| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/30/2007 10:02:57 PM | i sort of agree with u.ive met a few girls on here wich after a while chatting i realised we were not a match because of certain things with them.i tried the honest aproach at first wich meant rejecting them and telling them a bit the reason why thinking they would apreciate more the truth than no message back.and a few times some of them got real pissed off and starting getting very mean even tough i wasnt.so now when i meet someone on here and i find we dont click and if we dont even click for friends sometimes i just feel like not messaging them again cause i dont want to read a nasty e-mail in return for just being honest to them and being a gentleman.after all there is no reason to put up with that kind of shit online.i mean i usually like to do things the right way and if i dont feel for someone the way they do for me i usually tell them right away to not lead them on but if im gonna get a nasty e-mail in return for doing the right thing now im not so sure if i want to do things the same way the next time.
maybe like the OP says the silent treatment might just be the thing to do online sometimes.i guess the best thing to do is use your judgment.if u think the person u are talking with doesnt sound mature enough to handle a polite rejection than maybe your better off just not e-mailing anymore and letting them get the hint. | |
|
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/30/2007 10:15:01 PM | I my self think the silent treatment is very immature.
I always believe in communication.
I feel a lot of relationships fall apart because of the lack of communication.
If I break up with someone or vise/versa, I think we should be mature enough to give the other a reason, Just my OP... | |
|
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/30/2007 10:24:39 PM | | i never read this crap but i just had to say i know how u feel. i am the same about not wanting to hurt feelings. best way i have found to deal with this issue is i put that i am a hang out on my profiles. then if need be well i point that out. it works. | |
|
Nen
|
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 129 | |
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 12:20:41 AM | It’s when your going along swimmingly, have met a couple of times, if you don’t get time to text them every day you get one at 2pm asking if your ok coz your quiet, they are always on msn of an evening, you get a good morning and good night text, Sunday night you get a message saying they will text/email you from work the next day letting you know what nights they are free this week then………………………….. silence.
WTF!!! Have they been hit by a bus??? Your texts go unanswered so you take their number out of your phone to enable you to resist the urge to text 101 times asking what’s wrong.
Your emails go unanswered so you remove them from your contacts list to stop you from sending 101 emails asking what’s wrong.
They show up as grey on msn so you realize that they have blocked you on there…..
Male friends tell you that they have probably been out fishing at the weekend and pulled some skanky bint so you need to move on and maybe go out with them instead!!!
Female friends say give it a week and see if he comes back….. What do I look like? a ruddy doormat?
It’s the not knowing that hurts, the truth I can handle because it is probably not as bad as some of the things I am imagining…… and this is why I am not venturing out of cyber space again!
silence is not golden.
And then there is the fact that I was shopping for nice undies last Saturday, what do I do with them now lol
At least I have a girl’s night out on the lash to look forward to this weekend hehe. | |
|
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 12:51:02 AM | raster_master,
I have met some of my dearest male friends from dates gone awry or no chemistry when we went out on blind dates or what not. One I can recall -who we'd both be there for eachother thick and thin -is a person that I even got into a sparring match with at a friend's house. He came forward and apologized for being a sh** and I did too. We'd call eachother and talk or he'd make me cd's and cook me dinner for my birthday, cried on our shoulders from bad breakups, and we'd shared more heartfelt "cheesecake moments" than the golden girls, but I met him from a date that had no chemistry and today we'd do anything for eachohter..and we're just -friends. Who grew into the best of friends.
Not all of those moments-I agree-happen like that. Sometimes you get someone that will just not accept those terms and act like a jerk or just nicely say "I have plenty of friends, I'm looking for a relationship" Fine. That's their desire and I'll move on wishing them well. There is no problem with someone feeling like that man or woman; but I agree: Be Upfront and Honest. Dont be a blunt**** Blunt is not too sharp now is it...hm? | |
|
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 1:08:23 AM | | OP. The silent treatment isn't a kind treatment. It may be kinder for you, but it's not kinder for the person who is getting the treatment, because they may be left wondering if you are playing hard to get, or if you have a genuine reason why you could not have contacted them, and it keeps them in limbo. No-body likes to waste time kept in limbo. All you have to say is that you don't feel any chemistry, or you don't think you're compatible or whatever. You have to be honest, but you don't necessarily have to be rude with it. If you pretended to them that you'll contact them, or would like them to contact you, when you have no intention of seing them again, then that makes you a coward, and a dishonest one at that. | |
|
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 6:20:10 AM | Re: lilangel33
"I my self think the silent treatment is very immature. I always believe in communication. I feel a lot of relationships fall apart because of the lack of communication."
Re: nen
"And then there is the fact that I was shopping for nice undies last Saturday, what do I do with them now."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I agree Angel. I am constantly amazed by those who cannot communicate or rather refuse to communicate especially when they already know someone pretty well. It's really quite sad as talking and communicating is not hard.
The brick walls are hard.
NEN and the undies purchase. Wear them honey!!! I say ladies wear sexy ones all of the time. Make those guys eat their heart out. It will make you feel better and confident about yourself. You can walk around with a different attitude...and make people wonder what you're up to!  LOL | |
|
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 7:17:31 AM | | I recently meet a nice man for coffee, I enjoyed his company and I thought he enjoyed mine. I guess I was wrong... This won't be the first time...LOL We exchange one email about meeting one another and when I tried to contact him again he blocked me. I was very confused and wanted an explaination, that is just me perhaps to imquizative but usually when I block someone I have tried to explain that I am just not interested. He did not, so I am left wounding what I did wrong.. I have had little experience with this dating thing but I am believe I am not offensive on purpose. I may never get the answer and can not learn from my mistakes if I don't know what I did, but I will have to life with it. Some people perhaps have a hard time at explaining... what do you think... FYI ... I have never been blocked before and do not feel that I am an stocker...LOL | |
|
daisie
|
Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 134 | |
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 7:31:23 AM | As far as im concerned if youve talked with the guy a long long long long long time on email and you built a friendship then you met and it didnt work, you mihgt owe an explanation....and possibly see if friendship can be maintianed.
if its a new guy you talked with very briefly online and decided to meet kinda quickly ( wihtin a few weeks) then you do NOT owe aqny explanations. And I DO NOT call it the Silent Treatment. that term is reserved for manipulation. You are NOT manipulating hte guy here. Youre simply n ot interested in him or more convos, so.......you move on. no explanation required. he can figure it out.
but if people are gonna whine and complaint and beg for explanations GIVE IT TO EM. and dont hold back!!! tell em like it is..............................every frikkin thing about them that was unacceptable and repulsive. Theyre asking for it!!! Of course....many of them will indeed write back to you with a bunch of exaggerated lies about how bad you suck too....so you might want to GIVE EM THEIR EXPLANATION then BLOCK em. unless youre like me and just laugh when people get all wound up and have hissy fits and temper tantrums!!! hahhahahah.....
everyone is different. i do NOT expect everyone to like me. and i dont give a hoot why a STRANGER does not like me. its his business and i respect that. If it was a friend for a long time, then I might give a shyte what they think and why they dont like me. I dont understand all these people who need to have it spelled out for them.....and why theyre so hung up on a strangers opinion of them. I will never understand that....but hey...llike I said everyones different!
merry xmas
 | |
|
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 7:44:03 AM | With all due respect i would totally disagree with you. I think it is only good
manners to tell the other person upfront without causing to much offense.
'Sorry, i enjoyed you're company but there was no chemistry.' I think the
silent treatment is awful - more hurtful not knowing than knowing. | |
|
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 8:01:05 AM |
I tryed to explain very nicely one time by email that I just wanted to be friends
That sounds fine. You did right by letting him know. Either e-mail or in person that is one is supposed to do. There is no silent treatment at all. | |
|
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 8:04:53 AM |
No way... what a cop-out...I would rather be hurt by knowing the truth than wondering what happen ..what a cruel tactic to fall back on because of poor communication skills,tell People why things won't work so they can continue and apply what is learned of themselves and others for future relationships.
She made clear by e-mail that she just wanted to be friends. I do not think this is silent treatment at all.
If she just shuts up and does not say anything at all, then that is rude and uncalled for. | |
|
| |
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 2:52:25 PM | NEN and the undies purchase. Wear them honey!!! I say ladies wear sexy ones all of the time. Make those guys eat their heart out. It will make you feel better and confident about yourself. You can walk around with a different attitude...and make people wonder what you're up to! LOL
I to say wear them girl. it makes one feel good about them selves. I wear them for me, not always for the men.
Who knows one may get lucky when they least expect or be in an accident, someone will always remember you by your sexy undies.. LOL    | |
|
Nen
|
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 140 | |
| |
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 5:16:07 PM | Nen, you summed up my sentiments on this subject exactly. Chatting on POF or IM for a while, or maybe after a date or two, THEN the silent treatment? Eh well, no big deal. But, weeks or months of this, AND dating on top of it, seemingly hitting it off and enjoying one another...THEN to have them drop off the face of the earth, no explanation, THAT kind of silent treatment...Ouch. Just tell me. Respect me enough for that.
Even worse, logging on to POF and seeing them logged in and chatting with someone else at the time that they USED to call you on the phone every night....
*sigh*
I'm getting to old for this. | |
|
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 6:49:07 PM | So the silent fader also has the option to come back and repeat the behavior. It is common with those who just stop contact after leading you to believe he or she is interested. You get contact from them and immediately your attention is directed to the "what happened with that anyway" and can lead you right back into the same ...good, fun,,,gone repeatedly.
It has happened on POF and in person. Immature is right, but some people run in and out of others lives without giving thought to how it makes the other one feel. | |
|
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 7:09:11 PM | Hey, I'll say it as plain as possible.
Astreaa, and people that think the same way.
You LIE, you are a LIAR, you are not being nice, you are being deceitful.
Here's a new concept for you : Accountability and respect. | |
|
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 7:42:40 PM | If a guy isn't into me, it's okay for him to say so. I'm a big girl and won't go all psycho.
If I'm the one not interested, I thank him for taking a chance, and wish him the best. If he gets argumentive, I repeat myself ONCE, then I walk away. Any further action on his part will be considered harassment. | |
|
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 9:24:59 PM | I was just so surprised... I only block some one when I feel there are harrassing me. I thought that was a last measure, a simple "sorry your not my type" would have done. Oh, well I am over it now! If someone can't tell you that in person...they are not the man for me! | |
|
Ice-ey
|
Joined: 10/19/2007
Msg: 146 | |
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 9:53:37 PM | I think the most important thing to keep in mind is that it is not always clear what we mean to communicate especially in these kind of scenarios. No one is psychic, sometimes body language and other cues may not be enough to let your date know that things aren't exactly working out. Maybe the other person was so excited about the thought of being with you at the time that they forget to focus on the time being spent together, which is one commonality with most dates. Remember attraction is not a choice, sometimes its enough to start a five-alarm fire and other times you wonder why the hell the firetrucks were sent in the first place. I recommend using the silent treatment only if your date is really not getting the message, so spell it out for them. There are nicer more tactful ways to end dates, I think one great way is to spend the rest of the time on the date with such demeanor that you mean to be friends and only friends, no need to lead anyone on. Try and make it seem that you have 'other' plans that same evening, insist on hurrying things and the message should be loud and clear. | |
|
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 9:58:39 PM | I don't agree with doing the "silent treatment' but I totally understand why a person would. Some women may be perisistant when you say 'no' but many men I've met can be totally off the wall crazy asss holes! (Not saying some women don't go there as well)
I also don't agree with being too blunt to tell them why you don't think it will work if you've only gone on one date or haven't even met yet: when I've offered an explanation before meeting if I just feel we don't click already, many write me back and don't want to take 'no' for an answer and get pushy and start insisting that we're meeting anyway. (LOL) So sadly I've learned to "Block" someone after I've told them I'm not interested...
But yes I think telling them you're not interested is the least we should do, but I don't feel any obligation past that point... Seriously, what difference does it make 'why"? If somone doesn't want to meet me or be with me, that's all the explanation I need unless it been an long relationship and they are walking away... | |
|
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 10:08:33 PM | in my opinion, on this system, there are probably more misses, or near misses for people trying to met others, than they may like to admit, but i feel an explanation can help to get someone off of your back, to stop pestering you, when they think that things are alright between the two of you, and you truly feel the opposite way.
if one is not comfortable with stating this to another person, at least use the block feature, so that they get the message and don't continue to waste both their time, and your time. | |
|
| |
-GQ4U
|
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 150 | |
| The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No
Posted: 10/31/2007 10:45:56 PM | | I hate it, but Ive done it myself even after sleeping with a girl. I guess its just way easier to be silent then to hurt someones feelings. The only thing I dont like about silent treatment is that the two of you never really end, I mean if someone says Im not into you then you can close the door on any relationship possiblity, but silent treatmet theres always still a chance. Ive been in situations where girls just blow me off then show up a month later with some lame excuse on why they didnt answer the phone. Either way silent treatment or not, its up to you how you react and how you deal wiht the situation. Theres no point in dwelling and thinking about what u could you could have done better, just go on to the next person and hope for better luck. | |
|
Home
login 
