| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 5:08:49 PM | Dear God, you have to seriously poll people here and ask what they'd do in a situation like this?
Are you really so naive to believe his BS story about how he plans to end his marriage? It's sad when there really are such naive women in this world.
Leave him the h*ll alone. ...if not because you respect yourself, but because you have respect for a fellow woman - HIS WIFE. Bet you dollars to donuts that she has NO idea that he's been communicating with you or that he's telling tall tales of being unhappy in his marriage.
he's a skank who's looking for a vulnerable victim (what better, a newly divorced woman who's looking to feel good about herself, to feel desired and wanted, etc) to spin his tales of crap to. It's all crap. He's using the oldest line in the book. Leave other people's husbands ALONE, for crying out loud - have some class and some dignity. | |
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| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 5:28:24 PM | | Nope, natta, no way! I would not pursue a married man. He can end his marriage, do his healing and then he's ready to date, but not before! | |
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| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 6:09:09 PM | What would I do? and Would I persue a married man?
First of all, if I'd been 'seeing' or talking to a man for a period of time, with some sort of romantic interest at the base of that communicating .. and then "just found out" he was married And has children. # 1 that would suggest he has been lying to more than just his wife, he's been leading me on as well.. call it manipulating, conveniently omitting facts, whatever - it is Dishonest. Big time dealbreaker. Also, one of several things I will not be a part of is assisting a cheater in the breakup of a marriage and the breaking of their childrens hearts. Seems there are a few innocent people who need to be thought of in this sort of situation.
Second question was "Would I pursue a married man?" - No. Nor do I maintain "friendships" with those who think it's ok.
I do feel for the person who is led down that path, who honestly thinks they are 'getting to know' a Single person. It's never pleasant having your heart treated like trash.
I hope OP has ditched the cheater and is on her way to finding a Good Man. | |
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| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 6:15:29 PM | | I'd tell him to call me when his divorce is final. And if I was dating someone and then found out he was married after we started dating, I'd end things. That's one place I really don't want to go. | |
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| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 6:27:17 PM | | yea be VERY careful of your heart, i was/am involved w/ a married man did not know he was married at first then got the same story not happy no relationship blh blh blh ,now ooops wife found an e-mail sorry see ya i am so in love with him , i hurt so bad i can't breath at times, it's so hard so please , think very hard on how you feel now if your not in too deep back off if his marriage does end then be with hiom | |
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| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 6:30:22 PM | | No no no!! He is too cowardly to get a divorce. How can you trust that he won't do the same thing to you if you were to go through a rough patch? I cannot think of any circumstances under which I would date a married man. Period. | |
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| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 6:30:22 PM | | you've only been divorced 3 months ?? Is this your first divorce? Don't you need sometime to clear your head?...say a year or so..to be ready for another relationship.How can you possibly want to date a married man? | |
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| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 6:33:01 PM | I got this today,,, this man had also written me sometime ago.
I then told him I don't get involved with married or separated men..
last year my married as become a complete struggle and i would like to compromise it with a dignifyed lady as yourself.i must admit that you are a stunner for your age and i would be a proud man in your company.as an individual
Did I pursue it? No. I wrote him a nice letter back .
He answered it in an understanding way. | |
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| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 6:44:14 PM | Do Unto Others As You Would Want Them Do Unto You!
Never cheated and would never help someone else cheat either... Do you have any Idea how horrible is wife would feel if she found out and OMFG the drama that you are inviting into your life. I would not even consider it !!!! not for a second not even a nano of a second.
OP there are how many fish in this sea and you want to settle for .... A MARRIED MAN ... Give your head a shake girl and keep looking. You and your kids deserve better. Get some self respect please. (meant in the kindest possible manner) | |
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jk44
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Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 61 | |
| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 6:58:47 PM | So when he says he's got plans with the family, my guess is he has plans with another girlfriend. You don't really think you are his only girlfriend do you???? Once a cheater always a cheater! Run Girl! Run! Unless of course you want the same life his wife has right now?
Better to be the wife of a man who loves ONLY you...than to be just another girlfriend of a married man! | |
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diz73
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Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 62 | |
| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 7:09:22 PM | | easy - i would back off completely until his life was sorted. if he left his wife and got that taken care of, im not even sure i would consider pursuing a relationship- i would keep in mind that he basically lied to me when first meeting and that doesnt bode well for future 'trust' building....so until he was free of his marriage - NO way. assuming you met him on a dating site, then i would also presume he was actively looking to cheat on his wife instead of dealing with the situation first. not good points in my book... | |
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atlast
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Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 63 | |
| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 7:26:17 PM | No! Absolutely not! I would never go for a married man! Oh, wait, I am heterosexual.
Damn! Never mind!
I am pretty sure that "I want to leave my wife because we don't get along" is code for "I am bored with my marriage so I am looking to get some on the side." Even if you are married and not getting along, you are still married. Will fooling around improve your relationship or something? That's a new one on me. Come to think of it, married women have used that line on me. I didn't fall for it. Guess what? They are still married. And I didn't give their husband a reason to come around and shoot me. Some men are pretty stupid around here and think other men "trick" their wives into having sex with them. Or something. | |
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| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 7:31:52 PM | please, please don't go down that road, your such a lovely lady and there are so many free man.
that is the oldest line they give, don't beleive this, why would you want to get all involved with a married man when you just got divorced, take some time for yourself, don't rush cause your lonely or need attention, i say this cause i to was in your shoes, i did get involved with a married man, it was the worst decision of my life, we did fall in love but he could'nt leave the family and for years i waiting till i just left. but he was always in my heart and i could'nt move forward, wasted so many years loving a married man, and for what, . i hope my story can help you make a decision.
good luck.
ps, that affair messed up his life big time. | |
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| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 7:49:52 PM | CAjunsweety30,
Run like hell. Married men are MARRIED. NO future with them. Tell him and any others you run into, to clean up the act at home or get a divorce and come back when he has the papers in his hand. If he and his wife don't get along anymore, all the more reason to leave. But you only have HIS word on what is what her. She might be a great person and not even know things are going south!
No way, is any married man worth the time of day. YOU and HE would be cheating. Even the time spent with you without sex, is time he could be spending with his wife building his relationship back up. Cheating NEVER improves things. And he won't be there for YOU when you need him. He has 3 kids and a wife that WILL take priority on Holiday, weekends, vacations, etc., etc. If you get sick, he won't be there for you. You will get the left over time he has for things like holiday, and the like. If you need his help with anything, he wont be there for you unless it doesn't conflict with the homefront! Don't think for one moment it won't be so!
Of course he is nice! Duh!! Would you look twice at him if he wasn't?? LOL... He is trying to win you over dear. And good looking don't hurt things either. But his wife probably finds him nice and good looking too, or she wouldnt have married him and had 3 kids.. count them.. THREE kids, with him!! The 3 kids will always be there, even after a divorce IF he ever gets one. Usually men stay because it is way to costly to leave. But they will cheat as long as they can get away with it. This is an OLD story, as old as time. Pay attention to what the past generations have said over and over again about cheaters. The story never changes.
Even if you start up with him, he might become bored with you too, and seek someone else. Especially if you fall in love with him! He won't want the complications from that one!!
Run girl.... there are lots of unmarried men out there for you to chose from! And something can come of them.. unlike the married guys!!
Best to you. Take the time to find yourself before dating. You have only been divorced 3 months. Treat yourself to things you wanted to do or like to do, but couldnt before. Become who you are before you go trying to find someone else to replace the ex. Just some thoughts from my own experiences and from what others say too.
Linda | |
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diz73
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Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 66 | |
| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 7:57:50 PM |
Come to think of it, married women have used that line on me. I didn't fall for it. Guess what? They are still married. And I didn't give their husband a reason to come around and shoot me.
omg, that really made me laugh :) i think thats a good way to put things in perspective! | |
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| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:07:47 PM | | This hits a nerve. If his kids are young then he has to suck it up, both he and his wife, and stsy together for the kids. He and her needs to get to a christian counselor and work out the mess. You cannot divorce with little kids so you can be happy. The thing is what she needs counts most and he has to do for her not him. You got this? Stay away from him. Its all trouble. | |
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| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:09:58 PM | | Once a cheat always a cheat. Even if he leaves his wife for you, how will you ever know he wont be telling another woman the same things about you. If he is so willing to cheat and lie about his wife, what makes you think you can change him? You wont. Run, don't walk. | |
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| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:13:32 PM |  I don't persue un married men, so what makes you think that I would persue a Married Man???
 I just happen to be a very STRANGE GUY, in that I prefer WOMEN over men anyday of the week!!! and at least 5 times on SUNDAY's... | |
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| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:16:09 PM | If he does it with you he will do it to you.....that is a guarantee....a lifetime one, move on find someone worthy, dont lower yourself down to his level...you will only look back and wish you never.......there are millions of people out there why pick a dog...and that is what he is...and once a dog always a dog...alot of nice guys out there give a good decent one a chance...arnt you worth more....... | |
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| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 9:42:24 PM | Wow - what a variety of answers you have received from the pundits here - who would have thought that they would have covered the entire range? Some interesting perspectives too. Hmm. Things to ponder.
Bottom line OP - what are you gonig to do? You have been chatting for a while but he wasn't honest right up front. You must know what you want to do and no matter what any of the rest of us say, you will do what you choose to do. Since it's been a month since the thread was originallyposted, what did you decide to do? | |
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| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 4/30/2007 10:46:56 PM | IMO....He is looking for another bed to jump in. He is afraid to leave one relationship, without another in place. Lets say you continued this relationship, and in 3 months down the road, it didn't work out. Do you think he would stay "single" or go back to his wife? A female friend went your'e route a year ago, and It fizzled out, and he went back to his wife. Now the wife is calling her, driving by her house and harassing her at work, for "taking her man", which is funny, cause the wife took him back..go figure.
It sounds like you are his back up plan, sorry to say.
Myself, after my divorce, I took a year off to "get my stuff" together...And I am glad I did.
You have been honest here, now be honest with you're self... | |
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Dr R
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Joined: 4/26/2007
Msg: 73 | |
| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 5/1/2007 5:53:20 AM | I of course realize that by pursue, you mean actually have an affair with him? I am married and have met quite a few wonderful people on POF that am am happy to call friends. They are all female and I have had a "crush" on a couple of them. But all know that I am married and I would never cheat on my wife by going on a date with anyone.
If you define cheating just by the very act of being on this site, I personally think it would be wise to get to know the person and find out why they are here or just make the choice of not even communicating with them.
dr_r | |
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| Would you pursue a Married Man?
Posted: 5/1/2007 8:07:50 AM | dr r.
I agree you can be married on here and still talk to others of the opposite sex without issue. As long as you set the boundries and both feel comfortable. But if one is with someone else and happy, why seek such relationships?
As you put itin your profile : "So if you are an intelligent, thin to average built woman ( my preference, not my bigotry) take the time to e-mail me, and ease into the process of getting to know me."
You set physical limits on what a woman should look like in order to contact you? Seems an odd thing to do IF you only seek talk/email as you indicated on your profile. What difference would it make how someone looked? Intelligence, as you also requested, comes in all sizes and looks. If you are only limiting things to friendship, why limit what looks you will accept? Might you be hoping for more inside?
You also said you had crushes on a couple women. That is the problem of having other sex relationships, especially seeking them out. You can fall in love and it can cause serious issues later. Every affair that I forgave my ex for was started by a "friendship" formed at work or elsewhere. It takes a rare man (or woman) to keep putting temptation in his or her path, and not sooner or later give in. You are truly risking a lot doing this. I have seen so many marriages fall apart with this sort of thing.
You said here you " I would never cheat on my wife by going on a date with anyone." Yet, in your profile you do not make that at all clear because under "First Date" you put: "You need to feel safe and secure with the first date with someone, so a phone call and discussion between the two of us about what you would feel most comfortable with is a good place to start." Sounds like a meet to me.
Your comments here and in your profile are sending mixed signals. You might want to think about how you truly feel inside and figure out what it is you really want. If you don't, one of those "crushes" down the line, at the right moment is going to come and kick you in the butt and cause you unbelievable heartache.
If your marriage is boring you, your wife might be bored also. I think the two of you ought to figure out how to solve this before it is too late. The time you spend on here and elsewhere talking to other woman could be spent with you wife and builting up a beautiful marriage with no outsiders in it. If you need outside the marriage time, take up a hobby or do something in a men's group...
Just my opinion on what I read and saw, and food for thought for you and others reading this who might be in the same place as you.
P.S.
OH.. and IF YOU ARE MARRIED... I JUST LOOKED AGAIN...WHY DO YOU SAY YOU ARE DIVORCED IN YOUR PROFILE???? Guess I should have checked that status out sooner, lol...
HMMMM... Could be just one more cheating husband here. If not in reality, in his heart.. Otherwise why say you are divorced on your profile and yet here you tell us you are married and tell women you chat with you are??? You sure aren't upfront in your proifle with that tidy bit of information! Deception dear... Sad...
You just proved what most of us said... run like hell from married men!! | |
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