| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 4/3/2007 4:32:45 PM | i got one: There 2 guys in the desert,one get bite on his penis by a snake while peeing,notice his friend,the friend in hurry grab the phone and call 911,the friend ask the operator how to save his friend...the operator tell him he need to cut on the bite and suck the venom.....the guy slowly dying ask his friend if there a way to save him...the friend answer nope you gonna die! hehehe | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 4/3/2007 5:44:56 PM | MOST OF YOU HAD GREAT JOKES AND I LAUGHED MY *SS OFF BUT I MUST SHARE THIS ONE WITH YOU AS I THINK IT IS THE FUNNIEST JOKE:
THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA, SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."
THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.
THE WOMAN FINALLY SAID, "WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT ...I'M GETTING A FAX!!
NOW THATS FUNNY EH!!!!
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 4/3/2007 7:09:11 PM | A guy was walking down the street one day and saw a man dressed in scarlet tails, top hat knee high patent leather boots crying and bawling. An elephanty beside him also sitting on the curb. Upon drawing closer, he could make out that the guy was crying about someone being a clumbsy stupid fool. Elephant had a look on his face like, "what did I do?" The guy asked the guy sitting on the curb crying what was the matter! Guy in the top hat and tails said, "I used to have a circuis, lions, trained seals, clowns, 8 elephants, the whole 9 yards. But this stupid clumbsy fool of an elephant put me out of busiuness! "How", the guy asked?...
The man on the curd answered, "the elephants were coming into the ring stepping over the curb as trained, trunk grasping the tail of the elephant ahead. Everything was fine until this clumbsy fool of an elephant here beside me stumbled and pulled the a$$holes out of 7 good elephants!" | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 4/4/2007 8:01:35 PM | a bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer.
the bartender says " we don't serve bears beer in barkys bar."
the bear says " if you don't give me a beer I'll eat that man in the corner."
the bartender says " go ahead, we still don't serve bears beer in barkys bar."
the bear eats the guy and asks again for a beer.
the bartender says " we still don't serve bears beer in barkys bar."
the bear says " if you don't give me a beer I'll eat that woman over there."
tha bartender says " go ahead, we still don't serve bears beer in barkys bar."
the bear eats the woman and asks again for a beer.
the bartender says " we still don't serve bears beer in barkys bar, especially on drugs."
the bears says " what do you mean on drugs?"
the bartenders says " that was a barbituate" | |
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| My Jokes.
Posted: 4/5/2007 7:15:33 AM | A man wins £1000,000 on the lottery, he goes home & says to his wife "pack your bags" she replies "what for, winter or summer?" he says "anything you like p*ss off".
Q. Whats the difference between snowmen & snowwomen?
A. Snowballs.
I hope you like these?
let me know what you think.
Mike. | |
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| My Jokes.
Posted: 4/6/2007 3:28:17 PM | | I know lots more. contact me and I'll share more. | |
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| A few more jokes from LonelyPhantom.
Posted: 4/7/2007 1:33:34 AM | 1) I was walking down by the river this morning with my friend Dave, when we came across a crocodile with it's mouth open & sticking out of the crocodile's mouth was a mans head, upon seeing this I remarked "look at that flash b*****d he's only got a lacoste sleeping bag".
2) The only thing that prevents me from being a bigamist is the thought of having two
mother-in-laws.
3) Never tell your psychiatrist you've schizophrenic. The b*****d will charge you double.
I hope you enjoyed these?
Let me know.
Mike | |
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| My personal favorite...
Posted: 4/7/2007 5:28:50 AM | Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,
Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
But what does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment.
“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!” | |
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| That was funny.
Posted: 4/7/2007 6:16:22 AM | I walked into the pub this morning,
to see six people beating up my mother-in-law with bar stools,
the bartender said "aren't you going to help?",
I replyed "no them six can manage".
A man walked through the streets of Southampton today wearing only a newspaper.
He said he like to dress with The Times.
I hope these brighten up your day.
Regards Mike | |
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| That was funny.
Posted: 4/7/2007 7:23:56 AM | read this one aloud to get it.
There was a midgit, spoke with a really bad lisp. Wanted to buy a horse. After studying up on horses, he decided that a mare might suit him best. Checked out all the horses available in the area and went to views one.
Upon arrriving, he looked the mare over quite well, and asked the guy selling the horse if he would mind lifting him up so he could look at the horse's teeth. Decided that the horse war the proper age. Then asked the horseman if he would mind lifting him up so he could look at the horse's mane. The horseman was beginning to feel a little exasperated at all these unusual requests but complied. After setting the midget down, he lead the horse around and the midgit's next request seem a lot out of bounds as he asked to see the the horse twat. The horseman thought that this was way too much so he picked him up , grabbed the horse's tail, lifted it and shoved the midgit's face up under the horse's tail and rubbed him into it. Upon setting the midgit down with disgust, the midgit said, "let me rephrase that, "Could I see her gallop?" | |
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| That was funny.
Posted: 4/7/2007 7:47:34 AM | HA HA HA HA *OUCH MY RIBS*
THAT WAS FANTASTIC PLEASE POST SOME MORE.
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 4/7/2007 10:09:10 AM | There have been some pretty good ones so far. This one is similar to buddanature's joke!
A woman just leaves her doctors office in which he prescribes for her some hormone for a medical condition she has. After about 3 weeks she knows something is not right, and goes back to talk to the Doc.
After some waiting, she finally gets to see him ands says, "Doc. I think you gave me the wrong hormone pills."
The doctor replies, "I am afraid not Miss, I have too many years experience to make such a foolish mistake."
The woman again insist, "Doc. I'm positive you gave me the wrong hormone pills."
"Never!" the doctor bellows. "I am a professional!"
After her last plea he ask, "What is it that makes you so adamant about your claim."
The woman says hysterically, "I'm growing hair on my chest!"
The doctor now concerned and perplexed ask, "How far down is that hair growing?"
The woman cries, "Down to my****" | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 4/7/2007 3:01:03 PM | there is a little boy playing with his train set when his mother overhears him say "Anyone thats gettin off the train, get off the f***ing train. Anyone thats gettin on the train, get on the f***ing train". His mother is horrified and sends him to his room for 2 hours to think about what he has done and that he should be nice to his passengers. After 2 hours he returns to playing with his train set and his mother listens in to hear him say "Any passengers getting off the train, please mind the step as you leave. Any passengers getting on the train, welcome aboard. And any passengers that are upset about the 2 hour delay should talk to the fat c*** in the kitchen
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 4/8/2007 10:10:39 AM | A lady was having an argument with her maid.
Before leaving the room the maid decided to say exactly what she thought.
"You might like to know," she said, "that your husband told me only last week that I am a far better housekeeper & cook than you are.
He also said I was much better looking!"
The lady remained silent.
"And that's not all," continued the maid. "I'm far better than you in bed."
"I suppose my husband told you that as well!" snapped the lady.
"No," replied the maid, "the gardener did."
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 4/8/2007 3:11:42 PM | Ha Ha Ha...likeed it...Here's mine...
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful
and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi
Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they
stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she
thought she would take off her panties and use them Her friend however was
wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with
a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did
their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally
sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the
other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to
suspect the worst.. my wife came home with no panties!!"
"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck
to her ass that said..... " From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'" | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 4/9/2007 5:47:26 AM | | Laughing is great for what ails you. Crying until you laugh. Laughing until you cry. This is a much better way to start the morning that to hear about all the horrible stuff in the news. | |
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