| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 3/21/2007 8:33:23 AM | ive been there it hurts
you go on a date seem to get on great they say thye be in touch and thye never are thye ignnore your calls texts etc and you wondering wht have i done? Id much rather someone be honest and say sorry your not for me but men are cowards | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 3/21/2007 8:47:48 AM | I think you have a pretty good idea at the end of the date or meeting or whatever how things are. I think what happens is there are different translations. If I have a nice time...I say so.
What i don't get is you have a nice time, you laugh...etc etc...everything seems fine...you leave with a hug or whatever...and then nothing more is said. Seems to me in the "old" days before internet dating...when you met someone you liked...you wanted to see more of them to see where things go. I think the internet allows people to just date and date and date and hopefully keep some sort of list of "possiblities". I really don't like that (speaking for myself personally). If i meet someone..i want to know if im going to see them again...i don't want to start the endless emails and ims that go nowhere...with vague thoughts of "we should make plans."
If someone doesn't find me interesting enough to meet again...im not really interested in making it to their "friends"s list. I realize we can never have too many friends...but seriously...I have email buddies now I can't keep up with...I don't need anymore. And as far as being "friends" with these people offline...that would be okei with me...but like i say...they just don't want to meet again...they just want to babble online.
heck..im old...i can't babble with people forever online!
ack!
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 3/21/2007 10:42:36 AM | | It seems internet dating makes it a little more difficult in some cases. It's like being in a candy store and people don't seem as jazzed about sticking with someone you like for a little and seeing if it could work out. It seems like there's a constant desire to "Trade Up" | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 3/21/2007 10:53:47 AM | I agree ^^^^; and definitely, the silent treatment is sooo not cool. I don't necessarily agree that the desperate/clingy/etc. individual abhors a vacuum because they have low self-esteem or whatever; does anyone like to be left hanging??
I just posted a thread about the lack of netiquette (which is sorta related) because if you're going to IM/email someone, don't just leave them hanging for any reason!! Politely end the conversation, apologize if you've got so many people on-the-go that you can no longer keep track or whatever, but don't be a loser and vanish into thin air
and that's my l'il rant... | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 3/21/2007 1:16:51 PM | I guess it depends. If someone is interested in meeting again and you just give them the "silent treatment" then it is juvenile and selfish. Your reason for not wanting to tell them isn't for sparing their feelings. It's because you don't wanna have to deal with it.
Be honest. Simply say, "Sorry, i'm just not interested" or "Sorry, the connection wasn't there for me". No need to get in to why, as for some people it will come across as an insult.
If after they won't let it die, then sure, let em slide cause chances are they have a self-esteem issue and will take offense unless your wording is *very* carefully chosen. | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 3/21/2007 1:20:14 PM |
It's like being in a candy store and people don't seem as jazzed about sticking with someone you like for a little and seeing if it could work out.
Unfortunately that seems to be my take on it too. I think you can miss out on a lot of good guys/girls if you go looking for that instant "click" on Date 1. | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 3/21/2007 8:12:28 PM | I really do not like to have alot of choices myself. I would rather go grocery shopping at a little corner Italian market than go to a Super Walmart.I was asked today if I wanted their Direct TV with tons and tons of stations. I told them I don't really like all those channels and am content with just regular cable. And why does a grocery store have to have a dozen or so different kinds of olives at the deli ???
Choices...Choices...and more Choices......
I think you will know through a email or phonecall if you have something special but the funny thing is when you meet in person it is a whole different story.Your "choice" was not the right one for you so what do you do at that point.Most people stay a little while and chit chat all the while knowing this was the wrong choice.
Then you have a dilema of how to end it....how dreadfull.....
Should you hurt another to be true to yourself ? ?
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 3/21/2007 8:24:07 PM | I'm sick to death of the silent treatment. I'm also sick of emailing back and forth, sometimes for days and days, that just suddenly stops. It's so common I'm thinking that internet dating isn't for me
I'm curious about something tho.... a couple people in this post have said that the silent treatment is unacceptable to them and that they simply won't accept it. Sooo, what do you do... if you decide not to accept it anymore? Just write the person off as rude and move on? Or let them know that their behavior has bothered you? | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 3/21/2007 9:18:36 PM | I have to admit on my part i do find it easier to go silent, so an update is in order.
Although I didn't grow a full set I did let her know I didn't feel it but only went half way in doing that using msn rather than calling... I figure whats it matter how i let her know, i let her know and i think i'd prefer reading it than having to discuss it, anyways, i think now that we have the option it can be easier for both people. She didn't freak out, didn't say much at all but OK and I was able to take care of what I needed to this evening without going through with something i wasn't comfortable with, i honestly didn't know during the date but definetly could have let her know sooner, next time i guess. I wished her the best and we can both move on.
As for not giving it enough time, I find with Internet dating you may share some common opinions, hobbies etc but when you meet in real life you actually figure out who this mysterious person is and alot of times their not people you'd connect with if it were'nt for this medium. I say don't hang around emailing meet the person as soon as you and they can and just find out...my problem, its been so long since I have had a real connection I'm just not sure I'd recognise it if it were there, just trying to go with my gut and do what feels right. | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 4/20/2007 11:06:34 AM |
The silent treatment sounds immature...I have told men after meeting them (and sometimes while meeting them) that I just didn't feel chemisty. No need to go into detail of things I didn't like/find attractive about them as it is all subjective. it's very refreshing to hear a woman admit that.
We've all been out with someone where no sparks flew. The best thing to say is thanks but no thanks. The silent treatment is harsh, immature and most of all completely avoidable.
Sure, some yahoos are going to react adversely -- but, why penalize quality people for their actions?
I've never understood why so many ladies here choose to ignore messages sent to them. Sure, we understand why you wouldn't reply to a message that said "hey, you wanna ride my horse?'; but, to ignore a well thought out letter addressed to you and only you is silly.
if you just don't see any chance of it working with the other person send them a polite 'no thanks' and then block them. then you don't have to worry about any adverse reaction and you did the courteous thing by replying.
i just wish that those of us (men and women) who really are more interested in looks and income than the character of a person would go ahead and place that in their profile.
i may not look like prince charming -- and many of us don't. But, I can tell you that I still open doors for women -- sometimes I send flowers...just because. and i have good manners. | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 4/20/2007 12:12:41 PM |
Letting the person wonder if it was something they did or if the other person has issues is better than having to explain why you did not want to see the person again. Noone wants to hear negativity about themselves and sometimes it hurts your feelings.
Yes, I agree, the silent treatment is a wonderful method of communication. Where is that smiley that smacks its head?
Does anyone here have any civility and/or consideration for other people? Sheesh... | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 4/20/2007 12:25:08 PM | | In principle, I am not in favor of the silent treatment but in practice I would say it depends on the case. The more advanced a relastionship is, the more an explanation is I think warranted. In the first few dates, as someone said, there is no need for reasons, the reasons are subjective. annnouncing the termination of the rel is anotherf story. Should one accounce or disappear? Again, one should but it really depends on the case. | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 4/20/2007 12:52:03 PM | Sometimes there are cowards who disappear because there is a sneaky jackal hiding within them that shrewdly protects their despicable skins, and they slide out of existence in the manner of a water serpant.
But then there are others.... There can be a process that involves the silent treatment and it may not even be a concious one based on avoidance or wishing to hurt. I know that sometimes I am involved with deeply private individuals who are painfully shy or so introverted that they cannot articulate their pain or their pleasure as others might.
It can be a silent despair, and they may choose to try to explain, but feel almost dumbstruck in a kind of stunned shock or pain, or even confusion. I have sat holding hands with a Friend who could not communicate years of complex patterns that held them back, and you only had to look into their eyes and it was in those deep orbs of intensity that you saw reflected back your own humanity and fragility.
Othertimes I have found it hard myself to discover the language that could express just a sliver of what I felt, whether it was compassion, comprehension or empathy.
Maturity isn't only WHAT you communicate, it is what you don't communicate, and knowing when to. If you are lucky then the other person has a wordless comphrension with you and just senses the language of feelings, mutual or otherwise between you.
Email, and IM's pose a new communication barrier, one where you often cannot see all the other triggers to your information from body language or sounds, as well as pauses or uncomfortable gazes.
It is difficult to defy the challenges that you will invariably suffer through this medium of connection, but one thing for sure, if the person truly has connected with you one way or another they find some means to communicate even if it absence or silence.     | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 4/20/2007 6:25:06 PM | After just one date I think this a little more forgivable than several dates, where hopes were built up. But, I understand what you mean. It is so hard to let someone down. I've had it (silent fade) done to me three or four times and it is not fun but . . . arg, it is awful to form the words. And I do hear of men going ballistic. Never happened with me, except after dating awhile. Hurts nonetheless to be attacked for honesty.
My only thing is, if a second date was set up, be the better person and call and cancel if you can't do it, or rather don't wanna. Maybe leave it open like "I'll call you." But to mess with someone's schedule is unforgivable.
Rap | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 5/12/2007 4:14:15 PM | [quote\Maybe leave it open like "I'll call you." But to mess with someone's schedule is unforgivable.if you don't mean it don't say it.
don't tell me you are going to call if you have absolutely no plan of doing so. if you can't be truthful to protect the feelings of someone you barely know -- how are you going to be truthful to someone who is important to you? | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 5/12/2007 4:26:53 PM | To be honest, I would rather someone just tell me up front. There's no need for all kinds of details and explanations... a simple, "Thanks, but I don't think we're right for each other" will suffice.
I do think leaving people hanging happens more than an honest "no thanks" because of how nasty A LOT of people react to rejection. I'm learning that the hard way myself. | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 5/15/2007 11:50:24 AM | The truth is the only way to go in a break-up. Everyone said they want the truth but after they get mad at you for it the silent treatment is lookin kinda good.
I would always want to be told the turth. Hopefully I am adult enough to handle it. | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:23:26 PM | | I'd be lying if I said I never once gave the silent treatment to a girl I didn't click with. That being said, I'm not proud of ever using it, and there were times I got it back and was wondering what went wrong. That's karma for you. | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 5/15/2007 10:11:55 PM | | Anyone who trusts someone they just met, is an idiot. I had a friend who meeting this sweet as hell girl tonight (both in their 30s), only to find out (at the bar with me) she had a bf (who came in looking for her). Dumb skank, is all I can say.... | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 5/16/2007 12:28:23 AM | Excuse me sir larwilliams but no you have to TRUST. If we all can not trust someone new then what good is metting people.....
Hey I know just give em the SILENT TREATMENT....teehee
Oh come one now that had to make you smile? | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 5/16/2007 8:10:46 PM | I guess I should elaborate further on my definition of "trust": being able to rely on the person in a life or death situation, and other stuff.
Trusting someone who hasn't earned it yet, is not smart. Would you leave a drink unattended, in a room of people you just met, to use the washroom? (hopefully the answer is no). | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 5/17/2007 1:19:14 PM | I'm sorry you had to go through this. Gosh when will people ever think before they do this to someone?
It happened to a couple of friends I've made on here. Also to me awhile ago. I'm not angry with him, just somewhat hurt. Can't he have the decency to say one word to me. We all make mistakes. I picked myself up and am moving on. No amount of tears will bring him back.
I left him a couple of messages, totally ignored me, ouch. His phone # went in the trash. | |
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| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 5/20/2007 10:22:33 AM | | The silent treatment is emotional abuse. Speak up. Be straight forward and just tell someone they are not your type if that is the case. Speak up if something is bothering you. Communication is the key. Learn to listen too. Active listen. If someone says they are not interested, just accept it and walk away. | |
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