| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 7:54:48 AM |
guess u just have to be happy with urself....or get alot of cats
Funny that you mention this! I just read that having three or more cats is a fairly sure sign that an unattached person is resigning themselves to being single forever.  | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 8:01:06 AM | well first of all...most people are "fit to be in a relationship" and that includes myself...now if you don't like yourself and don't feel derseving, you have more problems than you realize....
personally, I choose to be in a relationship and like anything you want in life, would require a bit of effort. Its all up to me..for a while I chose to remain happily divorced because I didn't want to go through that again, but I'm willing to get back on that road and keep my eyes and ears open...its a tough task...if it happens , great, if not, there's always that old standby | |
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HzChld
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Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 53 | |
| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 8:09:27 AM | | Msg. 46...rjb888...You make some very valid points here, and yes it is very sad indeed. My Best Friend told me once that since they had always been alone, they did not miss not having someone there for them. I found that, and still find that very, very sad. I have been alone for about 8 yrs. now. I don't think anyone really wants to be alone and the little irritating things you mentioned like him/her leaving their clothes all over the house, him/her leaving dishes in the sink, him/her hogging the remote, him/her not helping out as much around the house...etc., I actually miss. BUT I will not settle for just anyone for the simple fact of not wanting to be alone. It has to be the right man. The saddest part is when you find that one you love with all your heart, flaws and all, and you do not seem to meet the "requirements and/or qualifications" they have set for the one they are looking for, for whatever reason. One of those..."I love you, but" kinda deals. I can live the rest of my life alone if need be, but it is not my first choice, as it once was. I think everyone has to become comfortable with themselves and being alone. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 8:17:26 AM | | OP, if that were to happen it's not the end of the world. Many times I've been without a relationship and not physical with anyone. I still enjoy my life, I'm still happy, and I can enjoy many things by myself or with friends and family. And if that were to be how the rest of my life went, I'd be fine with it...better to be alone than with the wrong person. As for how I'd cope with it, I'd simply live my life just as I do now...enjoying every day. Being in a relationship or being physical with someone isn't what makes one happy....you have to be happy by yourself before you can ever be happy with someone else. | |
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RJB888
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Joined: 11/23/2005
Msg: 55 | |
| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 8:18:31 AM | I don't think people should EVER settle for someone they aren't happy with. That would be a disaster for both.
It's hard work to be happy with yourself. And it's hard work to be in a realtionship. I think people feel it's disposable at the drop of a hat.
I will NOT give up on love and hopeing to find the person I can spend the rest of my life with. That's like giving up on myself. I NEED to love not only myself but someone else too. But that's just me. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 8:18:47 AM | I like myself fine, probably more than is reasonable, and I deserve anything good that exists or could. But that's not what matters since I am not the other person. I have no problem living with myself for the rest of my life. I'm lucky to have me. The problem is that someone else would have to settle for me, and then settle for the life we had together, when there are always better men and better lives out there to want. Women leave because they compare their reality to their dream and decide the dream is better, or, they can't stand settling for the reality when the dream beckons. So I don't think it is a matter of what I think about myself, it is about how women look to make men into their dream, which men are doomed to fail. The women who can be happy with mere mortals, flawed and less than ideal, well, they are in their relationships being happy. It is the ones who are not content with available men who remain single looking for that great guy who represents the least they would settle for.
At first when women fall in love they can easily imagine they have met the great guy, because infatuation and wishful thinking are a winning combination, even better than beer goggles for making men attractive and worthy. For a few shining moments the earrings suit the pig. When the honeymoon is over, the women revert to their habit of living on the dock waiting for their ship to come in. They awaken to recognize the man is just another man, not Prince Charming. Then they live a while in their feelings of having been fooled again, before planning an escape, which might take mounting a case against the man to maintain the appearance that he was other than he presented himself and so deserves to be rejected.
I agree with the earlier observation that for some, it is the idea of "should" that is the problem. They think they should be in a relationship, and so are unhappy out of one, but then when they do get with a man, they are even less happy, and have to withdraw. Being stupid, men keep looking for that woman who will stay happy, and find instead these revolving door visits that begin wonderfully then return quickly to a resentful, trapped woman accounting his faults to explain her impulse to escape.
Being single forever becomes a better option than repeatedly building a house that comes crashing down as soon as the roof is done. The impulse to have a relationship changes and lo, all that there is in life to do comes into view once the distraction of love's illusion fades. For whatever reasons, obviously there are some people who flourish when paired up, and others who wilt. After a while you learn which you are or, realize that although you would rather be with someone, there are no longer any someones to be with.
Have you ever gone to the store when it's busy and no matter how many times you circle the parking lot, all the spaces are taken? You would run out of gas if you kept going, so you drive someplace else, and the rest of the world is someplace else. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 8:20:16 AM |
weren't fit to be in a relationship with anyone or even be physical with anyone
This phrasing really bothers me, not for myself but for the OP or anyone else for whom it "resonates". Of course I WASN'T single for the largest part of my adult life, but the only people I can think of who might not be "fit" to be in a relationship are the deeply disturbed and dangerous individuals who OUGHT to be locked away from society. I don't think a physical or mental disability is an automatic cause for being "not relationship material".
But yeah I know the question is "what if"? WEll you might want to re adjust your perspective, stop looking at it as a question of being "not fit",but rather as a person of unique character and appearance, a rarity that's hard to match, and learn to enjoy doing what you want, when you want, spending your discretionary income as YOU choose, and very much being your own person and living your own life.
BTW, I only have ONE cat, in fact I had MORE cats and other pets when my hubby was alive( and they all liked him best LOL)
Cindy O | |
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HzChld
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Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 58 | |
| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 8:30:22 AM | | Msg. 55...rjb88...I agree with you on this also, especially where people think relationships are disposable. A relationship requires lots of work...on a continual basis. It took a long time to learn to love myself and until I did, I do not think I was capable of truly knowing how to love someone else. You have alot of insight and wisdom. Nice to see you on the Forums. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 10:59:45 AM | | Never say never. If that was the case, I'd try and change the environment around me. I mean you can't think that way. It's very narrow minded. One-dimensional is the word I'm looking for. You've got to expand your view across other 'dimensional planes'. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 11:15:40 AM | | My daughters worry more about this than I do. I think they're scared they'll have to change my diapers one day. One of them was visiting recently and opened a cubbard...out tumbled a dozen or so of those plastic containers like Egg Drop Soup comes in. She said "It's starting already." I said "What???" "That old people crazy-saving- sh*t Mom." I fear she's right. But I did throw some of them away to make her feel better about things. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 11:26:37 AM | Too funny, @Arugula! LOL, I think my kids are worried about the same thing. Of course, I love playing with their heads too and making them think I am crazier than I really am. It's just some fun payback for some of the stuff they put us through.
Thanks for the laugh - Karen | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 11:32:40 AM | | its compleatly unatural to be single, just look at the catholic priests,sorry catholics, but its true, they all become weird, just so averyone knows i was born an rc, but now im a heritic, yes to condoms, yes to premarital sex, yes towomans rights, and a bunch of other yes's, so excomunicate me allready | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 12:21:59 PM | I love my single life, and have no interest in changing that right now. There's so much to do out there, and being single allows for freedom to do them. I wish more people could see that there is more to life than being in a relationship. Call me selfish. But there are FAR worse things in life than being alone. I'd say take advantage of being single, go out and explore the world, and discover your soul. If being selfish means living life to the fullest, being happy with who you are and showing that to the world, and spreading that happiness around for the greater good, then I'm all for it! There's nothing worse than some feel-sorry-for-me sourpuss who's stuck in a relationship with the wrong person, one that they're in just because they didn't want to be alone. I'd rather wait for the right one to come along than simply settle. 36 years and counting. LOL  | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 12:31:21 PM | If that were to happen, it wouldnt effect me to over much, as I have been single for some time now.
I have always felt it is better to focus on what you do have in life, and not so much what you do not have.
So I imagine I would continue as I have for these past few years, and enjoy the people I do have in my life, and not worry about who isnt there.
And always have a couple dogs to keep me company.  | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 12:57:28 PM | I'm too cute for that to happen.
Seriously though? I'd feel really really really sad. I mean mega sad. Like sad to the 10th sad. Well, you get he idea.
Life is so enriched by having someone special to share it with. And living without sex for the rest of my life?
WAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Ok, can I leave now? I think this thread has traumatized me. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 12:59:28 PM | after being married for 20 years and having steady girlfriends before that, i found myself in a strange situation when my wife left me a year ago.
at first i felt a very strong need to fill the gap in my life, but as time went on i found other things to occupy my time-mostly my kids, whom i love unconditionally. and like another poster said there is no longer someone in the background constantly hammering away at my psyche. so in many ways i'm happier than before.
i still want to find a close relationship with a woman again, but i can wait a few years if necessary.
to answer your question of forever, tho....i guess that's why internet porn is so popular! | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 1:29:05 PM | | If one thinks internet porn is the answer , the op never said that you could use your hands and if you get all of that visual stimulation what are you going to do with it when you are not able to release it otherwise then? Think about that. No one to share any ideas after when you get the excitement from the sideshow supposedly. I feel if one is going to be ALL alone for the rest of their life then get a lobotomy or hope for Alzheimer's. At the very least let each new day seem like a new experience then I feel. NONE of this on the brain then.. and no more worries or cares concerning getting any. It can be an effective way to cope with it and be happy too..if you really consider the benefits to lose one's interest then. I have pets and platonic friends in addition to my grown daughter that may add grandkids for me to corrupt some day so that is something to look forward to regardless of how I end up. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 1:58:26 PM | i have been single for over 6 years now so i am beginning to think i will be single forever, and am starting to accept it. not like it mind you, just accept it | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 2:08:58 PM | well being single i can live with... But sex is something we all need... so being physical will be there.
i dont need a relationship.. I want one... there is a difference. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 2:54:17 PM | | why "stuck"? you have to first learn to like yourself and be happy with your life in order to be able to share it with another person; sombody else will not fill the void in your life | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 3:30:02 PM | Given the original post, I can only assume this applies to someone who wants to be in a relationship but can't, say because teleporter error plopped you in the middle of nowhere. You just deal with life as it comes, whether via suicide, addiction, outlook or whatever.
However, if I generalize from the subject line, I don't consider being single a condition that needs to be fixed. Daria, You beat me to it, why "Stuck single"? Life is about relationships, but I don't have to be part of a couple to have relationships.
I don't believe there is one special person for me, I believe there is a set of women, any one of which could potentially be a life mate. But there's no guarantee I will ever meet any of these women, and I don't consider my life a success or failure based on being part of a couple.
As others have said, there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. As someone who needs lots of alone time to help me manage life, I see alone time as a good thing. There will be times when I want to be alone and can't, and other times when I want company and can't. But those are temporary situations and not chronic conditions.
My plan is to raise my kids, work on improving myself and spend time with people who care about me and I care about them. If I happen to meet someone who changes my mind, I'll worry about that when it happens.
--Bob | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 5:37:59 PM | How sad to think if you're stuck in anything, when we can choose to be single, married or anything else in life. I don't feel being single is bad, and I can do anything I want at anytime. Anyone can feel miserable being single or in a relationship, you make your life how you want it, and if you don't like how its turning out, you have the power to change it.
I am my own best friend, I like my company, and I am planning to take me, myself and I to a movie soon and buy the group popcorn and coca cola...lol 
We can all have fun being single and its not a death sentence... | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/14/2007 5:44:31 PM | | I think that before you can be happy with someone else you need to noe how to be happy by yourself so yes i tihnk that i could deal with the situation because i am happy just being me. not that i would want to be forever i think that it would be lonley and no physical come on can anyone really go forever with out being physical again lol | |
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