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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/6/2007 2:29:51 AM | To bette59:
You did absolutely nothing wrong...it is just the timing in his life,
you obviously did something "right" for you managed to attract someone and influenced them to state, that you had a place in his heart... So, you did nothing wrong, it is just the circumstances that came with his life...and if you can make him feel that way about you, my guess is their are a few others out there as well, that you could manage to captivate as well
...take care... | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/7/2007 11:45:09 AM | | I think that if "we" are coming from a place of authenticity and intergrity, we can't begin to understand how or why someone just turns tail and leaves, let alone move on so quickly. I am trying to understand the same thing. Someone who said they were falling in love and started making plans for a future, can one week later be gone forever??? I think ultimately I am such a straight shooter and never would want to deliberatly decieve or hurt someone, I can't wrap my head around the whole, I loved you yesturday and not today....although not a long lived relationship, it was intense and what I thought to be wonderful. I don't know about you, but trying to get right back in the game again, sometimes pushes you right back to the other person. Especially when you don't feel that same connection. Might never know what happened, kind of want to think it was just for a little "fun"??? All you can do is chalk it up to another "learining experience".....whether he was true or not, I feel good in knowing I was "true"... | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/18/2007 6:57:06 AM | Newsflash for ya Sweetie! It's women with the same problem too. I have dealing with it over 2 yrs now! I had to let it go because otherwise you are just enabling them. See if they really Love you like they say: then they will change and be willing to change. BUT you have to stand your ground bec. as long as you enable them; they will reel you in (for us guys it goes somehtin' like this: "Boy that woman sure does have ya by the d ki chain huh?!" Anyways, they will walk all over you like a doormat. You are better than that and you deserve more in life. I am open to chat with anyone bec. I realized that I was her enabler. She is gone now but she will be on the road to recovery soon. People like that will not accept Accountability for what they say and do! Bec. when they do it means they have to admit guilt. I would like to help you with your situation if you like. So if you would tell me about it maybe I can help. I will also give ya my pers. e-mail if ya like. all ya have to do is ask. Hopefully this has helped you out some.!
A Brother In Arms
lion | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/18/2007 8:00:34 AM | Had exactly the same happen with a guy I met off of here!!
In the end I trusted my gut instincts which told me he probably had someone else on the go as well. He did. He hadn't gotten over his ex, so I told him to go and ask her to take him back. Whether she ever did, I don't know, and no longer care.
Lifes too short mulling over someone who plays with your emotions. | |
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Genrae
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Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 34 | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/18/2007 8:08:04 AM | Miss Evil brat...
Sure it hurts, but it is time to get on with life and move on. And it is not only the male animal that does this, but the female also. Just read the profiles of some of the women. They say one thing all the while meaning another. It has happened to the greater majority of us, male and female alike. There are those of us, that would give anything to hear those three l;ittle words, that mean so much. But alas love eludes us. | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/18/2007 8:45:45 AM | Hey I just ran across this from a friend of mine that is going through some marital problems. How ironic huh? Anyway,, I just thought you might be able to get something o/o it for your sitn.: Here it is:
Forgiveness Is Not Relieving the Other Person of Responsibility
Day 298
Forgiving someone does not mean you are letting that person off the hook. The wrongs that have been done to you and to your children need to be righted, but it is not your responsibility to bring that about. God is a just and righteous judge. He is the only one who can judge and condemn a person for an unrepentant heart. This is not your job and should not be your job.
Doug Easterday explains what your responsibility is in forgiveness: "Forgiveness is getting your heart right with God. The people who have wronged you are still responsible before God for what they've done. You're not alleviating them of their responsibility. You're simply transferring it to God where it actually belongs. If you require them to answer to you, you have just the same amount of problems they do."
Harold Graham shares how his pastor once explained forgiveness: "When you forgive, it seems like you're taking that person off the hook. But what you're really doing is taking him or her off your hook and allowing God to put that person on His hook. As long as you have that person on your hook, you block God from that person and you also block God from you."
Your job is to be right with God, and not seek vengeance or retribution, or hold on to blame. You must let go of that person's wrongdoing so you can be right with the Lord.
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven" (Luke 6:37).
Take Good Care
Ciao | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/18/2007 8:50:48 AM | | i actually understand were your coming from it hurts like hell right? you wonder if they were talkin crap all the time or are they tring 2 make you jealous somethings youl never no the true ansrew 2 huni my boyfriend did the same i thought every thing he said was a pack of lies but we got back 2gether and i asked him y and he said it was to get back at me i hope u find ur ansrew huni xxx | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/18/2007 8:52:06 AM | | After reading all of these depressing posts I think I will stay single and not bother with relationships anymore. Really according to your experiences what is the point? I feel my life is worth more in terms of dignity than to be picked up, jerked around, played like a fiddle and dropped on a whim. Nowadys dating seems to be a sure prescription for depression and PTSD. I think these forums should focus more on trying to find solutions than on describing in detail everyone's relationship woes. Come on people, let's find some ANSWERS. | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/18/2007 9:41:37 AM | | That's a really good question! Same thing just happened to me, except it was only a week. I tried to ask her about it every which way and get a straight answer from her, but I still haven't got one. And she still wanted to be 'friends', And we were 'involved' for about a year and a half. And she's text-messaged me since saying "I am still In Love with You, please forgive Me" . I didn't get back to Her because She's done that before only to say the next day, "it was a mistake". go figgure... | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/18/2007 10:24:08 AM | I agree with the co-dependency suggestion... some people are co-dependent and cannot be alone with their thoughts, etc.--probably because they're afraid of what they might find if they examine themselves too closely...
My ex is like that--when we broke up as opposed to separated to get away from one another (it was on-off, crazy ) he tried to find someone else right away and when I asked him why he felt he needed to, he said something about why should he go without a gf just because I didn't want to be with him.
I tried to suggest a period of reflection, etc. but he said he wouldn't go without sex... and our relationship was like that; he was "with me" but in many ways, he couldn't be present if that makes sense. He just needed the sex and intimacy, rarely made an effort to connect and continued to "behave" like a bachelor, going out, hanging out with his people (not quite true friends, sometimes cousins, party buddies), etc. He also smoked pot often, so definitely someone who couldn't handle reality...
Some people are simply incapable of being alone because they get their sense of self-worth from another; these individuals need to learn how to value themselves before they are fully able to give to/engage with another (romantically). These people lack self-awareness and require a lot of introspection (and should be avoided if they're in the early stage of this process)! | |
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emfmaf
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Joined: 4/10/2007
Msg: 43 | |
| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/18/2007 11:19:38 AM | This actually happens quite often. More than you think. I think sometimes people really really want what they feel is missing in their lives and literally jump very fast at the opportunity to regain it only to feel regret later. Sort of like a person who binge drinks. In reality, the person who gets dumped by somebody who runs hot and cold can get quite bitter and blame themselves when in actuality it has nothing to do with him or her. It is a personality defect with the dumper who really needs to step back and evaluate his/her life and realize how his/her behavior is not getting the desired result and instead harms innocent people. Peace!!! | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/18/2007 11:36:35 AM | To answer the question at hand here;
Maybe the person just had enough, maybe like in my case it was just a one sided relationship.Yes I was accused of turning it off like a lightswitch,but I just had enough of the abuse.I gave from the heart for two and a half years,I believe I put up with more
crap then most would have. And yes I did tell her that I loved her and that she meant the world to me. I wanted this relationship to work,tried everything,but just got used.
To her it was all about $$$$, when I stopped giving,she stopped coming around, so I moved on.
Whats a person suppose to do? Stay at home and fret over it? Not me.
As for you gals who feel that you have been used,my heart goes out to you's.
It also happens to some of us guys too.
Hopefully we all find our true matches and live happily ever after. | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/18/2007 11:40:21 AM | Jeez, who knows why?
Maybe he is just horny.
Or maybe he figured this is the best way to forget completely about you- best way to get over someone is to get under (or above ( not same as over), mind you :0)
Or maybe...maybe. There are zillion possible reasons but at this pont do you really care?
All I am saying - think about yourself, not him :). In general I think guys are more self sufficient, they do not really wonder what you might feel or do at the moment if you are split. They just do what their body tells them. Maybe we should try the same? :) | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/18/2007 12:02:38 PM | Well Isn't it obvious they are so selfish they only love thier selves and are not capable of loving someonelse ! Please dont take this personally as they have done it to other people many times before you. So be happy you are rid of him now instead of wasting more time ... now you can use to find someone that can love you unselfishly as you love them! Please dont be jealous or mad this will eat you up inside and cause yourself more pain find a way to forgive and move on! | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/18/2007 2:39:00 PM | Answer -
Easy, it's easy for anyone to say that they love some one and miss them. The thing is did they actually mean it. If they truly ment it, i'm sure that they wouldn't start seeing some else right away.
Cuz how can you miss somebody , if your wanting to be with some one new? Sure, they can always love you - maybe not the same way as before, but less - but still actually feel it...
I dunno if i'm making sense - been a long day | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:55:46 AM |
Holy Crap! How I can relate. Down to the same time frame as you (3 weeks). My X emailed me yesterday to tell me that he went on a blind date that didn't show up (tacky). This is the same X who talked marriage with me. I am amazed at how quickly he moved on. Men do seem to just turn it on and off at will. No offense to men, but come on! If I have to hear "I am doing this for me" one more time, I am going to take up drinking... oh wait a minute... I am already drinking.......
Too funny.... After reading some of the posts in the forums I can understand why dating sucks and is so hard to find anyone worthwhile. People are playing with other's emotions without regards to damage being done to that person.
Ladies it happens to us men too. I was in a 4 month relationship where my supposedly partner said she cared for me and was falling in love with me and how she wanted us to move and buy a house and be a happy family.... B.S. All I got for sticking with her when she was going through some tough times was I need to be alone to figure out what I want. Another bunch of crap.
To many people like the attention of a new person and have no consideration of how they are treating the significant other.
The internet has contributed to the already floundering relationships. | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/21/2007 9:12:16 PM | I had something very similar happen in my last relationship. He was amazing and came on really strong for the first two months (even brought me home to meet his family, asked what kind of wedding/reception I wanted, etc...). Then VERY suddenly he seemed to shut down, put up all kinds of barriers and just generally change. I of course held out hope (he said it was work, stress, etc...) because he was so amazing at first. Finally, 4.5 months into the relationship he went away on a month long vacation to Africa and two weeks after he left, sent me an email informing me that he just didn't miss me and therefore love me, even though two months before he was talking about babies and weddings (and he actually initiated it, not me).
I highly, highly recommend the book "He's Scared, She's Scared". It talks about commitmentphobic men and women, but also, more generally, what happens in a person's mind when they panic and get scared. It has really helped me to see that it wasn't my fault and that all of my efforts to support him and win him back were just making him panic more. It also talks about people who live in a romantic fantasy world with a "perfect" picture of what they want and how they push people away dramatically if they get a sense that that perfect picture won't just fall into place (some people just aren't willing to work for it). The book has really given me some answers in a situation where I just felt dumbfounded and like I would never have any answers to the questions "why" and "what happened". | |
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