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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 5/18/2007 9:05:35 PM | | I must be the exact opposite of most men then :P. I have always been a person to be more willing to discuss my emotions/feelings than the women that i date. I will say thought that it is rare. I do not know any other guys who discuss their emotions openly. | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 5/19/2007 1:34:04 AM | Heck, if I had a girlfriend right now then I'd have no problem at all expressing my emotions to her.
I missed last weekend's round of the State Enduro Championship because I couldn't afford to get my race motorbike ready in time. Oh, for a shoulder to cry on....
I'm emotional about that... and have absolutely no problem at all with showing that.
*sigh*  | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/21/2007 9:37:25 AM |
Discussing emotions with women tends to repel them, friend-zone you, and not attract them. ubkobalt has it again.
1) Men don't like hanging out with men like this, we're told to 'keep a stiff upper lip', or 'suck it up'.
2) Women don't like to start dating men like this. They call them 'wimps', or 'too nice'.
3) Habit. We get so used to NOT being able to talk about our feelings, we find it really hard to start talking about them again. Plus, if we do, and the relationship ends, we have to revert back, so what's the point?
If you want to start dating men who TALK about their feelings, then don't date a very confident guy who gets a lot of women. Because he is ONLY getting those women because he DOESN'T show his feelings. | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/21/2007 9:41:47 AM |
If you are the type to lock your emotions up and not talk about them why do you do this? Why do SOME men do this in general?
Once you do this the relationship always starts unraveling. All men who are mature and intelligent understand this. | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/21/2007 9:48:37 AM | Men and women are hard wired differently. Women are adept at percieving that reality is what their emotional response to stimulus is. Men do not view reality as being determined by their emotional response to stimulus. Men view reality as being determined by whether something really exists. Accordingly, while women want to know a man's emotional state, for men this is usually irrelevent. Conversly, men will act based on an effort to acheive a goal without considering the emotional impact of their actions. As a result, women will be offended and the man will be confused as to where the woman's anger came from.
Flame on! | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/21/2007 10:16:44 AM |
men will act based on an effort to acheive a goal without considering the emotional impact of their actions.
Perhaps this explains that if something needs to get done, then one can always depend on a man to do it.
Interestingly enough, at the small firm I work with, there are a lot of men here who act like "old ladies", and are in managerial positions. We have several business objectives that need to be addressed. Whenever I propose a plan of action to tackle these items, it always results in emotional outbursts.
Seriously, once I proposed a plan of action to implement a solution to one of these objectives and someone literally ran out of their office, their face beet red, veins in their head and neck popping out, screaming at me hysterically and just about grabbing my throat. | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/21/2007 2:01:24 PM | 5Iron wrote:
At this point, what I want from him-the thing of significant importance, is not as important to me as the idea that he will not even discuss it.
You are vague on the specifics but I would respond in two ways.
First, doesn't this demonstrate a lack of respect when you go an a war path because he should discuss something because _you_ want to discuss it?
Second, perhaps he has figured out that the topic is such that his least worst option is to avoid the discussion. Or, perhaps he has figured out that you can't handle the truth so rather than lie to you he just won't discuss it. Not discussing it is still the least worst option.
Finally, my experience is that women don't want to "discuss" emotions, especially mine. This is even more true when they aren't going to hear what they want to hear.
My experience is that women prefer to beat their emotions to a pulp, talk about them for extended periods of time with no objective or end in sight. I don't mind listening and supporting but after a period of time I am finished because the exercise is, in my mind pointless and a waste of my time. | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/21/2007 5:32:49 PM | | My word, the Patriarchal society is not that great for men either is it? In my experiences, a lot of women encourage men to open up, because if they dont, they know nothing will ever be sorted out. Not all women want to just endlessly 'talk' about feelings either,.. sometimes we just want a solution too,.. and if you're in a relationship where you SO is brooding,.. you know there will be no happiness until YOU ask whats wrong so that it can be talked about and sorted out. But then you have to carry the name of 'nag' or 'typical woman always wanting to talk'. Thanks guys, we try to help and then get our heads bitten off for it. I personally dont need to know every thought or emotion thats passing through a mans head every minute of the day, but if something is clearly bothering him.. i'll ask.. before we get to the punch the wall stage,..saves on plaster and wood frames, lol. In my family, its the women who are stronger,.. the men are more emotional, funnily enough, so I have no problems seeing emotions in men. I knew a man who suffered from bouts of depression,.. he cried a lot.. and had to be very aware of his own emotions to keep track of his well being,.. did it make him a wuss or a wimp or less attractive in my eyes? Certainly not,.. he was as attractive as ever,.. more so sometimes,. because he allowed himself to be vunerable and that showed he trusted me. I never threw anything he said at those times back in his face. i still believe in fairness and the good old fashioned Queensbury rules. in a fight,.. no hitting below the belt. Its just not cricket is it? As far as emotions go, men and women arent that different, both genders can be 'talkers' or 'hiders'. I think we would all be better off with a little more candid talking. JMO | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/21/2007 6:36:12 PM | I think I am rather good at discussing my emotions in many cases. I discuss my emotions, and how I feel. Many men, including myself, think there are risks to expressing our emotions in terms of feeling weak. I mean imagine if a man allows himself to be vulnerable and then ends up looking like a fool. Men have a lot of pride and don't like looking vulnerable. We're conditioned to be tough, that life is tough, and expressing emotions can put you in a bad position. I am generalizing.
As for me, I do express my emotions, but I do think sometimes those guys who do restrain themselves have a good quality that they are taking too far. You have to express yourself, but you should be in control of yourself. We are generally, as men, encouraged to control our emotions, keep them in check. And some might think many women wouldn't respect them if they aren't tough and neither will their guy friends. I generally express my emotions to people I am close with especially if I am dealing with a girlfriend, and a very old best friend, but I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve... If a girl in a relationship wants emotions, she'll definitely get that, but many men consider being emotional something men just do not do. | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/21/2007 6:47:40 PM | | A lot of men don't talk about their emotions because our society conditions us to be this way. We're expected to suck it up and not complain. To do so would make us seem whiny and emasculated. Of course this is not a black and white issue, there are some men who don't mind expressing their emotions. | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/21/2007 7:53:44 PM | men don't talk about their emotions because......they don't have any 
seriously tho, every time a girlfriend asked me to tell her my emotions she didn't actually want to hear about them, she just wanted to vent her own. Anything I revealed would be irrelevant, unjustified, selfish and then misinterpreted into a personal attack against her, providing her with her own cue to vent her own frustrations. Anything I say will be used against me at a later date.
If I ever met a girl that actually cared to hear such things without her own agenda I'd probably marry her. | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/22/2007 7:02:11 AM | | Women socially discuss their emotions, men socially suppress their emotions. It's just the way it is, and the way it's been. So men become good at doing what they've been doing all along. | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/22/2007 9:55:30 AM | | I think there are emotions men feel and emotions that some women want to see on display. A guy may show his grief by shutting down, by being prideful of not wishing to be seen as weak. Now right there he's showing two emotions: grief and pride, and yet some women (some, not "all", not "most") want him to cry or talk about the inner struggle he is going through. So it gets to be not about how you want him to show his feelings, but you want him to show his feelings in a way you can relate to. So I guess my question to you is, if a guy is going through a tough situation, wouldn't you want to work with how he expresses his feelings and not ask him to change while going through such a rough time just to suit your way of interpreting emotions? Think about it. | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/22/2007 10:33:46 AM | | Sometimes expressing you're emotions will expose your weaknesses. Men don't like to admit they have weaknesses. Why do you think we never ask for directions when we're lost and keep driving around in circles for 5 hours? Asking would show that we're not self-sufficient and we need help- which is a weakness. | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/23/2007 7:50:40 AM | | It seems to me the more I read of these threads, that all issues become one main issue, and that is the differences between the sexes. With 2 sides hurling their points of view back and forth and not being heard by each other. Yes, I know men handle and show their emotions differently,.. but how much is that a natural way as opposed to the way a patriarcal society has dictated thats its the way you can handle them? I see more similarities than differences between men and women, we are human beings first and foremost,.. and human beings are emotional,.. loads of posters are saying, thats the way we were raised, you cant show weakness.. other guys called you wimp, wuss etc,.. and they say women dont really want to see us being weak, they dont think its attractive blah blah blah,.. so if its the way you were raised,.. change it then!! Fight against these sterotypes of 'real men' what ever that means. 'real men sterotypical ones are very 2 dimensional human beings.. do women really want strong silent types of men? Some do,.. but they are the ones who are also giving in to a sterotype of strong man/emotional woman.. as if emotions somehow denote weakness. Many posters are also saying.. men shut down.. they keep silent in a prideful way,.. thats how the express their emotion. Really? is that expressing emotion? It seems to me more of a denial,.. or suppression.. drinking, drugs, video game.. these are distractions for whats really bothering someone.. and in every marriage I ever saw that broke down,.. it was the strong silent man who had the woman tearing her hair out for refusing to let her see ANY type of emotion, apart from anger or violence.. or just plain indifference. thats how it ends. In the richer countries, we have the luxury of self awareness, I am asking a question,.. is this really how men show their emotions? Or do you all think you were taught to only show your emotions in acceptable 'male' ways? if its the latter,.. who is 'man' enough to try and break from peer pressure, siocietial pressure and just be them selves? What a lot of people, men and women dont understand is that the men they call 'soft. 'wimp' or 'wuss' are actually some of the bravest men. they've had the guts to be themselves and not hide under this ridiculous facade of strong silent man. Will women find you les atractive if you drop the big man facade? Some might,.. but theres a lot more that would like you even better. We are'nt all alooking to find big men who will protect us, pat us on the head and say, there there little lady, you cry and I'll be the big guy who hugs you. All men were once small boys,.. we ALL need to be supported and hugged and show vunerbility sometimes. I personally find a man whos not scared to show his emotions and vunerabiltiy very attractive,.. more so than the 2D cardboard cut out men,... JMO. x | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/23/2007 8:27:43 AM | We can have emotions? Oh, I know like getting mad and stuff... gotcha...
Of course we lock up crybaby emotions. Every guy out there had his father say "If you want something to cry about Ill GIVE you something to cry about" We learn pretty damn fast that kinda stuff is for girls. That men are not supposed to be like that.
There are basically only 2 times when it is ok for a guy to cry.
a) When somone / something (dog ect, not a cat) has recently died.
and
b) When he is very very very drunk on whisky.
Even then, you are still kind of a wuss if you cry. Havent you ever seen a Clint Eastwood western? Did HE ever cry? How about Bruce Willis in Die Hard, did he ever cry?
But, on a more serious note, I think that the whole lack of showing emotions is really a survival trait that we still have. The more traditional role of the male (in the primitive sence) is that of a hunter gatherer. In that role, we learnd to be very focus minded, intent on our prey, and alert to danger. Spending time thinking on emotions and what the woman was up to back at the cave was not only a waste of time, but under the wrong circmustances, could very well become dangerous to the point of being life threatening.
However, on the other hand, woman being much more in the role of typicall housewife (at the cave cooking watching after the rugrats ect...) Had time to think on emotions, and spending the majority of her time in a very social setting, learnt to deal with them in a much more open and vocal way.
At least, that would be my opinion. Its a little un-clear I know, but meh.
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/23/2007 8:32:23 AM | | Vamp, "I've already learnt that these days women couldn't give a damn about a mans emotions. She'll worry if something is bothering him but if it's not to do with her, then she isn't interested whatsoever usually." from tattoo_lurch is fairly accurate ...as are what Ron 9 and ubkobalt shared for their take on men's emotion.We too often don't get taken seriously for having these, unless we 'have issue' w/ the woman ...and I've found that most only take issue in return rather than possibly admit that we've got a valid 'beef'. | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/23/2007 10:12:28 AM | Do women really want men that cry? Are emotional? Crack and buckel under peer preasure? Those types of guys wouldnt last very long in almost... yeah, ANY highstress environment, they would "shut down" and start bawling. In my job, thats dangerous, not only to him, but to me too. I dont need a guy that will start crying when something goes bad, I need guys that will ignore that sht and get the job done, his life and mine could well depened on it.
Sorry, but you ladies that want cry-babys should really reflect on this, and see if that is indeed the kind of guy you want. Im willing to bet that really, when it comes right down to it, the problem isnt that women want guys that are sensitive, or insensitive, I believe that the problem is that women dont know what the hell it is they want to begin with.
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/23/2007 12:15:59 PM | I must be the exact opposite of most men then :P. I have always been a person to be more willing to discuss my emotions/feelings than the women that i date. I will say though that it is rare. I do not know any other guys who discuss their emotions openly.
Your sun sign is Cancer . . . Cancer people are always waaaaaay more intouch with their feelings and emoyiond than most folks | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/23/2007 12:42:09 PM | To Roaming Siris,
There are lots of jobs where both men and women need cool heads. there are male and female Soldiers,.. firefighters. search and rescue,.. police offiers,.. and loads of others where bravery is important,.. i dont see male or female doctors and nurses bawling when they have to save some poor mangled persons life. Do you think that a man who could display his emotions openly is going to cry and bawl every minute of the day? if you think along those lines,.. and you see women as more open with their emotions,.. then where are the women crying their eyes out? I dont often go to the supermarket and see lines of checkout girls regularly sobbing in their chairs, do you? Work is work,.. not all of your life centres around work. I think you may be thinking along the lines of emotional self control which we all need to display from time to time.. but in life,.. there are always times when it does no good to bottle things up,.. maybe not whilst trying to diffuse a bomb or something,.. lol,.. I suppose you're very fond of the saying 'suck it up man' and another great one..'pull yourself together'. Gawd. let people be people sometimes.. I actually feel sorry for men now,.. all this repression from their own sex,.. in fact,.. I feel so sorry I'm going to go off and have a great big girly crying session in the middle of my workplace for all the poor men who cant Jeez! | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/23/2007 12:52:18 PM | Why don't men express emotions as much as women do?
Partly, it's training. We are taught that it's not manly.
Partly, it's biology. It's the same reason that we are, on average, larger and stronger--evolution has selected us to be the hunters, the fighters, and protectors. As such, it doesn't pay to act weak. This isn't a conscious thing, it just the way we are made. | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/23/2007 12:59:37 PM | lol
You did indeed nail it Goodewitch
"Suck it up suzie"
"Pull up your panties and just fuKing do it damnit"
"Put down your purse and give me a hand here"
All things I say on a typicall day multiple times. Perhaps thats just the kind of guy that I am.
Would you prefer an "in-touch" metrosexual man, or a guys guy? Imagine this, you cheat on him. How would you expect / imagine your guy would react? With a long 'intimate' discussion over your need to find gratification with another? A good 'ol fashioned screaming match, complete with the manditory intervention by peace officers? Or, perhaps somone who can bottle it up, look at you and say "Oh well, your loss ***ch. Get the hell out of my house, you can get your stuff off the lawn in the morning.
I know witch one I am.
Now, do you know witch one you would want?
Emotional guys SOUND nice. But really, in practice there just not going to cut it. As, being emotional allows for too much weakness to enter into the equation.
This is one of my favorite topics. Theres just SO much to debate here.
Try to think of it along these lines... When did it become acctable for guys to even HAVE emotions besdies anger? the 60s? the 70s?
Do you realize that your asking us to overcome around 20,000 years of evelution and suppression in less than a generation? And, do you really think that this new-age / metrosexual male is really the kind of guy that eveloution had planned out?
Sorry ladies, im just not made that way. You want old fashioned values, withought the oldfashioned outlook, your sadly mistaken. That dosnt happen.
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/23/2007 1:11:16 PM | | I agree some of it's nature/evolution men are not able to communicate as well as women and this includes emotional communication. But part of it is society, you’re taught at an early age to internalize emotions and not to show weakness. Having said that I don’t think given the choice that I would want to be overly well connected to my emotions, as bad as it can be not being in touch with them I think its much worse being too in touch with them. I personally feel sorry for people that have to check there emotions to make sure they are feeling good or are ok with things, what burden. I’m glad I have the ability to but my emotions up on the shelf and forget about them most of the time, and if I need them I dust them off and take a look. | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/23/2007 1:11:21 PM | To Smith2267,
Oh Smith,.. i agree with you when you say its training. This is what I've been trying to say in my posts. its social conditioning. But,.. as for biology.. (sighs) Im tired of every thing being blamed on 'evolution' or 'natural selection' for every thing a man does,.. ranging from cheating,.. to being emotionally repressed. I'm a female,.. therefore my biology should be telling me that i should reproduce and have children because my female body was designed for it,.. but I have never felt a maternal craving for children in my life,.. I made a choice. i didnt want children.. and my body does not rule my head,.. so what am I? An evolutionary abberation or something? Civilisation is now at the point where 'survival of the fittest' no longer applies in most societies. We take care of the old, the sick and the dying. We even try to include different races and beliefs which goes against the tribal instincts. many men have posted that its conditioning,.. that they have been taught to only express emotions in certain ways.. and have even described peer pressure if they showed any, being ridiculed and whatever,.. so,.. I ask again,.. if this is true and you feel you are being emotionall;y repressed by society, will any of you ever ty to break the mould? At the risk of being called 'wimp' wuss' or my personal fave..'gay'? Seems to me that would take a brave man.. certainly not a wimp in any respect. | |
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