| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/22/2005 2:36:10 PM | Bless you men who have also been hurt, or who are advocating for an end and an understanding of domestic violence.
Thank you littlebird.
All men should read up on this subject, not just for themselves, but for their sisters, mothers, female friends, and even the women in their neighborhood that may be strangers to them.
The best weapon in the fight against spouse abuse (the only fight I'm interested in here), is KNOWLEDGE.
no i was refering to you, not others that are just sharing there story. Im talking simply about the people who are judging.
Please see my first post in this thread, it was in response to a poster that implied that being abused was because of "foolishness" on the part of the victim, to me this was dissmisive and judgmental, .....you had no problem with his post and even thanked him for it.
If you found my "correcting" his assertion that vicims were "foolish", judgmental and offensive?
I assure you, this wasn't my intention.
There are many myths and fallacies surrounding spousal abuse (the "foolish" victim being one of them), are you saying those with information to the contrary of these myths and fallacies should remain silent?
Honest question, I don't want to fight, .....I'm just puzzled by your anger towards me.
People have been helped by facts and information here on the POF fora, ....happens often. | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/22/2005 2:38:16 PM |
I never said that I was an "expert" on abuse, nor did I ever think I would have cruel and annoying people judging what I write. If I had known there were people on here that only want to fight, then I would have never posted my story. My story was soley meant to inspire others to leave incase ever in this situation. "no affence"
I'm sorry for what you went through ,but that does not give you the right to dismiss anyone else's opinions or experiences as invalid. When you do that here, you'll most likely get called on it. >shrug< 'tis the nature of the beast in forums. If honesty and straight up disagreement are "cruelty" to you , then perhaps your skin isn't thick enough for forums. I don't think I was rude to you......just honestly stated my opinion of what you said to Late. | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/22/2005 2:44:48 PM |
Which is why I said "usually".
The problem is in thinking that there is a "check-list" of red flags that will tell you whether you will be safe or not. This in and of itself is a dangerous mindset that could lead to a false sense of security.
If there were a check-list, ......abuse would be a rarity, ....wouldn't it?
EXACTLY Late, and that's what I was trying to point out to the OP, that each abuser is different.....some may have commonalities, but there is no foolproof way to make sure a person you are about to commit to ISN'T an abuser.
In addition, some people may have potential to be abusers that lies dormant until they come under severe stress. It's wrong to assume that a person found themselves in an abusive situation because they failed to recognize the "signs". | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/22/2005 2:46:43 PM | | 13 years !! wow .. that is a very long time. I thought 2 years was a long time. Im so sorry you had to go through this. I hope its made you a stronger person as well, wich im sure it has! Im glad you got your children out of that environment as well. Good luck to you and your children. Stay safe!! | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/22/2005 2:48:08 PM |
It's wrong to assume that a person found themselves in an abusive situation because they failed to recognize the "signs".
Very wrong, as was pointed out to the poster that implied that the victims were "foolish" | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/22/2005 2:51:06 PM | You know, let me say im sorry. Maybe im still hasty towards men. Im not on here to fight with anybody! I just truely beleive that there are red flags. No, I didnt see them in the begining. You dont ..because your not used to the way things are. After you've been a "victem" is when you can see the red sighns, and that my friend is when you get the hell out from the get go. I did not see these signs at first these red flags, only after the fact
So forgive me for being so critisizing(spelling) of you:> Im only here as a friend, im really not a fighter | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/22/2005 2:53:05 PM | | I dont think forums are meant for "opinions" I thought they were just mean to tell a story, and someone may want to coment on it .. i didnt think there was any room for opinon on my story. It was just something that happened to me .. and i wanted to share it..thats all .. i dont know where the heck all this is coming from | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/22/2005 2:56:13 PM | 
I'm here as a friend too
The place to look for red flags is in the victims, these are VERY consistant, unlike those of the abusers.
I reccomend that everybody learn to recognize the signs that someone is being abused, while the abuser is motivated to be undiscovered, ....he is best identified by seeing the signs of his abuse in his victims.
Friends, Siblings, Parents, Neigbours, Co-Workers ..... if they're being abused, there will be signs, they may be subtle but not as subtle as the abuser.
Knowing when to help is a very good thing.
It was just something that happened to me .. and i wanted to share it..thats all .. i dont know where the heck all this is coming from.
Awww... don't worry, if you check out the rules, ....you'll see that the whole point of having these fora is for discussion. Excluding anybody from responding to thread topics is frowned upon, ....to the point of being against the rules.
Stick around though, there are lots of friendly knowlegeable people here, and tons of entertaining misfits (sometimes all in the same package), I think you will like POF if you give it a chance.
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/22/2005 3:05:57 PM | Thankyou Late ...I hope all of us can have some kinda insperation in peoples lives:> I think ive touched a few, and im sure you have too!! thanks for you posts ...
Your friend,
Speritualone
sorry for being so hasty..please understand | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/22/2005 3:12:28 PM | I do understand (glad you do too).
PS: There's a bonus when you get to "100 posts", you get an "edit" button. | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/22/2005 3:46:40 PM | Apologies for my harshness, speritualone......especially as you are new to forums.
A belated welcome.....hope you enjoy it here. | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/22/2005 3:55:07 PM | I wanted to also state that one way we can help in our own little corners of the world is to pay attention to state and local domestic violence laws....and vote in favor of victim protection.
Here in South Carolina, they are just NOW trying to pass legislation to make domestic violence a felony......unless the beating is so severe that the victim's life is in danger (and they can call it attempted murder) domestic abuse is a MISDEMEANOR in this state until the third offense. Truly still in the dark ages. A bill proposed only this week was vetoed by the state senate.....appalling.
In my home state of Tennessee (at least just before I left) they had a "cool down" law. This meant that anyone who was arrested for domestic violence was held for 48 hours REGARDLESS of whether the victim chose to press charges or not .....once the cops are called by a victim and they show signs of physical injury SOMEBODY is spending 2 days in jail.
It was controversial......but what it meant was that people who called law enforcement for help had a 48 hour head start in getting away if they needed to....or drunk abusers had the time to sober up and reflect etc....and weren't as likely to go looking for their abuser to retaliate for the arrest. | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/23/2005 12:17:36 PM | Africanmale pointed out: "Men get abused too. Where do they go for help ?"
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You are right -- and this abuse is also hurtful. Although this thread is intended as support for women, male abuse also cannot be ignored. If you or someone you know is being abused, support may be available from the following organizations, many of which are listed among the emergency services on or near the first page of your local phone book:
• under “Police Service” - Family, Youth and Violent Crime Section
• in life and death situations or regarding crimes in progress, call 911
• RCMP Victim Services
• under “State Government” -Mental Health Boards
• the YMCA, some centres of which have a Family Violence Prevention Program
• Community and Social Service offices
• Men’s Line
• Counseling Services
A good book on the topic: Cook, Philip W. Abused Men. The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence.Westport, Connecticut: Praeger, 1997.
Family of Men Support Society:
Hope this helps,
littlebird452 | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/23/2005 12:19:08 PM | ^^ forgot that links won't be posted :)
just google it. | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/23/2005 12:58:36 PM | There is also another thread posted on this forum dealing with this issue.
(Glad you figger'd out the glitch littlebird)
While root causality in regards to the abuser, and the devistating consequenses abuse has on the victim, are often identical for both men and women. Cultural bias has put this issue into the realm of gender politics.
This only distances the victims(both male and female) from any strategies to combat abuse at it's cause, and to streamline the healing process......all to further a seperate agenda.
Abuse is wrong, .....abuse is the issue, ......it's sad that it takes a backseat to the agenda of gender politics, .....but such is the indoctrination of cultural dictates. | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/23/2005 4:27:29 PM |
Men get abused too. Where do they go for help ?
put "blackmanx" into a search of the forum threads..he's our resident male rights representative . .you'll get all KINDS of men's rights information, including some very useful contact information for abuse. | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/24/2005 11:47:22 AM | | Thank you for your post. I hope there are no hard feelings. I will defenatley vote!! Good luck to you, and thanks again!! Take care | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/24/2005 11:53:04 AM | | A man who really abuses a woman, and is a habitual abuser has one thing coming. I think the woman should get a medal for it afterwards: That answer is to blow him away with an effective round or two, like a .45 Auto ACP. | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/24/2005 11:55:11 AM | takes two to do the tango, am I wrong? I perhaps have a right to speak in this forum, I was in a heavily abusive relationship (mental mostly) from the age of 16...lasted 10 years....my mother tried to shoot him, and the whore he was with, after a coupla rounds fired, all was quiet, for awhile...all 3 of my brothers beat his ass, the guy is still alive today, and I hear his name in certain circles, some things just never go away.. I truly believe he was the devil incarnate (if something/someone) like that exists, he is it..ok nuff gut spilling.. sorry, forget it.... shite happens, am I glad to be alive today? Hm that's another thread...of course I am,
grubeci, gotta love ya.... | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/24/2005 1:46:46 PM | I think I know of the movie.. jlo in it I think?
Anyhow.. the pain of your past will most likely always live with you.. I wish you a good life in the future and.. if you want someoen to talk to about abuse.. iv'e been through it myself i'll be willing to share with you via emails. I know the pain of what it feels like to live under such control. It's not fun. I still hurt to this day (over a year after it all ended).
Buddah | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/24/2005 1:49:24 PM | In addition.. I still cry at times inside or outside when by myself because nightmares of her face contorting with anger, frustration because I didn't do something right.. because I wronged her for growing a backbone (which she told me to do.. ) at the wrong time.. etc. Like I said earlier.. it still hurts badly. Because of this I have a rather poor and fearful outlook on women in general these days. Slowly one by one good ones come out.. but I also later on disassociate because I dislike drama.. I like brighter sides of thigns in life even in darkest of dark times.
Buddah | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/24/2005 1:53:08 PM | Blah.. I can't stop on this.. after getting so fed up with the abuse i'd taken in my last relationship, I took physical measures to make sure our relationship ended thanks to the law.. thus i've been put through domestic violence classes (which before that even started I went on my own accord to self betterment starting with psychological evaluations..) I learned in these classes that all men have women's hearts simply because as the group of cells develop.. the mothers heartbeat rhythm begins to configure the child's hearbeat before it's brain is even developed.. unfortunately the male society doesn't quite raise us (generally) to express feelings.. instead we do things.. but I am on the path to changing that for myself.. and intending to instill that nature in my son that it's ok to feel, and ok to cry. It's also ok to stand ground when your own self is under attack or threatened.. defend self by walking away if able to.
Buddah | |
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| Abuse for the ladies
Posted: 4/24/2005 1:58:22 PM | Haha! No room for opinions she say? What are comments made of? Imaginary guesses?
Very nice post buddah!~(ps that was an opinion, not a comment)
PS Has anyone noticed that some of the 'regulars here, refuse to post? It makes you wonder, now that the new 'forum references' are in place on profiles. (now THAT was a comment, and an 'off the topic' comment) it was also an inneundo, but that's a whole nother 'can o worms' | |
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