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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/18/2007 7:04:20 PM | | I dont think guys would mind children. But Honestly, I've never had children so I cant say either way. But I think it is kinda alot to take in a once. But if the guy is right then he would be intrested in you and every part of you. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 52 | |
| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/18/2007 7:56:53 PM | Scruldbrug: I agree with your post. I think that eventually, yes, the issue of which child belongs to which dad is going to be important, but I just don't think right off the bat before you even meet.
I agree with all of what you say, because, yes, there are women out there who use having babies as a way of making money. (I know, it's not that common, or at least I hope, and it's not like it pays really well. BUT...if you don't feed and clothe your kids, you can have some extra money. I had a friend from high school who did that, had babies with a few different men and they kept her in pot, booze and partying, but the kids were very neglected). | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/18/2007 9:49:26 PM | Wow,lots of different opinions on this to be sure.No one is of the same mind-set however and opinions will vary.Children are very sensative lil beings.When they are this young,they need tender loving nurturing and if one has them this young,they should be absolutely 1001% sure on staying together for the kids own well being.Im not sure who will scrape me up off the curb but should she have children of any age,and she truelly loves me and vise-versa,then children are no problem for me and if they are young,I'll do my best to replace thier dad and if they are older,then being there for them as a best freind,and father if they want that will be no prob either.Compassion,trust,love,and being there for the one you love is what it is all about! You do say dating however and nothing regarding a long-term relationship.What do you want,a date or a long-term relationship,which means stability?Dating is very sketchy and not in the best interests of the children.Us old dogs dont want dates,lol.We want a stable and finale relationship! | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/19/2007 6:53:32 AM | | I think when a woman has children, it is an issue from the beginning. I would want to know if a woman has children before I decided to date her. When you date a woman with small children, the whole dynamics of the relationship change. When you date a woman with children, she isn't going to be as available as much as a woman without children. If both parties are wanting the relationship to grow and hopefully get serious, then the guy is going to be not only dating her, but her children as well. He is going to have to either be patient and wait until she can get a sitter to go out with her or take the children along too and make it a "family" type date. My advice for any woman with children that is looking for a serious relationship would be to look for guys that are family oriented. At 22, most guys are not looking for something that serious, older men tend to be more accepting of women with children. At 36, if I met a woman in my age range that didn't have children, I would find that a bit odd...lol. | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/19/2007 12:24:56 PM | Just another Dude ~ Just a couple quick question, at what point did you decide that you had to replace the kids father? When did you learn that the father of the children "wanted" you to replace him? And finally, at what point did you decide that the kids father was no longer the kids father? (aside from death).
Texasguy ~ I agree with your comment with one exception, I have always known I was a "family guy" as far back as I could remember. However, as I got into my 30's, I realized I started too young. And my ex was definitely too young. I was 21 and my wife was 17 and we had only been married 10 months when my son was born.
36 years old for a female with no kids may be a bit odd, but it is by far not uncommon. I feel that waiting until the early 30's to start a family has made some very spectacular, mature, responsible parents who were truly "parent minded" by that age, and not trying to party all the time and raise kids at the same time.
I would be really interested in reading what some other women have to say on this topic Vixn started. I haven't seen any feedback from Vixn in a while, but I'd like to see more female input in any case.
When is food? | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/19/2007 12:52:36 PM | | To answer your question there Rocket, the woman is obvisouly very pretty and for the dad of those children to leave them for whatever reasons,(if he in fact has) isnt the point.Morally and ethically,you "assume" you are going to replace thier dad in a genral sense and capacity.He obvisuoly isnt there right now to babysit or is he,while she attends school or work.Since we dont know this,we draw our conclusions from what we have to work with here.I have my own children from a few defunct marriges and i dont make a fuss over if the dude wants to "try" to replace me for when the kids grow up,they will simply seek out thier maternal dad anyways.The point being,they need a father figure or at least someone who will help them when thier dad isnt around or available.ome can replace thier dads,some cant but the bottom line on this is ,if you love the woman,your going to love those children also,wether they are yours or not.Does that answer your question? | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/19/2007 12:58:35 PM | | This post has scared me completely!This is what I wonder about all the time. how will I ever meet anyone who will accept my kids and love them and can we ever be a normal 'family'. My last relationship taught me that it can happen, if you can find a man willing to take it on and one who love syou enough. My ex was a wonderful fit, we had fun together with the kids and the kids loved him. But I just don't understand. I meet men, and they know up front that I have two kids, but I feel liek taht's whta scares most of them off. And only one has ever actually met them the last one as we were engaged. So it's not their behaviour that's scaring men away. i just feel liek men think they will be 'tied down' by my kids. I only wish men understood that while they may go with us places or live with me, I am fully capable of handling my own children and would never expect anyone else too. If he wante dto, that's great, but i won't ever make any guy feel liek he has to 'raise' them. And as far as financially, I don't need any help there either. I am doing just fine solo. But i do wish I could find a man who would love me, and my two kids. No expectations, no 'support' needed, just love. | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/19/2007 4:05:32 PM |
My ex was a wonderful fit, we had fun together with the kids and the kids loved him.
.... so, where'd he go? (... gonna guess that the 'spark' just wasn't there for you....)
I only wish men understood that while they may go with us places or live with me, I am fully capable of handling my own children and would never expect anyone else too. If he wante dto, that's great, but i won't ever make any guy feel liek he has to 'raise' them.
But, you know, the longer you are with the guy, sooner or later, you WILL expect him to look after the kids while you go out, put them to bed, take them places.... etc.
And, some guys don't want that at all, ever. Some guys have no problem with it. | |
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Engr
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Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 59 | |
| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/19/2007 4:17:11 PM | I agree with all of what you say, because, yes, there are women out there who use having babies as a way of making money. (I know, it's not that common, or at least I hope, and it's not like it pays really well.
This is a complex issue and I am not qualified to judge if support or the amount of it is good, bad, right, or wrong. I leave that to people that are more knowledgeable, wiser, and smarter than me. I can make certain observations.
Certainly the more that is paid for something or an activity the more there is of it. There was a recent study done in England showing girls as young as 13, especially among the poor, are choosing to get pregnant because they view that as better lifestyle than low paying jobs.
If the man has a high income, it pays very well--$5,000 to $10,000 a month and more.
There are far more unwed mothers in their teens and early than there were fifty years ago. I believe partly because more unwed girls get pregnant and mostly because fifty years ago, where there was far less financial support, more young moms gave their child up for adoption. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 60 | |
| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/19/2007 6:38:05 PM | TexasGuy: I take exception to this...
At 36, if I met a woman in my age range that didn't have children, I would find that a bit odd I assume the way you wrote this that you weren't trying to be nasty or anything. I am responding to it only because there have been threads that discuss people in their 30's with no kids...so I'm not picking on you! I'm not some kind of freak, I use birth control (oh, and go without sex WAAAAYYY too much!). Not to say that people who DO have kids are irresponsible, and heck, sometimes birth control doesn't work, but some of us are succeeding at what we're trying to accomplish.
It's damned if you do and damned if you don't...I could do a thread search and find one complaining about women who "trap" a man by getting pregnant...then find another talking about people who don't have kids in their 30's being weird and "what's wrong with them?". Then there's the thread about dad's who don't get to see their kids because the ex won't let them...sometimes it's a good thing to be childless...I only say that because sooooo many people are going through hell. Not to say that they would be better off without their kids, but just all of the soap opera stuff that goes along with being an "ex". I wasn't about to get pregnant on purpose just to meet some societal demand that says I have to have kids by the time I'm a certain age.
Okay, I got babbling...phew...sorry, I just read another thread today that talked about "weird" people without children.
Anyway, we're not freaks, but we sometimes don't want them, can't have them, have never had a relationship that made it far enough to choose to have kids. But we're still good people...I swear. It's all good, though. No hating here, just had to speak up. To those who are blessed with kids, I am happy for you and I hope that I get to have kids someday too, but right now, I'm glad I'm not a single mom. | |
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Smjle
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Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 61 | |
| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/19/2007 7:31:01 PM | It is only natural for men to want their own children. Men that raised and supported children they didn't sire, are not our ancestors. That is also the reason men prefer young women. In prehistoric times young women were better able to birth and have the stamina to raise children.
There is also the law of supply and demand. Typically young pretty women prefer men near their own age. Desirable good-looking young men get to choose the best girls—pretty young single girls that will give the men children they fathered so they don’t waste resourced, time, and money providing for the children of other men.
Older and the less desirable young men get leftovers; that includes young women with children. | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/20/2007 9:34:37 AM | | most guys are out to get laid, then see if there's sparks. it's kind of a reverse scenario. i actually like women with children better than those without because it shows they know how to care for another person. | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/20/2007 7:52:36 PM | its part of the "deal" for the want of a better phrase
if you are, or want to date someone with kids you need to accept them, if you can't accept the kids move on | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/21/2007 7:09:09 PM | | OK - well - alot of the ppl on these and other sites are from divorces and other failed relationships. What eva -we all have our stories right...As for dating men or women with children. I have 2 kids of my own and meeting a person with children of there own say's to me the folowing - you have your values and beliefs and have your head screwed on right. We all have our flaws and if your meeting guy's that run due to a no sex thing -screw them - not literally - they are the " boy's" who hang out on these sites and give the real men bad names. Stay true to your beliefs and values and you'll find a keeper. As for me...I dated a women years back that did not have kids...1 of the biggest mistakes I ever made but another story in itself. Since then I have only dated women who in fact do have kids. And I knwo you said not looking for a guy to fill that daddy role but ya know...Some of those good guy's that are left and out there...They step up and do it anyway as life just happens sometimes - anyway's - sunsets and butterflies - until then...Jay | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/21/2007 8:40:11 PM | Most men really don't mind dating women with children. It is actually expected as par for the course once you reach a certain age.
Package deals are OK as long as the trust honesty and communication is there.
Make sure that you are serious BEFORE involving your kids.
I have posted this on a few other threads concerning this.
Sometimes its not the kids sometimes its you
Don't let your kids disrespect you
Don't let your kids disrespect your mate
Don't let your ex create a lot of drama
If it gets really serious you have to understand that sooner or later your mate will be in a disciplinarian position.
The top thing to remember !
Any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad. | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/21/2007 10:17:47 PM | well the single moms are usually easier as they dont have alot of time and they do need to take care of bussiness too. but in your case, we won't wait forever ...there is a girl down the street willing to do the guy who's time your wasting by not putting out.
we also know that chances are your going to be involved in your exe's life for a long time. Most guy's just don't want to pick up someone elses baggage, if women put more thought into it we woudnt have so many single mothers. So yes I mind...I mind alot i just refuse to date a single mother.theres nothing selfish about it, it's my right and ive worked very hard to be responsible myself. | |
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Smjle
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Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 67 | |
| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/21/2007 10:25:49 PM | Most [older] men really don't mind dating women with children. It is actually expected as par for the course once you reach a certain age.
Drg, that's true. Most older men don't mind. That is because (1) most older women have children and (2) most older moms are better looking, better adjusted, and more desirable than their non-mom counterparts.
Most young men, other than those that find it difficult to attract women, prefer to date single women unless the single mom is exceptionally beautiful. | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/21/2007 11:43:00 PM | To be honest I have found its more a problem on the womans side.
Im single never married and no children. I have no problem dating a woman who has kids IF she knows that this brings a significant alteration to a relationship.
As a guy I know the woman has to take her family more serious than me. To enter into a relationship with a woman with kids already means that I cant be the focus of much of her time. I know and understand this. However women have to take into account that this causes some sacrifices on the guys part. Not having as much time to spend together, Kids having opinions on any new guy in their mom's lives,exes showing up to spend time with the kids, and the long term type of comitment that is required of a guy if he deceides to stay with this woman.
That is a lot to bring into any relationship. I sometimes feel that women seem to take for granted that asking a guy into this situation is less than ideal. There is an expectation on women's part to just assume that "He knows I have kids and he has to accept the limits". While that is true and most guys would for the right woman I think its only fair that women need to know this requires some sacrifice on a guys part and be willing to consider a man's feelings about certain issues that are going to come up.
In short dont be so willing to ask a guy to just accept your family without having some consideration for his feelings or understanding for the sacrifices you may have to ask him to make. | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/21/2007 11:57:36 PM | Heh.
About half the women I've dated have children, don't have a problem with it.
Reason being, I'm still a big kid myself, so it's easier to start a game of tag or hide and go seek then it is with people my age.
After all, have you ever tried to get everyone in the office to play hide and go seek at three in the afternoon?
Seriously, everyone gives me weird looks. Sigh.
Hey! Stop giving me that look! | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/22/2007 9:15:59 PM | I don't think its a big deal, I love kids.. however if she can't control them its a DRAG
kids love to beat me up for some reason?
this one girl i was seeing had a brat kid and she put her in her room for back talk and that kid screamed and pounded on the door like there was a fire or some monster in there.. she sat against the door.. I thought .. hum.. wwmd... what would mom do? crack that A$$! I would have never gotten away with that. | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/23/2007 6:41:35 AM | "Vixn, guys will date you for sex. However, for marriage, it's a trade off--a hot single mom with better looks vs. a not as good looking single gal. Can you even name one reason that a guy would marry you if he could marry your single twin that does not have children? I'm sure you can think of a number of reasons why he would not. "
Ever heard of PERSONALITY? Twins don't share that ! :::shakes head::: | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/23/2007 8:21:02 AM | | It depends on how many children the woman has. I prefer to date soemone who has no children. If she has one child, that's fine. However, once there are two there is little time for the man, and that happens even if they are his own biological children, and then she may be less likely to have additional kids. Men think about these things. At least, some do. | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/23/2007 2:31:10 PM |
kids are part of a package these days, and I expect most woman I meet to have kids, it's the age bracket I am in. I will say if her kids are out of control or she appears to see her children as a nuisance, defiantly not for me.
I'm in the same age bracket. Yes, it's unfortunate that many women I meet are breeders. You don't have to lower your expectations though. I've dated a lady with two kids and a single parent... in the end... they always pick the kids over you. I dont blame them. Just something to keep in mind.
I've learnt now to keep it simple. Just two people. three four and five is a crowd. | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/23/2007 2:57:26 PM | 9 of the last 12 posters have made me truly ashamed to be part of the male gender.
I now fully understand what you women have to deal with on a daily basis and in your searches for male partners in life now.
I only have 2 virtual roses a month to give, but what I need is about 1.7 million right now for every woman on and off POF that is dating just by virtue of the fact they will run into at least one guy like some of the last group of posters, in their life, and for that, you deserve a rose at the very least!
Temet Nosce | |
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| Do men really mind dating women with children??
Posted: 3/23/2007 4:04:27 PM | I really think it depends on how serious the guy is in finding a relationship and working on a relationship, as well as the situation the guy is in. If he has no responsibilities and doesn't know how to handle them, then he becomes selfish when the woman can't spend the attention on him. It depends on the level of patience that a guy is willing to put into the relationship.
I think that men with children understand that the kids would always come first, as the man's children should come first as well. At the beginning of a relationship, I don't believe that the man or woman should even meet at first, until that relationship looks like it is or may be going somewhere. Otherwise you will end up reaqlly confusing the kids.
Although some men (and women) have the patience and understanding to survive a relationship until everyone involved is ready to be integrated, I think the majority of men have "been there and done that" in that they know and understand the trials and tribulations of dating as a single parent.
I am not saying that women with children should only date men with children at all, I am just staing that a man that is or has been in a similar situation as the woman may have more patience, understanding, and commitment to stay around long enough to see if the relationship is viable. I am sure there are childless men out there that could persevere, though.
I myself have no problem dating a woman with children, but I am looking for a relationship rather than dating, so it depends on what the guy wants, too. | |
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