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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/23/2007 1:36:47 PM | I'm meyers-briggs type INFP, which among other things means that I make decisions based mostly on my feelings.
So there is individual variation, goodewitch, which explains why not all women want to become mothers.
But even I am different about handling and displaying my emotions than most women I have known.
I really think there is a biological component to it. | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/23/2007 1:42:50 PM | To Roaming Siris,
You asked in an imaginary scenario a one in which i'd been cheating which way i would want the SO to respond.. well for starters i really cant oblige you with a hypothetical answer on that because I would never cheat.. but I can tell you what type of man I would want,.. the more emotionally open 'metrosexual' man. I as a woman DO know what I want.. and Alpha male posturing, with all the behaviors that go along with it are certainly NOT what I would want. I'm not saying that all men should aspire to be this way.. if you are truly in your heart the type of man you say you are,.. then thats who you should be.. but, heres where I take issue with you,.. I am not happy that you bawl and shout at all those guys who you think are p**** whipped. thats not being a man... thats just being a bully. And yes, i do expect you to try and overcome 20,ooo years of social conditioning,.. after all, women have tried to do it,.. with equality.. we still have a long way to go,.. and so do men as far as emotional openess is concerned,.. but the difference is,there are a lot of women like me who are willing to let men do that if thats what they want to do.. i am in no way wanting men to stay strong silent types to protect me.. A lot of men opposed equality,.. women had to fight for it,.. but a lot of women are positively glad to help men to be emotionallly open.. in their way.. not in the way we want them to be. I dont expect you to do it overnight.. but it would be nice if more men at least tried,.. instead of going with the old values out of fear of being ostracised by their freinds. You seem to confuse being sensitive and emotional with being weak, this is a faulty perception on your part, due to the exact same conditioning that I've been waffling on a bout for what seems like 20'000 years now, lol, Thanks Goodewitchx | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/23/2007 3:29:15 PM |
If you are the type to lock your emotions up and not talk about them why do you do this? Why do SOME men do this in general?
Most boys are taught from the start to be a "man" you need to be tough, hide your feelings, don't let anyone see you show any real depth of feelings, it's considered weak for a guy.
Personally I'm proud to say I looked at that and rose above that. Yes I can be a "tough guy" however to me (and I know I'm a guy saying this) I think most men are like robots that walk around with almost no emotions and are dorks that put on some macho front. I think you have to have a balance, yes I don't mean a guy should go around crying all the time or something, however I personally am one of the few guys that loves to talk to a woman and express how I'm feeling and hear about her feelings.
So I don't fit into the mold of locking or blocking up feelings. Guys like that who lock up emotions for years, turn out to just be bitter and more sour as they get older and older. No point in that, talk about feelings thats key to a healthy relationship. | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/23/2007 7:41:50 PM | Im still waiting for you to explain how or why its a false assumption...
Sorry, but the fight or flight instinct it too strong to overcome.
" I am woman, and I know witch type I would want"
I still call BS.
No matter how you look at it, guys are still animals, and were built to fight, for whatever it is that we need. Now, I say need, not want. I wouldnt fight for some dumb blond chick that I met tonight in the bar, nor would I waste my time with that he said/she said BS. However, I had a guy grab my fiance in the bar one time. Ill tell you what, some emotionally "in touch guy" would be busy explaining his feelings, right at the same time his teeth were getting smasht down his emotionally in-touch throat. That IS weakness, and in a big way.
Now, im not knocking those guys that are like that, it takes all kinds to fill this world.
Im just saying, that night I ended up in cuffs, he ended up in the hospital, and...
Id do it again, exactally the same way in a 1/2 a heartbeat.
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/23/2007 9:21:23 PM | | I tell a woman exactly what I feel, she may not like it but better she know than wonder. | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/30/2007 12:03:49 AM | | I don't know, this subject is so alien to me... When I'm sad, I might cry, when I'm happy, I'll laugh... Normal human reactions... If I feel like confiding in someone, I will, whether it's my guy friend or a girlfriend. What's the big deal? Sometimes though I've caught myself being passive-aggressive, but that's usually for fear of needlessly hurting someone... | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/30/2007 3:31:01 AM | I have to admit at this point it is seems to be very dependent on my partner....a lot moreso than I gave credit to in the past. There are some women I can talk incessantly with and can express anything I can put into words. They tend to be the nerdy, analytical, intellectual type females that have my basic mental orientation.
I have also been told I am good at expressing my feelings and emotions through writing and that I should do that more often. So part of it is an extemporaneous speech impediment of mine....said impediment is magnified tenfold when talking on the phone. | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/30/2007 4:14:05 AM | There are social standards that we are exposed to as soon as we're capable of understanding them until the day we die.
Women are also exposed to these standards, so when we act differently we're often criticized for it. I've had a couple girlfriends flip out on my when I tried to talk about things that were bothering me or stressing me out. From their point of view, my problems were too much for them to listen to on top of dealing with their own, although when the tables were turned around I was expected to provide the same emotional support as always. | |
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acgoat
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Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 109 | |
| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/30/2007 5:34:26 AM | vampgoddess
Emotions are bad , for men.
Men are not emotionally equiped to handle emotions.
Men are raised from early age to hide emotions away.
EMOTIONS BAD
DENY HAVING EMOTIONS=GOOD | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 6/30/2007 7:54:15 AM | I was raised by women, and my father died when I was quite. In some ways I was lucky to have been spared some of the typical male imprinting that goes on. That said, I'm still a male. 
Just look at all of the role models (even ones females swoon over) offered to males as "examples". How many "emo" /"metrosexual"/etc ones are there ?
It's my belief that there is a biochemical/cultural/sexual "yin/yang" dance about it. Women may in fact need the contrast of a "male" personality to be happy at some deep level. Strength is judged, rightly or wrongly, as being emotionally rock solid.
Take a look at your typical romance novel :
The same goes with the hero. In a romance novel, the typical heroine is in her early twenties, while the hero is older. If he is in his twenties, he shouldn’t be shown as a tycoon, unless of course, he inherited the wealth. If he is in his thirties, he shouldn’t be shown doing activities that are immature for his age.
There are many types of personalities that you can choose from for your heroine, but typically, a “romantic” female would include the following: kind, young, nurturing, loving, warm, single, sensual, doesn’t fool around, and attractive. For your hero, the characteristics could vary even more, and usually include being: older, decisive, powerful, kind, caring, single, gentle, and handsome.
Earlier at All About Romance, we discussed the Alpha Hero and some of us feel the terminology is outdated. Your heroes are very masculine and authoritative, but they are not cruel or arrogant, which I usually associate with the term Alpha male. Do you think your heroes are Alphas, or has that term lost its use as a description of a particular kind of male character?
Interesting question. I've never thought Alpha Male meant an arrogrant or cruel man, although many heroes in romance novels have indeed been both. I suppose I think Alpha Male means strong, tough and extremely masculine. Yes, I think of my heroes as Alpha Males, but with Beta tendencies. My heroes are the type of man I love, respect and admire - strong, masculine, authoritative and very protective, but also with a heart of gold, a man capable of deep, faithful love and a man who likes and respects women. These are the traits I found in both of my grandfathers, in my father, my husband, my son and son-in-law. The men in my life would cut off their right arm before lifting a finger to harm their women - wives, daugthers, etc. - and my heroes share that trait.
http://www.likesbooks.com/barton.html
"strong, tough, MASCULINE, older, decisive, powerful....."
Now , ask yourself why that is. Why do these models become so popular and accepted ? Why do WOMEN find characters like this acceptable ?
Why do even WOMEN raise males to be "men" ?
Why do most homosexual (even lesbian) couples feature a dominant "male" and "female" personality in their partners ? | |
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| Men and emotions... curious
Posted: 7/1/2007 8:46:30 AM | have you ever seen that episode of friends where Chandler lets his emotions out - its like that trust me.
we're all a mess inside | |
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