Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 76 | |
| how would you handle this
Posted: 3/23/2007 7:35:39 AM | OP: Wow! I want to say that I feel sorry for you, and a part of me does...but only because you are so messed up. I don't mean that as an insult. I mean that this chick has you so screwed up and behaving like a fool.
she still tells me she loves me I hate to be the one to tell you this...she does NOT love you. If she did, she would not have done any of this garbage.
Someone else brought this up: why, after just losing your home, would you lend her $10,000, when you're having to live in a shelter? What about your own financial situation?
This girl sees a sucker. She knows that she can pull any crap and you will come back for more. What has to happen before you realize that she is only in it for herself? I know that we're only seeing one side of the story and we've only gotten a small part of it, but even that little bit is pretty scary.
This is the saddest thing you've written:
Now that she has an income, if she does intend to start paying me back, then I've ruined a relationship by being hasty What on earth are you thinking? You would actually get back together with her? Expect to be poor and used for the rest of your life if you're with this woman.
This woman is the perfect example of why some men think women are users and golddiggers. | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 3/23/2007 7:59:53 AM | well nice bluiz the only reason i think he should just kiss his money good bye is even if he gets a judgement against him who is to say she will pay . i have seen it happen before where someone has had a judgement against them in small claims and to this day she still has never paid the other person .they just keep dragging her into court and giving her a fine which she never pays . anyway i hope he is smarter in the future with who he lends money too . by the way thank you for your kind words. good luck in your search too. | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 3/23/2007 9:57:46 AM | | ...... msg 69? are you talking to me??? mmmmmmmm....... seems that you may be the one with the issues?? and thanx for the concern but really.... nothing has happened to me in the past i'm happy to say..... no hang ups.... no man hating.....just walking around with my eyes wide open..... you should try it sometime x | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 3/23/2007 10:10:31 AM | 452;
I'll agree, I hope he's smarter next time with his money. As for the courts, I guess the courts in Canada must be less combative than here. Anyone refusing to pay fines would be cited for contempt and jailed here---plus have their income garnished. Must be that Canadian sense of civility that I like so much... | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 3/23/2007 1:25:05 PM | | The first thing that comes to my mind is that instead of recieving counselling you were taken advantage of as a client of a counsellor. She was the one in the position of authority, and chose to break the rules. She deserved 100% to get fired. Have you recieved any real councelling since then? You may need it now more htan you did then. If you are still thinking of trying to get back together, that is a sign that you need help. Please, do your self a favor and get real help --emotional and legal. | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 3/23/2007 3:23:01 PM | | Job ethics would say she should not have dated a "client/Individual" she was counseling....She then took advantage of you when you were vulnerable...Never give your bank card to anyone....NEVER!!!....EVER!!!!....I would also speak with the supervisor of the Crisis Shelter about your girlfriends behaviour....Think Small Claims Court | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 3/24/2007 2:17:43 PM |
I think she violated her professional conduct as a counsellor in your situation [/qote]
I must say i agree with mmmmoet on this one. She used you, and will continue to do so until you stop it.
Good Luck | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 3/24/2007 2:57:05 PM | But does she love you?
Sometimes you have to let some things go, no matter how much it hurts. And it seems that she is now causing you more grief than happiness.
It is time to pull the reins, and tell her that it is enough. You need your money back, and she needs to learn to not use people. | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 3/24/2007 10:36:45 PM | | well o.p. , check back into the crisis centre and give it another go.....you got yourself a bad councillor. | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 3/27/2007 9:54:22 AM | Well fella, take the wool off your eyes and start to see things more clearly. The lady has some type of charm and you just happen to be someone who was charmed right out of your boots and money. Might try talking to a few of her friends to find out if she's a CATCH and RELEASE type of FisherLady........she hooked you, landed you and threw you back after getting money.........might not be the first time, you don't want to be cooked too, do you?
There is a saying, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me...guess that pretty much sums up what happened.
Your probable a nice guy and she knew that, she's probably very good at what she does and she knew that too........if you really think that you two have a chance to be together, get the monetary things sorted out and see where things go...... | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 3/27/2007 10:51:19 AM | You might not want to hear this man. But i gotta put it out there. CUT YOUR LOSSES, and get your money back. This woman has no respect at all. This wouldnt be a big deal if the amount of money wasnt so crazy.
Believe me when i say this, there is a woman out there that deserves your kind of morals, and she will reciprocate your efforts ten-fold.
Emotions are chemical concoctions that can be just as addictive as heroin. Break it off and move on. | |
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Heide
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Joined: 3/23/2007
Msg: 89 | |
| how would you handle this
Posted: 3/27/2007 11:02:13 AM | I'm really sorry that you ended up in this mess!
You went through enough already to get to the point of meeting her.
You guys got together under terrible circumstances, and I think she used that, and her position to use you. Sorry. Women can be cold sometimes. I know a woman in my town that is very much like that. She will use men when she needs something from them, then once she's done with them, she throws terrible accusations against them - false ones.
You said that you guys had some really good times, but I am going to guess that those were during the times that you were paying her way, and she had everything just the way she wanted it. It's like dealing with a 2 year old, they're all "the best behaved child ever" UNTIL you tell them no. Then it's tantrums.
She was using you. You fell in love, she got what she was after. Odds are that once again, she has found herself in a bind and is looking to you to come bail her out.
I would definitely cancel that account that she is drawing out of. These are the things that wind up in front of "Judge Judy"!
Seriously, cancel the account, take her to court if needed, and run and don't look back! It might hurt right now to cut her loose, but if you keep her on, it'll just keep on biting for the rest of your life. | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 4/1/2007 6:37:58 PM | Your situation sounds like one of those times where you need to follow what your head is telling you. Focus on her behavior, not her words. Talk is cheap when it is not followed by the actions to support it.
It's a tough position you are in. It sounds to me reading your posts that you already know what you need to do. And that is primarily protect yourself. That is no small pocket change that you loaned her. The biggest red flag of all in your situation is that she requested cash. Thankfully, you at least created a trail via wire transfer.
Something else to think about. She has broken your trust on more than one occasion. First, when you were most vulnerable and she was your counselor. Given the short time period that passed whereby you loaned her the money, looks to me that she was after that money. Breach of trust there and an abuse of her position as your counselor. Then she throws you out. Second breach of trust. That crap doesn't happen in healthy relationships. Thirdly, she hasn't shown any intent to repay. Oh, she may have all the excuses in the world for not paying you back, and even promise to pay you back - but has she even given you a $1 to show her intent to repay? Breach of trust number three.
Now, if I were in your position, here is what I would be asking myself. Can I settle for a relationship whereby there is clearly no trust? Do I really want to invest any more of my life into someone who manipulates me?
That you have already sought legal advice is a big step in the right direction. That was the first step. Now - the second step is easier than you think. It really boils down to what kind of relationship you really want in your life. Don't focus so much on your feelings for her, rather, make the choice to really look at the kind of life you are facing should you continue with her.
Meanwhile, while you are deliberating on these matters - you are missing opportunities with women certainly much more capable of healthy relationships versus staying hung up on a dysfunctional relationship.
Guess this is my "tough love" to you. | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 4/1/2007 7:03:32 PM | | I never got past the first page, its so black and white! Court and dump her! How many chances are you going to give her after she stops calling on you? Id expect to get taken to court why else do you think she is trying to cover her tracks?Lending a bank card?? Oh man. I should take lessons from this woman! lol.I agree with the enabling, as you have surely gone way above and beyond any man I have ever met.Guilt aside from her losing her job... it was her fault too so stop feeling guilty. | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 4/1/2007 7:20:39 PM | | The only way she will come back to you is when she needs the money, and you have it to spare. it's not a coincidence that she finds you when she is broke. She may love you underneath all that, but it will never be real as long as she behaves in such a manner. | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 4/1/2007 7:22:49 PM | yeah but dont ya just love him to pieces....... I would..... pay for car, accept blame for my ****ed up career, and an endless supply of money  | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 4/2/2007 10:55:05 AM | So your finances are so screwed up that you end up homeless and then the minute you get some cash you hand a bunch of it over to some other idiot who can't handle their money either - you sound like a match made in heaven!!
There's a lot more going on with you then just this dippy woman. I think you are one of those self destructive types that always winds up on the bottom - you are good at making it look like you are just this nice guy that bad things happen to, but the truth is you make all of the choices that lead to your failure.
You should ask yourself - what's your payoff? What benefit do you derive from these bad choices?
Perhaps you believe that you are destined to fail and so your choices are about fulfilling your own belief?
Perhaps you enjoy all of the attention you get by always being in crises?
Get some therapy and figure yourself out dude - this forum isn't big enough for a full time crises case! | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 4/2/2007 12:09:47 PM | If you're serious , she read you like a book! A councilor in a crisis centre? , totally unethical and unprofessional. Also would have knowledge of basic physcology at the very least. Maybe she sent you an email today to keep you at bay until she totally drains your credit card?
No one respects a door mat, this women has no feelings for you, you are a wallet no more no less. Regain some of your self respect by #1 getting you're bank card back today - if she says no - cancel card immediately. #2 take her to the small claims tribunal.
She tells you she was fired for having a relationship with you? what if she was fired because she took another person for a ride and they complained? I don't think you are the first person she has taken to the cleaners!
PS: You paid for those incredibly good times. | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 4/2/2007 1:32:39 PM | Your a sucker dude! I didnt think anyone would be dumb enough to loan someone 10,000 for a car loan after knowing them for only 3 weeks.
Hey dude I love you, now would you loan me 10,000 to pay off my truck. I promise to be there for ya at all times. | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 5/7/2007 1:06:55 AM | | I'm sure your daughters could have used that money for education or other living expences. As far as i'm concerned she took food from thier mouths! A no brainer here...ditch her and ditch her now! | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 5/7/2007 1:23:55 AM | | if a lady was into a relationship they should not ask 4 money all 4 u 2 pay her bills 4 her .... i would never do that and never have your stupid....... think about it she after your money and not u... | |
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| how would you handle this
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:13:48 AM | Aw man. That's awful.
Okay, this is what I see: She sees you as a security blanket. She can take careless risks financially because she KNOWS you'll cover for her. You: in some way, are seeking the company of the qualities she can exhibit, to make it seem like there's an actual connection to you. Here's a little test for you to see just what she thinks of you:
Go out with her and a bunch of friends. A very public, crowed place. A club, a festival, something. And while you're next to her notice wether or not:
-Kisses you for no reason.
-She holds your hand.
-Has wandering eyes.
-Positions her body to face you, or perpendicular to you. (Incidentally, if she's not facing you, that's not good.)
-Pays attention to everyone BUT you.
These are just little tests to see how she really feels without directly confronting her about it. Women have been doing to us for centuries. They're masters at it, and I have to admit, it speaks volumes about people. Body language is so powerful.
Another thing: do you ever get that voice in the back of your head that warns you about things that could hurt you? You know, that feeling you get if your hand gets too close to something hot? Well if you have the same feeling around her at any point, do yourself a favour and trust your instincts for once. What do you think made you keep records of the wire transfers?
Letting go of a woman you've completely immerssed yourself in can be one of the hardest things a man has to do. Some of them have a way of almost possessing your soul and consuming ever fiber in your being. From what you wrote, it looks like this one's done it to you. It'll take what seems like forever to forget her, but you WILL forget. But dude, you've gotta let go first. She'll destroy you if you don't.
Good luck. | |
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