| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 4/26/2005 1:41:17 AM | | P.s. Ignor spelling and grammatical errors, its late, I am tired and typed from within not from without! | |
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tassea
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Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 52 | |
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 4/27/2005 8:01:31 AM | Well said Whome and everyone with the nice opinions! Thanks for all your help. It is a bit discouraging to be so callously judged by Silver, whom I can gaurantee, will never be going into a delivery room by himself, since he is a guy. :) Oh, and Silver, you keep referring to boyfriends when you make your comments, but I'm married. :)
I appreciate everyones input and comments. I'm getting more nervous as the time gets closer, but I'm all set with baby supplies now, so at least materiallistically I'm prepared. :)
I don't know if anyone is ever emotionally prepared for an experience like this.
To the single moms like Sunshine, did you ever have to deliver by yourself? Or did you have someone else with you? I would appreciate your input. | |
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| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 4/27/2005 9:05:46 AM | tassea... I'll let you know this.... giving birth hurts like a motherf**ker. I know I did it with NO DRUGS and I tore. Anyways... it's all worth it. Once you see your newborn you feel love like you've never felt before (or thought you could). And if you don't at that very moment... you will eventually. Trust me.
Things will get better for you. Focus on you and your baby. Forget about him. He obviously is not a man. | |
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| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 4/27/2005 9:08:43 AM | Oh and your question about delivering alone... I may as well have been he was drunk.
And you aren't ever completely alone. The doctor or midwife and nurses are with you. See if some of your friends can be there with you. I had one of my girlfriends taking pictures (I'm neurotic about stuff like that... giving birth to my daughter happens only once). And the baby's father's parents were in and out of the room.
Best of luck to you tessea  | |
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| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 4/27/2005 1:53:42 PM | I was 7 mos when I finally left him for the same reason's you stated. I don't regret it. All I want to say to you is that your not alone. You have a life with you at all times.
The moment you give birth all your love will zero in on that little baby and you life togeather. You won't care about what your husband did to you anymore. In a few years you'll be thankfull he kicked you out. Take care!
Oh this has nothing to do with what you asked but have you tried having a bath, and banging on the tub walls under water? Try it the sound waves carry to the baby. My guy looked like he was gonna jump outta my belly. lol. | |
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| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 4/27/2005 3:14:21 PM | | Tassea, I tried to email you but can't due to the restrictions on your profile. With my first daughter I had my mom, and my best friend with me. It was pretty scary, especially since the one I wanted most was not there. That should have been the first warning sign..lol. With my second, he was there. A big comfort also..NOT. He watched the Lakers game and asked that they increase the pitocin so it could get speeded up. And, with the baby to be, my family has already volunteered to be there, as well as several of my friends. It is scary....and it does hurt, but it hurts in different stages. With my daughters, the initial stages just felt like bad cramps. However, when that baby is born and you see it, it makes it all worthwhile. Message me if you want to talk more, or if I can help in anyway. Hope this helped. Sometimes it is better to be alone, than to have someone there that is not encouraging. There is always a nurse, or Doctor with you, or just outside of the room. And they have you hooked to monitors so that they know what is going on. | |
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tassea
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Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 57 | |
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 4/28/2005 5:53:07 PM | | Thanks Diggy. I don't know if I would want the baby's father's parents there if he weren't supportive. Wasn't it awkward for you? | |
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tassea
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Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 58 | |
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 4/28/2005 5:55:14 PM | | Thanks Seriously. Was he there when the baby was born, or did you not want him there? I'll have to try the bath idea. It sounds really neat! | |
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tassea
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Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 59 | |
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 4/28/2005 6:00:16 PM | Thanks Sunshine! I changed my settings. I didn't realize it would restrict. I'll try to email you.
I have a question for anyone. My husband's mother says it would be the mature thing for me to do to call him when I go into labor, however, I'm afraid he'll just be mean, or refuse to come, and make me upset for my first labor experience. He hasn't bothered to call me once in my 3rd trimester to ask about me or the baby, (almost 2 months now) and has not called to say he wants to be there. Would you call him in my situation or no? I would love to hear your input. Thanks everyone! | |
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tassea
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Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 60 | |
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 4/28/2005 6:04:00 PM | | Thanks for your input blue eyes and Bint. Your input is really helpful and positive. I'm beginning to actually think that I will get through this. :) | |
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| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 4/28/2005 6:19:46 PM | tassea,
Would you call him in my situation or no?
that's a really tough question, but since you asked for input, here's mine:
I wouldn't call him. I'm sure he's well aware that you're pregnant, so if he really wants to be there, he knows what to do. It's terrible that you have to be worried that he'll show up and be mean, and ruin the day for you. It sounds like he's already made you miserable enough, don't let him spoil this special day too.
my heart goes out to you, best of luck,
-joe | |
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| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 4/28/2005 6:43:53 PM | Well you will find out most young men are scared, and since you are getting more people notice you he feels more insecure , but i wish you the best a baby is a blessing and a chore but you are a woman and can handle anything just trust your real friends and it will work out
Bruce | |
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| Silvercivic
Posted: 4/29/2005 5:05:17 AM | Silvercivic -
I'm gonna say that I am not going to spend more than this one post on your bashings. Outside of your screen name, you do strike me as a somewhat educated man so do the educated thing and take your misdirected post about "contraceptive use" and "the naiveness of women" to a more appropriate thread, you're only making yourself look like a real moron for presenting them here in a forum designed to help someone through a difficult time in their life.
Which brings me to my next point. You speak of seeing life through a limited scope, which you are so plainly guilty of. Perhaps, while your cruising along life's highway in your "Silvercivic" you have yet to have a blow out, or even an engine failure. Maybe, your life is so utopic that you've never needed a plan B. Well brother, let me tell you, you've got a lot to learn about life and it "scope".
So, when speaking in a forum, with a limited SCOPE, about being pregnant and alone how about having some experience in the subject matter rather than just a reading us lessons from the your textbook of how lifes supposed to be. I see nothing wrong with someone expecting someone else to follow through on a promise (and marriage is the ultimate promise) as Tassea has done.
So, if you want to get a further education, move this to another post and I'd be happy to discuss this further until then I refuse to further argue with an idiot, because I am sure you'll manage to bring me down to your level and then beat me with experience.
Life is 5% what happens to you and 95% how you react to it, What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Life's lessons build character, you could use some.
This conversation is now over. | |
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| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 4/29/2005 6:08:36 AM | Tassea.... he was there. It says in my hospital file "Note (father of child smelling of alcohol being closely observed for behaviour)" His dad stayed in the hall and his mom was in and out. My best friend was taking pictures... and the mid-wife, her stuent and a nurse were there.
He was there and was no help. Crying like a baby when our daughter was finally born. I was pretty angry going into the hospital anyway as I had to hunt him down at every bar to tell him I was in labour and when he got home he still wanted to drink. Then when my water broke he was freaking out about how I can't be having the baby then (she was 12 days early).
Trust me you don't need him there anyway.. it's not like they can do much. You are the one giving birth.. not them. Although if he is there you can always kick him in the nuts so he can have sympathy pain
And to think I made the excuse that he'd change once he saw his child be born... boy was I wrong. The way I look at it tassea... I have the best part of him... the only good part. And he can never take that away from me. | |
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| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 4/29/2005 10:45:31 PM | Tassea God bless you i feel so bad the way people are treating you here I wish you the very best and you will be in my prayers Charlie | |
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| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 4/30/2005 9:51:02 AM | | Tassea...I am in that same situation. I know that I am only 3 mnths along, but I have been trying to plan ahead, and I have decided that based on the fact of what he has been doing, and the way he has never asked about the baby, I am not going to call him. His family has never asked either, not since I refused to drop the restraining order. He knew you were pregnant when he walked out, and he still left. Giving birth is an emotional enough time without giving him the opportunity to cause more stress for you. If you called him, subconsciously you would be hoping he would show up, and be even more upset if he did not, or if he did and caused a scene. So, it is up to you, but I would not. | |
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| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 4/30/2005 10:18:50 AM | | If he was concerned about his child being brought into the world I believe he would have called to let you know that he wants to be there when it happens. Of course he may just be a wimp and pass out during the birth. | |
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| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/1/2005 5:40:10 AM | | Tassea...I just noticed that it is your mother-in-law saying it would be the mature thing for you to do, to call him when you go into labor. Well, that rates right up there with my mother-in-law saying all of this is my fault, and she doesn't understand why I am being so mean to him. GRRRR! I think I would ask her if she thought he had done the mature thing by getting you pregnant, and then putting you in this situation. You have enough pressure in your life right now, without worrying about making his mom happy, him happy, or anyone happy but you and that baby. Concentrate on you and your baby and sooner or later everything else will fall into place. It sounds more like she is concerned about him being told that you are in labor, than he is. If he is wanting to be there, then he will call you and let you know. Furthermore, if she lets him know, and you don't want him to be there, you can instruct hospital personnel that he is not to be around you, and they will keep him away. And when you go in to deliver, you can request that no information be given out about you. Then if he calls the hospital, they will tell him that they have no record of anyone by that name being there. | |
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| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/1/2005 6:02:23 AM | | Tassea...speaking as a man who wouldn't have missed the birth of his daughter for the world I say do NOT call him when you go into labor. I don't agree with his mother that is the 'mature' thing to do, the 'mature' thing to be going on is for him to KNOW when you are in labor because he is there with you. If he hasn't asked how things are going especially now that you are in trimester 3, then I say let him miss it, it is his loss. I beleive as long as I live I will never experience anything near as wonderful as witnessing the birth of my daughter. Her mother and I were not getting along well at the time and we broke up later, but I was THERE for my daughter and her mother through the entire pregnancy and have been available ever since for any needs that come up. I'm tired of deadbeat dads, and before any ultra-PC people speak up, yes there are deadbeat moms around too, but we all know they aren't as common as the loser dads that help concieve a child and then bail out. | |
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| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/1/2005 6:39:39 AM | | Fortunately there are men out there that do care. I find it very frustrating to hear men doing unspeakable acts. This world is going to hell because of people like that, and not just men. There is a big support behind you so don't give up. This forum obviously tells you that all men aren't jerks. I love my boys, and I'd do anything for them. It's funny how little boys are trying to be men. Just remember, "Don't paint the white roses red" and you'll be okay. Take care of that child and you'll find what you've been missing your whole life. | |
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Willoe
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Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 71 | |
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/1/2005 9:55:38 AM | | I have sort off been in a similar situation but I was the one who left. Having a child will change your life in ways that you would have never thought off. You and your child will be better off without a loser like that. I left when my kids were young because I didn't them to grow up with him as an example of what a father & husband should be. You will be fine & and your new child will give you strength you didn't know you had. | |
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| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/1/2005 4:46:34 PM | To each of the mothers here with similar stories to tell, who chose to give life to someone instead of ending it, thank you.
You chose the courageous and brave road, the harder journey, and, personally, I'm blown away by the strength, courage, and depth of character shown.
I would be proud to have any of you as my daughter, or as my lady (if appropriate.)
LuvBeach | |
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| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/2/2005 5:19:36 AM | I think you are a very pretty young woman and you will find someone when the time is right! At this time try to not stress and get ready for this wonderful joy about to enter your life! I am a single mother and my babys father turned out to be very abusive, I went to school with him and we were friends and you would never thought this blue eyed sweet faced boy would turn out to be such a violent man! I stayed for a while but when he hit me with my daughter in my hand i finally got a restraining order and now he is out of town in a rehabilatation place and i am raising my daughter by my self and with help from my mom and friends when i need a baby sitter while i am at work! I always long to have a family like you see most people with and the father and daughter bond, he was good with her but i had to keep a distance because of the threats,I would like to have the little family but i got to look out for what is best for her and me! And if your X was around drugs its best you and your baby wont have to deal with and be around that! You are strong turn to God he will help you and it will get lots better! Keep Faith! Lots of things are available for single mothers ask around and God Bless you and your child and best wishes
  NICOLE | |
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tassea
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Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 74 | |
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/2/2005 8:01:21 AM | Thanks everyone for all your insight and help. It's really nice to know that there are people who want to do the right thing, and that others have been in my situation and made it. Thanks to all the input, I have decided not to call my husband when I go into labor unless he calls me and says he wants to be there, and can now quit stressing about that aspect of it at least.:) I'm sure everyone is right that I'm better off without him. It's just really hard to see someone you love throw their life away on something like drugs. It's nice to know there are men out there also that think what he's doing is wrong. It gives me hope.
I would love to continue hearing from other people, their stories and advice, and thanks so much. | |
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| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/2/2005 8:08:46 AM | tassea..... No it's not easy to see someone you love throw their life away on drugs.... but he obviously loves the drugs more than you. He is suppressing his reality for whatever reason and you cannot make excuses for him. I was with an alcoholic drug addict (go figure). Let me tell you. I left him a year ago... and I recently told him when he called to beg me to come back that NO it will never be. We will never be together. He has hurt me more than anyone in my life and it's very hard to forget that hurt and there is absolutely NO trust.
You know what you should do you just have to do it. Everything is always easier said than done and if you can also stop talking to your inlaws.. it'll be easier to get over him. I don't know all the particulars of your situation.... I can tell you.. with time it does get easier. | |
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