| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:19:32 AM | women love sex just like men, and men would get more if they kept their mouths shut and didnt tell their mates.Being thought of as a whore is not a turn on.Have you ever noticed how women on holidays to other countries screw around like energiser bunnies.There is no fear of their friends ,family,people they serve at work ever finding out. | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:33:44 AM | | Oh I know a few woman that like it when they do....Dated one and while I was falling in love she was saying theres no guarrantee....needless to say shes still doing the same thing and doesnt have a relationship that last more than a couple of months....and by the way after hearing ..."theres no guarrantee "for so long I said goodbye...didnt wanna take the chance...she never looked back...lol. | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:35:29 AM |
Can someone explain this concept without getting moral and religious about it?
The answer is obvious.
The woman pays a very high reproductive cost (9 months pregnancy, increased energy consumption, decreased mobility, wear and tear on the body, higher risk of predation)
The man pays almost no reproductive cost (a few quick thrusts and ejaculation)
Women have evolved to be careful and selective, because of the high reproductive cost. Their strategy is to hold off as long as possible, and to give themselves as many males to choose from as possible (by improving their appearance and honing their "mating calls")
Men have evolved to be promiscuous and forward. Since there is almost no cost involved in copulation, the male reproductive strategy is to inseminate as many women as possible in order to send the largest number of their replicas into the future.
Whether we are conscious of it or not, our sexual behavior is driven by evolution's mandate that we propagate our DNA. The biological differences between men and women lead to different attitudes regarding one night stands.
For a man, a one night stand is the ideal reproductive strategy. There is a minimum expenditure of effort, and he can then move on to inseminate other females. He does not have to expend energy and resources caring for the young.
For a woman, a one night stand is an unmitigated disaster. She pays the entire reproductive cost of pregnancy and child rearing, without having the father available to share the energy and care burden. Furthermore she loses access to the protective aspects of the strong male. Surrogate fathers may appear but will not have the same attachment to the child (children resemble their dads to activate his protective instincts).
We like to think that we are highly evolved and that certainly may be true. But our animal instincts are far from distant. They are very much alive and well, expressing themselves in even the most refined social circumstances. | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:58:52 AM | Hmmm
I don't like the fact that you're making a generalization about women or men for that matter...but that's me. Not a militant female (what's that about??? you must have run into some interesting ladies!) and not a moralizer either...but I think you shouldn't say women--some of us don't mind it at all and have done it--yes life is too short to deny pleasure. Within reason. And YES, hell yes, there are some of us over 40 who'll enjoy sex like a man does. A younger woman gave me a compliment recently...she said I was like Samantha from SATC--in ALL ways. She said that because she thought I was one of the strongest women she knew because I WAS willing to say that I enjoyed sex like a man!!! To some women, that's not a compliment. But if you know who you are, are true to that person and love that person then you should be ok with someone acknowledging the good of you. At least that's what I think. And since I know the character is more than just sex, I didn't mind it at all.
And having been the partaker of ONS...I disagree. I think what happens is that a guy decides that's what it will be and doesn't say it to a woman...if you BOTH decide that's what it's going to be...great. But talk--don't avoid that talk because you think you're gonna talk yourself out of some. If it does that means she's not the person to do that with...simple. If you talk BS to a woman to get in her panties, she might fall for it...but then you have to deal with the repeated calls, voicemails, emails...oh wait...that's what happened to me 
Seriously though...not all men LIKE ONS either (there's that generalizing again!). I'm sure that there are women on here who can attest to agreeing to that and then the guy gets all "girly" on them as well (I say that as a JOKE...) and wonder why they don't call, etc.
If we--MALE and FEMALE--would stop lumping the opposite sex into a big bag of "all", maybe we wouldn't have these kinds of questions. Causes both sexes to get defensive doesn't it?
Guys...if that's what you want, be clear about it and don't BS a woman. Same for us ladies too. Sex is great but it's got to be with a person who's working on the same mindset as you are...otherwise why bother? | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:16:01 AM | For every heterosexual one night stand happening out there, I have to assume that there had to be a man and a woman "standing"...no? So it's obvious to me that not all women can possibly hate one night stands.
I wonder why there are people who seem to think that ALL men and ALL women are/feel/think the same?
Personally, I believe that no two human beings on earth are capable of thinking or feeling the same, regardless of gender.
And I also wonder why every human emotion must be categorized/compartmentalized/analyzed/ or assigned to a specific gender more than the other?
Aren't we ALL capable of experiencing the full range of human emotions as....human beings.....??
In my humble (and most gender neutral ) opinion...this type of thinking is the main cause or reason of the division that exists between the sexes.
And again in my opinion, I believe that until such time where we start seeing ourselves as human beings first, and as men and women second, we will never reconcile that division.
And personally, this is (and has always been) a great source of sadness and sorrow for me:(
Just looking at "some" of the threads on here saddens me greatly...why do men do this or that....why are women blah blah blah...when in reality and IMO, it should read; why do some PEOPLE "sometimes" do/think/act/feel this way or that way.
I believe that no human quality/emotion/feeling/trait is gender specific. So I make an effort to not see people as men or women but as fellow human beings. And it works for me.
By assuming that a man could be just as sensitive as a "typical" woman, I am aware and reminded that his feelings could get hurt just as easily as mine.
And by assuming that a woman could be just as detached from her emotions as a "typical" man, I am careful not to think of her as a cold biatch for simply being different than I am or of how her gender is "supposed" or "assumed" to be.
It also stops me from thinking that ALL men or ALL women are this way or that way if a man or a woman I encounter is this way or that way.
I prefer to think of people, both men and women, as complex unique individuals each capable of demonstrating a wide range of what we normally (and wrongly IMO) call "stereotypical" female and male qualities .
Therefore, I believe that some PEOPLE are okay with one night stands and that some are not. And sometimes one night stands are okay for some people and then after a while, they're not so okay anymore. And sometimes some people who were never okay with one night stands to begin with, are suddenly very okay with them. And sometimes, one night stands are okay for "some" people "some" of the time but not "all" of the time and not with "all" people but with "some" people "some" of the time.
Just some of my thoughts and opinions....to each their own.
JMO | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:00:19 PM | | Men do release oxytocin during orgasm and also during cuddling, they just dont release as much as women do. Men also become attatched because of sex/oxytocin, it probably just takes a lot longer. | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/15/2008 3:35:39 AM |
The reason is a chemical called oxcytocin (spelling may be off)When we have sex we release this chemical from our brains. it cause's women to be bonded to men who they have sex with , it literally gives the woman a "high" that makes her "crave" that particular man. That is why we get attached instantly after sex, and "falling in love" is really just you being "hooked" on that guy like a drug. Men don't get affected by it because they have so much testosterone their brains don't put out this chemical.
Men release this chemical too, but they release it more slowly. Women tend to have a surge of the chemical all at once, and at intermittent times when hugging, (to a lesser degree) kissing, sex, skin to skin contact, breast feeding, its a hormone that makes us attach to the person on an emotional level.For men, say, bonding with their new child, it takes a good six months for the same level of the chemical to be released as it does for a woman upon giving birth. My point is we all release it, some take more time than others. | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:21:14 AM | People put too much value on sex.
I have had one night stands in the past I dont love them Id rather be friends with bennifits if I liked the sex if not one night is plent of me. | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:29:53 AM | I think you're well off the mark with this assumption!
Women hate it when men think its fine to have a zillion notches on their bedposts but get all prudish if they think a woman has had more experience than them!
Unfortunately, many women adjust how they express their views to conform to this.
Women hate men who lead them to believe they are open to the idea of a relationship, a long term one even when they're really out for a fling or one night stand. This would be true of many men too.
Everyone has a sensible stand-offishness if they think someone has been having a lot of sex without protection and therefore presents a health risk.
Please dont tar all women with the same brush. Maybe you ought to think again about how you choose potential partners and how you present yourself to them if you are finding yourself in an unfavourable situation over and over again. | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/15/2008 7:02:00 AM | Haha.. If people dont want to deal with the possible fall outs they shouldnt have sex.
I love when female or male friends **** about one night stands n crap and the fall out afterwards.. like one dude woke up and i guess the chick was a bit of a nut.. stole all his medications from his bathroom took his funky electronic daytimer thing and booked.. and he ****ed and moaned about it for months. It was like dude.. you got drunk and took a random home.. you cant even remember her name and she robbed you. Deal with it.. get over it.. dont want it to happen.. dont bring random drunk girls home.
Still didnt learn as he was robbed blind while he slept several months later.. Wallet, Car keys and handfull of jewellery (watches,rings) I just shook my head and asked if he would take me home so I could steal his big T.V and he told me to F off.
lol | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/15/2008 7:22:23 AM | Sex for me isn't the goal in and of itself. So, if I do sleep with someone, and it's only just once, that's not really me getting what I want. It's about 5% of what I want. It's a notch wasted on someone who won't come around again. So while he attained 100% of his goal, I got 5%, and less if he didn't know what he was doing (which is likely).
Which is why I don't go to bars and pick up some guy. I'm worth more than a few pumps from a stranger.
Like I say, I would rather have a PB&J sandwich. | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:37:12 PM | | when i am single at first i am not ready for anything but a one night stand. in fact if they are realy good and at my conveince . i will do it again. high sex drive and lonleyness are not the right reasons to start up a relationship, so a one night stand will do i dont feel guilty about it i dont miss lead anyone. thats the key men!!! there are women out who just need it to. | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:41:34 PM |
Do you have to have deep emotional feelings for someone to share something purely physical?
Maybe it's just the way I was brought up, but I do think you should have a emotional feeling and connection to someone to share something as intimate as sex with them. | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/16/2008 5:09:33 PM | | Ok Bob, I like your sense of humor! In regards to this subject, I happen to love one night stands, as long as that is what I am looking for. I have been known in my past to go out and "pick out" the guy I was taking home that night. My guy friends used to say that I was more like a guy than they were, at times. I believe that one night stands are great for men and women. It is just that some times one person is dishonest with the other and leads them to believe that they will be there the next day. I believe the difference in perspectives on this topic is both chemical and social. Our society has a stigma against premescious women. For men, if they "nail" a lot of women they are "studs", "pimps", "top dog", blah blah blah... For women, on the other hand, if they do the same thing they are "whores", "easy", "dirty", "sluty", etc. Once the playing field is even then we can look at the true causes of why "women need love to have sex and men need seex to have love". | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:44:08 PM | | I agree with you 100 percent........it is so stupid to play childish games about sex. It IS a physical need just like eating or breathing. So many people as just immature about this and making things hard for no real reason. | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:58:01 PM | | so many new lables ,freinds with bennys, f- buddys . all the same thing. i know my " buddys," " freinds " are there easy no bs to worry about when i start up some thing new a possible good thing they might not see me again. and i dont see them. | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:49:34 PM |
For men, if they "nail" a lot of women they are "studs", "pimps", "top dog", blah blah blah... For women, on the other hand, if they do the same thing they are "whores", "easy", "dirty", "sluty", etc.
Well, things won't change until the availability of sex for men and women is equal.
Value is placed on the things that are hard to acquire, not on things that are given away...
That's why guys have no long term interest in a woman who they perceive as easy.
Most women who want can walk up to any guy and ask for sex, and get it...
Most men who want sex can walk up to any woman and ask for sex, and generally get slapped...
Remember men are chasers... Women are chased... (chaste? pun)
Even a dog that chases cars, when it catches up to one, just marks it's territory and moves on... No long term interest if they're easy to catch...
Last thought. Not all guys are praised by their buddies for sexual activities...
There are terms like 'man-whore' 'horn-dog' etc, which are not flattering... | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/18/2008 10:23:41 AM | It is not that women HATE one night stands...some pple do......women don't want to be lied to...manipulated and coerced into something, believing that they are getting something else. Simple.
Women want the choice!
Experiences are better when everyhthing is on the table regarding intention.
Be honest baby. | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/18/2008 10:39:50 AM | Just another thing to bytch and moan about in the gender communication gap if you ask me, why women this why women that wha wha wha fawking whaaaa!
some Men think with their dycks and some women think with their hearts.
is it really that hard to figure out? | |
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| Women Have Not Adapted To Casual Sex, Research Shows
Posted: 6/26/2008 3:40:30 PM | ScienceDaily (June 26, 2008) — The sexual and feminist revolutions were supposed to free women to enjoy casual sex just as men always had. Yet according to Professor Anne Campbell from Durham University in the UK, the negative feelings reported by women after one-night stands suggest that they are not well adapted to fleeting sexual encounters.
These findings are published online in the June issue of Springer’s journal, Human Nature.
Men are more likely to reproduce and therefore to benefit from numerous short-term partners. For women, however, quality seems to be more important than quantity. Also for women, finding partners of high genetic quality is a stronger motivator than sheer number, and it is commonly believed that women are more willing to have casual sex when there is a chance of forming a long-term relationship.
As Professor Campbell explained: “In evolutionary terms women bear the brunt of parental care and it has been generally thought that it was to their advantage to choose their mate carefully and remain faithful to make sure that their mate had no reason to believe he was raising another man’s child. But recently biologists have suggested that females could benefit from mating with many men—it would increase the genetic diversity of their children and, if a high quality man would not stay with them forever, they might at least get his excellent genes for their child.”
Professor Campbell looked at whether women have adapted to casual sex by examining their feelings following a one-night stand. If women have adapted, then although they may take part in casual sex less often than men because of their stricter criteria when selecting partners, they should rate the experience positively. To test the theory, a total of 1743 men and women who had experienced a one-night stand were asked to rate both their positive and negative feelings the following morning, in an internet survey.
Prof Campbell added: “Evolution often acts through positive or negative emotions which draw us towards adaptive behaviours or drives us away from harmful ones. For example, we enjoy other people’s company but get depressed if we spend too much time alone. Basic emotions guide us down pathways that have been advantageous for our ancestors. It seemed obvious that if our female ancestors really were adapted to short–term relationships they ought to enjoy them, just like men do.”
Overall women’s feelings were more negative than men’s. Eighty per cent of men had overall positive feelings about the experience compared to 54 per cent of women. Men were more likely than women to secretly want their friends to hear about it and to feel successful because the partner was desirable to others. Men also reported greater sexual satisfaction and contentment following the event, as well as a greater sense of well-being and confidence about themselves.
The predominant negative feeling reported by women was regret at having been “used”. Women were also more likely to feel that they had let themselves down and were worried about the potential damage to their reputation if other people found out. Women found the experience less sexually satisfying and, contrary to popular belief, they did not seem to view taking part in casual sex as a prelude to long-term relationships.
“What the women seemed to object to was not the briefness of the encounter but the fact that the man did not seem to appreciate her. The women thought this lack of gratitude implied that she did this with anybody,” Professor Campbell explained.
According to Professor Campbell, although women do not rate casual sex positively, the reason they still take part in it may be due to the menstrual cycle changes influencing their sexual motivation. Indeed, during the ovulatory phase (between days 10 to 18 of their cycle), women report increased sexual desire and arousal, with a preference for short-term partners. | |
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| Women Have Not Adapted To Casual Sex, Research Shows
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:14:25 PM | | it all has to do with biology in all creatures......most males instinctively want to mate with a female of the species and then move on to the next female...and the female that he copulated is then left alone with no help from the male to raise his offspring by herself...so this could be interpreted in the animal world to be a one-night stand for them and that explains why females,even the human female hate one night stands while males love them. | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:27:22 PM | | We only hate it when the guy never calls again, (and they almost never do) which squashes our self esteem and at that point we wished that we hadn't ever done it in the first place. It only takes one time like that to kill it forever (smart women learn fast.) | |
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| Why women hate the one night stand and men don't
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:31:15 PM | hheheeh you clearly haven't met my friend JULIA!!! she's a champion of the O.N.S. for sure, and giggles at my horror each time she tells me of picking up a dude from a pizza joint after the bars close...sigh.... I don't just worry about her because I find it gross LOL, but because the notion of taking a total stranger home, albeit a charming stranger - hey wait, aren't serials famous for being charming towards women?!? Ack! Yah, that part I can't wrap my head around most of all, I value my personal safety too much :) and I find it kind of icky LOL
That being said, if 2 consenting grownups want to do it, more power to ya. Be safe, don't chop anyone up and put them in the freezer, and be respectful. If she feels bad about it, NO it's NOT the man's "fault" It's tough $hit, is what it is :)
Now, I should warn you I have more than 1 girlfriend who thinks that the way to a man's heart is his trousers and try relentlessly to turn 1 night stands into something more - usually if he calls again for another bootilicious evening, after doing it for a few more times they start thinking "hey we're dating now...I MUST LOVE HIM" hahahaha it's happened more times for it to be a freak, it's a thing! a real thing! be careful ~ the moral to the story is, make a ONE night stand just that...don't go back for seconds!
blerg. | |
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