| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 12:59:14 AM | | You are right and its disgusting any adult should have a choice. I always tell my kids sleep with people as long as you have the guts to be let down and the strength to hold your head up when shallow people tell you that you are wrong. Sex is just two people doing the most natural thing passed down to man from animals. The difference is if we dont want to we can say no.Its nothing about respect its about feeling its right for you.Ihave done sex on the first night and yes i carried on for 2 years with him but i have never slept around because I ME THIS woman doesnt want to not because some dim people tell me its wrong. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 1:07:57 AM | | I have had loads of dates off here and they have been dates. The thing is i have slept with 3 on the first night and please dont anyone call me a whore coz i aint listening. I do what i want and if it feels right. Two of the men i saw again and again but im a busy person and always meet busy people too so we ended it mutually and remain friends. One though i felt cheap and really ill of myself but thats me and regret it but i would never satnd in judgement of men or women who do something they feel right. I have 2 boys and 2 girls and raise them to respect themselves and others and if they choose to take that step do it because it feels right. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 2:12:39 AM | Hi Dolly
I think the quote that your number was scratched somewhere was horrific and by its very use encorouges people to have that type of opinion of women. If women are not virtuous then they are named and shamed, havent we moved on at all.
Men and women have done this to women for ever. At the core is an evolutionery instinct pre-disposed to women because we only produce one egg a month while men have millions per orgasm to throw around (eyuk horrible thought). In evolutionary terms men think chosey women are more likely to be faithful and if she becomes pregnant he can be more sure that the seed was his. (This is also why babies have evolved to look like their father when they are born so he can be more sure he is investing his resources in his own genes.)
Anyway, while my mouth is warm, i might as well tell you that we are pre-disposed to be 'gold diggers' because we want the resources for out babies/resources. We are also pre-disposed to being jealous so that the 'bread winner' doesnt have to spread his resources to thin, thus reducing the resources to our baby/genes. As we know we have one egg a month and have to be careful what we do with it.
However we do now have contraception.
So Know What, lets stop apologising for ourselves and make our own adult decisions about who and when we sleep with someone without worrying about being called a name. Dolly, you go girl, you dare to be different, life is not a rehearsal and we are not living in pre-historic times anymore. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 6:29:15 AM | I'm surprised at the guy's posting...It seems the perception that if she's had a couple and is attracted to you, she's now unwanted b/c she must be attracted to everyone...That is sooooo sad. I was raised on the "why buy the cow when the milk is free". However, as an adult I dont want to be BOUGHT. I gave up my name, family and life for a marriage once. From him I learned - uhhh - "women are liars...For every guy that's getting sex, there's a woman. Woman want sex just as much as a guy they just lie to manipulate him. Women can get sex anytime they want. They just have to tell a guy and he'll get right to it. " So, are you guys now saying you need to be manipulated in order to feel secure? This girl can't keep up...Makes my head spin...
One day I hear, ""girls, don't play games" next day its, "girls, you better play or no guy will ever want you" then its, "girl, you better keep on playing or you'll lose your man"... | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 7:01:44 AM | | I was tempted not to bother posting any replies. What started as a question borne out of curiosity (nothing more, nothing less, no ulterior motive other than curiosity) has become a bit predictable. Rather than just give your honest answers to a specific question (apologies and thank you to those of you who have done this), some of you have used this instead to make very sweeping theories and analyses of me instead. Whilst I throw myself open to some criticism for openly stating that I have sometimes had sex on a first date, let me make it absolutely clear I am in no way ashamed of myself nor feel a need to explain any deeper than I have my personal choices - it is what it is. I do wonder whether there is an element of... making judgmental comments to make yourselves feel 'holier than thou' though? | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 7:10:09 AM | | I'm not gonna over analyze this or try to sound smart and use big words, If you sleep with him on the first date he will lose interest in you, first dates persay are for getting to know each other and finding out a little more about each other face to face, ya ya you can talk to someone on line for months but you still don't know them until you meet them face to face and talk, and theres no difference between two consenting adults and two 20 year olds or 18 year olds its all the same, lets just say he only wants sex from you if you give it up on the first night he takes off after that and you feel pretty low and if you don't give it up on the first night he might stick around a bit longer to get to know you better. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 7:19:06 AM | | I might think.... if he gives it up on a first date yada yada yada.... I probably wouldn't though - the 1950's have passed (is some people's view) | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 8:05:21 AM | | I have my self slept wiv a guy on a first date before but this was back when i was 15, im now 23 and think to my self i should make them wait abit longer so they dont think im so easy,( not saying your easy cos like i sa done it myself) but this is the impression most guy's get from my experiance. I have met men oline a number of time's and never slept wiv any on a first date infact i only sept wiv one of them that i ended up dating and that was after a week of seein him first. But this is your choice and if you think the bloke is ok then go for it but i dont think many men would respect a lady if she did give in on a first date! | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 8:22:12 AM | Apparently it isn't a problem, as long as the first date comes after approx. 50 messages back and forth, and then 8 hours of phone conversation.
Then, it's decided that sex WILL be happening on the first date. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 8:27:48 AM | | sex on first date is not worng in any way , if both parties are atttacted to each other then why not , and if a woman has a high sex drive does this make her a slut ??????? no not at all lads grow up it s the year 2007 women can do what they want when they want xxx | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 9:01:06 AM | One of my points in my original posting is that I believe it's the same for men and women morally (this is indeed my view in 2007 that men do not have some kind of automatic moral high ground because they are men).
So to see a quote from another female above (thanks for the ideas and the honesty though) ending with men might not respect a lady....lalalalalala is backtracking a bit. I haven't heard much about whether men would worry about being respected after by the woman? Too much talk about giving it up for him (I thought making love was a shared experience!).
Oh thanks for the post above though this doesn't only happen to women with high sex drives! | |
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ddream
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Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 62 | |
| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 9:04:46 AM | Well I for one think it is a very bad move.. If I like someone very much then I wouldn't want her in the sack the first date.. If that happens I start wondering what she will do when she meets another guy the day after...  | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 9:23:08 AM | Hey Dolly I have done the sex on the first date.
I don't feel I should think any differently about her than she does me.
I think we are old enough now to be able to make our minds up whether or not we have sex on the first date or not.
I wonder what she thinks of me doing it on the first date.
Sex on the first date wouldn't make or break the deal.I either like her or, I don't | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 9:35:50 AM | | If you click and have chemistry and just want the pleasure of being intimate GO FOR IT...My advice always carry your own condoms because not all men do just in case the moment happens. Think of it this way You would test drive the car before you buy it right?? Cept unlike the car that you will ride in again there is no guarentee he will or wont call you back... | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 11:20:50 AM | | It's a fact that men respect and desire a woman who has enough self confidence to make a man work to win her over.Men think "Why buy the cow when I'm getting the milk for free?"If a woman gives it away to easily no man will EVER respect her.He'll just use her . | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 12:27:47 PM | I don't personally see anything wrong with it. I know of two couples off the top of my head that did and one has been married for 18 years and one for 14 years.
If the chemistry is there, it's there and everyone is old enough and consenting. But having sex with a stranger is quite another thing, which is what the person is, if you haven't seen them before. Chatting on the net may seem like you know them but I still say they are a stranger. They've only let you know what they want you to know about them. The above people had known each other as friends for a period of time
If it's someone you don't know, it's not personally something that I would be comfortable doing but too each his own.
xoxoxxo,hhs | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 12:48:14 PM | I definitely have heard "Why buy the cow when I'm getting the milk for free?" Did you ever hear - "Why buy the pig when you only want a piece of sausage?" If a guy gives it away she'll just use him. Unbeknownst to myself - I was the "other woman" one time...I walked in to the yacht club and there he was with this beaming lady with a rock on her finger...Tell me, did he really respect her? He had been with me the night before... When I walked outside his cousins and buds were talking about it. He was sweating when I walked up and stood next to him. I've also been the wifey with my wonderful Sir Lancelot lancing alot. I sure didn't feel respected when I went out and his "girl" was pouting or I go into his place of business and his "employee" is crying .... all because he respected me.... No, I'm not bitter just so bored with the games. Seems to me guys are doing every woman they can and for some reason because they imagine it's wrong they try to transfer the guilt to the scapegoat (woman). It would go along way for everyone if honesty would just be on the table.
You know I am trying to understand this...Is it that the guy so needs to believe that the main goal of a woman is to get HIM...It's just my opinion., but now that I have had to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and play the game "I won't let you forget you're the man"...I am a little worn out and TRUTH would be so nice. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 2:05:18 PM | Well, I did it once .
I spent the next 17 years with the woman, for what it's worth. (She worked with me at the time, so I already knew her well.)
Talking about two strangers, meeting for the first time ?
If both are interested in it, and are primarily looking for sex ? Use protection, common sense, and enjoy yourself.
If you are looking for a long term relationship, it may complicate things. People are really complex assemblies of various factors. If you rush quickly into sex, then some of those other factors may be overlooked.
I'm not saying one has to wait a long time, but knowing someone in a little more depth has always made me enjoy the sexual part later more - and never less. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 2:08:58 PM | I've read some of the female justifications for casual sex, sex on first date, and promiscuous sex. As I said earlier in response to this post, if all you are interested in is sensual pleasure, go for it, but don’t expect a long term relationship to arise form such behavior. In most cases it will not.
I do not believe in a double standard. What I say about women here goes for men as well. Those who engage in continued sensual pleasure absent a caring non-passionate loving relationship, in my mind, can never be satisfied being with just one person long term.
Since I am not promiscuous, and never have been even as a young man, although I dated heavily both as young man and an old man, I would never establish a long term relationship with a woman who had a myriad of sexual partners before meeting me. I know that such a relationship would never last because her eyes would always be wondering if there was better sex somewhere else. And this goes for men as well. Promiscuous men, in my mind, seldom have satisfactory long term relationships with just one woman.
My thinking, backed up by a number of experts, suggests that once you have conditioned yourself to casual sex and the type of sex some of the women on this post are defending, you are incapable of really entering into anything long term. Same goes for men.
Please, I’m not being critical; just stating facts the way I understand them. I feel everyone should do what they want to do. But that being said, you can’t have it all ladies. Your sensual conditioning with many partners will not satisfy you in a monogamous relationship. I’m old enough to have witnessed this many times in my life. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 2:52:01 PM | | Pleasantron -I don't think youre being critical. I think you have read or heard or seen something and have drawn a conclusion that is not accurate for the whole of humanity. I can count on one hand the amount of men I've been with. Having sex with someone the 1st night doesnt turn you into a casual sex fiend. Just because I had sex with someone the first night doesn't mean I've had a myriad of lovers. It means that at that moment in time, for whatever was going on in our lives - we did the deed. We liked each other (sexually) so we did it more. People are not put together like a multiplication table. I've been celibate for years - so obviously the thought that sex for the sake of sex turning me into a promiscous person isnt working for me. I'm not advocating free sex for the world, I'm saying to put people in boxes is not logical or healthy. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 3:03:20 PM | I'm sorry, I just now saw that comment about not being satisfied in a monogamous relationship. That takes the cake...My most fulfilling sexual history was with my husband who I was faithful to for 15 years, but uhhhh he forgot to tell me monogamy just wasnt something he believed in. I totally believe monogamy can add to a relationship, but sometimes, we just imagine we're in a monogamous relationship.
It seems to me there just are some people that are hooked on having sex period. They cannot be monogamous unless they do a lot of rework. However, that doesn't really support a sweeping generalization. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 3:10:41 PM | | Depends on the individuals. There's a lot of variables there. For example nowadays with the computer you can talk and get to know people pretty well versus the good old days of courting. There's also the belief in living each day as if it were your last. Because tomorrow is not promised to any of us. But there are those who are out there for just sex. So it's a catch 22 situation. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 3:24:54 PM | | Cookin - you are right. And on top of those you listed, you can be courted and treated like a queen and find out your prince has been getting some on the side. Just because a man treats you well (gifts, soft lighting) does not mean he will be monogamous. In the same token, if a guy believes that because he waits 6 weeks to get the girl that then she has a short sexual history, he is wrong...She could just as easily be playing him or she may have changed quite a bit over the years. There are no sure formulas. I think it makes sense to look at each person on a case by case basis. I think I owe it to a guy to take him as he is and not hold him up against some preconceived measuring stick. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 3:32:37 PM | I tend to be not for it. I've faltered at times, but the reality is for me is that I only want to have sex with someone I'm in love with.
I don't even think making out on the first date is a real good idea. If a girl wants to make out with me or even do me on the first date.. I'd have reservations, but if I did go through with it I'd realize pretty quickly that she's probably not long term relationship material and I doubt I'd want to go out many more times. | |
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