| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 3:49:07 PM | | ikusa - i can understand your decision and i actually may practice that myself, but I don't understand why the woman becomes less in your eyes if you get some action from her. is there reasoning behind that thought pattern? the only time id be upset w/a guy, is if i was not in a position to give consent. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 4:02:06 PM | | i definitely agree it is a personal choice. i just would so love to understand why the woman is less of a woman for participating in something you wanted to do. is it because she reminds you of sex w/o commitment and that repulses you? | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 4:15:06 PM |
if I did go through with it I'd realize pretty quickly that she's probably not long term relationship material and I doubt I'd want to go out many more times
That is absolutely amazing. If you slept with a woman on the first date she wouldn't be relationship material. But YOU would be?? Did I miss something, you were sleeping with someone on the first date too!!!
If you want to have sex on the first date because you are attracted to each other and want to have sex, go for it. If you have sex on the first date hoping that it will create an emotional attachment for one or both of you, it is a mistake. And if you do have sex, either of you thinking badly of the other person is 'the pot calling the kettle black'. Neither person has better morals in this scenario.
Clone | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 4:49:51 PM | "i just would so love to understand why the woman is less of a woman for participating in something you wanted to do."
It's a matter of perception. I'm a product of the conservative '50's, and the silent majority conservative '60's and '70's. To me sex is something you do with someone you are really in love with. If a woman comes onto me during the first date, and it has happened to me frequently because of the times we live in, I feel she isn't sincere about finding someone for a relationship (there's no way she can love me on the first date); she just wants sex and sensual pleasure from me.
By the way, despite the fact that I did want to have sex with three or four of the ones who pressed for it on the first date, I did not engage in it. I did not have a second date with any woman who did press for sex on the first date.
It's a personal thing. For me, and not the rest of the human race, a woman coming onto me for sex the first date is in my mind a woman whose morals are way too loose for me. To repeat, that's just my feeling about it.
Please, ladies, have all the sex you want; do it with anyone you want; justify it any way you want; feel guilty about it; or don't feel guilty about it. The question was directed, I assume, to each of us who have an opinion about how we feel about it. All the debate in the world will not change how I personally feel about it. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 6:22:06 PM | See, I don't think its a debate - I am trying to understand...not argue. "i just would so love to understand why the woman is less of a woman for participating in something you wanted to do."
Since you didn't have sex with the women, I am not sure why you thought my I was engaging a debate with you. It appears to me that you think I am criticizing you because you arent having lots of free sex, you aren't understanding my posts..I really don't want to compete for the title of which of us has been celibate longer... but i have a feeling i would win. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 7:26:25 PM | Some of the views on this topic are unbeliveable.
It is amazing to see that there are guys that think sex is a one way thing and that girls are coming on to them and the guys have nothing to do with the situation turning into sex.
I don't agree with the view that two people deciding to have sex on the first date means there can never be anything to a relationship. I also think there are many other signs that would point to not continuing to date someone instead of worrying about a decision to have sex on a first date.
It is also amazing to see that people try to blame the other person for having sex. Unless a person is being forced to have sex. It should be a decision on the part of both people. Therefore, it makes no sense to make the other person out to be a horrible person or not a good choice for continuing a relationship/dating when each person should be responsible for the situation. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 7:46:57 PM | | Ok. I will just have to reach my own conclusion. I have scanned over these posts and it seems that maybe the men feel generally the same as women. In that, they do not like to feel that the woman just used them for the sex. eventhough, women hear that the guys are all about the sex, maybe that's a whole lot of fluff/macho bull. I saw the post "It was funny because I got turned off of her when I realized she only wanted the sex." This guy seemed to be very honest and unguarded. It seems to me that men may feel they should have sex with a woman when she offers it, but afterwards they resent it because she only used him for the sexual release. Could it be that "a guy that uses a woman" and a "slut" are actually equals?..ha...I think I might have struck gold. This may be just another part of the venus v. mars language barrier... | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 9:45:44 PM | I don't recall ever saying she was less.. just that she wasn't long term relationship material.
If you want to know the truth, I've never had sex on the first date. | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 85 | |
| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 9:46:46 PM | It seems to me that men may feel they should have sex with a woman when she offers it
Should ? .............
Of course not, its up to both people not just one, I've said no plenty of times as it didn't feel the right thing to do, once you start letting other people make your decisions or get into the mind set of "using" each other, then you've lost yourself and are looking for excuses. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 9:48:45 PM | yeah you want to go on a date?
well usually the best way to get a second date.
nothing wrong with it at all.
we need more women like you.
the only reason you'd feel bad is because you cashed in all your chips at once,
but that's ok because its better than holding on to them for to long. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/21/2007 10:50:15 PM | | I have this firm belief that if I do not respect myself and my body, who will? Then, there is the issue that if you don't put out on the first date they might not call you anyway. So, if I had the choice of sex or no sex on the first date and the possibility that he may never call again, I think I would rather the latter and at least I keep some sort of dignity and can still show my face in the profiles and not be viewed as an internet whore. That's just my opinion....for whatever it is worth. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/22/2007 2:36:22 AM | | An internet whore! How you leap from my original post to an internet whore I'm not sure, maybe I missed something. My original post asked a question ' sex on a first date, is it always a bad move?' And pointed out that I believe it is no different for men than women. I see I missed some good conversation last night with people who actually believe in sexual equality!!! Praise be. My post never suggested I'm an internet whore. I haven't had sex on a first date for some years but I would if it felt right and I certainly wouldn't perceive myself as a whore nor would I perceive the guy I was with a whore, see... Sexual equality! | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/22/2007 2:59:00 AM | I've had sex on a first date multiple times. I also haven't.
I've never had someone stop calling, or stop talking to me after the former. I have after the latter.
I don't think it makes someone a slut, and I don't think it makes someone easy. I think it means two people are comfortable with each other, and want to have a good time.
I've never been real conservative, so I suppose it's not a surprise. That being said, the point isn't to get someone into bed, at least in my case, it's that two people enjoyed each other's company, and decide to end it on a positive note. For me, sex isn't the be all end all connection that others have summed it up to be. Perhaps it's my past talking, but it really isn't.
Most of the time I had sex on the first date with someone, we ended up either having a relationship or being friends for a very long time. It created a bond, and we shared something special.
I HAVE had a one night stand as well, when a girl took me home from a club. I took it for what it was, and didn't regret it. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/22/2007 2:59:41 AM | I see much written about respect in this thread, self and otherwise. Yet, everyone feels free to drop his pants and bare his ass for the entire world to see.
The consensus seems to be that it is a bad idea. Half recommend that she refrain because some imbicile might not respect her. More still say that she doesn't respect herself. WHAT A LOAD! Has anyone ever thought that it may not matter how many brainless oafs won't respect her? All she needs is one intelligent dude who does in the long run.
Oh. Let's not forget the lame scare tactics. STD? Bah. If she doesn't trust the rod then why would she pull it up her? We have no evidence whatsoever that she is into high risk encounters. Faint worry at worst, especially if she carries a raincoat in her purse.
Now, I won't go so far as to say that my fellow posters are insincere or self serving. I can say that there are way too many kill joys in on this thread. Forget double standards, respect (I think I am going to ask Admin to filter that word as obscene.) and STD's. The whore thing is totally uncalled for too. Just mellow out a little and stop being the turd in the punchbowl. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/22/2007 3:31:33 AM | Easy lay, no. Sex-positive yes.
Personally I go through fluctuations but right now I'm in a very sexual state... as much as i hate condoms even I'd have sex on a first date now if things went well (wearing condoms of course). Would I think badly of you for having sex with me on the first date? No.
If it was good would I want to get kinky with it and see how far you'd go? Yes. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/22/2007 3:44:13 AM | Well, I'd first like to thank Dolly - great question. I enjoyed it. I believe the people were honest and it was great. This was not a scientific survey by any means, but when I looked over the responses, the thought pattern that a woman is judged by her choice of sexual activity on a first date has been largely debunked - for me. There was a woman who was concerned about being called a whore and two guys who have never had sex on a 1st date thinking they wouldn't have continue with a woman who would give it up on a first date....Although I strongly respect the views and adamant position of the 2 men that won't marry a girl who has sex on the 1st date, it's kind of hard to know for sure what will happen since they haven't yet addressed the experience. I definitely appreciate the one gentleman's response about "should". I do believe that once a person lets the "other voices" determine an individual choice, things have gone down hill quick.
I didn't enter this forum as a decision making tool but rather to see if generally people believed women can make a free choice without judgment. So, it seems generally women can. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/22/2007 8:56:15 AM | Dolly,
I was in no way implying that you were a "whore". I said that it was my choice to not have sex on the first date, because that is the choice I have made for myself at this time. I am sure that most of the people on this site are just looking for sex and they are getting plenty of it, because it is easy to say hi, chat for a few minutes, meet somewhere and do it. I feel that I am not here for that. My goal is to meet nice gentlemen who have some of the same interests and qualities that I do, to maybe develop some sort of respect first and then move into the actual sex act later. I am a very sexual person and enjoy it as much as anyone, but I feel I would rather be in love or at least close to a monogamous relationship with that person before doing the deed. Call me old fashioned. Is it totally wrong to protect myself and to hold myself to a higher regard? | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/22/2007 9:35:19 AM | It dosent effect how I percieve a girl at all.
The only caution I would give is that a one date is not enough time to know someone. If you give it away right away you may be sleeping with a total ass who just wants your body. If you wait a few dates then that tends to weed out the pervs while the genuine guys remain interested. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/22/2007 10:17:25 AM | Thank you again Cheryl (above). Your restrictions prevent me replying to you personally so on here I wish you the best of luck and am sure you will meet a very nice gentleman who deserves you.
My goals are very similar to yours. I am not here to meet people for intimate encounters and I am a monogomous person when it comes relationships whether short or long term. I, like you, have regard for myself and I believe toward others. It utterly amazes me though that there are people who presume that by having sex on a first date you somehow have less 'respect' for yourself or your body. This may be true for a minority of people but I am most definitely not in that minority. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/22/2007 10:46:28 AM | So the bottom line here is as it has ALWAYS been ........ Having sex on a first date determines the type of Woman you are.........Bullshit and Bollocks !!!! .......
Guys can bed a different woman every night and not a word said except WooooHooooo Mr Studly...... it's actually a HUGE compliment to many guys to be called a Slut no need for Forums on THAT!!!! ......... why ????? because it's ACCEPTED !!!!
Guys who pass comments like "I wouldn't date her again" if sex took place on the first date because it would make me wonder how many other guys she'd slept with,funny that didn't pose a problem at the time he was indulging,what a whole load of HEEEEEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWWWWW!!! does it MATTER how many she slept with before YOU anymore than it matters to her how many women YOU slept with,it would seem the Morals behind sex are for women ONLY ....... Lets all get in the real World here!!! sex is sex and so long as you are being adult and sensible about it by keeping it "safe" then enjoy what your comfortable with,no one has a right to question or pass comment on any womans Morals especially not guys who's OWN are slacker than most!!! ........
Moral of this story is :
1. Woman having sex on a first date = Slut and not worth a dime!!
2.Guys having sex on a first date = WoooHoooo well done mate!!!
All I can say to Dolly is it's your Life be happy and enjoy it do whatever your comfortable with,we all have needs and desires I am sick to the back teeth of the "double starndards" of who can and can't have normal and great sexual experiences for fear of being "Labelled" ........ | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/22/2007 11:23:37 AM | I don't nessecarily think sex on the first date is a bad thing, but with me, it probably won't score you a second.
My personal standpoint on this (and ladies please don't bite my head off on this) is that if I can have sex with you within three days / dates (whichever ones longer,) then you're not relationship material. I may be young at 18, but I've had my fair share of women.
I want to work for it, have to chase it, and eventually it's great.
I know that this isn't what a lot of guys think, but it's just my personal take on it.
By the way, it's not like I test women into hitting the bedroom and then judge them on it, this is if I make absolutely no move towards it and it's their doing. | |
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| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/22/2007 11:24:31 AM | | Ditto Dolly - I feel the same way. It was just nice to see that the majority of adults (most importantly the ones that have experienced a bit more) don't feel a woman should comply to some out of date judgments/taboos. I especially appreciated some of the men's views that acknowledged that to act according to "imagined societal dictates" would be the highest form of low self esteem. One more time, for those who haven't read my posts, I am not a whore - don't have sex on the flip of a coin - been celibate way longer than alot of others on here. It really isn't in the cards for me to meet some guy off here and run to have sex...but even if I did...that would so not make me a whore. Knowing me, I'd pay for the room with a hottub and bring the strawberries. As far as easy, uhhh my ex husband as well as any guy that thought we were dating - would definitely disagree. | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 100 | |
| Sex on a first date? Is it a bad move?
Posted: 3/22/2007 11:25:48 AM |
1. Woman having sex on a first date = Slut and not worth a dime!!
2.Guys having sex on a first date = WoooHoooo well done mate!!!
Interesting that the vast majority of the time its the women doing the name calling on the women ............. i.e. being relaxed and going with your instinct, feelings and desires is a bad thing as then you have surrendered the one “weapon” that gets used the most often, and the more women that do chill out, the more they get attacked by the ones that don't (have issues with sex, use sex as leverage, attempt to manipulate with sex, etc) as it disarms them.
especially not guys who's OWN are slacker than most!!! ........
Always nice to see the gross stereotyping in action as usual …. insulting as ever.
As for double standards, I know who is most guilty of supporting them, just read the posts here and check the genders, the majority of the derogatory terms aren’t coming from the guys.
The one thing I always hear from my guy friends is how nice it would be to meet someone for whom this wasn’t an issue; always being worried about what her girl friends will call her or think about her.
Slut isn’t a compliment for a guy, we just don’t care on average I find. | |
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