| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/16/2007 1:00:27 PM | | I have been single a lot longer than I was married. In that time I have gotten two degrees, started and run a successful business, learned to ballroom dance at the gold level, bought renovated and sold several houses and generally had a good time. if I were to stay single I would continue to persue my interests and passions. I love my life. A relationship is like iceing on a cake. Sweeter. But I believe it is up to me to build the cake and if there is iceign on the top it is a bonus. I also live with cats. Not a susbstitute for a relationship but they are a joy a comfort and companionship | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 102 | |
| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/16/2007 2:15:49 PM | Hey, sometimes I do wonder that, pickins out there are rather slim.
I've been divorced since 1987, and I've come to realization it is what it is. I've been fortunate than some, have been married and have been in love. Marriage is not a requirement for me, in fact, I probably do not want to remarry. However, I don't want to be someone's **** buddy either. The key thing is rather or not we're in relationships, we should love ourselves first and be happy & peaceful from within. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/16/2007 3:40:25 PM | Single life would be great. It's the opportunity to sleep with many women as possible without being blamed for an affair. And if they get out of hand, you just kick their butt to the curb without any legalities and only enough cab fare to get home. The opportunity to do what you want, when you want, and how to spend your money without some bi*ching wife whining because you went out drinking and didn't get her share of the paycheck to go shopping for clothes that she doesn't need.
Single life is also described as something else: sweet freedom.
Wish it was that easy. With sexually transmitted diseases you can't just trust anyone, you need to build some form of relationship to trust them enough that you know it is not going to be a risk. Friendships have come and gone, and some while they have stayed are with people who I don't know how many partners they have, but none of them are me, and I know it is more than one.
Until I know someone whose partner count presently is zilch outside of myself, and they desire no one but myself to be on that list, no way am I going to sleep in bed with them. For that, it would need to be at least something other than just single.
They might have had other parters in the past, and as long as they are tested and plan to only have me as a partner in the future, that's OK. But I'm not going to bed with anyone who has presently more than me as a partner, nor someone unwilling to be tested. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/16/2007 4:56:26 PM | By applying the negative connotation of being "stuck" single, you are pretty much telling us that you find it to be some kind of curse. A lot of people prefer single life.
I SO prefer single life to being trapped in a bad marriage...... | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/16/2007 5:00:16 PM | | These days you have to know who the person is. Never be in a rush to get into a relationship with serious written all over it. The honeymoon eventually ends and you will then find out how much a couple is meant to be together. Get to know them inside and out before going deep. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/16/2007 5:46:48 PM | Hi powervidio,
Is that my problem? I have three cats. They are my joy, my comfort and my companionship. They are great to cuddle. Does this mean I have to give up one or more of my cats? I am not resigned to being single forever far from it. In the mean time I do love having a creature Purrrrrring in my bed even if it is a cat. It beats sleeping alone. And If I were to be single for the rest of my life it would not be a bad thing just different from what I want.
Karen | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/16/2007 10:07:46 PM | I believe that I have the courage to approach marriage one day, and succeed at it. I'm not perfect, but I'm happy with that. I live with the errors I make, the judgement calls that didn't work out, and move on. It isn't a question of being "stuck" one way or another. If I was "stuck" married I'd finally be put in the fire and be given the chance to learn what it takes to be social on a daily basis. Being single I get to choose when I want to not be out there social without the distractions, but do I get the choice of when to be social? Not very well. I can make some educated guesses as to what it means to be social. But not having to face it every day of my life in a way that it is right in my face, I miss the genuine interaction I can have with someone not on my job. A friend or two help along in some ways. But not enough obviously, as I constantly run into myself being considered rude when I don't mean to. I have no clue what makes social interaction work steadily. When it happens it is like hitting the lottery. All other times I'm in my hermitic self. I would hope that by finding some friends who can give me a little guidance, I can find the social world not so abhorrant, and feel like I fit in again. The joy of having a successful social situation is so enlightening, I realize that I can fit in, and gives me confidence that I don't have to be selfish or too self-absorbed. Those events though happen so rarely, I don't know what makes that success happen. No, I'm not going to let myself be stuck single forever. If I have the potential to succeed in being a social being like I hear our whole race of human beings is, I should approach it and embrace it with both hands. I should not be afraid of my desires to love and one day be loved. Those who feel like being "stuck" married is a curse should look at the people who never had a real social life to begin with, and consider themselves lucky to have found themselves something steady. Don't let yourself lose yourself because you feel unhappy about the other person you are with. And if the other person begins to show desires to cheat tell them they will never find anyone quite your equal. Divorce is a cop-out. If I ever got myself into a marriage, I would not think myself as stuck there. I'd say this is the greatest opportunity of my life to actually feel comfortable around others that I've ever had. And I'd look at it as a way to learn how to interact with others. Suppose I were stuck single forever? I'd live with it, enjoy being myself, but it would also make me think less of the human race, that there is not one person out there who is willing to give me a try. It shows that people have lost their open mindedness and their ability to approach others. It shows that no matter how much you build a foundation for yourself, you can't find yourself in a true social sphere unless someone invites you in.
Try and interrupt other social spheres, you are shunned. It is like no one group wants you because you haven't gotten socially acquianted with what are the proper customs. Well of course not. How am I supposed to get acquainted with them unless I get into the sphere in the first place. So invite me, teach me what it takes. You'll find I'm an able and willing learner, and will give as much as I get. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/17/2007 3:08:43 PM | Well the reality of all of this is
No person is ever "stuck" in a bad marriage, "stuck" in a bad relationship, "stuck" in a bad job or "stuck" being single for that matter, its all personal choice.....
So if personal choice is the kind of action we take...and comes in two flavors - either action or inaction which are both action.
The problem lies in how people are too insecure in themselves which instills fear in one that in essence prevents one to break free, to speak up and discuss problems/issues maturely and most of all generally makes one too afraid to be alone.
On the other hand as human beings we concoct and use a list of excuses to cover and justify our actions or inaction, others would rather complain instead of take any actions to change their situation or rectify their problem....and.....thats enough philosophy! LOL | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/17/2007 4:07:36 PM | Oh, gosh that question is scary because it feels so real. But if that is a reality I guess I would have to make do the best way I could with the life circumstrances thats before me.
C | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/17/2007 7:38:36 PM | | I don't think you can be happy in a relationship, until you are happy with who you are. So you pose a self-fullfilling prophecy. If you can't be happy single, you aren't likely to find happiness in a realtionship. Learn to like your single life, and live it for yourself, and maybe you will be more open to, & likely to find, a new relationship. | |
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~CC~
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Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 112 | |
| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/17/2007 8:33:03 PM | sure i cld handle it............i'd rather be single and happy then in a relationship...miserable and not happy.............
plus theres always "BOB" (battery operated bf) lmfao  | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/17/2007 9:13:16 PM | | Then so be it. I'm not going to worry about things I cannot change. Better to be single and free than stuck in a loveless relationship. Which one would you rather be "stuck" in? | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/18/2007 3:00:56 AM | Actually funny that I came across this. I have resigned myself to being single forever and have started to plan my life accordingly. See, I live somewhere where there's a lack of men to go around and too many beautiful women to go around.
I've loved and lost and loved and been loved, etc. So I think I am going to do what I want to do now completely be selfish and live my life the way I want. I'm financially secure, and I can have children on my own through adoption. I can hire people to do the things a partner would do or do them myself.
I'm just not looking anymore. If someone is meant to be, they will come and find me. But otherwise, I'm getting on with my life and I'm okay if I am single for the rest of it. I wasn't single for the past 17 years, so I got more love than most people have in a lifetime, and it's enough. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/18/2007 3:24:34 AM | If I were single for the rest of my life.. would it be tragic? no!
would I survive? yes!
Is it better than half the marriages out there? Yes!
I am not willing to settle for a bad relationship just to have one.. if this means I am singe till the right guy comes along. So be it! | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/18/2007 3:46:26 AM | well, the good part about being older is I know what I want/don't want... the bad part about being older is knowing what I want/don't want..
I was figuring out that even though I've amassed a stack of divorce decrees and LT relationships, I see that I've been single 2/3 of my adult life. Not dating, not married. So, I see that this is my way in life. And it is okay.
When I first began on POF I still had hope/faith that I would date, at least. You know, boy contacts girl, emails/phones enough times, girl and boy meet for coffee. Once it has happened.
So, after lots of 'how come they fade away moments' (like each weekend since I have been here), I changed my 'dating' to 'friends' on the site.
I have made 1/2 dozen male friendships here that sustain me and we enjoy discussing the expectations of meeting an SO, here. Sort of a personal forum.
I was making myself crazy with the expectation part. So, to just be here for friends and forums makes me smile again and not captive to the screen and cell phone hoping that THIS ONE would follow through and call. I'm sleeping better and my scowl is gone now from my brow. Yeah, I guess it's freeing.
The value of male friendships is as important as my female friends. Most of their suggestions and observances have been solid, good information. I find sometimes with my female friends I preach and howl to the choir, with no new 'hey try this' information as we do the same thing / same thinking. The guys takes are usually spot on and make me go 'oh yeah, duh, thanks'.
If I'm jammed up now I have the forums to check out and in no time at all I'm back in a great mood and totally happy with being single and not wondering how to get out of yet another soured relationship. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/18/2007 4:10:22 AM | LOL I know you are asking a theoretical question this is one of those funny logic threads.
Lets follow the logic here,
1. Being single is a choice
2. If everyone is constantly thinking about being single...
3. then how would anyone ever get into a relationship if being single is the only thing on the mind. 
The mind operates with what ever is on the mind, and the emotion gives it the motivational energy.
At the end of the day we are all single, it is a matter of how much we share the appreciation and enjoy life with another person. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/18/2007 4:21:10 AM | Why are people so desparate to find the one so called, the worlds such a big place, lots places to go lots stuff to do and people are to busy trying to search for the one , Why so much energy trying, when you could be out there, Use your energy postivly and find friends and happiness and most of all contentment 1st. Then once you found that you be laffing your socks off, Come on guys move on life dont revolve round having a partner or getting married and having kids, Most women usually get left alone afte r having kid anyway, Im 37 nearly have the most wonderful life ,house ,pool,business loads m8s and most of all HAPPINESS, And i can say im really happy
Please dont say ive had it easy coz tell u what if you knoew my life story you would cry, Im the usualy housing estate kid with no money and no food,i had very unhappy childhood and yeah yeah i did the drugs and all that crap, so dont say i had happy lucky home life | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/18/2007 5:10:53 AM | To me it is not a Hypothetical Situation, its all to real. It's been soooooo very long that someone put there arms around me and just held me and meant it. That is way I am working on just becoming a workaholic or something so that I do not have face what awaits me. I hope and pray that love may somehow find me, or I find it, or....whatever.
But after the one year turns into another then another and another and after 7 years I know that its over for me. The older I get the less and less option are open to me and with each passing year I know those option get fewer and fewer. Go to a hooker...? NO WAY...that would just make me feel cheap and even more empty then ever. But it would be so nice to have someone just put a arm around me...even in friendship...
Why is it that those that find love and relationship around ever other corner are the one that use and abuse it all the time. And those of us that can respect it and would cherish it as if it was gold, get none. Or is the secret to it all to be someone that does not care and you just use and abuse someone to get what we want and then throw them away when we have used them up and gotten what we want....? It seems that way from what I have been seeing, I hope that this is not the truth as it would break my heart and my soul if this is how it is.... It just seems the ones that care the least are the ones that get the most....or am I not seeing something that is hidden from my eyes....
I thought that I found it once, but it was not what I had hoped for and was more of just a crewl joke played on me.
Now I do not care really, now I just seek friendship since its clear that love and relationship as not in the cards for me it seems, so I have settled into the it that I will remain single and go through the rest me my days on this earth as just that. I wish it would not be so....but after all this time....what can I think. It seems to me that you have to have the right look and just the right personality and so on...or something like that to find love and to break that cycle of being single and empty. No I am not on some self pitty trip just being very open and honest with my feelings and what I see and what things look like throw my eyes.
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/18/2007 5:37:07 AM | Friedrich Nietzsche said "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Human beings were not created to live their entire lives alone. I don't believe for a moment anyone could be truly happy to the core of their soul to be alone. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/18/2007 5:47:23 AM |
Human beings were not created to live their entire lives alone. I don't believe for a moment anyone could be truly happy to the core of their soul to be alone.
Being single for life doesn't necessarily mean living your entire life alone. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/18/2007 5:54:33 AM | When I got to be in about my mid thirties, I began to joke that I am a Modern Old Maid. After living alone for so long, I think it would probably be very difficult to live with anyone full-time, though playing house once in a while isn't such a bad thing. 
One way I cope with it is that I try to cultivate meaningful relationships.
I got a dog who is my constant companion, and loves me completely and unconditionally.
There was a line in a movie that said that the reason that we seek out love is because it feels great while it lasts. How true! And it feels miserable when it is over. Yet we still seek out love.
I am always a bit puzzled when people ask me why I am not married, because marriage is a choice, not a necessity. | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/19/2007 1:23:48 PM | | Hmmm as it is I guess I am facing the reality this may well be the case. I will dedicate my life to my children look for whatever joy I can in simple things watching seeds sprout I planted standing under the shade of a tree that would not be there if not for me try to enjoy every moent in a day and not realize the joy of the moment would increase tenfold if I had someone to love and share it with | |
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| Suppose you were stuck single forever...
Posted: 3/19/2007 2:31:44 PM | | I've been happily married, miserably married and single. So far the miserably married proves to me that singleness can be more fulfilling than a bad union. | |
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