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 northsideman
Joined: 3/3/2007
Msg: 26
Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?Page 2 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I got lucky once or twice on a first date. Never thought any less of her.
There are two options. either both are in for just a few rolls in the hay, or they both hope it leads to more. if both consent, i say, enjoy it and make it count.
 norahs63
Joined: 1/30/2007
Msg: 27
Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/19/2007 7:19:23 AM
Dolly,
I find myself in the same situation that you have been in. I ask myself the same question. Is it a bad move. I find myself questioning myself why is it a bad thing? I always come back to the comment "why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free".
The one thing I have found is that if you are two consenting adults while you are in the sack, then you should be adult enough to talk about expectations or consequences.
I believe there is a double standard, that men can, but women can't.
In today 's world everything is so excelerated because of computers, internet, cell phones, express lines and lanes. Relationships have also taken that type of path as well. I don't understand why if the chemistry is there, and the feelings are right, why not on the first date?
Feel at ease Dolly, you're not alone.
 doza2007
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 28
Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/19/2007 7:22:00 AM
If both parties feel ready for the initmacy on a first date, then it is fine. But if one party feels pressured into it by either his/her partner, then it isnt ok.
 RudeCane69
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 29
Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/19/2007 3:22:35 PM
Never say never. But the odd's are stacked agianst yea once you cross that line on the first date. Its better to find a diamond in the rough than buy the diamond in the store. Meaning if you have sex on the first date, us men will never take the time out to wanna learn about the woman.
 ubkobalt
Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 30
Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/19/2007 3:45:00 PM

Never say never. But the odd's are stacked agianst yea once you cross that line on the first date. Its better to find a diamond in the rough than buy the diamond in the store. Meaning if you have sex on the first date, us men will never take the time out to wanna learn about the woman.


Sometimes, but sometimes not.

Sometimes, it's "Ok, we had sex. What else do you got??" Although, typically her reaction is "Ehh, not much more. That's enough from you." Wait, I thought it was supposed to be the other way around gender wise.
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 31
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Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/19/2007 5:27:13 PM
A guy knows that if you are willing to have sex with him on the first date then you are willing to have sex with every guy on the first date. If you don't want to be placed in this mental category then don't offer up the goods so quick.
 jimi77
Joined: 7/13/2004
Msg: 32
Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/19/2007 6:14:21 PM
I might be betraying the brotherhood here a bit, but I say it’s a bad idea.
 SPARKYtheTOWNmarshal
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 33
Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/19/2007 8:06:16 PM
Having sex on the first date usually will produce a Friends with Benefits relationship, or a one night stand and not much else...

Not a good idea with you want a real relationship with the person...
 johnglc
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 34
Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/19/2007 8:46:27 PM
There are no rights or wrongs .........just go with the flow.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 10/12/2006
Msg: 35
Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/19/2007 11:23:58 PM

A guy knows that if you are willing to have sex with him on the first date then you are willing to have sex with every guy on the first date. If you don't want to be placed in this mental category then don't offer up the goods so quick.

Hadn't thought of that. So that means that if you want to be among the decent chicks you MUST have sex on the first date or forever be a carping b**ch. Good Idea -- confirmed.
 jasonf321
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 36
Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/19/2007 11:32:27 PM
if the moment is right, why not. in my opinion girls put too much effort into "planing" and "making him wait." what a waist of time. Go for it cuz not all the time sex comes with strings attached. Besides you get to skip all the boring awkward stuff to get to the same point.
 Dolly Hooligan
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 37
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Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/20/2007 2:43:56 AM
Wow, who would have thought so many replies... interesting, can't say I agree with them all but each to their own. I'm surprised in the year 2007 that so many people are inclined to be so strongly judgmental of others though! I myself have never initiated sex on a first date and don't believe I ever would but this is because I would have to feel I know and like a person before I would be comfortable to do that. If somebody inititates lovemaking with me, it doesn't necessarily mean I would be up for that but I wouldn't think less of them for asking or make them feel guilty about it. My own view which I haven't shared up until now is that personally, cold meaningless sex just as a pure act is not my preference. Personality does it for me and if there is a mutual like and attraction then it may or may not happen on a first date. I think it's very wrong to use it as a kind of reward eg, holding off until you get what you want. I've never yet had an experience of someone not calling me for a 2nd date either so surely it can't always be wrong?
 LostInThisMess
Joined: 2/6/2007
Msg: 38
Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/20/2007 7:56:21 AM
I would have to say it's a bad move. If the girl sleeps with me on the first date, I usually never want to see her again, or want to see her for SEX only. Since i already got everything, I simply pass on. But hey, maybe it's because im still young.

Therefore, NO sex on first date if you really like the guy and want this to turn into something more serious. If ure in it just for the sex, then HELL yeah, why not ?
 hookthisone
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 39
Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/20/2007 8:21:23 AM
Depends on how well you know the guy before the date and if you are ok with one nighters. If your the shit in bed this will almost guaranty his want for a second date, whether the guy feels connected to you or not. This may make it harder to tell if there is anything more to the relationship at first and can waste your time if your looking for something more but it does make the search more interesting. I wouldn't ask for it on the first date but if we already know each other and she shows a desire why not? If it was the first time we meet and she wanted to get it on I would seriously wonder how clean she is and probably wouldn't feel safe with her. Waiting 6 months on the other hand is too much, I would want to know if we connected in the sack also before spending that much time with someone and would be wondering if she truly desires me.

It all depends on you.
 intheswim
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 40
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Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/20/2007 9:09:44 AM
My two cents worth.....anyone who is willing to sleep with someone on the first date isn't someone that I'd A] sleep with, B] date again.

Nothing to prevent a friendship there. I know lots of people who do this, male and female. It provides a lot of vicarious drama in my otherwise rather quiet existence.

 Nightcowboy
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 41
Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/20/2007 1:26:16 PM
If he works alot or doesn't have the time or patience for a long drawn out pointless courtship and just wants sex,making him wait won't change his plan.He either wants you or not and thats likely been decided before he even met you.Besides sex on the first date or the 10th whats the diff? its semantics.If he looks down on you cause you put out he's a hipocrit isn't he? you only did what he wanted you to do.If it feels right go for it if you really want to pretend that stalling will help fine but all your doing is developing a false sense of security.Lots of girls think if they make him wait months he'll want her more meanwhile he's screwing his back up and by the time the first girl comes around he's lost interest or prefers his back up as she's proven she's not wasting his time.I've had wonderful first dates that ended in hot nasty sex where I dated the woman for a long time I've found this to be exciting.I have also played the waiting game "getting to know" someone then had sex only to find we weren't sexually compatible or she didn't have the qualities I wanted ,that was a waste of time.Don't let society dictate how you should date somebody do what feels right for you.
 judyluvsvegas
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 42
Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/20/2007 3:11:51 PM
I am about as far from a ho or slut as one can be. I've given **** first time out...is that sex. Well, it turned out ok. He figured i wanted it and I did... don't see what the big deal is...Some women want it and some don't. To say oh I have to wait til we go to a restaurant 2x and a movie 1x and walk his dog 4 times before I can do it with him...oh, please............
 Progressive
Joined: 12/21/2006
Msg: 43
Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/20/2007 3:50:56 PM
Maybe age has something to do with it. Being (gasp) over 50 gives you a different perspective. You waste too much of your life on preliminaries...

It was the first date, there was chemistry and it had been a long time for both of us. Why wait?

It was great. It remains great. In fact it's getting better all the time. Best sex we have ever had. Plural. And it is building into a truly great relationship all around. Wouldn't have missed it for the world.

So my advice? Don't over-analyze.

I'm learning very late in life to trust my emotions. It may not always work out, but then, what does? Most of the time going with your gut turns out to be smart.

VGuy
 sloce
Joined: 2/5/2007
Msg: 44
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Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/20/2007 4:33:47 PM
You're very brave to post this is my first thought. I wonder how many people after a first date bump and run will try their charm on you now that they've read this forum.


myself have never initiated sex on a first date and don't believe I ever would


However, you've admitted to having sex on the first date on more than one occasion. Therefore, are you sure you're not initiating it? Your actions throughout each of those dates have lead to consensual sex, have they not?


don't believe I ever would but this is because I would have to feel I know and like a person before I would be comfortable to do that


However, you don't have to know and like a person before feeling comfortable screwing them just as long as they ask first? That’s interesting...


cold meaningless sex just as a pure act is not my preference. Personality does it for me and if there is a mutual like and attraction then it may or may not happen on a first date. I think it's very wrong to use it as a kind of reward eg, holding off until you get what you want. I've never yet had an experience of someone not calling me for a 2nd date either so surely it can't always be wrong?


This is really some line of reasoning you have going here... Why wouldn't they call you back? They know you're going to give it up. Anyway, that’s enough of my criticism of your fallacious reasoning. If you want to bang a guy after he takes you to dinner, go ahead. Maybe you'll end up together all sweet and lovingly married, maybe you’ll be great friends, maybe, you’ll never talk again. If you don't want to give him your holy of holies then don't. It really makes no different in general whether you shag a guy on the first date or not. What matters is that which happens afterwards, in the days to follow. How do you feel about it? If you’re fine with being a one night stand type of girl then continue to do it. If you don’t like the way it makes you feel then I suggest you alter your behavior.

I doubt you are going to know someone well enough after one date and one roll in the hay to say that a romance is in the cards. You may feel it's a possibility, but you won't know enough about that person to say anything long term will be the result, one way or another. Again, if being bent over the hood of your car after coffee and dessert is what you’re after, there are more than enough guys to volunteer. More power to you.

The fact is, the intentions of each party involved will decide whether or not sex on the first date is a bad move or not. In the long run, you're going to do things based on what you want at the moment, some of the time. Other times, you'll hold off on what you want at the moment and save it for what you expect you might still want after date number, say 6. I’m just throwing out a number here, but it’s like this. If you like a guy and you want to know whether he just wants your cute little peach, wait him out. If you don’t like him that much, but he’s got a great looking bulge in his pants that you can’t wait to wrap your lips around…have at it. There is no one answer for all circumstances.
 st-anger
Joined: 10/18/2006
Msg: 45
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Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/20/2007 7:45:56 PM
99% of the time i think it is

questions i always ask myself are

a: if i get her into bed on the first date, does everyone else
b: if you do everything on the first date, whats there to look forward to

lets be realistic, i'm a bloke so there will always be an attempt, but girls if you like the guy don't "give in " to easily, if he thinks your worth it he'll wait and likewise if you think he's worth it you should wait and thats also part of the fun

but it all depends on what you want, if all you want is a quick fix go for it but if you want more don't go diving under the covers he'll respect you more
 beebop52
Joined: 3/14/2006
Msg: 46
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Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/20/2007 7:51:24 PM
Sad to say but maybe when we were younger. Larger morals and more self-esteem since back when duh............But the older the men get the more they think about his having sex, not fishing together or boating or whatever is it more like "what are you wearing right now'" After yours 8th or 9th im on hear or anywhere else. Just be very very careful...Been divorced 32 yrs and just got dumper from a 5 year relationship that I thought was forever..........Not. having a hard time............So girls hang in there and just do what you think is best for you...Question? Sex on the first date? "If that is WHAT YOU and ONLY YOU WANT
 randomstoic
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 47
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Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/20/2007 9:46:07 PM
I think age, obligations, and values affect it. It is much easier to have sex at a younger age when you have fewer obligations. And, I imagine, it might be easier for some when the children are grown-up.

I just couldn't do it because I would like to feel that I am falling in love before making love. Otherwise, based on past experience, I would have a terrible existential hangover within a few days.
 Leslie27
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 48
Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/20/2007 11:05:43 PM
If you want a guy to stick around dont sleep with him on the first date. Wait until the third or even fourth. If you do sleep with him on the first date he may lose interest and not call again or just keep on just so he can get laid. He knows you are easy if you give it up quickly. Be greedy with your goodies. Don't give it away...Unless you don't like the guy and just want some. Then it's okay.
 Pleasantron
Joined: 12/6/2005
Msg: 49
Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/20/2007 11:23:53 PM
If all you're interested in is passion, one-night stands, and casual sex, it is okay to jump in bed with any guy you feel sensually attracted to because there isn't any caring love or involvement. However, if you are looking for a long term relationship with a "nice" guy, he probably will not pressure you for sex on the first date or even a few dates afterward.

Many women today want to experience sex with multiple partners to find the one who gives them the most pleasure. But, from my experience, truly good sex only occurs when two people have a caring romantic love attachment to each other over time.

To sort of summarize, it all depends upon your dating motives. If you want immediate sexual gratification, sleep with any and every man you are sensually attracted to on the first date. If you want a long term caring relationship, it isn't wise to engage in sex on the first date.
 Born To Raise Hell
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 50
Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/20/2007 11:44:34 PM
I hate to say it doll, yes it is a bad move. if you just started to talk to him.. and then you meet up with in a week

a quick peice of ass is not a peice of ass you want to keep.. if you do it to him.. he will think , "how many other guys has she done this too"


but just say you talk to him for a little while.. 1-2 months. and the chit chatting gets kinda heated in some conversations.. then a piece of ass on the first date.. or even a taiste was built up from the conversations.. and its alright
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