| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 11/11/2007 7:53:12 PM |  OMG! I already added to this post earlier! Maybe I should consider taking some 'memory' lessons along with languages   Nitie nite folks! It's waaaaaaaaay past my sleeps time! | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 11/12/2007 8:13:19 AM | Would you be able to cope with it? What's the alternative, inhaling your car exhaust?
Of course you can cope with it, unless you can only define yourself in terms of someone else. In that case, you have a problem that a relationship won't solve.
Having someone to share your life with in a loving relationship is a bonus, not a requirement. | |
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vahbsc
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Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 354 | |
| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 11/12/2007 8:56:46 AM | if i accomplished my goals in other areas of life, i think i could if i had some good loyal friends...
nowhere in lifes book of unwritten rules says you have to have a bf/hubby/gf and do the commercial thing have a few rugrats to be happy and i agree.
it seems like you'd be a slave to misery either way. single or in a relationship with kids | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 11/19/2007 12:51:35 AM | | I'd probably buy a bunch of dogs and live in the woods and grow a beard. That's also my answer for "Suppose you didn't ever have to work another day in your life". | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 11/19/2007 1:23:42 AM | | Doesn't bother me 1 bit. I don't need a woman to define me. A woman is suppose to bring a positive into the mans life. If you can't find a woman who does that then you are better off alone. I am comfortable with me. Yes' No man really wants to be alone. But' When you embrace the possibility and plan for it it's not that bad. After a while you kinda get use to it and the thought of someone coming into your life and turning it upside down from the way you have it' Well' Sometimes it just doesn't work because we get set in our ways and we don't want to change. Some men and women are that way. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 11/19/2007 1:46:44 AM | NO I would not be able to cope with it or be happy.... ( I DON'T WANT TO....)
Love is like fuel to me.... once gone... Im just a stationary car....
You are freaking me out... why would you say such a thing... it is always in the back of my mind but you actually put it down .... What's up OP???
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 10/27/2008 1:00:52 PM |
KrillBee originally asked:
Hypothetical situation:
Suppose that one day you realized you weren't fit to be in a relationship with anyone or even be physical with anyone. This matter was out of your control, and you knew you would be stuck this way for the rest of your life.
Would you be able to cope with it and still be happy? How would you cope with it?
Interesting question, and considering I've basically been a hermit my entire life anyway, one I feel qualified to answer.
I coped with it by accepting the fact that not everyone is blessed enough to find what they truly desire in this world at the time they want it. Opportunities come and go, and sometimes we miss out due to our own mental blinders at the time the opportunities were there. The luckier ones stumble across abundant second chances; the "less fortunate" do not, or sometimes they're so far apart they've long since ceased to care/notice.
So basically I dedicated myself to the people I care for dearly, namely my close friends, and family. I've always wanted to be a man respected for both his strength and his intellect, so I've simply made my life's challenge developing myself on both fronts. I strive daily to be stronger, faster, and in better shape than everyone I know. It's been 10+ years now since I made that resolution and I'm pleased to see it was not in vain, I can pretty much whoop 99% of people in my peer group as far as overall fitness goes. 
When people ask me: "how do you manage to stay in such youthful condition and phenomenal shape?", I simply tell them that I'm doing what I can to maintain myself, in the hope that when that elusive second chance does come along at romance, she won't be disappointed in what she finds...  | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 10/27/2008 1:57:11 PM | | I may be single, but its better to be single if I had to chose settling for a bad relationship. At this point in my life, I am happy, content, and willing to see things from different perspectives. I am not, however, willing to live the rest of my days in misery for the sake of not being single anymore. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 10/27/2008 2:17:49 PM | Reading this thread makes me scratch my head and go WTF? Who would determine that any of us "weren't fit to be in a relationship with anyone or even be physical with anyone"? Dating is totally subjective and it should be all about knowing who we are, knowing what we are about, the person we display to the world, and what we are looking for in a mate. I totally believe that there is a match for everyone, and its just a matter of being out there, open to the possibility and going after what you want.
This is for everyone, men and women alike, if you don't like your looks, get a makeover, new hair style/color, or change the way you dress, and carry yourself better. If you don't like things in your personality, change it, as we are all responsible for ourselves, our values and how we treat those we deal with. If you don't like where you are in life, make the needed changes by going back to school or take classes in something that you can work at to make extra money in your spare time. Finally, the big one, if you don't like your weight - instead of being miserable and stuffing down that piece of desert, and saying "I know I should not be having this!" Get off your a$$ and get active (working out at the gym or walking) and watch the pounds go as you improve your calories/fat intake and get fit. We are in control of our lives. I get angry when people think so little of themselves, we are all a work in progress and as hard and unfair life is as it gets in the way of our plans, its all up to us - get over it and get make whatever changes you need to do, to make you happy with yourself. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 10/27/2008 2:39:15 PM | I've dated a lot, been married twice (many many years ago) lived with someone (horrible decision) and had a few intense relationships, but for most of my adult life, and yes I mean most of it, I've been single (yes I'm separated but as single as it gets other than to marry again, which I have no desire to do) I've lived alone most of my adult life. It took me years, and some therapy, to figure out that I actually like being alone even though I fall in love like everybody else and I like men and have fantasies too, but I know me, and I know that living with someone (unless I meet someone like me) will never work. I also have some physical problems and some disabilities so many times being alone is actually much more comfortable. I do live with my daughter and son-in-law now but they are hardly ever here, I'm more a house/cat sitter than the pain-in-the-ass mother.
So to answer the question, yes, I'm happy with knowing I'm more than likely going to be alone the rest of my life. Never say never, but my happiness does not depend on finding me a man, the right man could add to that of course but I'm very happy now. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 10/27/2008 4:26:21 PM | Suppose I was stuck thinking that being single was something one is "stuck" in?
"Single" is not necessarily a bad place to be.
The concept suggested by the phrase 'stuck single' is probably responsible for a lot of badly thought out,dysfunctional relationships that people put themselves into, put up with, because they think that being single is some sort of horrible situation to be escaped,whatever the cost.
Sad.
Cindy O | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 10/27/2008 4:51:47 PM | Being by yourself , having your own space/solitude /independence
is hardly a bad thing... I have been single for a while and sure it would be cool to meet someone who is right for me but until I do I hardly feel like its the end of the world..
What I define as "stuck" is being stuck in a dead end going nowhere relationship with someone when all you want to do is exhale and regain your sanity and peace of mind and be to yourself.. much a bear knawing his paw off to escape... That to me is "stuck" | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 10/27/2008 5:28:56 PM | | Msg 365 I am totally agreement with you. Why does being single sound like a death sentence to so many people? If you can't be happy with being on your own then you will never be happy with someone else. JMO | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 10/27/2008 6:07:12 PM | Suppose that one day you realized you weren't fit to be in a relationship with anyone or even be physical with anyone.
Would you be able to cope with it and still be happy? How would you cope with it?
Of course I could happy. Happiness does not come from being in a relationship. I could be happy living alone in a box or be unhappy in a castle with a room full of people.
Cliche or not, it's really true that happiness comes from within...no one can make you happy. And while things can give you pleasure and provide temporary distraction, they can't make you happy either.
And if I was "stuck" knowing I could never be physical with anyone ever again (through illness or injury I assume), well then I guess I would have to either accept my fate or not.
This is unfortunately something that many people find themselves "stuck" with at some point in their lives....either because they themselves become incapacitated through illness or injury or their partners do...what are you going to do?
Anyway...the premise of your opening post is flawed IMO. Being single is not a curse nor is it an inferior or superior position than being in a relationship or anything else is. It just is. And sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. 
JMO
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 10/27/2008 6:43:17 PM | Well, I think happiness can come from being in a relationship
I've been married, and in relationships, I know about feeling happy.
It's when you believe that happiness cannot exist without a relationship, that's when you're slippin' beneath the surface.
I agree with Oldsoul, that being single is not, nor should it be less than, or better than being in a relationship. As a matter of fact, the one relationship that is often overlooked is the one you have with yourself.
As if someone can magically restore you to YOU.
It's not good, it's not bad, it's what is. It's pretty pointless to argue against 'what is'
Kimbo**************************** | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 10/27/2008 7:33:39 PM | Wow, way to revive an old thread. WTF, I'll bite!
Honestly, if I came to that conclusion (with the aide of psychiatric professionals, of course!), it would mean that I was totally bonkers and terminally soul sick.
In reality, if you go through a bad enough dry spell and get depressed enough, you will start thinking you might be unfit for any sort of interpersonal relationships, even one-nighters. That's a real bad place to be and I'd suggest seeing a psychologist to try to get things fixt, right faakin' now. Don't go to a psychiatrist, those nozzles will just have you poppin' happy pills, not good at all.
If you haven't 'gotten any' in a year or so, go get friggin' help. Don't rationalize with vapid plattitudes, get help! Before the funk gets too deep.
For all those folks who said anything to the order of:"Being alone is OK, you have to love yourself, yada yada yada". I'm calling Bull sh--t!
Try spending a couple of years with nothing but the occasional (3 or 4 times a year) drunkin, unsatisfying romp, followed by 5 years of celibacy. An unimaginable drought.
That WILL mess a guy up. Like scars on your soul messed up. Takes a mighty toll on the self-esteem.
I don't know how I survived that, but I did. A few years down the road and it all seems like a bad dream. Thanks Jess for...being you!
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