| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 7/22/2007 7:22:47 PM | The pope heard about the way the seven dwarfs came to snow whites rescue so he granted them a visitation with him at the vatican.
After dinner they are sitting around and the pope offers to answer questions that they may have.
The first to raise their hand was dopey... so the pope syas how can I help you dopey.
Well dopey says my question to you is are there any dwarf nuns in america...
the pope confirs with his cardinals and they decide that NO there arent any dwarf nuns in america. To that dopey sits down.
The pope asks for another question and dopey puts his hand up again...the pope says yes dopey...are there any dwarf nuns in north america without confirring the pope says outrigtly NO there isnt...Next question the pope says...again dopey the first to raise his hand the pope syas this is your last quesion dopey...alright says dopey are there any dwarf nuns in the world...this time the wants to make sure so he asks the cardinals to find out and they come back with no as an answer with this the other dwarves started laughing to beat all...the pope asks whats so0 funny....they start singing dopey screwed a penguin...dopey screwed a penguin...
now thats funny | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 7/23/2007 8:26:16 PM | One of the clerks at the local grocery store noticed the same couple coming into the store regularily. The women pushed a cart full of people food, and the man pushed a cart full of dog food. After the third or fourth time of checking them through the cash, she mentions that they must have a big dog to eat all of the dog food. The man immediately replies, oh we don't have a dog, that's what I eat.
The clerk is appauled and tells him "you can't eat dog food..it'll kill you" whereas his wife replies that's all he's gotten for years. The clerk tells the man, "sir you have to stop eating dog food, it'll kill you"! She sees them a few more times and continues to insist that the guy not eat the dog food.
Then one week the woman comes in alone, and doesn't buy any dog food. The clerk asks her "how's your husband doing". The wife tells her that he died last week.
The clerk is enraged...I told him not to eat that dog food! I told him it would kill him!!!
The wife says....of it wasn't the dog food that killed him.
He was sitting on the couch licking his balls and fell off and broke his neck! | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 7/23/2007 10:25:07 PM | A guy walks into a bar and see's his friend Harry sitting at the bar looking all depressed. He walks up and says; "Whats the matter Harry?"
Harry Says; "I've been sleeping with one of my patients."
The first guy says; "Hey it's not that bad. lots of Doctors have slept with their patients."
Harry looks at him and says; "Have you forgotten I'm a vetrinarian?" | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 7/28/2007 8:23:55 PM | Two old men are sitting on a park bench, waiting for their wives to exit a pastry shop nearby.
A nice looking lady jogger happened by, and winked at one of the men. He leaned over to his friend and said "Went out with her last week, did VERY well."
Another lady went by, this time on a bike. She also winked at the old man, who supplied the same explanation to his flabberghasted friend.
His friend asked him, "What about your wife? Aren't you faithful?"
The old man replied, "I've been married for 45 years. After a while, the passion died out. Didn't you ever get a little on the side?"
His friend thought for a second and griped, "It's been so long I didn't know they moved it." | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 7/28/2007 9:23:45 PM | Can't resist. An oldie but still one of my favorites.
Joe walks into his local bar one night and the bartender says..."Hey Joe .... what ya got under your arm?" Joe says , "got some chicken wire.... gonna get me some chickens to-night".
The bartender says "Joe, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire"!
Joe says watch me..... goes out and comes back 15 minutes later with 5 chickens. He sits down... finishes his drink and leaves.
The next night Joe walks into the bar. The bartender says "Joe... what you got under your arm?"
Joe says "got me some duct tape.... gonna catch me some ducks"
The bartender says, "Joe.... you can't catch ducks with duct tape". Joe says ..."watch me!"
Joe finishes his beer.... leaves... and twenty minutes later he comes back with 9 ducks... he finishes his drink and leaves.
The next night, Joe goes into the bar and the bartender says "Joe what's you got under your arm.
Joe says..."got me some **** willow".
The bartender says..."hang on I'll get my coat" | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 7/29/2007 5:32:44 AM | Viewer discretion advised
How can the Priest tell the Nun is on the rag?
He can taste the blood on the alter boys pee pee.
:Tell me thats not the funniest joke in the world. | |
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gezboy
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Joined: 9/16/2006
Msg: 134 | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 8/8/2007 3:27:27 PM | | One day a teacher of some fourth graders draws 3 birds sitting on a telephone line on the black board. She then asks the class if any one can tell her how many birds are left if a farmer comes along and shoots one? Little rotten Johny in the back of the class yells out, "None, the other 2 birds would fly away when they hear the shot!" The teacher thinks about this for a moment and tells him that it wasn't the answer she was looking for, but that she liked the way he thinks. Johny then asks the teacher a question, "Teacher, there are three woman sitting on a park bench and they are all eating ice cream. One of them is licking it, the other one is biting it, and the last one is using a spoon. Which woman is the one that is married?" The teacher is stumped and after a moment she says, "Well I'm not sure but if I were to venture a guess I would say the one that is licking it." Rotten Johny lets out a big laugh and replies, "Wrong.....its the one that is wearing the wedding ring........But I like the way you think!" | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 8/8/2007 3:38:39 PM | One day Superman was flying over metropolis and spots Wonder Woman doing some nude sunbathing on top of her penthouse. He figures that if he is quick enough he could have his way with her and she wouldn't even know what hit her. So he flys down has his Superf*ck and flies away. Wonder Woman sits up and looks around and says "What the hell was that?"
The Invisible Man chimes in..."I don't know...but my butt sure hurts!" | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 8/10/2007 5:45:23 AM | OK, I heard this on the radio as part of an advert, believe it or not!
Rich couple sitting down for dinner...either end of a huge dining table....all the family silver and china spread across the table...servants all in a row...
Husband's a little distracted, wife says "darling, what is it?"
Hubby's not sure quite how to put what he wants to say, but he eventually he confesses that money's getting a little tight. "But," he says tentatively, "I've been thinking - if you could perhaps learn to cook, we could do away with the chef...?"
The wife's a little peeved at this idea, but being a lady, she keeps her thoughts to herself. They continue to eat in a slightly strained silence for a while, as the wife considers the husband's idea. Then she has a thought.
"Darling," says she, "If you want to save even more money, you could learn to make love. Then we could do away with the chauffeur"
Well, it certainly made me giggle! | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 8/21/2007 7:03:30 PM | | Two blondes are walking along and they come upon a set of tracks. The first blonde says, "Those are bear tracks." The other blonde says, "They are not, they're deer tracks!" The first blonde says, "Not even!" And they stand there and argue about it until the train runs them over. | |
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Tyeee
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Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 141 | |
| Sitting at the bar top of the Empire building
Posted: 8/28/2007 5:59:26 PM | Sitting at the bar top of the Empire building
Two men are sitting at the bar at the top of the Empire State Building drinking, when the first man turns to the other one and says: "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the wind around the building is so intense that it carries you around the building and back into the window"
The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar, but says nothing.
The second guy says, "What? Are you insane? There's no way in hell that could happen!"
"No, no... it's true..." said the first man, "let me prove it to you." He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony and plummets toward the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window. He takes the elevator back up to the bar. He meets the second man, who is astonished.
"Oh my God, I saw that with my own eyes! But that must've been a one-time fluke. That was scientifically impossible!"
"No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps.
Again, just as his body hurtles towards the street, the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. He takes the elevator back to the bar.
Once upstairs, he successfully convinces his dubious fellow drinker to try it.
"Well, what the hell," the second guy says, "I've seen that it works, so I'll try it!"
He immediately jumps over the balcony - plunges downward rapidly passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors... . Then his body hits the sidewalk... . Splat!!!!!
Back upstairs, the bartender who had been silent the whole time turns to the first drinker, and shakes his head and says.....
"You know, Superman, you're a real ***hole when you're drunk." | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 8/28/2007 6:07:28 PM | Ha Ha Ha!!!
I almost had Gatorade come out my nose! That is a great joke! not to sure if it's the greatest though. But it's definitley up there.  | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 8/28/2007 7:53:33 PM | So this older man and a younger boy are walking throught the woods one day.
It starts getting dark and the kid says "You know, it's getting dark, and I'm getting a little scared"
The man replies, "How do you think I feel, I got to walk out of here alone" | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 1/4/2008 8:40:15 PM | On the last day of school, all the children brought presents to the teacher.
The florist's son handed the teacher a gift.
She shook it and said, "I know what it is - it's flowers."
"That's right," said the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher her gift.
She shook it and said, "It's a box of candy!"
"That's right," said the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny.
The teacher held it up and saw it was leaking. She touched a drop to her tongue and said, "Is it wine?"
"No," said Little Johnny.
The teacher tasted another drop and said, "Is it champagne?"
"No," Little Johnny replied.
Finally the teacher said, "I give up, what is it?"
Little Johnny replied, "A puppy." | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 1/6/2008 4:49:42 PM | | bloke goes to the doctors with a red spot in the middle of his forehead doctor says thats very rare how long u had it about a week says the man what is it doctor says in 5 weeks a penis will grow out of that spot the man says cant u cut it off no says the doctor its attached to your brain u will be dead in 10 seconds the man says your telling me every time i get up and look in the mirror im gonna see a c--k in the middle of my forehead you wont see it says the doctor your bollocks will be in front of your eyes | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 1/7/2008 10:55:38 AM | | english man scots man irishman in court judge says you three have been up before me 3 times this year but im in a good mood today im a dog lover if you can sing a song about a dog il let you walk free english man gets up how much is that doggie in the window case dismissed said the judge scots man gets up mummys gonna buy me a bow wow case dismissed says the judge irish man gets up strangers in the night exchanging glances wondering in the night judge says i gave you the chance to walk free im gonna lock you up for a long time i aint finished said the irishman scooby dooby do da da da da da | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 1/7/2008 11:43:45 AM | I was walking through a Cemetary the other day and i saw 4 blokes carrying a coffin, 3 hours later, i saw the same blokes carrying the same coffin... i thought to myself
They've lost the plot! | |
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| The Funniest Joke In The World! Seriously!
Posted: 1/7/2008 1:09:04 PM | | Paddy on death row,gets the chance to be shot,hung,or injected with the aids virus for a slow agonising death.He says "give me that aids stuff,but to make sure i will have 2 injections".they inject him twice and he's rolling around an the floor laughing.The warden says"whats so funny paddy?" paddy says "Im wearing a condom"..... | |
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