zallas
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Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 51 | |
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/27/2007 11:29:01 AM | while I agree its probably better to be honest, some guys react badly to hearing that the girl just isn't interested.
what I used to do was discuss that possibility before the meeting and have an agreement that if either side just didn't "feel" it, it would be open for discussion in a non-judgemental way. I learned a lot about the type of first impressions I made from one very honest guy - he pointed out some stuff I never realized that I did.
there are no mistakes in life, only lessons - and if you really are bothered by the non-responsive types, then make it a policy to discuss how you will handle the situation before it happens. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/27/2007 9:59:33 PM | "Maybe, she got hit by a bus.....Just assume that, then you don't have to deal with rejection, or generalizations...."
Duuude, that is just plain wrong on sooo many levels. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/28/2007 4:00:14 PM | | Well..thank you everyone who did respond to this. I guess the conclusion to all of this is..We will never know why some women & men do this. Thanks everyone for your support and thoughts. I have moved on and things will be much better now. :) | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/28/2007 4:40:21 PM | Courtesy is something of luxury in life, we shouldn't expect from anyone, but we should be grateful when we receive it.
Chalk it up - shrug it off - laugh it off - her loss, and she'll have to live with her own bad manners.
Good luck in the future. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/31/2007 4:44:22 PM | I like how the question to the women is why and their overwhelming response is that it's for you. All these sweethearts looking out for us po' little men's feelings. You're all on my blacklist! Double Ha!
Insert defensive responses below (Hell hath no fury like a woman who feels a little guilty!):
:birdflippingsmiley: | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/1/2007 6:09:46 PM | Well, personally - it isn't a question of looking out for the man's feelings. I am not responsible for how he chooses to "feel" any more than he is responsible for how I choose to "feel". "you" being used generally, of course.
Bottom line is that we each have every right to be expect to be dealt with honestly (one of the posts stated in effect not to expect it). If it's not working, it's not working but there is certainly no need to leave someone (non-gender specific here) in a freaking vacumn.
And, robotlordoftokyo - no quilty conscience here.  | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/1/2007 6:26:12 PM | Sighs..
She should have said something to you.. I bet she's the 1st one that would b*tch when I guy does it to her..
Sorry all, but that's just not right.. We don't like it when "Men" don't have the balls to be honest.. It's a 2 sided coin !! | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/2/2007 4:40:09 AM | "We don't like it when "Men" don't have the balls to be honest.. It's a 2 sided coin!!"
Very well said! | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/2/2007 6:01:33 AM | | I agree with you Jemue...Someone that has little character and such a lack of respect for others isn't someone you want to waste your time on. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/2/2007 2:09:16 PM | | I don't know why some people do this!! I would rather the person just tell me they've changed their mind...at least that way I know the person is still alive!! I've had this happen to me before--the conversation, meeting in person, then all of a sudden there's nothing; no response to an e-mail or phone call from me. I go from surprise to thinking, "how rude", to "God, I hope they're not hurt or in the hospital or worse!" If he's not interested in me, then he's not; no problem. I just don't want to think he's dead in a ditch somewhere or that maybe the coyotes got him. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/2/2007 8:33:50 PM | It comes down to respect or lack thereof, Sapphyre. One thing I do like about POF is that when someone "poofs", you can at least see if they are still logging in. I doubt they would do that from a hospital bed or ditch. Now on the coyotes? Naw, don't think they would leave enough for the person to continue logging in...lol
One man I met at the audacity to be scoping out the dating sites on my computer while I was getting ready to go out with him to a movie. I found out later that night when I got a mail notification and signed on, only to see his "handle" in the login screen. Explored a little more and found another site in the browser history. Now THAT was tacky. Well, what was tacky was him using my computer in my home on my time. Uh uh. Anyway, gave him a little rope and the week following, chatted in IM for a few minutes during which he stated he would call after he finished dinner. Never happened - but then I didn't expect it to happen.
His loss and the way I see it, anyone who experiences the lack of courtesy whereby the person you meet doesn't at least do the right thing and tell you it's just not working for him or her - it's a reflection of that person's lack of character, not a reflection of the person experiencing such cowardly behavior. That's when the word "next" is so very appropriate.
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/2/2007 8:58:19 PM | | I have to agree with newtoNFLD and tawnysummer. This has nothing to do with character. You are not what this woman is looking for. That is all. There is nothing wrong with that. Move on. With no insult to those like robotlordoftokyo, but to refer to this woman as a girl is a bit degrading, the OP said that she is a very strong career minded woman. Throwing insults only causes degradation to the value of human beings. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/2/2007 9:24:09 PM | I am more astonished by the fact that your very FIRST MEETING was at her house. That seems highly risky to me for any woman--or man-- to do this, given that despite months of emails & phoning it is never a good idea to meet for the first time on anything but neutral territory. Sad to say there are stalkers and people who misrepresent themselves and downright dangers in meeting strangers. That way either can escape with polite excuse if there is no chemistry--which 9 times out of 10 there won't be.
As for suddenly disappearing, not very nice. We are all big boys and girls--and saying something like, "I have enjoyed our time together but for me there is no chemistry or no spark" is true, polite, and no reflection on either person. Chemistry is or isn't. Cannot be manufactured. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/2/2007 9:38:07 PM | | Good call zermatt , maybe she was wanting sex and not looking for a relationship. If this was the case, she should have made her intentions known. If not, then she just decided that she was not interested. I really do not want to over speculate. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/3/2007 4:31:34 AM | I afree with you 100%, zermat. First meetings, regardless of how many emails and telephone conversations that have occurred, should take place in public. Best practice in my opinion be it man or woman. Much easier to extricate oneself from an uncomfortable situation. I think too many forget that on the internet, people can say anything and present themselves as anything they so choose. Plus meeting first in a public and neutral place keeps a level playing field whereas a first meeting in someone's home puts "control" of the situation on the person who lives there.
Bottom line, in my opinion (and it is only an opinion - take it or leave it), is that as adults, we have every right to expect adult behavior. When someone fails to inform the other that it just isn't happening for them - that is not the way a healthy adult would handle the situation - period. When that happens to me, and it has, I just move on. Don't need anyone in my life that is going to disrespect me in that manner. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/3/2007 5:16:44 AM | | It makes you wonder about these people who pull the disappearing act. In my opinion it is an act of cowardice, disrespectful and just plain rude. It isn't a big deal...just a kindly worded e-mail is sufficient..you don't have to express the why's, etc...just exit with class. Anyone who pulls the disappearing act is NOT someone who I would care to be in any type of relationship with whether it be friendship or more...I would be afraid to invest my emotions in them as who knows when they may decide to pull the disappearing act. Had it happen to me just recently...where I thought at first the guy was pretty nice and decent, then he pulled the disappearing act. My good opinion of him went directly to the toilet. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/3/2007 5:25:06 AM | | sounds like you need some backbone biga, as only chickens will use the ignore and hope the other person goes away tactic | |
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atlast
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Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 69 | |
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/3/2007 6:09:44 AM |
When I'm not interested I usually don't say anything unless I have to.
I think what women have learned is that though men insist they would rather have a "No thanks" than to be left hanging, men can be extremely ungracious in the face of the rejection. I have read in the forums over and over about women being honest with men only to have them explode in their face with obscenities I'd rather not repeat. Apparently if a woman shows up for a date and doesn't feel chemistry, she is a "big tease" among other even less flattering things. Although I am hardly Albert Einstein, after a few days I figure out that a connection wasn't made, and if in those few days I had nothing better to do than obsess over whether this girl liked me or not, I would either try to get a life or seek help. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/3/2007 9:21:12 AM | tawny: in your words..."less have I labeled them "cowardly," "classless," or any other simplistic epithet. I just figured, hey, they weren't interested."
No one is being labeled here, but rather opinions are being stated....no matter what you say the disappearing act...is hurtful and unkind....that is a fact, not an opinion .....isn't it cowardly to "hide" behind non-communication or disappearing than to just be kind..by texting, e-mailing, whatever to indicate there is no further interest......it seems that so many people are pulling the disappearing (or in my book cowardly) act after any time period whether it be after a few dates, or even after having developed a trust or history with someone... it makes you want to NOT invest your time or emotions in anyone...I am still trying to figure out how disappearing could be considered fading, or even worse yet, graceful...it is neither..it is an act of complete and total disappearance and, a complete and total disregard of another human beings feelings..... I, for one, am not comfortable with disregarding someone else's feelings whether I have actually met them, gone out on one or more dates with them, etc. nor do I want invest my emotions on anyone who feels it is ok to do so. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/3/2007 9:50:20 AM | | Well, it's commonly known as "let him down easy." Women usually do this to avoid the problem of a public scene, or even just to have to deal with some guy who won't let go. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/3/2007 10:20:35 AM | I think one of the first problems in the OP is the fact you emailed and chatted "for months" before you met. Usually if either party is really interested in meeting, more effort is made to get together much sooner. Her mistake was having you to her home for a first meeting - what was she thinking???!!!
If, after a first date, girls don't hear back from the guy (and yes usually the guy calls after the date), I think he's not interested. If she's not returning your calls, it is very rude of her but at the same time she's certainly not interested. It's her version of a guy's "I'll call you".
Move on my friend - there is a better woman out there who is worthy of your time but don't invest so much time into an online relationship before you meet. Connection and chemistry online doesn't always translate into the same in person unfortunately. If you hit it off early, meet to see if there's something to build on and if not just move on - no harm, no foul. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/3/2007 10:40:57 AM | | yes both genders do it, why others do it? they have their own reasons. i don't think it can be pigeon holed by saying no class etc.. i did it one time to a guy i met on another dating site. we talked online and on the phone for about a month. we finally decided to meet. what i met was one of the biggest liars i have ever seen. he told me lie after lie. big ones and small ones. he is the one with the lack of respect for me and did not deserve any more of my time. i have no time for someone who can not be honest. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/3/2007 10:46:57 AM | It is only common decency to let someone know that you are not interested. We are all on here for a reason and to leave someone guessing is just not fair at all. Those that can't let you know something that simple wouldn't make a very good long term partner anyway since they obviously have a lack of communication skills and probly a self confidence problem. They drag the relationship on wasting bothe their time and yours. You know, afraid of the consequences, or the verbal explicits that may follow from rejection. We can't MAKE another like us.......But.....
A SHARP CUT HEALS THE FASTEST. Just be courtious to the other person. We are all human and deserve to be treated in a respectful manner....irregardless...... | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/3/2007 11:00:24 AM | I don't think I posited the idea that it is "the right thing to do" to ignore someone, so much as I criticized the way so many people judged said "ignorers" so harshly. If someone isn't interested in you, I just don't think they they owe you an explanation, regardless of the damage they've inadvertently done to your ego.
Why isn't silence good enough? Why is it "rude"? Why is it more polite to tell someone exactly what you didn't like about them? Why do people need to hear crap like, "I'm sorry, it's not you, it's me" or "I just didn't feel 'click'." Most of the time, those are just euphemisms for "I'm not attracted to you" anyway. Why is it so important to hear this? | |
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