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 WillSAK
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 401
a joke, then a true storyPage 17 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
A guy takes his girlfriend to meet his parents. While they are eating dinner, the girlfriend gets gassy, and can't hold it in. She lets one go as quietly as she can, and the father yells "Ginger!" The girlfriend i relieved that they think it is the dog who is on the floor next to her. Not long after that, he lets another one go little louder. Again "Ginger!" so the girlfriend is relieved they still think it is the dog. A third one even louder... "Ginger, get away from there before she sh**s all over you!"

I told that joke to someone, and very soon after, she attended a funeral, after which the family got together at her aunt's house. Her aunt's dog was going around sniffing crotches until the aunt yelled "Ginger!" She had to run to the bathroom and hold a towel up to her face so noone would hear her laughing at a time like that because she was reminded of a fart joke.
 Rob_SA
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 402
funniest joke
Posted: 2/2/2010 2:07:21 AM
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and discussing the phenomenon of “mixed emotions”.

The husband turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s a bunch of crap. I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

She said: “Out of all your friends, you have the biggest****.."
 cheekygirl121
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 403
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The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 2/2/2010 1:48:02 PM
lol very good!!!
 fuzzysquirrel
Joined: 11/8/2009
Msg: 404
The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 2/2/2010 5:07:13 PM
> A SHORT LOVE STORY
>
>
> A man and woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.
> Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,
> they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
>
> At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,.......... 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?
>
> I'm awfully cold.'
>
> 'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight,...... let's pretend that we're married.'
>
> 'Wow!....................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.
>
> 'Good,' she replied. ...............'Get your own f#%+ing blanket.'
>
> After a moment of silence, .........................he farted.
> The End
 unklfngr
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 405
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The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 2/4/2010 5:31:11 PM
now thats funny
this brought back some memories to me, my ex wife,at the time she was the wife, had the habbit of sleeping with the covers over her head all the time, me being the person that i am couldnt pass up the oppertunity one day,and cut a silent one, moments later she gets up calling me every name in the book,
 javalover5454
Joined: 1/16/2010
Msg: 406
The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 2/5/2010 1:02:40 AM
A man was in the country visiting his distant relativeswho lived on the farm. He noticed a pig among the other animals with only three legs. He asked his cousin why the pig only had three legs? Cousin replied, "Awhile back, a tornado was coming, the pig alerted us and we all got to shelter...saved our lives he did"! Wow, the man thought, but why does he only have three legs, he asked again. His cousin replied, "A pig like that, you can't just eat him all at once"!
 blackcat25
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 407
The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 2/5/2010 3:19:04 PM
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.

Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.

At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.'

He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'

THERE'S MORE....

Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.

He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.

He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.

He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.

Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.

Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.

Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!'

IT IS NOT OVER YET...

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears.

He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.

Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Paddy shakes his head.

'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting.... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'
javascript:smilie('')
javascript:smilie('')
 unklfngr
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 408
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The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 2/5/2010 5:42:21 PM
ok thats a good one but give this one a try

our gang;
one day spanky, buckwheat ,and alfalfa,decided they were not going to go to school,they decided to go fishing that day, the next day when they returned to school, teacher had asked why they were not present,and that they had all missed the spelling test the day before, she gave the three of them a chance to make up the test,told them that it would be verble and only one word, they would have to spell it and use it in a sentence,
teacher tells spanky your first, your word is dog, spanky replies""d.o.g. , " my dog ran away yesterday at the park",
theacer; "very good you pass your test"
" " " :"ok alfalfa,your next and your word is cat." he replies, "c.a.t. ,cat"spankies dog chased my cat away .
teacher; "very good you pass your test" the teacher looks at buckwheat,and tells him" your word is going to be a hard one, " yours is dictate. "
buckwheat thought and thought for a minute,then says" i cant spell that one but i'll use it in a sennence, " theacher says ok go ahead, " pauses for a moment then he replies"" aaalfafa how did my dictate lastnight.
 Pondering the Circle.....
Joined: 1/18/2010
Msg: 409
The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 2/5/2010 6:08:37 PM
A couple of Protestants run out of gas on a country road. They get some fuel from a nearby farmhouse but the only container available is a bedpan. They are pouring the gas from the bedpan into the tank of the car when two Catholics drive by...one Catholic says to the other: "Well, I can't say much for their liturgy, but I do admire their faith!"
 Pondering the Circle.....
Joined: 1/18/2010
Msg: 410
The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 2/5/2010 6:10:04 PM
Been dating an anorexic girl...but I'm seeing less and less of her. (Adam Sandler)
 ONESOCKBAUMER
Joined: 8/25/2009
Msg: 411
The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 2/8/2010 2:32:31 PM
I've had laughter from all audiences with The Goat-T joke.
 pink_sunglasses
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 412
The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 2/9/2010 10:27:34 AM

What do elephants use sheep for?

TAMPONS!!!


What's the moral of the story?

Don't wear red wooley jumpers.
 zoetroph2006
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 413
The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 2/9/2010 11:22:13 AM
pretty funny thanksjavascript:smilie('')
 Mickey_blueeyes
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 414
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The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 2/27/2010 10:21:02 AM
Q) What's hit more balls than David Beckhams right foot?

A) Jordans chin.
 Sean3339
Joined: 1/8/2010
Msg: 415
The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 3/1/2010 5:26:39 PM
A father walks in on his son, er, pleasuring himself, and says: "Son, if you keep doing that, you'll go blind! The son replies: "Dad, I'm over HERE!"
 Sean3339
Joined: 1/8/2010
Msg: 416
The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 3/1/2010 5:29:20 PM
What does a blond say after having sex"
"Are all you guys from the same team?"
 itsmeaaron
Joined: 4/2/2007
Msg: 417
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The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 3/1/2010 8:45:30 PM
i got a couple of good ones:

A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to persuade them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so.... thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.


Mahatma Gandhi , as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Get ready...)) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Q: what did the vegan zombies eat?

A: graaaaiiiiiinnns


how many amoebas does it take to change a lightbulb....?
one.
no, two.
wait, four!
hang on, eight!!!!

Q: Why do chemists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!

Q: why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?

A: b/c she didn't want to get hearing aids

Q: how do you put a twinkle in a blondes eye?

A: shine a flashlight in her ear

Canada's worst air disaster: Canada's worst air disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Newfoundland. Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

thats all i got for now. until i get a thousand more in email tomorrow lol.
 blues49
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 418
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The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 3/2/2010 12:13:36 PM
There's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor -
He can swear for 5 minutes straight without repeating himself.
Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type,
and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.

He calls a pet store for advice & the owner sez :
"throw him in the freezer a couple minutes , he'll learn ... "

Parrot sets sail again on a tirade and the guy snatches him up & sez " I'll teach you ! "
and chucks him in the freezer , waits a few minutes , and takes him out ...

Parrot's shivering his ass off .....

Guy sez " OK you gonna tune down the cussing ? "

" Y.. y ...y -ep " shivers the parrot .
" B b but I j.j. just g-g-got ooone qqq-question .....



w w what d d did the chicken do ??? "
 WhiskeyScott
Joined: 12/8/2009
Msg: 419
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The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 3/2/2010 9:44:28 PM
an old lady walks into a pet store and really wants to buy a parrot, but the only parrot that the pet store had was raised in a burlesque house and spouted nasty phrases. The woman decided she wanted it anyways and would train it better, but after a few weeks of the parrot asking all her guests "if they were looking for a good time?" she decided to ask her pastor for help. He tells her that they have two parrots with the church who do nothing but pray from the time they wake up till they go to bed, and she could keep her parrot with them for awhile and see if that helps it's behavior. The woman agrees and brings her parrot over, the ladies parrot says to the priests parrots "you boys looking for a good time?" and the one turns to the other and says "stop praying you idiot, they've been answered"
 Mickey_blueeyes
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 420
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The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 3/12/2010 6:07:06 PM
Pete Doherty has just done 6 months in rehad & is due to leave but before he can go, he needs to have a chat with the councillor about his time there. So he walks in and says
"I still think I'm addicted" the councillor replies "Yep most people think that & my name is not Ted".
 SingleGuy4912
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 421
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The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 3/12/2010 10:18:09 PM
What does a tightrope walker and a man getting a BJ from a 90 yr old woman have in common?







They both hate to look down.

 shoulderlegs
Joined: 4/14/2005
Msg: 422
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The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 3/13/2010 9:39:29 PM
My PERSONAL favorite joke....
What did Abraham Lincoln say after waking up from being drunk for five days?




"I freed WHO???"
 Rob_SA
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 423
The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 3/14/2010 7:28:18 AM
Apparently KFC did some experiments breeding chickens with six legs, the idea being that there would be more drumsticks. They gave up on the idea eventually because no one could catch one to see what they tasted like.
 shoulderlegs
Joined: 4/14/2005
Msg: 424
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The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 3/14/2010 8:49:15 AM
Now THAT'S FUNNY!
 toolateagain
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 425
The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 3/14/2010 2:16:49 PM
Op
That is like the one,
Where a hunter drags his hunting bubby into the ER, asking the doctor if he thinks his bubby will make it, Doc says he would have had a better chance if you hadn't gutted him first.
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