| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 3/21/2007 8:48:29 PM | You are bored. This isn't the fairy-tale relationship you originally had invisioned... you want some guy to sweep you off your feet, take you to dinners, do romantic things for you... just like they do on TV.. That will make you happy.
Sorry to break this to you, but welcome to real life. People get into routines, they do the same things over and over again because they are comfortable. It appears that this guy is basically a decent guy.. he doesn't abuse you, he just doesn't give you his complete and undivided attention all the time.
You want to go out and party, hang out with friends, go dancing... and all this guy wants to do is sit at home and play video games.
Well, you know what? Atleast you know where your boyfriend is... The types of guys that like to go out drinking and club-hop aren't really known for their fidelity.
So, your choice is to suck it up and deal with it, or dump him and move on. But remember, you could be throwing away a perfectly good relationship just so you can get some excitement in your life. | |
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ddream
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Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 27 | |
| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 3/21/2007 9:09:43 PM | This sounds that he's taking you for granted, and if he does love you then the 24/7 on the XBox would have changed by now.. I'm a computer junky myself, most of the day I sit behind the computer, but I firmly believe that when the right woman comes along that should change..
I firmly believe that if someone loves that anything else doesn't matter and you would want to spend time with each other .... Sounds to me that he's not that in to you... | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 3/21/2007 9:46:26 PM | what is he going to marry you for if you already live together?
theres no more incentive.
get married ...THEN move in together, otherwise you just end up roomates at best. | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 3/21/2007 11:42:28 PM | | JOHN- No Im not gonna suck it up and deal with it, im also not into partying and doing all that ditzy crap. Quit judging people like you know them buddy, and thinking you have been in there shoes. I appreciate honest , staight up answer's, but you need to get your wording right and quit sounding like a prick baby who only has dated prissy girls. Atleast the other guys were able to give good answer's and try to be helpful, you straight out played god for a moment, bet that made you feel good huh?. I pray for the next women that you end up with. No offence to you. | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 3/22/2007 3:39:44 AM | Hi,
First of all there are two sides to this.
Firest side, in my old relationship i was just like that. In my case we still had sex, but it wasn't great (she was not innocent in that part, but i am not blaming her).
The other side was that in my case my job was getting to me, and i was overworked and stressed to a breakingpoint. I hid in my computer to unwind, and to try to get my ducks on a row. I did it that way, because i was afraid to take it out on her, and that would have been unfair. If you think that stress at work is a factor, get him help now.
As for the sex, others are right, in a relationship a man cannot be without sex.
Hope you find a solution. | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 3/22/2007 6:14:19 AM | | This "theory" about men not being able to go without sex.......it's a myth and it's crap. I know many, many men who just "go off" it for months on end due to stress, work, tiredness etc.....try not to tar everyone with the same brush. | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 3/22/2007 6:21:02 AM | You may want to consider how much longer your willing to put up with this behaviour.
You need to have a long serious talk with him.... | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 3/23/2007 7:56:05 PM | Get rid of the bum, you have a good head on your sholders and it seems to me that he would rather spend his time playing video games.He's treating you like a f$%^ door mat, If he wants a mom he should move back home!!!!! If he wants you and a life with you he needa to get off his As$ and show you the life you can have together..... | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 3/23/2007 8:17:30 PM |
He makes me make his lunch, and supper, i just get the hint that im his little slave or something.
Ok, for a start, I'd say "no", and not make his lunch and supper. You are *not* his "little slave" unless you *yourself* choose to be. If you keep "giving in" and just doing it for him, he'll keep expecting it. He may be trying to "make you" do it, but you are a human being with your own feelings and thoughts, and your own decision making abilities. "Just say no".
He plays xbox 24/7? Damn, I'd be bored with it! Then again, I loaded up quake4 on this machine, played it for maybe 3 nights, and was bored with it. Not that I might not decide to give it a shot some night (although its been a year) if I was bored, but its certainly not my life.
If he really loved you, and you've talked to him about it (which it sounds like you have), then do what you have to. Like I said, stop being his "little slave", don't make his lunch and supper, let him starve if thats what he wants. A relationship is a 2-way street, I'm not saying playing xbox is a total no-no, but when it consumes his life, its a problem, its an *addiction*, like any other. And like any addiction, he wont do anything about it until his world around him starts to crumble (ie, you *stop being his little slave*). You said you told him you'd leave if things didn't change, so ok... bring some boxes home from work, and if he asks tell him they're so you can pack your stuff up. And don't give in to him crying the blues, tell him flat out "this isn't working, who you are now isn't the man I fell in love with". | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 3/23/2007 9:00:40 PM | Sorry to hear about what is happening *Snowgirl*.
I was in a similar situation myself so I can sympathies with your current position. I moved in with my girlfriend at the time and the first year was great. After about a year things started to become....less great. She lost her job and I had to pull more hours at work. I would come home and watch television or play video games or read. Our sexual relation dropped drastically due to the stress in our lives at the time. It is a myth that men need sex as was stated in an earlier post. I can tell you from personal experience. We went many months without it and I never cheated on her. My life was too consumed with other problems to focus on sex, at the time. One of the earliest signs of stress is a lack of a sex drive.
If your boyfriend is playing video games, there is a reason behind it. Everyone jumps to addiction as the main cause but most of the time it is an escape mechanism. Are there other things in your boyfriends life (such as increased job stress or a recent tragedy) that are contributing to this? That is what drove me to seek out so much time to myself.
I see a lot of people just blaming your boyfriend but perhaps he has reasons for how he is acting, outside of being a bum. Only you would know for sure. Everyone is right by saying you should not be his slave though. If he is seeing a hard time, he needs to do more including making his own meals. The physical activities will help motivate him more.
If he doesn't have a good reason (he has always loafed around and played video games for example) than by all means you need to talk to him about changing or ending it (which it sound like you have done). Do be aware that just because he cries about losing you doesn't mean that's a good reason to stay though. If he doesn't keep his promises you should probably look at moving on I'm sorry to say. | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 3/23/2007 9:54:23 PM | | Snowgirl, since your on a dating site asking these questions I would say you have already made up your mind. Trust your instincts and do what you need to do...plain and simple. You are the most important person in your life... | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 3/23/2007 10:14:15 PM | I suggest walking thru his line of sight (while playing video games) totally naked.
I bet it'd work.
Men are so funny sometimes.
If he doesn't respond, hmm...I'd worry. Or maybe sit down (naked) beside him and say "DO ME NOW OR I UNPLUG THE XBOX!"
It works  | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 3/23/2007 11:23:18 PM | I think you feel neglected. I would say this to the guy.
Look, relationship is give and take, and I only see you taking. I am giving you a chance, but if you see me leave in a few months don't even ask me why. You will know why, because I've told you. His crying is useless. Have him adopt an action plan and prove he wants to be with you. | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 3/24/2007 3:17:44 AM | | Sounds like you guys are stuck in a rut. The easy answer: try something he never thought you would do and see if he responds. Non sexually, he's obviously taking advantage of you. It might be too late, but don't be his slave. He's on the couch with that stupid game controller in his hands, because he's either lost touch with his age or he's bored with his life and the only control he has is over you. Make him make his own damn lunch and then right afterwards drop his drawers in front of the fridge and give him a ^%&^!! (probably can't say that on this site). Shows your backbone and willingness to please at the same time. If he doesn't appreciate that, then, well, I just don't know... | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 3/24/2007 9:44:17 AM | I want to know what kind of person you are? Why are you not fixing his breakfast and fixing him a plate of snacks at night while he is playing the xbox? Geez.........
Just kidding.....
I agree with some of the other post that he has just gotten comfortable with things. Have you tried going out at night with some friends or going to their house? Just tell him since he is so engrossed in his games, you and whoever are going shopping, movies, to a club, or whatever.
Try getting a second controller and play with him. Sorry honey, I'm too involved with this game to fix supper, and then when ya take a break, throw a couple of those nasty "hot pockets" in the nuke for his supper. Actually, for variety, get some "lean pockets" too. Buy a couple cases of them and say thats it till things change.
And also, put rules on the xbox,,,,winner gets control and then kick his ass.
Otherwise, boot him to the curb and find a man that will love and respect you. | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 4/8/2007 11:13:47 PM | | I have a friend the same age as you in the same situation. She cooks, cleans makes his lunches while he plays Xbox. He leaves his clothes on the floor and doesn't pick up after himself or do laundry. Sounds more like having a child than a boyfriend! Do you want this for your life? Yes- talk to him and say how you feel in a kind way, but if things dont change dont tolerate it! A year later and my friend is married to this guy and nothing has changed. Good Luck and be good to yourself | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 4/9/2007 12:26:05 AM |
Rule #1... NEVER move in. Give a guy the goods for free and there's no reason to complete The Deal. Long weekends and holidays together, no problem. Move in? No way!
I disagree with that. I'd rather live with someone for a year, and have it not work out, than to marry her and then get divorced before living together.
Anyways, if he's been doing it for more than a couple of weeks, which is what it sounds like, it might be time for you to go fishing. Good Luck! | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 4/9/2007 12:40:21 AM |
I suggest walking thru his line of sight (while playing video games) totally naked. I bet it'd work. Men are so funny sometimes. If he doesn't respond, hmm...I'd worry. Or maybe sit down (naked) beside him and say "DO ME NOW OR I UNPLUG THE XBOX!" It works
Oh the wisdom!
I'd pick up video games just for that! | |
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argfin
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Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 45 | |
| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 4/9/2007 3:00:48 AM | Talk to him. It might just be that something is worrying him and he is pulling back from you.
Or he might just be taking you for granted. Put your foot down and tell him or your gone.
JUST TALK TO HIM! You girls always bang on about how rotten we are at talking, now practice it! | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 4/9/2007 11:26:58 AM | | He cries?? Sounds like he has some real issues, men don't cry, especially about that. He may have a mental illness or even a physical disorder of some sort, or one or the other compounding the two. Sounds like he needs to go get a doctor or doctors to check him out. If he can't tell you what the problem is, then he obviously doesn't know either. If you really love him, (gag) then get him some help. If you want this to be the crutch to end your relationship, then do that. Its your choice...Then slip some viagra in his drink and have some fun... | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 4/9/2007 1:31:10 PM | This one is a piece of cake.
That's who he is. Who he's always been. The honeymoon is over sweet heart. Time to live in misery or jump the f**ck up and get out.
The difference between those that live and those that don't is that the ones that don't live complain about their lives and the ones that do live *just live.*
One really great lesson I have learned. Ready if it doesn't make you happy get rid of it. If it frustrates you get rid of it. If it stresses you out get rid of it.
GET RID OF IT!!!!
What are you gonna do ask him to go to counseling. GET RID OF IT!!!
I feel like an infomercial | |
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| Guys, need your advice
Posted: 4/9/2007 2:21:18 PM | I didn't see the word "feel" anywhere in the post.
How does his behavior make you feel? Does he know this?
How does he feel about the relationship? How do you know?
You've both got some hard questions to ask and answer. Right now the relationship seems like you're both waiting for the other to end it... | |
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