| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/15/2009 5:55:44 PM | I give up about every week or so. Sigh...
Then I am back trying again because it is worth trying. I don't have high expectations about finding a soul-mate on a website...because I am just a person, looking for another human person, both are going to have some faults as well as some good points.
I am meeting interesting people I never would have come into contact with before.
Everybody has been worth meeting, and I have learned something from each one.
And even though there are lots of people here, I really am only looking for one. But I am happy to meet all the interesting single people on the same journey as I am along the way.
This reminds me of the Beatles song; "All The Lonely People. Where do they all come from?"
If we were all to each spend some time with each other a bit...without putting a lot of pressure on it to "work out" long term...or for whatever our goal is...and stay in the moment, not looking over our shoulder, hurt from the past, or scared about our worries about the future, maybe we would all be a little less lonely.
And if we all bring who we are, not our wishes about what we might have been or could be, but just who we really are in real life, then the internet might be more practical for dating. | |
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| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/15/2009 6:19:08 PM | I have, partly because I'm very busy with my training and whomever I'd talk to would feel threatened by it. In the end, I decided that going through the dating process was way too complicated and I have no time for the read/deleted, one line emails, guys who disappear or never call so I changed my profile and am now just browsing the forums.
Maybe later this year I'll go back to searching but then again, maybe not :) It's not that important to me. | |
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| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/15/2009 6:23:51 PM | I'm occasionally on the fence about giving up. This is the third time I've made a PoF profile but in the end nothing is served by giving up. It doesn't cost me anything to have a profile up so I might as well keep it. I have to admit though, I've sent out approximately 80 - 90 messages and haven't had one single date. It gets disappointing at times, but I figure it's like fishing. Most of the time you put your line in the water, you don't get a nibble. But you only need that one time to catch your fish. Not that I think the ladies here are fish or any other sort of aquatic animal. Just going along with the fish theme of the site.  | |
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| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/15/2009 6:36:05 PM | I tried a couple different dating sites years ago, OMG did I give up. One man I met thought he could try out for some type of olympic game calling it Russian Hands in the middle of a restaurant parking lot. Another figured if I didn't write to him right away I was just toying with him and I was the worst thing since Eve found the garden of Eden.
Now I am trying another site...Yep they haven't changed...Majority of men just want  things(sex)that are not what I call a monogamous relationship...Ask their wives ,girlfriends, or live-ins. Women I don't know about cause I don't date them. then there is the way a person looks. I'm what I call fat and I am 50 years old. things don't work as good as they used to. 50 year old men want to date 20 year olds and 20 year old boys want a woman my age...sorry to me that is enough to gag a maggot on a gut wagon.
If you aren't good looking and model thin, bicepts bigger than my thigh then forgot about having a significant other.
Enjoy who you are and live your life... if they come along Good for you..    | |
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| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/17/2009 6:59:43 AM | Can anyone relate?
Absolutely !! My profile is hidden on POF, only because I'm "lightly dating" a dude. But I wont be unhiding my profile after this plays out. I've deleted my profile from other sites...I dont want to be bothered... I'm online because I enjoy the forums...feel like a geek, but WHATEVER!! 
Online dating isnt for everyone and its definitely not for me. I'm starting to think that dating in general is not for me But...I love being in love...so I keep truckin' a long...It always finds me no matter where I hide...so keep trucking dude...Ms Right is going to find you, so dont bother trying to hide...fate is fate !! | |
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| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/18/2009 4:08:53 AM | | Yes, I do so many times, but I keep realizing that I would much rather be with someone then be alone. I am a true romantic, but it gets so frustrating on here. I look for a real, non fake, non phony person like me and it is almost impossible to find. Men can be so mean sometimes, as I am sure you can say the same about my gender. I don't want to give up because I keep feeling that there is someone out there for everyone. I was married for such a long time and then in a long relationship, but life doesn't always work out like you think it will. Here is to all of us finding happiness and fulfillment with a significant other, we can't give up or it won't happen, just keep plugging away and the probability might even win out!! | |
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| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/18/2009 9:40:06 PM | Heh I've come so close to saying screw this so many times. I can't say I've really had any luck with this site but I haven't given up yet. I was on two other sites, OKC and Match. Canceled the Match subscription once I realized 90% of the people on there are here as well.
I haven't given up yet and anyone else who is feeling pretty better about their lack of success shouldn't give up either. It takes time I guess. Who knows, I have a few sent unread messages right now. Something may pan out.... I guess I'm pretty optimistic. | |
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| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/19/2009 12:58:34 AM | Hell yeah I can relate. And a matter of fact, at my age, it's so confusing on ANY site I go to because it seams like 80% of the women in my age/preferance (18-20 and beautiful or average) are whores and sluts looking for money, just callgirls, SERIOUSLY! They aren't serious at all.
Then the pretty/average girls who ARE sophisticated can't get a lick of sense to believe I'm not looking solely for sex. It's pitiful! It's always, sorry no you're too far or some petty bullcrap. Or they delete the message completely (Yes it CAN be checked if you've read and replied) and don't respond.
The other 10% just aren't my type because I'm not a "big girl" guy. I hate women who're thick around the stomach and can't take care of themselve properly. I don't ever get messaged or looked at on any site I go to unless it's some generic computer trying to jostle me for my money. I don't have time for that crap. I don't want web-cam sex from a chick in NY.
So all the women i talk to here aren't serious in any aspect, that's what I've seen so far. I'm really ready to give of, in fact maybe just hang myself. I just got left from a 5-yr soul-mate relationship and I come here to try to mend it. It's useless. I don't want to live single, knowing there's someone out there that couldn't wait for me and still loves me but doesn't want to endure the wait. | |
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| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/19/2009 6:57:03 AM | | Feeling unsuccessful makes me want to try harder, not give up. It's more fun to try harder. The harder I try the less successful I become, which only makes trying harder even more fun. I was told that you can try too hard, to not try so hard, let it happen, but how hard would I have to try to just let it happen if it that is harder for me to do than trying harder? The only way I could feel like giving up if it it was harder to try to give up than it is to keep trying. I see no way out of this. I didn't try to back myself into this corner. It just happened. | |
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| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/19/2009 7:16:34 AM | | It's hard because you have to treat men as if they are good and honest. By expecting men to be bad and dishonest you treat them with suspicion. This has two effects that work against your goal. First, it makes men who are good and honest see you as a woman who is down on men, as if she is waiting to be proved that not all men are evil. That is what women call a big red flag. Men look elsewhere. Second, there is a game people play that works by the woman saying she needs a good, honest man who won't mistreat her, and then the man proves he is a good, honest man by telling her what she wants to hear. Then she trusts him and he abuses her. Then he apologizes and begs forgiveness. Then she gives him another chance because she doesn't want to give up on love and fail yet again. Then he tells her what she wants to hear until the next bad thing he does. The game is played because the woman thinks the best a man can do is try hard to not be a bad man, and the man thinks the only way to be loved is to be forgiven for being a bad man. Neither one knows that you can expect better and have it if only you would. | |
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| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/19/2009 11:16:19 AM | | I feel like giving up ALL the time. All the women I know where I live are 'just friends.' That's all they'll EVER be, it seems. I don't know what keeps me going, honestly. I have trouble convincing myself things will improve as well, due to depression. It's not a lot of fun. | |
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| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/20/2009 1:10:47 PM | I can totally relate! I "give up" and ride the bench for a while, and take myself out of the game, but then I end up back in the fray (so to speak), looking for love, again. This poster summed it up best: when I am out of the mix I feel lonely and empty, and when I try to meet people I feel frustrated and depressed.
I don't know what I am doing wrong. I don't meet guys in person OR online. PERIOD. I think that I give off "unapproachable" energy, or there's some other crucial flaw that I'm overlooking. I'm even at the point where I'm trying to enlist professional help to help me determine why I'm having such a hard time meeting guys. The last few guys that have approached me online have quickly lost interest and stopped responding (one even went as far as to block me). I analyze and analyze again the conversations I've had with these guys, and I can't pinpoint what I said or did to make them lose interest or offend them, but obviously, it was something that I'm overlooking. If it was just an isolated case, I'd even tell myself to "stop tripping and taking it so seriously" because clearly it was their issue and not mine. But it's not isolated. Almost every interaction I've had with a guy within the last 3 to 4 years has ended this way.
You know that show that comes on VH1, tough love? I need to be on season two. In fact, I'd even pay for a retreat for someone to analyze my interaction with the opposite sex and let me know why I'm running them off with the initial interaction.
Once again, I think I'd like to take a break, but the cycle mentioned in the first paragraph will start over again. *sigh*
To the OP, good luck and hang in there. And to everyone else in this boat, may we all find that special one... | |
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Murco
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Joined: 8/26/2008
Msg: 217 | |
| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/20/2009 2:17:28 PM | I guess I'm lucky in this respect as I'm in sales and used to rejection, almost expect it most times. I just keep plugging away (no pun intended) until I find the one woman who is what she says she is, is what I want in every way, and I'll know within 5 minutes of meeting her if she is the one I want to be with. Unfortunately, my marriage model was set 20 years ago when I went out with my late wife for the first time. I asked her to marry me on the first date, and she did. There was never any doubt and she was my best friend all 20 years. I guess I won't be getting any dates until this thread goes wwwaaayyy down the list!
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| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/20/2009 6:27:56 PM | | Well here is the deal, I actually hid my profile because I kept meeting the same man over and over again...different face and name - the the same man. The one who says he wants a long term relationship when all he really wants is to get laid. I have another friend on here and she was seeing the same thing. People get hooked on the "thrill of the chase" and end up overlooking really good people who; had they been given that chance, might have been "the one." My friend and I decided to give up on the internet chase and go out and meet people face to face. We found a small, neighborhood sports bar where we could hear a great band, sip a drink or two, actually meet men who are nice and do some dancing. Neither one of us miss this, I occassionally sign on to see if there might be any new faces but I still have the profile hidden. And guess what? I feel free! No more tied to this computer waiting for a message that I have hits on POF. All I can say is - put yourself out there and see what you can find. | |
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| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/20/2009 6:39:21 PM | I am so glad I'm not alone, I am a member for 2 weeks now and from non-paying I switch to serious paying member hoping that, I will increase my chances of meeting someone who is also serious about starting a relationship. When I read this forum I feel a little better, at least I am not ALONE! for the 2 weeks, I know it's just a short period of time but a lot of the emails I got just send 1 email and never get back to me after my reply, sometimes I am reading my sent messages making sure I did not write something bad or my answer is not well enough to deserve their replies! Well, good luck to me and to everybody!
Janet | |
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| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/20/2009 9:50:05 PM | Could not have said it any better than ladyxo.
We have to work hard for everything that we want in life, so looking for the right person to be with should not be any different.
In retrospect, along the way we may meet people who have the potential to be good friends or even enemies. It is what we do with those relationships that we ultimately create in our lives that is of the important value.
Take your time, don't give up, and follow you dreams.
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| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/20/2009 10:15:03 PM | | sure i am always ready to give up...as a matter of fact just now I started I will try not to get on dating sites anymore because it's just a waste of my time and it makes me depressed when i find out how many people already blocked me.. | |
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Murco
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Joined: 8/26/2008
Msg: 224 | |
| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:17:01 AM | Well, after some thinking about what SmartBlonde said let me amend my previous post. I'm giving up on the online deal for a while as I am cetainly out of my element here. In real life my personality comes right through and women respond to me very positively in real life, not so well here. I am concerned how I come across to others on this site and do not want to become "good" at it, like a player! I've also been a little turned off by finding out how many women use this for entertainment and the fake ads... Enough already...
Good luck! | |
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| Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful?
Posted: 3/22/2009 11:33:32 AM | | Yes, I can certainly relate to you. I'm pretty much there yet again. These sites are like window shopping...walk by...take a peek...check the item out....and see if there's anything better. What most people lost is the ability to focus on that "one" and take the time to get to know that "one". There's always going to be a prettier one...bigger, smaller, richer or what have you...dating sites are great places for game players and for a quick flirt...for those who are perhaps on the more serious side...well, it's going to be harder to find that "one" | |
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