| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/24/2007 3:54:14 AM | | I am so guilty of this, my son is 17 months and if he needs me while I'm on the phone tough for whoever I'm talking to on the phone. But I am really very lucky that my friends understand how important my son is to me. If they didnt well then they wouldn't be my friends. He comes first, no matter what. | |
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| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/24/2007 4:33:00 AM |
This is strange coming from a guy that has children OP!
Has it ever occurred to you to call when the children are tucked away in bed?
Iv'e had no problem asking the guy I'm conversing with to please call me after a certain time of the day. He respects that, and we can converse quite happily as he has my undivided attention.
Too many accidents happen to children whilst the parent is chatting on the phone.
I think YOU are the one who is being selfish here.
If you can see that your g/f is busy with the children or with friends, then explain to her that she appears busy and you will call back at a more appropriate time. Honestly, this is a common sense thread, use yours
couldn't disagree more.
It's not selfish to want to hold a conversation with someone. If some pressing need requires your attention then okay deal with it, but ask them to call back.
Kids are priority. And when I'm on the phone and my kid wants to blab about some random thing I tell that priority that I can't talk now because I'm on the phone. If I'm on the phone and I decide to initiate a conversation with someone around me, the person on the other end should hang up on me. | |
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| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/24/2007 4:55:38 AM | OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!
I have noticed that with SEVERAL different gals in the past......I think it is really funny if they do that when they call me.
If I call them and they do that, well, that was at MY convenience...
but if they call me and are doing that...well....I chuckle....and then after a few minutes I say thanks for calling I have to go do the dishes and fold the laundry.
now, I dont mind if they do it once in a while...I do it too if My children are in the room...Usually I tell them Daddy wants to talk on the phone for a few minutes and he will play with you very soon. I dont talk long if my kids want my attention. | |
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ok.1
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Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 29 | |
| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/24/2007 5:02:22 AM | Its funny how that works...It seems all quiet and peacefull untill you get on the phone.
Then all of a sudden everyone needs something or the pet is knocking something down.
It just happens that way....really you usually don't have any control over it.
But if it is getting really busy while I am on the phone I will ask to continue the call in a couple minutes. It can get annoying at times, for both people.
K | |
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| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/24/2007 8:28:18 AM | I think it's very rude and inconsiderate unless there is an emergency. If she said, "Hey, get your head out of the oven", I'd understand! Otherwise, if you need to talk to someone else, the polite thing to say to the caller on the phone is, "Excuse me for a second can you hold on" and then return to the telephone conversation.
Tell her how you feel... | |
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| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/24/2007 9:44:12 AM | Well now...he's put an issue forward and asking for feedback. So, be charitable and assume that his position is valid rather than assume he's totally self-absorbed. You'd kinda like the same charity if you started a thread.
But basically, it sounds like there's some mis-/absent communication going on.
In this house, if I'm seeing someone, I suggest better times to call to avoid kidkaos. Said man knows then the best times to call. If he calls outside of the zone, then expect kidkaos.
As to the children, the same rules apply to them regardless of whether I'm talking to my mother, my guy, or my friends:
Kid interrupts.
Mom says: Are you bleeding? No.
Is anyone bleeding? No.
Once we've established there is no emergeny, the kids trundle off in search of some other mischief to get into.
Bottom line - everyone needs boundaries. And those (reasonable) boundaries need to be communicated to everyone.
And then peace and joy will ensue. For a few minutes, at least. | |
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| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/25/2007 5:49:52 PM | One of my biggest imperfections is being very easily distracted. I don't usually date men without kids either because it is less to explain. My friends always know up front too that if they deal with me before 9pm, they are never getting 100%. I usually prefer to talk on the phone after my son goes to sleep but even then, it's the popping out of bed every 10-15 minutes going to the bathroom or getting a drink that there is almost always at least once when I have to apologize for cutting someone off due to saying good night one last time to my child. Anytime I take a phonecall before 9pm, there are constant disruptions and I only have one child. My child always comes 1st and someone who has to question this or thought it was rude, would be the wrong one for me. If I am trying to get to know someone on the phone, I prefer to be all settled down after 9pm when its quiet. Hell, even after getting to know him, I prefer then too because I like to focus all my attention on him. Unfortunately, my life is full of distractions and nothing I can do about it.  | |
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| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/25/2007 6:29:38 PM |
One of my biggest imperfections is...
I heard a neat saying once:
"We like a person for their good qualities, but we love them for their imperfections" | |
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| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/25/2007 6:42:22 PM | | It is pretty rude for someone to carry on a conversation with someone while on the phone with someone else. If it's something that will take 30 seconds I'll ask them to hang on, if it's something that might take a bit longer, like my cat wrecked something I'll ask to call back. I can see that with kids there will be problems that will arise that need immediate attention, in that case she should ask you to hold on one second or ask to call you back after she's dealt with the situation. But for her to talk with her kids about their day while on the phone with you is rude. She should either call you back when her kids are in bed or tell her kids really quick that she's on the phone and will talk to them in 5, finish her conversation with you then move onto the kids. | |
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| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/25/2007 7:39:17 PM | honestly, i cant help it...if im in a room with friends, or family i will get sidetracked.
thats why i go in a room by myself when i want to talk on the phone.
im pretty sure i have add LOL | |
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| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/25/2007 7:39:48 PM | Yes, it's rude. I would (if you are really interested) talk to her about it, give her the benefit of the doubt to improve things.
As a single mom of a 4 year old... I know it's nearly impossible to have an uninterrupted conversation. Some days I luck out and hes occupied, others I cant get 5 minutes in. Because it is so hit or miss... I just tell people to call me after 9, when my son is in bed and I can devote my attention to a phone conversation. | |
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| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/26/2007 3:31:46 PM | I find a lot of people are quite clueless about their children and phone etiquette.
It doesn't hurt a child to learn to wait until Mommy or Daddy is off the phone. And it doesn't hurt Mommy or Daddy to realize that people who are on the phone with them don't actually enjoy listening to them holler at their kids. 
Also, background noise is amplified through the phone's speaker system. I'm always amazed by parents who call me at the office to discuss their finances while their little angels are shrieking their heads off in the background - I think parenthood makes some people nuts!! | |
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| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/26/2007 8:29:06 PM | | my ex did this all the time, i would ask how her day went and she would not answer, ignore that i asked, sat there and hummed then would complain becuase we didn't talk. it got to the point that when it started happening i would just say bye and hang up. granted sometimes things come up that are important so it really needs to be judged on what the situation is. if it's her kids it's understandable, if it's that she's bsing with anybody for any reason i wouldn't waste the time anymore. when she wants to talk she will. | |
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| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/26/2007 10:34:30 PM | Probably better off talking to her at a more convenient time,like when the kids are in bed preferably.Or have her call you when it's convenient for her.There's a way to handle this madness. If this starts happening just say "sounds like your busy,can you give me a call back later?"
Quote:
In the past i have asked my other girlfriend (not this one) to please be respectful when were talking and wait til we are done to talk with others.
Please don't even try to use this line with the lady you speak of,or you may be hearing a loud "bang." That would be of course her hanging up on your sorry as*  jk.
Speaking of which,I had an ex-girlfriend & her kids would always act up when she was on the phone.Everything would be fine until she got a phone call or called someone,then all HELL would break loose.
I wish you luck. | |
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hiker4
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Joined: 9/17/2006
Msg: 42 | |
| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/27/2007 8:43:15 AM | Wow! Have you got a surprise coming! 
Partners children are their main focus. They have to be. Children need constant attention.
If you like this person and get to the point where you are close and maybe living together then what are you going to do when the children are in your face all the time??
You need to decide if you even want to be involved in a family situation?
You need to sacrifice a whole lot more than a peaceful, uninterrupted phone conversation!!!! | |
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| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/27/2007 9:26:13 AM | I always ask my kids, should they interrupt me on the phone, if someone is bleeding or if the house is on fire. Rather than to fly off the handle and they were old enough, when they did not get that obvious hint, I began to hunt them down when they were on the phone to friends and did the exact same thing to them. When they would insist upon hanging around when I had friends over, instead if finding constructive things to do, I did the same thing when they had friends over. They eventually understood it.
If it is a problem with a child, there is a valid reason to be interrupted and you can call them back. If not, and it's a dog, or other people wandering about, it is just plain rude. I also think this about people who are not on call for kids at home or work to talk on the cell phone when they are with you.
Common courtesy to others and good manners are the lubricant that keeps a society running smoothly. | |
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| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/27/2007 9:44:38 AM | in short 'YES' it's extremely rude. I'm a mum of 3 happy children who also learned their good manners from myself. Unless there is an emergency or one of them was hurt etc we all need to learn patience, children and dogs too!
Buy a personal alarm or a referee's whistle and see if she pays attention when you blow those down the earpiece at her... | |
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| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/27/2007 9:48:59 AM | I don't think the OP is complaining that she's watching out for her kids... thats silly... of course you'd expect a mother to stop the conversation and get the kids head out of the oven... or even tell them to do their homework, just as their starting up a game on their xbox..
What I think he's complaining about is stopping the conversation, to start up a conversation with someone NOT on the phone. Heck, my ex used to walk over to the neighbors house while on the phone with me, then she'd bust out laughing at stuff that they were saying... I'd be telling her about my day, and she'd start laughing... I'd say, "Whats so funny?" -- "Oh, Jim was talking about some guy that slammed his hand in the door.."
That is rude... its obvious that she isn't paying attention to OUR conversation, or values it less than some random conversation she hears while walking around. | |
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| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/27/2007 4:18:08 PM | ^^ True enough.. some people seem to lack common courtesy.. and don't seem to "get it"
As far as the children interrupting a phone conversation ONLY if they are bleeding or in some kind of emergency... what kind of message is that sending? My speaking on the phone is more important unless you are bleeding.. ? Hmmm...
If it's little stuff my kids want, well I just say "hang on a sec" deal with it quickly and go back to my talking... sometimes if I can tell that they are just being a "bug" I give them the "eye" and they comprehend... lol.. If its big stuff, I get off the phone..
But I would never want to tell them bleeding or emergency only because there are a whole host of other non emergency things that may need my attention that I consider more important than talking to "some dude"...
I make no apologies for putting my kids first.. I don't feel that I am rude about it, and any man I end up with I believe would WANT me to be that way as a mom, but this is of course only my opinion. | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 47 | |
| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/27/2007 5:52:43 PM | OP man I feel your pain.
Those kind of phone manners drive friken NUTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
I have a friend who is the worst ever with this stuff. I swear to god she yaks on the phone at least 20 hours per day and sometimes with 2 phones at once. We have NEVER had a convo. where she didn't get another call she had to deal with AND she's constantly talking to every person, every animal and every THING within a 50 foot radius. No, "talking" is not the right word.....she SCREEEECHES at them. God love her, but that woman needs some help!! (I'm not saying she has to talk to KIDS. nope she has to talk to the dog, the spigot, the carpet, a bird in the sky, paper blowing down the street, and 15 friends who visit her every day) . I have started to call her "The Command Post" since she's got several phones within arms reach at all times and she USES them!!
All that said, and as wacked out as that is...hey it's HER life. So it's not my problem or my business.
In your case with the gf who does it due to KIDS I would agree with most other fishies here. Don't blame her and don't get upset. Simply find another, quieter time to call....make that your usual time to talk . Don't call in the middle of a "rush hour" at home and then make plans to call again later. Naaaaa skip all that. jsut pick a better time for regular calls. If she can't have things under control and be able to make you a higher priority for a while on the phone then maybe you need to think about htis whole arrangement....or jsut start writing her letters and postcards. | |
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Matt_
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Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 48 | |
| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/27/2007 6:53:03 PM | | Its "rude" to you if you don't say anything about it. And it will continue to happen if you don't say anything about it. Then it could get blown up into something its not. | |
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| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/27/2007 6:59:26 PM | | my friends let me know a good time to talk. if i make the call and someone interrupts them, they generally have the good manners to not let it interfere. if they call me and get interrupted i would consider it quite rude if they allowed the interruption to disrupt the conversation. fortunately, all my friends are adults who know basic telephone etiquette. (except for the guy who calls on his cell while driving on the jersey turnpike hauling 2 horses in a trailer.) | |
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| I am curious if this is rude or not?
Posted: 3/27/2007 8:04:50 PM | This is probably the reason I dislike calling anyone... I don't want to be put on the back-burner because you are busy... So just call me when you have some free time.. Or if its urgent, I'll send you a text message, and you can get back to me when you have a second.
People hate that I don't call, but I'm just tired of calling and having it feel like I'm interupting their life... This happened a lot when I was a teenager... So I just stopped calling people.
If you want to talk, call me when you are free, and we'll talk... Otherwise, I'll just continue on with my life. | |
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