seem to have strays that show up at my door and I believe they are the ones who adopt me, eventhough I do make myself believe I made the decision.
I have great empathy for you. I relate 200%.
Anyway... Do take care of yourself. 
on topic....
I seem to enjoy being alone more and more as I get older. I am around children all day at school and I so so cherish my down time that I actually find romantic relashionships too much work right now in my life. Am I getting older and just not caring anymore? I hope not. I am just tired of the cat and mouse game, the dreaded first date and the stress of it all simply exhausts me. At this point, I just do not want to bother much. I do leave the door open for a possibility but I am not holding my breath...
If I remain alone for a long time, I realize that I may get lonely sometimes but it does not realy bother me. I also know that nothing compares to feeling so so alone with a husband watching sports and in a loud voice, (not angry, just loud), asking you to bring him a beer because the game is on and he does not want to miss a thing... That is loneliness to the 10th degree. So far, nothing but nothing came close to that. It is not that bad to be by myself. So yes, I can handle it.
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 11/10/2007 7:25:14 PM | | I think so. There are people all over the world who choose to be single all their lives and find other areas of life to meet their deepest longings. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 11/10/2007 8:32:01 PM | If something were to happen to not allow me to ever love again I would definately be unhappy. But realistically I couldn't imagine any situation where the chance of anyone falling in love again would be completely taken away. I guess (knock on wood) if I got in a serious accident or something and I wasn't in any condition to ever date again.
I think if I could never love again I would try and focus on the people I already have in my life whom I love such as family, friends, my students, etc. I would also continue to immerse myself in the hobbies and activities I enjoy. Basically I would count my blessings. I do that when I am transition between relationships as well. There is no point in being sad it is counterproductive and only begets more sadness. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 11/10/2007 8:37:22 PM | | If I knew I was going to be single forever I could make the best of that. There are plenty of golf courses, concerts, friends to keep my mind off of not having a woman everyday. There would also be no more arguments, jealousy, being home by a certain time i could go on for hours with the possiblities. Don't get me wrong I enjoy being in a relationship as much as any one else, but I don't have to have and could live single for the rest of my life thanks to a couple real messed up women I have been in relationships with lol. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 11/10/2007 8:40:09 PM |
The thing is, all of us are going to croak and a lot of us will probably go before you do.
What you are say is the irony of life - nobody gets out of it alive. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 11/10/2007 9:00:34 PM | | I could cope with that very easily. I enjoy being single. My happiness doesn't depend on the presence of a girlfriend/wife. I have close friends, family, lots of hobbies... | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 11/11/2007 3:44:46 AM | Sorry for your loss of Twiggy Eddie. All our pets are gorgues but sometimes we make the rare connection with a Pet thats as rare as true love and true human connection. And the pain of the loss Is strong I know. My thoughts are with you
I dont want to be alone forever but realise the facts are I may be as I seek that truly rare connection that comes along years between In general and still doesnt always work out due to life. But once you have known that , what others term a match met every few months Isnt something you would be able to tolerate living and Id rather be alone then always know what I was missing. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 11/11/2007 4:19:49 AM | Sounds like depression to me bud.
Pure Emo bull hockey. If you're in that postion get professional help.
If you're just "hypothetically" imagining this you need a different past time. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:29:39 AM | Being single is not the worst thing in the world that could happen to you.
Its very sad that if you feel you need to be with someone just to be happy . | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:36:16 AM | | i have been single for a while now nd it sucks but i mean u just go on with ur life and live it day by day im hoping that i wont be single for much longer but u never know | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 11/11/2007 7:47:25 PM | Well first off krillbee, I don't see being single as being 'stuck'. I see it as a life choice or circumstance. I choose to live my life, not cope with it.
Should I end up being single for the rest of my life, I doubt I'd lose sleep over it. I have a totally awesome and loving son, a wonderful and supportive family. I've been blessed with friends that are like sisters and brothers to me, all of whom I share great times with.
I have no problems when it comes to self-sexual satisfaction, however, yes, I would very much miss that aspect of never having a loving partner. Nothing can beat or surpass the touch of another's soft caress, tender kiss and passionate embrace.
There are plenty of things one can do as a single person and not be bored. It's up to each of us to cultivate interests of our own. Things we have always wanted to do, but weren't able to for various reasons. No one else can do that for us. Even as a couple, one needs to have their own identity or trademark.
One's outlook, attitude and confidence level makes all the difference in how any of us would handle being single for the balance of our lives. Life does go on inspite of itself, so why not make the best of it, even if it does mean being single forever.
Good thread OP. Gives one food for thought.  | |
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