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| Men on multiple dating sites
Posted: 3/21/2007 2:37:50 AM | WEll once i acidentally discovered that he was on one, ( by accident meaning I saw his email when he asked to find some pictures on my computer) I decided to check out some of the other ones that sent me spam. Whenever I got spam relating to dating sites I would check it out for the hell of it to see if he was on that one too.. So far I have found him on five. I am through looking for now. I think fiver is enough to be concerned about. The onlt way you can perform a search sometimes is to sign up. other than that i don't care about the site.
I found the forum s on this one and decided to stick around and chat.
One of them he actaully had the gall to visit while on my computer while he was visiting for a few days. I found it in my history. I confronted him on it, and I don't think he has been to that one since. It was specifically to do with asian women.  | |
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| Men on multiple dating sites
Posted: 3/21/2007 5:13:39 AM | | People on mutiple sites ( as you describe, asking for different things on all of them) could be any of the following or a combination of these things: they are: addicted to the attention, do not have realistic expectations, are playing like children, have extreme trouble finding who they seek and maybe too some emotional problems that are deeper. | |
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| Men on multiple dating sites
Posted: 3/21/2007 5:51:38 AM | once i acidentally discovered
Whenever I got spam relating to dating sites I would check it out for the hell of it to see if he was on that one too.. So far I have found him on five
I found it in my history
Im sorry OP, but do you think your investigations, and the fact you need to ask here, despite the fact you have already asked the guy, why he is on other sites, is leading to paranoia?
I appreciate you have been hurt in the past, however I am a strong believer, for a relationship to work, you need trust in that relationship, and the fact you don't trust this guy, I believe means you will never have a true relationship with him.
It was specifically to do with asian women
So what?
The guy has admitted, and from your own experience, he is an internet addict, and his "hobby" is surfing the net, and gets a buzz from the attention. Please stop internet stalking him!
If I was the guy in question, and came across this post, no way would I want a relationship with you, for fear if we did get it together, and assume I agreed to stop using the internet completely, you would still be checking through my phone at nite, and steaming open my mail, just to check I was still being faithful to you!!! | |
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| Men on multiple dating sites
Posted: 3/21/2007 4:25:02 PM | And yes mr x markx you are probably right too, the whole thing is not healthy at all. Maybe I should just move on, there are just too many unhealthy things going on here. It probably will lead to paranoia. I could not expect some one to stop using the internet. He has probably been doing this for too long to stop with these patterns.
Thank you for your brutal criticism, I probably deserve it. I have always trusted the men in my life, but they never gave me a reason to feel uneasy. MY past breakups were due to male substance abuse problems. This is something new and I really don't like wondering if I am going to be discarded so easily. | |
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| Men on multiple dating sites
Posted: 3/22/2007 2:51:36 AM | Ms.D,
Obviousely you have deep feelings for this guy, you have come to a point in your relationship, where you want it to go to the next stage, he has started liquifying his assets, on promise to be nearer to you.
I do not think he is going to discard you, in favor of his "fantasy" women, however his addiction to internet, plus the time it is taking, for you to be nearer, is causing you big emotional problems.
Invite him up again to yours, as it sounds like you had a good time, except for the internet thing, spend quality time together, and make him aware of your feelings. Say you are keen for him to move nearer to you, but also try and put a timescale on it, as at the moment you could be another of his "fantasy" women, with the added bonus for him, that he actually has met you occasionally, and your life is being held in limbo, say it with love and understanding, and you will be able to tell by his reaction, if he is serious about him moving nearer you, or is just stringing you along.
As to his internet addiction, that is much, much harder to deal with. You have had experience of men with substance abuse, and in many ways this is similar, just another form of addiction. Talk to him, if he spends time on your PC again, when at yours, to try and find out how much time he does normally spends on the internet, when at home, then try and get him to admit why, which is probaly down to low self esteem, this will be hard for him to admit, but an essential first step, so do not over pressurize him. Then see his reactions, if you say that if you two were together, you would like him too spend more time with you, not the PC, if he agrees this would be the second step, the third will be your love and support, when he is getting withdrawl symptoms, and you guys are together, to occupy and change his routine, and addiction, to something more healthy, which he can do with you. IMHO
I hope things work out for you, whatever you decide.
xX Mark Xx | |
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| Men on multiple dating sites
Posted: 4/6/2007 9:19:50 PM | If you are in a relationship and he has to get his ego stroked by others that is not healthy for the relationship.
Now as far as having profiles on other sites. Heck there is a lot of women on this site, who claim to be looking for long term and are on some less then respectable sites looking for something a lot different. | |
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ddream
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Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 34 | |
| Men on multiple dating sites
Posted: 4/6/2007 9:23:31 PM | Well, seems to me he is measuring with 2 standards. It's OK for him to be on several websites, but if you post a classified he's going bezerk? I'm not gonna say he's not that into you, but it makes you wonder when somebody wants their profile be kept up and running on all dating sites..... Is he that socially? Or could it be that he's hoping to get something on the side?
You decidede which applies, but in my book if you meet someone that you wanna settle down with there's no need to stay on dating sites whatsover..... | |
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| Men on multiple dating sites
Posted: 4/8/2007 1:13:04 AM | | OP: I agree with some of PSU's points (but I think she's being too lenient). Having said that, the thing that really jumps out is you've been seeing him for 9 months. If it had been 9 days or even 9 weeks, I'd say he's just not quite ready to commit....BUT after 9 mos., there's, at least, an unspoken (or should be) commitment there. he has no business stringing you along for 9 months while still fishing on the side. no matter how he tries to rationalize it, he KNOWS it's not fair to you. he needs to either fish or cut bait. if he's not willing to do so, then you need to take the initiative (as in dump him). anything after 2-3 months is unacceptable to still be "deciding" whether you're really his kettle of fish (can't resist the fish thing on this forum). bottom line: if he were really into you, he wouldn't need "entertainment" or an "ego boost." you'd be plenty of both. it saddens me to see so many people on these forums who just don't get it. if someone is truly enamored with you, they'll move heaven and earth to be with you. moreover, they'll have NO interest in others (or in "ego boosts"). you have two choices: either dump him immediately or tell him flat out what you want (and what you won't put up with). if you do the latter, if he doesn't *permanently* act accordingly, then get rid of him. if i were you, i'd cut my losses now. it's that obvious. best wishes. :) | |
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| Men on multiple dating sites
Posted: 4/8/2007 7:37:07 AM | | A lot of women do it as well. The one I get a kick out of is when they start a membership on Adult Friend Finder and post the same picture they have on POF. | |
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| Men on multiple dating sites
Posted: 4/8/2007 9:14:48 AM | He would seem to be, in the words of Bug Bunny, "a maroon."
And to quote from Monty Python and the Holy Grail:
"RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"
Michael | |
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| Men on multiple dating sites
Posted: 5/18/2007 7:25:45 AM | | Are you familiar with the concept of networking? What if it doesn't work out with you? Then he has to start the long arduous process all over. | |
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| Men on multiple dating sites
Posted: 5/18/2007 7:31:55 AM | | I don't understand the necessity of being on 5 sites when he's been with you so long. I'm with no one for no length of time and this is the only site I'm on! As far as that ego boost stuff, that's nonsense. Why does he need the boost? To feel more confident approaching women, or messaging them? | |
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