| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:39:56 AM | Katesue, thank you....simple and respectful, just like me.
I hope the rest of you don't overly explain a very simply answered subject to your dates....bores the hell out of them thus bad indicator. | |
|
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 5/12/2007 4:14:35 AM | Tawneysummer wrote:
"... my whole original point was that it is ridiculous to make a judgement of another human being -- a multi-layered, neurotic, complex, unique human life form -- based on whether or not they return a phone call.
Furthermore, I think it takes a lot more dignity to stoically accept a passive rejection than to whine about it and name-call. This kind of response merely exemplifies the kind of self-absorbed, simplistic understanding of the world that makes it so hard for people to relate to each other in the first place."
I agree with that.
Atlast wrote:
"I think what women have learned is that though men insist they would rather have a "No thanks" than to be left hanging, men can be extremely ungracious in the face of the rejection. I have read in the forums over and over about women being honest with men only to have them explode in their face with obscenities I'd rather not repeat. Apparently if a woman shows up for a date and doesn't feel chemistry, she is a "big tease" among other even less flattering things. Although I am hardly Albert Einstein, after a few days I figure out that a connection wasn't made, and if in those few days I had nothing better to do than obsess over whether this girl liked me or not, I would either try to get a life or seek help."
I agree with that too.
Where some on this thread label non-respondents 'cowardly' - I'm afraid that reflects quite badly on the accuser, in my book. Why should internet dating be about bravery, with medals awarded to those who display it? I am looking for a partner or friend, not a soldier. How many of those men specified 'bravery' in their profile, as one of the essential characteristics they were seeking?
From the angry and accusative tone of some of the postings here, I can well understand why some women might have shied away from making further contact. Maybe the harshness displayed here (by persons who seem oblivious to their own character) is something that the woman sensed when they met? If so, I don't blame her for using a misleading message when they parted, in order to ensure that she got away safely, and then staying quiet. The guys who get most angry about this are the very guys who need to be assesseing themselves rather than labelling the non-responder. In some cases yes - the fault is one of discourtesy by the person not responding. But the aggressive or demanding tone used by so many here ("I have a right to know.." or "she owes me that at least..") is surely something which makes silences even more likely.
For many, internet dating is a wholly new territory. If someone gets flamed for not handling it right first time, they are understandably going to be even more timid and hesitant and unsure. I don't call that cowardice. I accept that not everyone will respond (or not respond) in the manner I would prefer. I count myself lucky for the good responses I get - rather than taking offence at the less-good ones.  | |
|
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 5/12/2007 4:21:09 AM | | It's true that it happens on both sides. If I can tell the person has feelings that I don't, I'll usually say something, but sometimes it just becomes a casual conversation type of situation, so we both know that the spark wasn't there, but the friendship remains. I would never just ignore someone that is unacceptable. She absolutely should have replied to your note though...I can see her not making the first move to tell you, see if you perhaps felt the same way, but she should have replied. Good luck OP. | |
|
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 5/16/2007 11:06:24 AM |  OMG!
Message #49 was totally hiliarious! Thank you Dr Fill, I found your statements very enlightning and I hope to cure my recent case of it this weekend. Nice!   | |
|
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 5/17/2007 4:32:23 AM | Well i have read all your remarks some scathing and some construtive but are we not missing a vital point here.
One assumes that we are all adult and know why we are on these sites and even this becomes questionable i have had "relationships" with two ladies both in excess of two or three months and then to discover that they do not want a long term commitment, not what their profile stated!! Any way as i said i hope we all know why we are here and surly as adults we must accept that we can't win em all and accept when we get a "thanks but no thanks" we take it on the chin bear no malice and move on.
As some of you have said manners cost nothing so lets all be up front and honest and just send that quick polite no thank you note, it takes seconds and those who recieve these notes be adult and accept them.
Good luck to you all be glad to hear from you ladies. | |
|
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 5/21/2007 7:30:02 PM | | Omg. I'm beginning t0 think that most of the people on this site are losers. I meet lots of guys from online and offline, and after one or two meetings decided that I just didn't think I wanted to see the guy anymore. So I just went 'silent'. And it happens to me a few times as well - the men I met went silent after one or two dates. So what? That's how life is, why make a big deal of someone you just meet one or two times. If you don't hear anything from me after a date, I would hope you are intelligent enough to translate the 'silence' into "oh, she's not interested". I don't take it personally if someone is not attracted to me. I'm quite attractive - just not to every man. And I accept that fact. It's just so pathetic that you have to feel all obsessed over someone who doesn't email or respond to your email after ONE date! | |
|
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 5/21/2007 9:00:06 PM | | the truth is how many people do this in the dating scene! and the answer is alot. It doesnt matter who they are alot of people do it after a date isnbt what they thoguth it would be. the whole thing of talking on msn for months on end is great to get to know someone but when u meet sumtime u expect sumthin different. she shoudl have sent u sumthin back. But girls and guyts both do it and we have to face that. | |
|
daizd
|
Joined: 2/28/2007
Msg: 108 | |
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 6/12/2007 12:41:24 AM | | I think is was a quote by the character 'Burger' on Sex and the City..."maybe he's just not that into you" in this case she! | |
|
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 6/16/2007 4:48:22 PM | | What an amazing insight. To be honest, the only contacts I have completely ignored are the ones that showed signs of being cras in their emails or the ones who add me to their faves lists without any contact at all just because they think I am cute and close by. I do contact all the others. but typically if a guy is not interested in me he won't respond to my email at all. | |
|
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 6/16/2007 10:47:32 PM | | Some women behave this way for the same reasons men behave this way. They don't want to face confrontations. It's much easier to let something lie and not say anything than to have to explain yourself and your feelings. I personally am not like this, however there are people out there that just don't really bond with others in the traditional sense and could care less about someone elses feelings. Sorry that you had to experience this, however, I wouldn't worry so much about it. Sounds to me like she wasn't considerate of your feelings anyway. Good luck. | |
|
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 6/19/2007 1:36:41 PM | "In order to see the rainbow, you must first endure some rain"
You learned something about yourself. You learned you appreciate honesty. There are many degrees of honesty though, you just happen to fall on a higher one. That's OK though, it just means your haystack is a little bit bigger than others and it might take you longer, but isn't that how it should be? For "The One"? You also learned you appreciate someone that has the consideration for your feelings.
So, thank her (silently), for teaching you more of what you want in a woman, and maybe next time you will look for those things too, in addition to the wonderful qualities you identified with her, before you care about someone again.
But basically, you just need to:
1) accept responsibility for what happened (caring for her without enough reason)...
2) forgive yourself (you are just a compassionate man that wants to love and be loved)
3) try again, appreciating the new wisdom you have this time around (just don't let "wisdom" become "aloofness" like so many of the hollow Barbie dolls out there when they say crap like "but i just don't want to get hurt!".. they are people too and need your compassion)
imo.. | |
|
Home
login 