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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/21/2007 10:11:17 PM | I'm not into guys that use big words or words I have never heard of.....makes me feel dumb!
When asked about his dinner, my 6 year old son told me it was 'delectable'. I told him there was no such word, did he mean delicious? No he meant DELECTABLE. I looked it up and yes it is a word and yes it means delicious.
Intelligence is good to a certain extent, but guys that try to prove how intelligent they are by making me feel stupid doesn't sit well with me. I prefer people on my own level. | |
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Game0n
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Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 52 | |
| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/21/2007 10:32:45 PM | When asked about his dinner, my 6 year old son told me it was 'delectable'
I just looked it up too. LOL ... who knew. Kid's are so smart in school today.
I remember books like " See Dyck Run." "Run Jane Run." | |
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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/21/2007 10:34:39 PM |
Intelligent guys are cool but they suck at dirty talk. Seriously!
Then the guys you were talking to werent intelligent because I have never had that problem. | |
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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/21/2007 10:58:06 PM |
How many women will want to date you if you were 100K in debt, had no job, no car and no future prospects for a good career? - TheDancingQueen
You should understand that there are a basic set of needs, and then the rest is just filler to slightly differentiate yourself. A man doesn't need to be super attractive physically, but he does need to take proper care of himself. A man doesn't need to have millions of dollars, but he does need to be able to support himself and occassionally treat his woman.
Someone else mentioned Maslow's Hierarchy of needs and I think he hit it on the head. You seem to be stuck in the bottom two phases "Physiological" and "Safety". Physiological (attractiveness or sex) and Safety (money) are the basics of relationships. Those are things that need to be covered before a relationship can begin.
If I don't find a woman attractive, I'm not going to have a relationship with her. However, she doesn't need to be physically perfect. There are plenty of women out there who I find attractive. It's not that I'm even "settling", I just look for the fullfillment of the basic need and then I move up the ladder of needs to the more interesting things. I will often reject an extremely attractive girl if I see signs that she is nothing more than an attractive body while accepting someone who is less attractive as long as she's good looking enough and has a good personality to go with it.
You seem to have some intelligence and I like the bluntness, but you're really being naive. You act as if relationships have nothing to do with feelings or conversations/intellect. I wonder if you've had a bunch of horrible relationships (someone else already pointed out the late-bloomer thing, which is in your profile).
I would really feel bad for you if you rejected a decently attractive man with a good personality who made $100k a year in favor of a very attractive man with a crappy personality who made $500k a year. You might as well just introduce yourself to guys, "Hi, I'm TDQ and I'm a prostitute, please pay me for my time."
Just understand that women who act like prostitutes will be treated as such. You'll get used by rich men and then thrown out... never fullfilling any emotional needs, only physical ones. That would be pretty sad for someone who looks like you and even has a bit of intellect. | |
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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/21/2007 11:01:19 PM | Why on earth would it be bad... it only means that I had better keep up with you! LOL! but really.... its wonderful that you have a mind and know how to use it. The only people that would find intelligence unattractive would be those that think they aren't smart! | |
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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/21/2007 11:14:49 PM | I would never solicit an "intelligent" man, meaning, I would not say, "I am seeking an 'intelligent' man." That's because most self-proclaimed "intelligent" men I've met, are not the type of intelligent I seek. I like naturally smart guys, and people, for that matter. And, by "naturally smart," I mean the people that, in high school - never really studied, and maybe even slept through class, but somehow got A's; basically, the people that put in 50% effort to the super duper hard worker's 100%, and yet still came out ahead. The high school thing is just an example - but one that could be applied to those same people in the workplace, college, and life. They just "get it," and don't take life too seriously. And, they don't set out to prove to the world how smart they are.
Between work and the thoughts that swirl around in my own head, I'm not craving any further "intellectual stimulation" by the time I get home. I don't want to debate; I don't want to play devil's advocate; I don't want to analyze; I pretty much don't want to think. This could be an adverse reaction to my dad bringing an article, or a god-forsaken map, to the dinner table while I was growing up - - to learn about geography and discuss some scientific fact, political issue, historical incident, the binary code - - you name it, we talked about it at dinner. And, now, when I visit my parents, (I'm onto him), but he will bring up a current issue to "discuss," knowing good and well what conclusion he plans to win the debate with, and . . . it's just not enjoyable to me at all. I have plenty of thoughts in my head, but, I really don't enjoy the constant debate and intellectual challenge (by "challenge" - I mean, duel).
Well, anyway - I actually do want a guy that I think is smarter than me, and I want him to think that I'm smarter than him. (I mean, I would tell him that I think he's smarter than me and I would believe it, but I would want him to think the same thing about me). So, then we actually live in a mutual state of admiration for one another. I just don't equate "smart" with how many books he's read, how many facts he knows, or how many things he can sit there and pontificate about, etc. (By the way, he can make fun of me for using big words, but not feel belittled by it). So, the intelligence I want from a man is more of an underlying "hum." It just exists, and is a part of what makes us gel, but it's not overstated or overdone. | |
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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/22/2007 12:07:52 AM | I absolutely love the thread hijacking that happened to poor Gordimus here.
Good job everyone.
^.~
Wishing you good fishing!
~Mai
*^_^* | |
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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/22/2007 1:27:13 AM | This girl just plays devil's advocate to any point anyone brings up. She's just trying to sound like the omniscient dating guru but I guarentee you she's as confused as anyone on this site as to why Mr. Right hasn't come along.
These days there's simply too much that's the same, too much noise, media and communication allow people to adapt to a mold and everyone looks the same. This girl has as good a chance as anyone to be genuine and even she's blowing it. I mean she thinks "men want sex and women want money", how many marriages are crap because men are too busy making money and not giving their wives good sex? It all starts one way and ends up another... I'm rarely a pesimist but I think dating is dead, or at least relationships aren't what they once were.
One more point, being in shape and having money doesn't necessarily get you more dates; in my experience it more often intimidates people. Putting yourself out there, having fun, smiling, laughing, and not caring what other people think... THAT is what gets people's attention and gets them to say to themselves "what's this person all about?"
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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/22/2007 2:15:53 AM | Doesn't matter how "intelligent" a man is or is not.
If he's ugly, fewer people are going to give him a chance to get to know him to see that "intellect"
If he doesn't have a job or can't support himself, fewer people are going to give him a chance to get to know him to see that "intellect"
Again, I think people are complicating a fairly simple issue.
Go outside, see what goes on everyday, and tell me that I'm wrong. Some of you act like I'm suggesting that people set nuns on fire or beat up blind people. I'm giving the simple answer.
It's easy to call me naive, a whore, a gold digger, a prostitute, except none of you have actually answered my questions
1) Would any of you men enter into a relationship or marriage knowing right at the beginning that you would never ever never ever have sex of any kind again?
2) Would any of you women enter into a relationship or marriage knowing right at the beginning that your new partner would never be able to support himself financially for the rest of your lives? | |
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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/22/2007 2:23:03 AM |
Did TheDancingQueen just state that all women are whores and the only difference between them is that the young, beautiful ones can demand a higher price? Someone please correct me if I'm wrong as I am neither wealthy, nor brilliant, nor extremely handsome so I guess I have no currency with which to purchase my mistakenness.
Weren't we talking about intelligence??????? or lack thereof???? or something.... | |
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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/22/2007 5:26:08 AM | | This thread reminds me of a sign writer my ex boss employed to write a sign for our pharmacy. The sign was simply to state the word 'patients' , it ended up saying 'pashents'.....honestly, can I rethink the intelligence thing? | |
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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/22/2007 7:26:01 AM |
Again, I think people are complicating a fairly simple issue. I think that you are oversimplifying a discussion by breaking it down to extremes.
2) Would any of you women enter into a relationship or marriage knowing right at the beginning that your new partner would never be able to support himself financially for the rest of your lives? I have never met someone who I KNEW could NEVER support themselves, ever, in the future. Except, someone who is somehow mentally or physically handicapped or ill to the point that they have no choice but to rely on their families, medical facility, or social service. And, in that case, probably not. I probably would not date them . . . and for many more reasons then them not being able to financially support themselves.
In my opinion, I would have agreed that both sex and an ability to financially support oneself are definitely factors in finding a mate - - but, by taking those two arguments to the absolute extreme, I think you kind of killed your stance.
Would you date someone who is as dumb as a box of rocks (without a mental affliction), . . someone who can't read or write, someone who is deaf, dumb, and mute? (No offense to deaf and/or mute people intended - - I actually mean the type of people that have an appearance of being deaf and mute, who are just utterly clueless to the things going on around them . . . which, quite honestly, I've never met someone that is totally illiterate AND oblivious, unless they actually do have a mental affliction).
Anyway - DQ, your argument is full of extremes, and people probably don't bother to answer such extremes, because they are unrealistic. Guys might like sex, yet, there are plenty of flourishing relationships existing today wherein they are not having sex on a daily basis. Women like men that are financially secure, but the only definition of "financially secure" is not "rich." Furthermore, nothing indicates that the OP is unable to financially support himself, so why is this topic even at issue? | |
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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/22/2007 7:31:20 AM |
So that does make me wonder if maybe people are stereotyping IT workers? Could that be my problem? Should I concentrate more on other things on my profile?
if you're a well-rounded person it certainly wouldn't hurt to present yourself as such. the best dates i've had were with guys who owned computer-related businesses, so very high on the geek-o-meter, but were also very bright in other areas, had fantastic social skills, and other big personality assets! i don't know if IT is stereotyped or not, i don't personally think so but your experience might tell you otherwise. | |
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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/22/2007 7:43:03 AM | Your expressed concern, when returbulated vis a vis the neo-romantic ethos and pre-substantiated within the postmodern matrix,* can best be uber-processed via the neurocognitional or Socratic-Platonic Revisionary method. One may resuppose a variant and trenchant trend line regression but one might be dreadfully mistaken per the fourth error of the Logical Suppresion Sequence. Minus that, teh ****ez luv teh smartz.
*see for example, Heidlegger et al, 1977, The Journal of Existential Relationships, Vol IV, Issue 26, pp 13-29. | |
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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/22/2007 8:47:51 AM |
I think that you are oversimplifying a discussion by breaking it down to extremes.
I broke them down to extremes to point out what's important to people by the way they behave and by the way that's just plain realistic to what we all see in everyday life.
A man might date or marry a women without a ton of "book smart intellect". He might date or marry a woman without a ton of "life smart intellect" That happens all the time. He also might date or marry, based on the common complaints you see on this forum, a single mother, an overweight person, an older person, someone who is not financially stable, etc.
But he will never ever date or marry a woman who will never ever have sex with him for the rest of their lives. That means sex is more important than all the rest of that. In fact, it's more important than pretty much every other motivating factor. And why is that so hard to believe? Humans are hardwired instinctively, to reproduce and sustain the species. If men didn't desire sex as their primary motivator, and most likely desire it with women who were perceived to help him produce the best offspring, then the human race would have died out a long long time ago.
A woman might date or marry a man without a ton of "book smart intellect". She might date or marry a man without a ton of "life smart intellect" That happens all the time. She also might date or marry, based on the common complaints you see on this forum, a "nice guy", an overweight person, an older person, a single father, etc.
But she will never ever date or marry or stay with a man who will never ever adequately provide for her and her potential children for the rest of their lives. That means the ability to provide (money) is more important than all the rest of that. In fact, it's more important than pretty much every other motivating factor. Yes, she will probably want the best genetic material possible to have the best offspring possible, but more often than not she will pick the best provider. And why is that so hard to believe? Humans are hardwired instinctively, to reproduce and sustain the species. If women didn't desire the best provider as their primary motivator, and most likely desire it with men who were perceived to help her produce the best offspring, then the human race would have died out a long long time ago.
This is in any freshman college biology or sociology textbook in America. It's no super squirrel secret hidden from the masses. It's not complicated because survival of a species isn't supposed to be complicated. We all mate or the human race dies.
People deny what they see everyday. If the OP made 100K a year, then great, good for him. He has the ability to provide and he might find a nice mate. If the OP made 1,000,000 a year, do you think his dating options would expand? Of course they would. If the OP's intellect jumped 10X in one year, would that correlate to having 10X as many women desire him? Uh, no, not a chance and everyone knows it.
Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Well being "intelligent" is a nice bonus, but it's not a major commodity that drives why people date and why they mate. | |
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Game0n
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Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 67 | |
| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/22/2007 8:55:44 AM |
A lot of 'intelligent' guys don't have good social skills. Plus, they can
be condescending at times which is a turn off to either sex.
BINGO ... "Tell the man what he won Bob."
Just because a woman likes to have a guy drink a shooter from her belly button
doesn't mean she doesn't like to chat it up about C++ or Visual Basic.
Turn it off man and turn it up ... have some fun!!
Game0n | |
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Game0n
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Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 69 | |
| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/22/2007 9:17:29 AM | TheDancingQueen is right... like it or not...
Humans are hardwired instinctively, to reproduce and sustain the species.
Men and women being animals are placed on this fine earth for 2 reasons and
2 reasons only... "to survice and to replicate."
The only reasons we all devote our time and money into looking good and/or
educate ourselves to make more money, is to attract the opposite sex and ulimately
greater our changes for "survival and replication."
There has to be a little balance... devoting youself to one or the other(looks or
money) will usually be a poor balance.
Game0n | |
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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/22/2007 9:32:05 AM | Physical looks are not a substitute for mental retardation. Would you date a guy that had 1,000,000 in his account, looked like David Gahan/Jared Leto/Brad Pitt but had the intelligence of a six year old. Boy he would piss that money and everything else away really fast.
Intelligence is a necessary component for survival. The human species did not survive based on 'good looks'. The fact that you got that completely wrong shows that you still have a lot of evolving to do. God you must be from the early Cenozoic era aren't u?
OP - women like a well balanced man just as men like a well balanced woman. Looks can only get you so far as they are one aspect of an extreme. They are a super shaky foundation. The lesson here is to never put your eggs into one basket.
Nothing to see here ladies and gentlemen. I declare this thread dead. | |
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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/22/2007 10:10:13 AM | ^^^You're missing TDQ's point. She didn't say intelligence is not a desired attribute. She said it ranks lower than good looks and wealth (or earning potential for some women) when it comes to females choosing a mate. It's not an absolute but it is true most of the time. TDQ might have been a bit harsh about implying that the OP did not have good looks because beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
The human species did not survive based on 'good looks'.
Well, people wouldn't mate if they weren't attracted to each other in some way. For some people, intelligence adds to their attractiveness. But it's usually not the main draw. | |
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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/22/2007 11:44:14 AM | But, some overly intelligent people have no social skills and they are in total denial about this. They blab on and on about crap the average person could give a rat's ass about, but they think its making 'normal' conversation. Then they wonder why people avoid them, do not want to hang with them etc...Plus, some overly intelligent people think they know it all and attempt to show this on a regular basis.
Everyone is not attracted to everyone. Personally, I do not find Brad Pitt attractive, Jared Leto on the other hand is a god...Looks attract us in the beginning, the personality is what keeps us.. So, if Smartie pants has no social skills or personality, his looks or bank account is not going to keep me interested for long. If I cannot have a conversation with the person, then I do not want the person... be it he is too dumb or too smart. Well rounded is the key and the ability to know when you are driving everyone crazy by talking about crap they could care less about...
Some people just need to be more considerate about others. | |
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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/22/2007 11:46:42 AM | Wow! I go away for a bit and come back to all this! lol
Well, again, thankyou to everyone who replied! Some really varied points - I wish I could reply to each and every one individually but I think I'd type so much my fingers would bleed! lol
Okay - I'm working from memory here so I apologise in advance for not addressing people by name.
Firstly, I must admit that maybe using the word 'intelligent' was a mistake - I get the impression people feel that I was kind of proclaiming myself to be some sort of intellectual god! lol Believe me - I don't view myself that way. I don't think I'm an idiot but I don't exactly look in the mirror and say "How's it hangin', Einstein" either! lol I didn't intend for it to be taken quite as literally as some people seem to have taken it...
I seem to remember someone accusing this of being a 'nice guy' thread in disguise. Again - not my intention and, to be honest, not entirely sure what was meant by that. I never said I was a nice guy... frankly, I think that would conjure up the impression of me being a pushover or a doormat. Believe me, I am neither of those things. I may try to be nice mostly, but trying is not the same as doing...
I'd liek to think I'm not socially retarded - part of my job involves communicating with people. In fact, I'd say probably the vast majority of what I do is communication. I have to get up from my desk and go and see people. I have to organise and liaise between different people and groups. This can be people who are angry or distressed and upset (computers have this affect on a lot of people) so I have to be diplomatic, sympathetic and try and reassure people that something can or will be done. Sometimes, it can just be as simple as making people laugh. I very rarely discuss the technicalities with people unless they ask (some people find it reassuring) or if I need to speak to someone also in IT. A lot of the time, I have to find a way to explain these things to people who just don't care about the technical side. They just want to know why something doesn't work the way they think it should.
A good sense of humour is a must in IT support - if I didn't have that I would have had some sort of psychotic episode long ago! lol As an example - we had a lady today who got confused as to which was the mouse and which was the keyboard. Seriously! lol
Anyway, the point is that if I was massively shy or not a 'people person' then I don't think I would be able to do my job very well. I guess it's just another IT stereotype - the guy who would rather play with computers than talk to real people.
And wow - some people have a really cynical outlook on men - and women too! Yikes! lol I have to say that what was said, frankly, did not apply to me (no, really - it didn't). I'm not going to comment on my money situation - I think it's irrelevant and I can spot a woman that's looking for a meal ticket a mile off (they tend to give the game away without realising). I once went out with a girl who used to be a model for a catalogue (or 'catalog' - depending on where you are) and - yes - she was gorgeous. Unfortunately she was also massively dull. All she talked about was things like clothes shops. She was also incredibly insecure - she wanted me to 'check in' with email and texts almost on the hour. She would text me and if I hadn't replied within a certain period of time she would start phoning and asking why I hadn't replied immediately! lol It was one of the most frustrating relationships I've ever been in and it taught me a lesson that a real, meaningful relationship is not about someone having the looks of a model.
As for me being ugly... well, nobody has said that before! lol I wasn't planning on entering any beauty contests though, so doubt I'll lose much sleep over one person's comment. To be fair, that isn't the best pic of me on my profile - I was trying hard not to laugh and I have a habit of pulling faces and making rude gestures in pictures.
For me, the ideal date would be someone who takes an interest in me (yes - even what I do for a living - not at a technical level, just asking me what I do and what I like about it), likes spending time together but doesn't expect to spend every second with me, can talk about just about anything (I like chatty women) and can engage in an intelligent conversation - talking to me and not at me. Oh - and she'd have to be about my age. I wouldn't expect her to discuss computer code with me (that made me chuckle when I read that! lol) - just be able to talk about all kinds of stuff really. I like women that are unique in terms of personality and looks. Anyway, I feel like I'm writing my profile all over again now - but I think you get what I mean.
Anyway, I think I've typed enough. Hope what I've said makes sense. Sometimes I have trouble finding the exact words to describe my feelings on something.
You can all wake up now! ;) lol
Thanks everyone
- Gord | |
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| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/22/2007 11:47:39 AM | "Are intelligent guys a turn off?"
ABSOLUTELY NOT! Actually, intelligence is one of my biggest turn ons... | |
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Game0n
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Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 75 | |
| Are intelligent guys a turn off?
Posted: 3/22/2007 11:58:10 AM | wow DQ,
im no physchologist and i dont even look like Dr.Phil but let me take a guess...
you were a late bloomer?...someone who was passed over when they were
younger. I could be totally wrong...but its the internet so lets just go with it..
I feel absolutely compelled to come to TheDancingQueen's defense here.
Not that I believe she has said anything wrong... or that she's entirely correct...
but only that we are all conditioned to our own enviroment.
Let's continue on this "we are all conditioned to our own enviroment" statement
that I just made.
Take a look at "TheDancingQueen". She absolutely gorgeous. Is it her fault she was
blessed with good looks... absolutely not. Is she intelligent? Yes! Has she let her
good looks guide her in life thus far? Not that see!
But here's the thing... someone who is attractive will always have a different view
on life because the way people treat her. Her opinion is no less valuable than yours.
Because people treat attraction women/men differently the result in personality
will be different as well. We are all a product of our own enviroment.
In a way she is at the top of the preselected food chain. This makes her have a
different view on life than someone in the middle or bottom of the preselected
food chain. Her options are greater... like it or not she could have just anyone
she wants that's lower on the chain... that's life.
Now with that in mind... you have to pay respect because I'm sure at times she
may consider her looks to be a curse and that's something some will never be able
to understand. She is putting herself out there by giving her opinion/outlook on
this so please, give her the respect and consideration she deserves when doing so.
Rock0n TheDancingQueen... I appreciate your input.
BTW: My favorite sayings is this:
"Why we are here is important, but to know where we are going is imperative.
It's not what you've got, it's what you use, that makes a difference in how your
life turns out."
--Zig Ziglar
Game0n | |
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