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raze
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Joined: 8/19/2006
Msg: 26 | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/26/2007 3:54:37 PM | I would move on there girlfriend. Make a clean slate of the matter and send him out to pasture. Sometimes I think that some men..........meaning just some not all, overcompensate for their guilt by calling frequently to make themselves feel better for being abscent. Could it be that he has another on his plate?.......Could it be that he has a double life that you don't know about? Could it be that he just forgets your phone number and you should just forget that fault of his????
They say that we should be trusting but all it takes is one to blow it for future relationships that we might decide to pursue.
I am only speaking from experience and I would listen to what my head says and not my heart on this matter.............good luck there girlfriend. | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/26/2007 4:00:12 PM | move on, he's just trying to tell you he's not interested anymore with out being really mean about it. Don't call him or show any interest, if he really still likes you, he'll call...but the "see other people" comment is a big hint.
p.s. don't see this as a "man" thing to be understood as women do it too. | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/26/2007 7:37:50 PM | It's so easy to say "move on", but we are basing our advise on a very limited amount of information! I certainly would hate to say move on to someone when little do I realize there really was something there and it just wasn't coming across in the text.
Also men aren't as simple as anyone thinks. There are other circumstances that happen that end up getting labeled "he got what he wanted". When a relationship crosses that intimate threshold, many things can happen. Most men are rather ignorant sexually, and are very sensitive about that fact. And believe it or not the more repressed, less open emotionally to himself and others stereotype is probably the most ignorant, and sensitive about it! Making love for the first time if it ends up being awkward, or his physical performance isn't what he can face without embarrassment, can end up causing a hasty retreat. The more "guylike" the guy is, the more he may even tell himself that there was something that just didn't click. But I agree with others I read, that much interest beforehand is probably not just about the sex!
Adequate even intimacy can take time to learn, with each new person. If anything about this rings a bell you may be able to use the knowledge to compassionately open up communications about it!
Seems to me if the obvious answer was "move on", you wouldn't be here asking for advise, or it would be more like "this guys an Ahole, right?" | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/26/2007 8:04:17 PM | | harleylady68: I don't get it either. I've had men do this to me all the time. They start out so nice and so interested, say how ready they are for a serious relationship, they call all the time, want to go out, they say what a great time they have, etc.... Then for no reason at all you're hearing how they're suddenly not ready and how they didn't really know what they wanted. And it was them that got serious so soon, they were the ones to speed things along. Why do they move in on and turn your world upside down and then dump on you? Aside from sex, when it comes right down to it, most men just don't know what they want. After getting treated like this a few times you become afraid to let someone get too close, which has become my case. | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 6:57:26 AM | Harleylady, I read your post and read all the responses and your profile. You need to follow your heart. If you feel there was something there, go after it. Maybe it's cave time, maybe he was seeing someone else, maybe it's the fact you have children. There are too many maybes. Bottom line is, you need to get to the bottom of it. Call him,and ask if you can have a conversation with him. Make a list of all your questions on a piece of paper and cover each one with him, one at a time. You will know by the end of this meeting, whether this person is someone you want to spend your precious life with. If he doesn't want to speak with you or you leave a message on his voice mail, or even e-mail him, explaining that you think he owes you one last conversation, perferrably in person and if he chooses not to repsond, you can pretty much figure out, he's a self centered individulal who has no concern for another human being's feelings. Life is short, I feel it's not about doing what other think one should do. It's a matter of doing and asking what's on your mind. One has nothing to lose. If we walk away, they are gone. If you confront the issues directly with the person and he still walks away....... Nothing gain, nothing lost. But at least you will be able to put your mind to rest, knowing you cared, you loved and you tried. I wish you only the best. Remember we are just spiritual beings living a human experience. One day at a time.   | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 7:09:22 AM | | I think he still liked you but met someone else too. Would you really want to wait around for him?....he can still call 6 months down the road if it is you he wants and then you can decide. | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 7:49:49 AM | | Harleylady68, Their is something going on with this guy and if he is not explaining himself why he wants to take it slow than theirs your answer right their. Like others have said dont try to call him or anything like that and dont wait for him. Go meet other people and keep yourself busy thats the best medicine and it will help speed up the process of recovery. Good luck. | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 8:53:50 AM |
....guys always say these kind of things, but what do they really mean??
Here's a good rule of thumb about what guys say -
The simplest, most basic interpretation of what comes out of their mouth is actually what they're trying to say.
If what you hear makes no sense to you, ask what they mean. Why? Putting thoughts into words is not always easy, and doing it clearly is a skill that does not come easily.
Also, people often are not clear in their own minds about what they're thinking, much less being able to clearly say it.
On another subject....
I highly recommend you practice and improve your grammar.
"...we seen each other 4 to 5 times a week."
"We seen less of each other..."
"He told me he didn't want to get serious no more..."
While I understand the meaning of your words, your words also convey other information about you. In this case the information you give about yourself is not flattering.
Speaking and writing as you do is OK and allows you to function, though it will limit your options with men, with people in general, and in the job market.
That may not be the way it should be, may not be fair, or even right. None the less, it is important to people. Many will use it to judge intelligence, and a person's speech and mannerisms are certainly used to judge what kind of company they keep.
I know it sounds like I'm busting on you, and I guess I am a bit. You can't hear it in my tone, though I am trying to be as gentle as possible and to help
Truly, I am not trying t o hurt or to be mean.
What I suggest is certainly not easy, though it will help in too many ways to describe.
Take care 
AKBR... | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 9:06:47 AM | | Good advice lovelyviolet,not only should move on,but consider his loss could be someones gain,someone once said" to thine ownself be true" love yourself first then someone else can. | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 9:12:14 AM | A similar thing happened to me. Communication slowed down. We had been talking on the phone almost daily since the beginning of November. This guy traveled for his job. After the last trip (to a corporate meeting) I didn't hear from him for a week. Then, when he replied on his work e-mail, he said that he wouldn't be able to use it to communicate any more AND also on the cell phone he uses for work.I e-mailed a message to his home before I received the above reply to tell him to let me move on if he's no longer interested in having me in his life. He responded..."please move on. I'm sorry."
So, he either used the job as an excuse or he was ready to move on. Usually when a new relationship goes on 3 months, I'm holding my breath, waiting for something to happen.
It did.
Move on, honey...... | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 9:43:39 AM | | HarleyLady68....here is the first rule in dating 101..."Never make anyone a priority who only makes you an option". The signs were out there. Bravo to Subotai msg. 14, johnny prophet msg.21 and lovelyviolet.....excellent advice from all. There are so many people who avoid what they consider confrontation....until it really is confrontational. Establish your own personal boundaries and learn to read those of others. Sorry for your hurt....been there. | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 11:18:25 AM | | Thank you for all of the advice. I have moved on. He still calls wanting to go out once a week or every other week. Again, very confusing, but I have been dating now like he wanted. I also feel a little free. | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 12:56:15 PM | | Good for you Harleylady!!! Go out and enjoy him, if you so desire. But don't date because it's what he wanted. Date because you want too. Freedom is a "wonderful thing". Relationships should be like butterflies. You have to able to let go and be free, knowing if it's true love, it will stay around. I wish you happiness. | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 3:24:55 PM | we dont have to understand them! Men are misunderstood and we have to accept that.
we just have to know they are strong, brave, adorable and most of the time they smell really good!! AND WE LOVE THEM!!!! | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 3:28:28 PM | | I would say, read what johnny prophet said, then go back and read what MISS13 said. | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 3:42:06 PM | | Harleylady I understand I just went through this same problem (without the Sex). It started off in the honeymoon stage all great , he called up to 5 times a day He said he wanted a relationship and he should be married not single. I heard want I wanted to hear and disregarded the signs. If this is meant to be for the two of you , it will be. If not think of it as a learning experience. Leave the negative in the past and take with you the positive. Just remember take it nice and slow next time so you do not hurt your heart again. Take care of you first. | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 3:54:16 PM | | Right on ,werking stiff!!! I needed that.Thanks.Sucks .But makes sense. | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 3:54:28 PM | No problem...already been done masterfully. And before anyone goes sending me death threats,  please see the post of mine that follows this. As much as I wish I could say this is mine...props to Dennis Miller for these posts....
Drumroll please...
I know the myth is that men want:
Traci Lords in the bedroom,
Julia Child in the kitchen,
Hazel around the house,
Lesley Visser during a game,
Mary Poppins for the children,
Cha Cha Muldowney in traffic,
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Chick when we're sick,
Mary Richards at work,
Mother Theresa when we come home with leprosy,
Gertrude Stein in conversation,
the body of Sophia Loren in 'Boy on a Dolphin' combined with the voice of Sade,
and to top it all off, the IQ of Anna Nicole Smith, because of course we don't want to feel too threatened.
So if that's the myth of what we want, what's the reality? Well, first put that Cosmo article down right now and back slowly away from the magazine. Now go to the window and take a deep breath. You must clear your head of bullshit articles like "How to Trick Your Man into Cooking Tex-Mex". Trick me? How about asking me? And then I'll be able to tell you I don't have a ****ing clue what Tex-Mex is, okay?!
All right, I'm not supposed to do this. I'm not supposed to reveal the master list to all you non-tripods, but what the hell; here goes:
Here's what men want from women. One through Ten:
We want you to understand that we don't give a shit about clothes, all right? Yours OR ours. All we need is one pair of tennies and one pair of church shoes. That's it.
Don't talk to us while the television is on, all right? Very simple: Television is off, we talk. Television is on, we don't talk.
When you're behind the wheel of a car, if you want to get aggressive, that's fine, but don't give somebody the finger and expect me to defend your honor when Steroid Lad comes over swinging a pair of nunchucks, all right?
Would it kill you to watch ``The Godfather'' with me for the fifty-seventh time?
Hey I'm sorry, but some of us see a beautiful sunset and think, "You know, I betcha my accountant is boning me up the ass."
You go see ``Nell'' by yourself, all right? I met enough chicks like that at ``The Drink'' when I was single.
Have a sense of humor. Without a sense of humor, a relationship lasts about as long David Duke at a Black Panther meeting.
Work out your job-related anger before we have sex. Just because Helmut, the office boy, brought you the cup of lima bean consomme instead of the bowl of lima bean consomme from Soup Plantation, I don't want to end up in the friction burn groin ward at Cedars-Sinai, all right?
Don't ask us to cry. As much as you say you want us to cry, you don't really want us to cry. You hate it when we cry. I've tried crying in front of my wife. She enjoyed it for about thirty seconds and then started thinking, "Why in the **** did I marry this hamster?"
Be patient. Hold us. Love us unconditionally. Help us out of this testosterone-induced fog we dwell in and lead us into the light. Or if that's asking too much, how's about a big sloppy blowjob once in a while?
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 3:55:25 PM | And now equal time to the ladies...
Same rules apply from the post above okay?
Drummroll again (making the drummer earn his pay..)
Nowadays it seems like they want... other women. No, uhh... some women want zero from a man, and others want lots of zeros from a man.
Let's see, the myth is that women want:
Brad Pitt in the bedroom,
Brad Pitt in the kitchen,
Brad Pitt around the house,
Brad Pitt during a game,
Brad Pitt when they're sick,
Brad Pitt in conversation,
The body of Brad Pitt in 'Legends of the Fall' combined with the voice of Brad Pitt,
and to top it all off the IQ of Fabio on two bottles of NyQuil.
Another myth is that a woman must be married by a certain age or she'll never find stability. Hey, I've got news for you, ladies: looking to men for stability is like going to Crispin Glover for psychoanalysis, all right?
And yet a third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes, drink too much, and ride a motorcycle without a helmet. Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.
Now I'll be the first to admit that men's advice on women is about as reliable as an M-16 in the mud, but this is what I kinda, sorta, maybe think women want from men.
Foreplay is not a privilege; it is a birthright.
If you take her out to a fancy restaurant, don't try to subtly steer her away from the lobster, Diamond Jim.
Quit blowing smoke up women's asses about the sanctity and power they possess as lifegivers and come up with some decent affordable child care. That way, maybe poor single mothers can go to work and get off welfare and we won't have to listen to any more ***holes in Congress blathering about orphanages.
Equal work for equal pay. Look around you at work, guys. Look at... say Carl, the brain-dead jackoff in the cubicle next to you. You could kill Carl, couldn't you, because he's a slacking, worthless, total idiot. Now imagine making 30 percent less than Carl. Hellooo...
This is very important: During lovemaking: Don't ask, "Who's your daddy?" Even as a joke. All right? It's not funny.
When her mouth moves, pay attention, words could be coming out. Words are kind of important.
Pass a law that makes it compulsory for all over-the-hill rock stars to have women their own age in their videos.
Don't ask her if she came. You're a big boy now, Clouseau, you should know if she came.
Don't tell her how to merge and she won't tell you to ask for directions.
When she catches you cheating on her and cuts off your****in your sleep, take it like a man.
So, guys, at the end of the day what women want is this: equal pay, fair treatment, respect, patience, sensitivity, passion and a genuine effort at understanding who they really are. Or if that's too much to ask, how about a big ****ing diamond the size of your head? | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 3:59:31 PM | Harley,
Consider yourself one step ahead of the game - a least you HAD a date.
Here in CT., being male, single, and available equates out to being A-L-O-N-E (esp. if you depend on this site for anything other than entertainment).
Count your losses, add them up, and move-on. You seem like a nice girl that will have no problem getting future dates.
DavidBryan
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 4:04:29 PM | HOW DID THIS ONE FIND OUT???? (onesimpleneed)
LADIES..I THINK HE HAS BEEN SNEAKING PEEKS AT OUR MEMOS!!!
this just wont do!! | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 7:01:49 PM | onesimpleneed:
Such pure bitterness, sorrow and disgust for life. You should not be on a dating site. How depressing and sad your state of mind is. I can only hope you have some sort of happiness in your life. You are a sure sign of "pure sadness". I wish you a little bit of happiness. Because is I wish too much, it would wasted on you. Hope one day you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. | |
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| don't understand men.....
Posted: 3/27/2007 7:29:57 PM | | Hey Harley - same thing happened to me and it wasn't even someone I met on here. I found out that he had met up with an old girlfriend who lived overseas! We dated like 9 months before this happened. It doesn't mean that you did anything or you should wait. I tried that one and basically waited for 6 months before I decided to move on. Just a lot of wasted time - alone! Keep your chin up and remember that the guy was the one at fault not you! Wishing you the best! | |
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