Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 26 | |
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 5:03:51 PM | Okay, I'm going to kick myself for writing this, because I know that it's senseless to argue with someone who refuses to be rational--BUT, my whole original point was that it is ridiculous to make a judgement of another human being--a multi-layered, neurotic, complex, unique human life form--based on whether or not they return a phone call.
I'm not being rational because I don't agree with you ? Isn't that the point of discussion, I respect that you see it differently, I'm just offering what I believe and have observed.
The whole point as I see it, is that it isn't one phone call that is being talked about, its a complete refusal to communicate with someone, opposed to (to use your language) just be rational and opposed to avoiding the situation, end it properly with some respect, and real dignity.
Furthermore, I think it takes a lot more dignity to stoically accept a passive rejection than to whine about it and name-call. This kind of response merely exemplifies the kind of self-absorbed, simplistic understanding of the world that makes it so hard for people to relate to each other in the first place.
It's not so much dignity but tolerance, they are two diffrent things.
As for stoically, very typically it isn't, its avoidance.
Whine about it ? I though we were talking about it. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 5:17:13 PM | Well if you're talking about a complete refusal to communicate, and I'm talking about failure to return a call or two, then I guess there's no argument left on that front, is there?
As for the dignity vs. tolerance thing, you're making an incorrect assumption that everone wants to hear and outright verbal rejection. This is not the case. Some of us PREFER just letting it fade away gracefully. I have never harbored ill will toward someone who didn't feel like talking to me anymore after a date or two--much less have I labeled them "cowardly," "classless," or any other simplistic eptithet. I just figured, hey, they weren't interested. | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 28 | |
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 5:23:59 PM | I'm talking about completely stone walling someone, ignoring them to their face, etc.
Not every one no, everyone is different. Though there are two sides to it, ignoring someone because you don't want to deal with it is one side, how they deal with it is the other.
Though I'd say that the vast majority would rather get a text or a message saying no thanks, opposed to being ignored, a lot can deal with it verbally.
No argument, just discussion surely. | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 29 | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 6:06:48 PM | Here is a slightly different(not better) opinion.
If you to take on that you are responsible for everything around you, then you can be expected to communicate as soon as you know that you want to stop interacting with him/her. As to assuming that you know how they will react, take it that we in general have no clue how people react; we just THINK we know. I personally don't like to be left wondering. After all,no phone calls or emails (not even as a reply) can have a perfectly valid explanation such as : abducted by aliens,on a secret CIA mission,be in a coma,forgot, or a million other reason.
Bill. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 6:12:49 PM | Well, everyone here has made very good points and I can see validity to it all. The one thing that seems to be evident is the fact that however you do it whether by text, email, phone call, or face to face; I think the one thing you owe the other person is at least some form of a response. If you choose not to want to see the other person for whatever reason at least show some form of decency and tell the person that you don't think things are going to work out.
From what I can see everyone that has responded to my original post is an adult and I would think that by completely ignoring the person after seeing them a few times and talking allot is childish. I think that no matter what there will be some differences in how to approach this but I do agree thinking that the other person won't be able to handle the "rejection" so lets ignore them is not the best way to handle it.
For everyone that has posted thanks for your guidance and input. I have decided to move on from this person and see if there are some other fish that will bite.
Night ya'll! | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 7:40:59 PM | I'm not talking about a person I've been seeing or dating or in any type of a relationship with. I'm talking about someone I meet off line for the very first time. If I'm not interested they can tell by the end of the date/meeting, if they can't tell and they contact once then I don't reply. If they continue to contact me then I tell them that I didn't feel a connection.
Simple as that.
Especially when the person deceives you and shows you an old pic that they look nothing like. They waste my time why should I waste more time explaining why I am no longer interested???? This happens often enough, that's why I require several recent pics now.
With the exception of a few people on this thread most of you are very dramatic and uptight. When you meet someone ONCE off line they are not obligated to break up with you!!!!!! They don't need to give you an explanation, they were NOT feeling you, simple as that, MOVE ON!
I'm not going to argue and debate this either. I just had to clarify and defend my original post. | |
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dpd22
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Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 33 | |
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 8:10:02 PM | When you meet someone ONCE off line they are not obligated to break up with you!!!!!! They don't need to give you an explanation, they were NOT feeling you, simple as that, MOVE ON!
Most of us weren't asking for detailed explanation. Just a simple "I'm not interested" instead of ignoring the person the first time he contacts you after the 1st date. It takes 2 seconds of your time to do that. It doesn't make us uptight. It's just common courtesy which is apparently something you and some other people lack or don't understand. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 8:11:14 PM | Here here Tawny!!! No kidding.. and come on guys....ever told a woman you loved her??? Or.. that you would call her?? It is just better sometimes to have no answer then the truth, I had to fire a lazy dilusioned Heiress the other day and I was asked "why", I told her we would just leave it at that we had a personality conflict...and she kept asking... I told her... You do not want to hear the truth, lets just call it a day.
If I had told her that I thought she was full of baloney, lazy, had terrible work ethics, talked too much, lied, and bragged about non work related things...during the time when others were trying to work, it may have helped her if she was open to hearing the truth, or she could have become insane by the "false accusations" and become violent, or filed a complaint or a lawsuit... what ever... it is better not to tell people the truth sometimes.. silence is often the nicest way to end things.
I feel she could have emailed and said something...like not interested... at least..
BL.. but hey for it to ruin a life..after a date or even a few.. nah, not worth worrying about it. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 9:06:33 PM | how is it these threads don't ever get deleted?? new ones pop up every single frickin' day!!
anyway, its always easy to say that the other person "owes" you an "im not interested"..and i used to think so...until....i was actually on the other side of the fence for a change (doubt stranger things have happened that that,  )..anyway, it was so hard to send even an email saying that, i just eased myself out of the picture. its the easiest way and i think its the best way. when people are interested in you, they ALWAYS contact you, regardless of how busy they really are...(they return messages, they turn on their MSN, they do what they say they will, etc..). | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/27/2007 5:59:52 AM | I think that you pointed to the crux of the matter: it is EASIER to do nothing rather then be in action and leave yourself open and vulnerable to a reaction. However, taking the easy path does not necessarily lead to the desired destination : a life of power, freedom and full self expression. At least, that is the life I want.
Bill | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/27/2007 7:05:47 AM | | Hi Squiggy, It is common courtesy to give a response to your e-mail. But she may have not felt the same connection with you that you had with her. It does happen. sometimes you fid someone great to talk to but are not attracted to. She still could say so. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/27/2007 7:31:11 AM | | It is difficult to say "No I am not interested" in a nice way. It is easier to let the whole thing die but does not work particularly well if one person is really interested and the other isn't. And I thnk we all do it...sometimes. | |
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dpd22
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Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 39 | |
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/27/2007 7:34:56 AM |
i just eased myself out of the picture. its the easiest way and i think its the best way.
The "easy" way isn't always the best way. In a previous post in this thread, I stated some reasons why I think being honest and upfront is the best way to handle this. I don't think it is that hard to say "I'm not interested". I have done that several times. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/27/2007 7:43:05 AM | I have an idea . . . she is a chickenshit. It is a malady that affects both men and women.
I became the queen of "I am sorry, there is no spark" emails--everyone deserves a few words to let the other party know that there is no interest. Unless a person is dead or comatose, there is no excuse for silence. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/27/2007 7:45:10 AM | Why do some women do this?
Well a couple days went by and I did not hear from her, so I decided to contact her and again thank her for a good night and a talk. No response at all and I contacted again..and again no response.
Guys can do this too. How long ago was this? If its more than a week I would say the answer to why, is she changed her mind Its always hard to tell someone you're not interested after only one date but in your case you had been talking for ages and had some kind of established friendship at the very least. Sorry this happened to you, I think you had the right to be told. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/27/2007 7:45:59 AM | | obviously she did not have a good a time as you did . maybe it was a good evening for you but it could be that she was just counting the minutes till it was over. dont get me wrong i am not saying this to be mean but that is probably what happened. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/27/2007 7:52:35 AM |
Try to see it from the other point of view. One of the problems with telling somebody that you are not interested in them is that they will then want to know why. If you tell them why you may risk insulting them or making them angry (how many times has this happened?). Or, the person being rejected may try to argue their case, to convince the other person that they are making a mistake by rejecting them and blah blah blah. I am sure we have all had this happen at some point.
If a person simply ignores you it is probably because they don't think you will take the rejection very well (nobody would ever admit to this, but lots of people have a hard time being rejected, I know I do). Sometimes it is the person being rejected who is the rude, classless one. In cases where you don't know the person very well, you really can't tell how they will react to your lack of interest. This makes it perfectly understandable that somebody would instead choose to just stop communicating.
I still don't understand why people here feel they have to hand hold complete strangers who come here to find someone. This is a dating site, which means that not everyone they contact will be mutually interested. How they handle it's not your problem - if they can't handle the fact that some are not going to like them back, they have worse problems than finding a date. You cannot be thin skinned and expect to sail thru the internet dating process.
That being said, basically if you're not getting a straight answer, someone drops off the face of the earth or you get a thanks but no thanks they're just not into you, why ask why. People need to recognize that a no comes in a lot of different forms and just move on. If you have to come here and ask what's going on, it's basically a lack of interest. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/27/2007 7:54:21 AM | | Oh come on....she told Squiggy that she was interested in getting together again and has obviously changed her mind. It's a total last of respect on her part by totally ignoring him and not telling him so. Who would want someone anyways if the can't communicate their true feelings? Isn't it all about communication and respect isn't it? Move on Squiggy....she not good enough for you. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/27/2007 9:30:33 AM | Well, i get this all the time, some women are mature enough and respectable enough to accually tell me they ain't interested and i respect them for that, i try to be friends, if not, i move on.
But when women just out-right ignore me for some reason, i would prefer to know, then to not know at all.
Alot of the women tend to be really put off by me being overweight, yet they don't give it a chance to see what i am like, they just immediately judge by my appearence and think 'he ain't the right guy for me'.
No respect at all. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/27/2007 9:56:57 AM | [Though I'd say that the vast majority would rather get a text or a message saying no thanks, opposed to being ignored, a lot can deal with it verbally.]
...and some people can "deal with" a non-verbal rejection. | |
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Nan60
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Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 47 | |
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/27/2007 10:11:46 AM | None of us here know what prompted such rude behavior from her, there may very well be something going on in her life that is well, more of a priority.
In the absense of something in reality keeping her from her computer/or a phone, I'd say this was quite bad manners to say the least (especially with your history of emails/phone calls), would be rude even for a blind date situation but particularly chilling for your history together.
And all women don't react this way nor do all men, thank you God! | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/27/2007 10:24:56 AM | [/Am I wrong here but if you don't feel a connection with someone it would at least be nice to let the other know instead of just ignoring them all together??]
Why do some men do this, Squiggy? And no, you are not wrong at all. Common courtesy dictates that the one who is not interested in the situation as you describe it let the other one know.
I think we can all agree that it is uncomfortable to do that, and most people don't like discomfort. Still - no excuse for leaving someone in a vacumn. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/27/2007 10:36:13 AM | Well Squiggy, after extensive research I can tell you that there are 2 types of women (people) in this world.
Those who will tell you the truth, and those who won’t.
Unfortunately I’ll need government funding (lot’s) to identify the exact characteristics that will immediately sort the 2 groups.
What I can tell you is that the women (people) who are honest and forthcoming tend to be the ones you can build a relationship with.
The women (people) who disappear have likely just infected you with a disease I call “Leadingonatosis”.
Leadingonatosis is unique in that there are no symptoms until you realize you have the disease. At this point it becomes obvious that you have been living in a delusional state brought on by the actions and/or inactions of a carrier, and your willingness to become infected.
(Don’t worry it’s not life threatening, but can be life altering if you’re repeatedly infected, usually runs it’s course in 7-10 days, drink plenty of fluids  )
To date, the only preventative measure for Leadingonatosis is a series of grueling meditations whereby you remove all emotional vulnerability from any date in the early stages of a relationship.
It’s safe for you, but unfortunately has the potential side effect of turning you into a carrier, and increasing the likelihood of infecting your prospective partner(s).
Vicious cycle.
I believe it’s an epidemic.
Now, where’s the line for government grants? | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/27/2007 10:41:43 AM | Maybe, she got hit by a bus.....Just assume that, then you don't have to deal with rejection, or generalizations.... | |
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