| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/16/2005 2:31:10 AM | You know, I spent alot of time in some real toilets on this planet. Pick a trouble spot and go from there.
And right up till this moment, I thought infidelity was the absolute bottom of the human's capacity for low action becauase it is aimed against the people you claim to be closest too. But THIS is some despicable sad sack shit. It saddens me that public whippings have been abolished.
You're pretty young to be enduring such a hard life lesson, but you've got a great reward on the way for your patience. No matter HOW bad a relationship has been, kids are a gift, and you will survive this.
Norcalheather is right. Its his weakness. He isnt even a real man. I wonder what kinda flamer would leave a total mommie like you with baby on the way to spend time with "guys?"
Keep your chin up kid-
F | |
|
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/20/2005 1:29:01 AM | Tassea -
Glad to see you're doing ok. The funny thing about advice is it's the right advice for the person that's giving it, based on their historical perspective. Having said that, only you can be the judge of your personal situation, it's good to be well researched, it's great to talk about a bad experience to help deal with your feelings, but ultimately you'll follow your heart. I know I do :)
From a parenting perspective, I know you have a good heart and recognize the problem. I'm sure you want to see the father have a SAFE presence in your childs life. Addictions are always masks to a greater underlying problem, relapses challenge even the strongest of wills (ask any rehabilitation center about repeat customers). If you want to help, not that your obligated nor responsible to, you'll need to help him lose the mask then point your husband towards seeking professional help. If he stops the drugs the DRIVING PROBLEM is very likely to reoccur (Look at your experience or those who have posted and you'll see testimony to that).
Of course, you can't do anything without the cooperation of the Father, nor should you feel responsible to do anything. Somethings are best left in life's rear view mirror. I always remind myself if I am worrying to much about what has happened or will happen I am probably not enjoying what is happening now!
Peace | |
|
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/20/2005 1:39:50 AM | Why do I find the silvercivic so hard to ignore?
In the end, your words won't do squat for her. She's still thinking about the ex.
Um, he's the father of her child M O R O N, not some guy she french kissed once in some dollar theatre. Get a clue.
I asked you kindly before to leave this board as you have no expertise to provide.
But for all the others reading along with your bashings I thought I might provide them a little glimpse into the mind of the silvercivic so how about sharing your last 25 post?
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/usermessages.aspx?user_Id=318955
Because, the fact is, women are more picky, judgemental, superficial etc. than most guys, period. I'm so sick of hearing the contrary which is so full of B.S. I'm even tired of idiotic guys who come on to dispute these views which have also been suggested by other guys.
You single mothers have to be more open-minded instead of so obtuse and biased. There is nothing wrong with criticizing you for your choices. Especially, when you have multiple kids. Don't you have any judgement at all?
I am no physcologist, but I sense a trend here. | |
|
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/20/2005 5:43:43 AM | I am no physcologist, but I sense a trend here.
Yes, I feel the trend, too. The trend of the nice guy who was always the "only friends", who always suffered because he saw the girl he liked flocking to bad boys, being used and discarded, who was her crying shoulder when she was complaining about "why men are such dogs"... and then saw her going back to seek for her next handsome jerk. Now he's saying "I told you so".
Not saying it's the case of the OP, but I can understand silver's lack of patience.
Going back to the thread, now it is not the time for criticizing her, the time for hindsight will come later. Her path won't be easy, but at the end, it will be worth it. | |
|
uwanme
|
Joined: 12/14/2004
Msg: 105 | |
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/20/2005 1:43:55 PM | | I have never been in this situation but I just had to say that I commend you for even tho being scared, you know what you have to do. ALthough I am not in your shoes, i can say from seeing friends, that you don't need someone like that in your life and most importantly in the babies especially if he couldn't give up drinking and drugs. I wish you nothing but the best of luck for you and your little munchkin and am sure that you will be just fine. | |
|
tassea
|
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 106 | |
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/27/2005 8:51:28 PM | Norcalheather, I'm sorry about your situation. I hope you have family to turn to. Do you still talk to your fiance? Is he going to want to be a part of the baby's life? Sounds like you have a pretty healthy attitude about it. I'm still trying, but I'm having a hard time keeping a positive attitude. I think I loved a little too much.
Good luck with you and your baby. | |
|
tassea
|
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 107 | |
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/27/2005 8:53:41 PM | | Thanks foolmeonce. I've often wondered myself why he would leave me for guys. It doesn't make much sense to me. But none of what he did really made much sense. I know my child will be a big blessing to me, which I am grateful for. Do you have any children? | |
|
tassea
|
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 108 | |
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/27/2005 8:56:06 PM | | Thanks azvball. He actually said he was going to AA meetings before he moved to TN, but I seriously doubt he is keeping them up, especially not now that he's back with all of his original party friends that he grew up with. Doesn't seem to be much I can do at this point. It has to be his decision, or it will never work. | |
|
tassea
|
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 109 | |
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/27/2005 8:57:54 PM | | Thanks uwanme. Sounds like you have the right idea. | |
|
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/27/2005 9:00:17 PM |
Thanks foolmeonce. I've often wondered myself why he would leave me for guys. It doesn't make much sense to me. But none of what he did really made much sense. I know my child will be a big blessing to me, which I am grateful for. Do you have any children?
You're quite welcome.
I have two kids. They are my biggest joy in life thanks. No matter what else, they are someone who you will love unconditionally.
Keep your chin up. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger... | |
|
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/27/2005 9:54:31 PM | I'm in a silmilar situation. Actually posted a bit before I read this, for got the name of the subject, something like about being weak, so if you see it read it.
But I was alone the whole pregnancy. We did speak however just about everyday. But nothing can prepare you for all the appt.'s alone, the ultra sounds that when you go everyone has a partner. I tried so hard to keep myself together. With hormones that is very hard. When the baby first kicked I wanted so much to have him there. When I had problems (I bled until I was in my 7 th month) I had to drive myself to the hospital all hours of the night.
So anyone can sit there & say you can do it, but only you can prepare the mental state of it. I will say this, the worse part was having someone drive me home after I had her & then just sit there & stare at her. I love her with everything I have, but during the night when you are so tired, there is no one to help (at least with me there wasn't). It takes it toll on you.
I will say the baby's Dad is in her life (she is one month old). He keeps saying that he has stepped up to the plate (which I'm glad he did) but he sees her once a week. Who is up all night? I also have to go back to work, so when I have no sleep will I be able to even do the job like ;I'm suppose to without getting myself fired?
Its hard. But you can do it! I tell myself it everyday. Hopefully you have family that will help you. I have family, but no one helps out too much at all. But as hard as things are, I love my little girl & if I knew this was going to happen like it did, I would still do it all over again. When things get really rough & she looks at me I know we can do this! So stay tough! | |
|
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 5/27/2005 10:05:03 PM | | This is why I created the female appreciation thread. Some men can just be real jerks and ruin for everyone else. | |
|
tassea
|
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 113 | |
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 6/4/2005 4:00:08 PM | Hey GinaB, I wish you luck. Sounds like you have a really tough time. I agree that him seeing the baby once a week, isn't exactly stepping up to the plate. Was he there for the birth?
So I have a question for everyone, my mother-in-law called today to let me know that they wouldn't have the money after all to fly my husband out here for the birth,(keeping in mind that she's the one who sent him the money to move 2,000 miles away a month ago in the first place) she's still pretending like she cares so much, and said she might be able to come up with the money to fly me and the baby to where she and my husband live later on. It was sort of insulting to me, that I should have to fly 2,000 miles with a newborn just so they can meet him, while he sits and parties and doesn't even bother to be there for the birth.
How should I handle this? Any ideas/suggestions? I feel like they're being really demeaning to me AND the baby. | |
|
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 6/5/2005 1:37:44 AM | she sounds like she wants you out of her sons life other then the child.....not have the money to send him up for the birth .....tell em to hitch hike...and stop depending on his mother and be a man! hense when someone claims there a man past the age of 19(in my opinion) doesnt mean hes a gangster or kicks ass or owns alot shit cause hes rich or what not a man...
well hes a hero he steps up takes care of his own a man is a firefighter who saves a women from a burning building ...or a cop who lays down his life for a child....thats a man tell him ...to take them examples from men like that and suck it up.....
sounds like your married to his mother and this is divorce court...
tell the hag to chill joking hense she is one with money ...but do whatever you can to get away from that ....so you dont need her money...
or people like that try to control situations and no one should control you...
good luck and all hope the best for you and your child Tass | |
|
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 6/5/2005 5:05:04 AM | tassea,
I was reading all of the replies to your question of being pregnant and alone...No one gave you one very important bit of advice.......Have you gone to see a lawyer???
This man is your husband and he married you for better or for worse!! It is HIS job to support
YOU!! Go see a lawyer, if you can not afford one check out your local Legal Aid and see if they can help you. Take that SOB to court for support!! Get the ball started as you will need child support! Do NOT let this man get away with not paying you anything!
I raised four kids alone. They all turned out well. I have 3 sons, 2 who are now fathers.
Very GOOD Dads I have to say (with a proud smile on my face!)
No one ever gave me the advice of going to see a lawyer to make sure I received the support I deserved! I always thought that the father would do right by his children..and take care of them...boy was I wrong!! Not Once but twice (Im a slow learner what can I say? LOL)
BTW..........are HIS parents aware of what their LOSER of a son has done to you??
Hang in there! Take care of yourself and that lil one growing inside of you! | |
|
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 6/5/2005 5:12:54 AM | | Have her just send you the money to take care of the baby! If they want to see the baby bad enough they will find the way. | |
|
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 6/5/2005 5:50:32 AM | Hey girl, Listen, none of us want to be hurt by the man we love, or raise his child alone... But unfortunately this does happen. I have raised all 3 of my children alone. Even when thier "father" was around I was basically doing it on my own. I managed to go to college and get my degree alone... It is doable... It's not easy, but life seldom is. You can definetly do this. Stay strong and put your energy into your child - *uck the "daddy" , someday when he grows up, if he does, you'll be in a better place and it will be him sitting around feeling like *hit. All men are not like that, as you can see by the REAL men that responded to this thread.
He is the past and your child is the future, look ahead... | |
|
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 6/5/2005 6:56:02 AM | tassea he didnt leave you for the guys. He left because addiction dictates his choices. Having been involved with people who have addiction problems I have learnt to stop blaming my self. I used to think I was in competition with the drugs, like they were his lover and I was in 2nd place. I now know that it didnt matter if I was prettier,nicer, better, angier or stood on my head spitting gold. I couldnt have done it any better. Addiction had its hold and it wasnt about me. It need mean I wasnt good enough. It took quite a while for me to get that but when I did my self esteem came back. I tried counselling alone, with him, he went to treatment centers, NA, AA , you name we did it in the end addiction one. We are now seperated and for now he is clean. It took a terrible toll on my health and emotional well being and after getting cancer 2 1/1 years ago I knew if I didnt make a choice to do my life different it was going to kill me. So this Feb 2005 we split. its very hard as I still love him but I cant take the stress of untreated addiction. As I said already we tried everything available. He still calls me everyday ,many times a day. He is with another woman now but I am now his drug of choice. I just thank God that I am grounded enough to know this isnt love and that if we were to get back together it would all be the same as it always was.So dont blame your self and wonder what you could have done different. Addiction is a terrible disease that takes everyone around them if we allow it. You have a chance to be free of it so take that and run with it. You will be ok. Its not your fault.
greeneyeskes | |
|
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 6/5/2005 7:03:34 AM | | me again tassea. I chose to allow the parents of my ex to be in my daughters life. I let them do it in their way on their time. As I said my daughter is now 29 and those parents( her nanny and papa) are the most wonderful people and grandparents ever to be. They also became nanny and papa to my other daughter who is not their biological grandchild. She is now 24 and has 4 year old twins. So they are great grandparents. My daughters father went away and didnt bother with my daughter and that hurt her but it was better he wasnt in her life. He is still in active addicition and stills hits women. I thank God my daughter didnt have to grow up around him. He moved 2000 miles away many years ago and has stayed there. His parents live near me so it was easier for them to in my childrens life. I am so glad they are . It wasnt there fault there son was a jerk. So all you can do is play it by ear and make choices that are best for you and the child. Trust your motherly instinct. It wont guide you wrong. | |
|
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 6/5/2005 10:35:50 AM | | hi there preggo,not sure if this will go through as im in aussie and everyone seems to be american. I just think this is a great site and too have an opinion. I have a 28 yr old daughter who i had when i was 16 her dad was a drunk beater and he was jailed. i grew up overnight as most of us do when we become mums. WE are miricales, we make a human inside us our body provides food for baby coming it knows when its time for baby to survive outside of your body and expells it. we dont find their poo any more offensive than our own, or their vomit, and it passes through to grandma too,i was so relived when i found his ouders sweet,and the love is as strong as your own babies. Children are wonderful and you dont want an unreliable boy to be hurting your son or daughter like he has done to you do you? | |
|
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 6/5/2005 10:42:48 AM | | i forgot to say a lot of****eads get you safetly preggo and tucked away damaged goods and suddenly take intrest again when babys two or three your looking great again and theres a guy on the scene. whatch them come running then. me too u can write if you want to know anything i just got my daughter matched up with a real man for her and my grandson. Her phone message service is running hot with sudden interset. | |
|
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 6/5/2005 12:24:56 PM | every single is more then welcomed here to look for a partner...regardless were your from....
but its not a nice place...so watch your back ... | |
|
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 6/5/2005 2:10:34 PM | Tassea,
You posted that your mother in law says that they can't afford to fly him out to be with you during the babies birth, but can fly you and a newborn baby back to where he is? Sorry, I would tell her to kiss my backside. I think it is probably a bunch of lies set up to get you out there, and then you have no way back home. A ticket to fly is a ticket to fly. It probably is going to cost just as much if not more to get you out there with the baby as it would to fly him back to you. In addition, have they mentioned anything about a round trip ticket? And the possibility is there that it would cost them more to fly you out and back than just him. I have heard of airlines that do charge an extra seat for babies.
Another thing to think of, and this is coming to mind just from dealing with my ex...have you thought about the fact that since you have filed no papers or done anything like that, that if you fly out there, and mom in law has the baby with her son, and he throws you out the door....there is nothing you can do? He has just as much right as you do to that baby until you get some legal papers underway. And if you are out there with no one you know (family, friends) to help you, then you are stuck in a hard place. I know you keep hoping to work things out with him, but you really need to start on the divorce. Then if he does come back and you want to take him back, you can drop it. However, you need to start on stuff to protect you and that baby, and to make sure that he has to live up to his obligations. Get it started now, so that there is no big delay when the baby is born of getting child support. And, in addition, if you file now, they will possible do a plea for temporary relief, which means he may have to support you while you are pregnant and until you get a job. I hope it all works out for you, but you really need to start looking out for you and the baby, and not waiting for him. Show him you can stand on your own and that he is not getting away free of any inconvienience. And, I would not fly out there. Let him bring his sorry butt home to see his baby. | |
|
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 6/5/2005 2:41:17 PM | That your ex would place a party lifestyle, before his own flesh and blood is sad indeed. You will be stronger fror raising your child in a loving atmosphere, than ever accepting less than you deserve in a man.
Their is lot's of wonderful mothers and fathers in the world, and lots of the opposite in both sexes.
Your young, attractive, well spoken, and seem to be very level headed. I good man that wants you for you and what you have to offer, will come your way.
Until it happens, raise your baby with love, and life goes on.
All the best | |
|
| Pregnant and alone.
Posted: 6/5/2005 4:35:43 PM | hi tassea,
godness! Anyway you'll give a birth a fantastic baby and you'll never walk alone .
Think that something great is going to hapen soon in your life ,sometimes to be such positive helps us!
take care! | |
|
Home
login 
