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| | It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!Page 3 of 17 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17) |
You may not be surfing during working hours, but your employer might prefer you not be on a "dating website", but obviously they cannot control what you do with your personal life.
If your fear of what your employer thinks keeps you from posting a photo on a dating web site, they ARE controlling what you do with your personal life. | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/1/2007 7:36:56 PM | | Hi There. I am so sorry that's happened to you as it's very easy for one bad experience to turn someone sour on something. I do not post my picture because a) I don't want people contacting me just because of the way I look. I'm not gorgeous but I think I'm pretty and I only want to talk to people who are interested in getting to know a person, not a face. b) because I don't want everyone in town saying "you know who I saw on POF?" because I think although this is a widely used site, each person still has a right to some privacy. I probably would exchange a photo if I was actually going to go on a date with someone but I don't think that should be mandatory, just easier to locate the person when you get there :o) We have to remember that each of our versions of attractive are very different so you may not be interested in someone's looks at all but there may be many guys who are and that's why the person said they get noticed. To me, it matters to a degree on physical attractiveness but much more so on the guy's personality and how he treats me. I know some really attractive guys who are goofs - lol. Well, just wanted to give you a woman's perspective who doesn't give a picture so you know that there are some sincerely attractive, nice women out there who aren't trying to manipulate anyone. Have a great night :o) | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/1/2007 7:44:16 PM |
because I don't want everyone in town saying "you know who I saw on POF?" because I think although this is a widely used site, each person still has a right to some privacy
thanks Motley.....perfect.
Are we done with this topic yet?
Ooops, even as a newbie, I'm done.
Is there is a new feature that allows for search with a "no pic" option.
Have at 'er. Talk to a later (but then again, probably not, 'cause I have no pic!) | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/1/2007 7:45:55 PM | I've rolled the dice with the no pic profiles and met some great women, some very atractive women. So far I feel I haven't been deceived, but I can see it happening.
I see no harm in getting together for a coffee and making it a very quick coffee if you feel you've been lead on. | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/1/2007 8:04:17 PM | Thanks, Aventurero;
People; try to understand others' situations, and have a little faith.....
You will have to filter idiots, no doubt - it's the nature of the environment. There is crappy nonsense out there; it has nothing to do with whether you have a picture on your profile... | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/1/2007 8:30:17 PM | | I met a girl on this site without posting a pic.....but i would never post a pic of myself anywhere on the internet, its easy for someone to just copy and paste your pic and use it for whatever they want. Its better to take the time and meet someone in person to see if you have a connection and trust me its a lot less disappointing then having your photo show up somewhere you wish it wasnt. | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/1/2007 8:42:13 PM | | Yes, we do get our share. I've met several men who's pic's on plenty of fish could have been an entirely different person. Unfortunately, the person I met was a good deal older, and looked entirely different{not in a good way}, of course I was dissapointed and felt that I had been deceived. Then it happened again, and my only response is, please post a current picture. AND, when you do meet for the first time, please, prepare yourself to meet a new person by at least washing, combing hair, etc. cleaning those grubby fingernails. Honestly, I met someone who didn't do any of the above and I was apalled!! However, I did my best to be pleasant and polite, but again, felt deceived. My goodness, how do these people expect to meet someone and start dating? | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/1/2007 9:14:14 PM | | The absolute number one reason in my experience for no photo has been THEY HAVE SOMETHING MAJOR TO HIDE. Married, mostly. As for the "I'm in the public eye," well, I am in Washington, DC and there are tons of well-known people here who are on match or other sites, with photo. This is 2007. There is absolutely no disgrace in being on a dating site. | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/1/2007 9:16:53 PM | | as for a pik i have one i also have a web cam if you dont have one for me its not a problem that is because i get to know the person first a few e-mails a few phone calls im more interested in the persons personality im 48 over waight my hair is thining i dont consider my self unattractive but im sure there are those who do but im a southern gentleman and a lady should always be treated as one no mater what she looks like remember being rude is being rude you dont ever have to see this person again so be plesent dont be mean and if you feel you cant do this then for the sake of the other person cam with them before you go out with them and if you are 25 are 30 just remember this i looked great at that age too lol | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/1/2007 9:24:39 PM | Kudos to you eastside..I agree There are an aweful lot of people who are already attached in some way, whether they are married or in a live in long term relationship. They generally don't post pics to avoid recognition. Buyer had best beware!!! As for the full body shots..some sites refuse to post them. Pics that I submit ( I posted more than one pic ) are post dated by the camera that I use. That way the age of it is validated and authenticated.  | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/1/2007 9:28:38 PM | THEY HAVE SOMETHING MAJOR TO HIDE
Utter nonsense
As for the "I'm in the public eye," well, I am in Washington, DC and there are tons of well-known people here who are on match or other sites, with photo. This is 2007
Yes, we are all well aware that Washington, DC is the centre of the universe. Congratulations with that.
Yup, it is definitely 2007. Happy April 1rst. | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/1/2007 9:33:19 PM | For gawd's sake people........POF has a 'no pic filter feature'. If seeing a profile with no picture offends you so much........USE THE FEATURE!
In the meantime.....I prefer not to post a picture. I have nothing to hide. I know that I am limiting my contacts. I am fine with that. | |
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clwb11
| | Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 63 | |
| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/1/2007 10:14:40 PM | | I have done it both ways...no pic and pic. My issue, I take really awful pictures!! I'm consistently told I look better in person than in pics. Other reason I have mixed feelings about posting pics...living in small town BC, not everyone understands or accepts that people date on line...yet they browse POF and then give you a hard time about being a "looser" who dates on line. | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/2/2007 4:00:52 AM |
First of all you're supposed to be working while at work, not checking out dating sites. Guess that also means you're not allowed to get the computer at home.
I don't get on PoF while I'm at work, but that doesn't have anything to do with a pic on the profile. The profile stays even when you aren't logged on... | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/2/2007 4:11:23 AM | They COULD also have the Gestapo tail you. Or the CIA. Or the FBI.
Heh heh heh Eddie :)
For people who are paranoid about posting a pic, here's an idea - don't go to a dating site on the internet!
I don't have a scanner or a digital camera and I still managed to post pix - it's not fair to expect someone to meet you sight unseen, especially if they've seen you
People without pix should only contact others without pix - that way they're on a level playing field | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/2/2007 4:37:08 AM | I have not and never will meet a person without a photo. In this day and age there is no excuse. I have even had the excuse that they don't have a camera - there are such things as disposable cameras. Then there are the men who put on the two year old photo and say it's the only photo they have and they look exactly the same, come off it we all change in two years. You can't tell me that you haven't had your photo taken in two years. Then there is always the excuse, oh, I am always the one behind the camera, so ask someone to take your photo or even take your own photo, I have done that.
My photos are always up to date, sometimes only days old. I also don't understand why some people only ever has the one photo.  | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/2/2007 4:40:31 AM | Hi and thanks to everyone who responded to my post ! (especially those with kind words ... a  4 you justcueit  !)
As the OP , and having read over every response at least twice please allow me to take the time to try and summarize where this thread went, what the overall results are so far, and a couple of other relevant thoughts. 
65 posts so far = about 50 different people,
60% women, 40% men, 75% with pics , 25% without.
Of the people without pics, they were split near enough 50% men / women.
18 people specifically said they had met someone without seeing a photo, representing 26 different experiences/dates. 19 (75%) of those experiences were bad / person was misrepresented, only 7 (25%) good. One (see post 12), had a fantastic result 
But clearly the majority reported were by far the other way around. 
Basically almost everyone agreed that a picture before meeting was essential even if one wasn't initially loaded on the profile, although the reasons people suggested as to why people might post deceiving photos / no photos varied considerably depending on what their personal experiences were. Reasons included :
1) People are deceiving themselves - still think of what they USED to look like
2) People are deliberately deceiving - because they are doing after all, a "sales job" :)
3) People want to be appreciated for more than their external appearance
4) People are cheaters / have something to hide
5) People are nervous / shy
6) People have privacy concerns.
A couple of observations :
While 3) sounds very noble/virtuous, the reality is that external appearance will always be at least INITIALLY significant in most cases, and experience shows that more people are hiding behind that statement than are honestly trying to avoid the superficiality of some other people's skin-deep evaluation systems.
"Privacy concerns" (6) seem to fall into two categories - legitimate and illegitimate. The well-known judge situation and the lady who gets bagged for being on POF seemed to me the only 2 to have any vague credibility (although for me personally I'd say the people doing the bagging are the real Losers hun :), but the rest of the "privacy concerns" were honestly vague, unsubstantiated claims.
I guess that was something that jumped out at me - that other than post 18, 46 and 54 where a couple of non-pic-posters gave us some indication of the reasons why (although to be fair, "my work asked us to reduce our internet presence" did meet with some healthy scepticism !) - our most vocal non-pic-posters (esp tofinogirl) were not forthcoming on serious reasons why THEY did not post a picture, just reasons why "people" did not post pictures.
But hey, this generalization was not confined to the non-pic-posters ! If you read carefully, you'll see that although quite a few people suggested that the most likely reason for no pic was people who are cheating on partners, that this was (based on the actual comments posted) all supposition. Remember our 75% of blind-dates being with people who lied/exaggerated was based on actual reports, but while some people FELT that many without pics must be cheating, I don't think a single poster actually said "This happened to me !"
I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, but I wonder why it seems to be more widely BELIEVED, than actually REPORTED ??
Anyway, IMHO, I would suggest that those who choose not to post pics come across as more credible when they simply and directly explain the reasons why, rather than feel compelled to (ineffectively) defend those that others know from first-hand experience to be liars/deceivers.. I mean why try and defend every person who chooses not to post a picture just because YOU have some reason for not posting ? I don't see the rationale in that at all.....
And what can we do about the 75% bad blind-date experiences and the yes-there-are-pics-but-overall-i-dont-look-anything-like-that profiles/people ? Perhaps if we could give "dating feedback" on people's profiles in the same way as favourites can write a testimonial that might go some way to providing some "warning signs" to others... I know, I know, it COULD be abused, but look at say ebay where feedback can be really helpful, and where if the overall balance of feedback is resoundingly positive you can make your own decision about any negative feedback in context, esp as the account-holder can respond to negative feedback... and besides, wouldn't such warnings help stop all those millions of axe-murderers that the hyper-paranoid seem to believe are so abundant in internet land ? 
Just my 2c worth 
Wazza  | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/2/2007 5:02:57 AM | Oh and a quick PS for delectableone :)
For gawd's sake people........POF has a 'no pic filter feature'. If seeing a profile with no picture offends you so much........USE THE FEATURE!
I'm not offended by people with no pics delectable, and I understand that a small minority of them have legitimate reasons why they don't put a picture up (as long as they are willing to send one pretty promptly once a dialogue gets going), and trust me I never browse profiles of those without pictures nor initiate contact with them, so the "no-pic filter" gets plenty of use ! LOL
However, in my case *I* was contacted by the "pic-less" person, and I suspect that would also be true of the other posters to this thread who have had bad "blind-date" experiences...
In fact, there's a question - were any of you who have reported bad "blind date" experiences here the ones who INITIATED the contact ? I certainly wasn't... | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/2/2007 5:35:04 AM | satia_mt
Even an accurate descrption doesn't tell much. It can describe millions of people and still be disappointing on the first met. Been there and done that one too.
I have ALWAYS had a pic up. I update it every couple months. I also have a cam and show people what I look like so there is not questions on what I look like. I wish everyone would both update their pics and have a cam. Neither is difficult and the cam can be very inexpensive.
I did, however, meet someone who did have a pic and cam, and believe it or not, did look much worse than both in person. So that can happen too, which did surprise me, but that was indeed rare. Only once in 4 years so guess that isnt bad lol.. He was the same person, just odd that he looks MUCH better in a photo and on cam. So, even pics and cams can periodically fool you too. But he wasn't doing it intentionally at least.
Happy fishing,
Linda | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/2/2007 5:58:41 AM | I can understand how you feel about the situation you confronted....
However if you continue your membership on a dating sight or sights, you will acknowledge there are numerous good & bad reasons why individuals don't post photos....plus SOME people look better in person...
As for me, since there is no requirement I chose not too, and I have conditions on forwarding one.....and not to be rude, if someone doesn't like my conditions they can utilize their navigation skills.....
I respect those who post photos, and I bestow the same esteem on those who do not, but willing to exchange... | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/2/2007 6:09:18 AM | talldark-handsome/OP
For the ones who feel they have ligitimate reasons for not posting pictures, you can clearly state in your profile you will send a recent picture on request. But it IS noted on dating sites, and I do it myself, that people skim through pictures first, catchy titles second, and if they have time to, they look at some others. People are busy and no matter what anyone says, we like to find someone we feel we can look at night and day and be able to "kiss that face"! So you might get a lot less interest if you do not have a pic up. And animals, grandkids, boats and car pictures do NOT count! lol Those if you want to display them should be your other pics, not your primary one!
I update my pics every couple months and I have a cam to prove who I am. I look younger than I am by a number of years, so a cam comes in handy there to prove to the doubters. Everyone seriously dating should have a recent pic up and a cam. (Or as I said, available upon request if you really feel you can't put one up.) Cams are easy to install and aren't that expensive and many take pics and videos, so no excuse why you can't keep an updated pic up.
I have had only a couple dates without pics. One was awful.. fat, short and ugly!! He kept talking about how personality was more importand and refused a pic. That is a RED FLAG, lol.... but I finally gave in. Won't be doing that one again unless I really don't care, which is possible if other things were going well! It isn't ALL about looks. Maybe if he hadnt lied about so much, I might have met him and things could have worked out. But starting off with fibs about your looks, height and weight, just isn't the way to go.
Other one without a pic, I did finally agree to meet and held my breath. I was instantly relieved when I saw him.. Whew!!! We actually dated for 5 months, but him being a controller and lying about some very important things as we went along, one of such being that he was seperated for that last 3 years, and NOT telling me that one til later into the relationship, sorta made me reconsider things, hehe.
So MY experience WITHOUT pictures is 50/50! LOL
NOW, others, even WITH pics, looked MUCH older than the pic. One guy's pic had to be at least 15 years old! But I look so much younger, I figures he did too in his picture. There are a few of us out there that do hold age well. lol
Another one was MUCH fatter than pic by 300 pounds!
One guy I met evidently PHOTOGRAPHED A LOT BETTER than he actually looked in person! So even cams and pics can't be totally trusted, but I am assuming that one is rare.
But for the most part everyone else looked like they did in a pic and/or on cams. I love cams because you are there now and it can't be old. Some say someone else can be on the cam, but I never found that nor actually heard of that actually happening from anyone. Some people don't trust anyone about anything and look and ask for the trouble they do get. Of course, people can fake or lie about anything, but I found in the past 4 years, very few persons I met did that about anything.
What did most of them in, was not telling me things, rather than not telling the truth on what was asked. SO, with that lesson learned, I now ask LOTS of questions on what I find important, then go from there. I find if you ask, men will tell the truth. A lot won't though UNLESS you ask....I hear it's the same with the ladies. Doesn't make much sense to me. I am me, so love me as I am, or leave me alone. I don't want to fall in love either, with someone who is pretending to be someone they are not, just to get me to like them. I would be liking the fake person, not them! Sad, isn't it, that people can't be unfront when they are seeking someone to love them for who they are?
Happy fishing OP and everyone!
Linda | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/2/2007 6:33:22 AM | talldark-handsome
I don't use the "no picture filter" very often, but just skim over most if I don't have the time to look. Sometimes a catchy title will draw me in. Most today don't have the time to browse profiles endlessly, thus most serious daters should have a pic up, if at all possible.
Good point though about the intitial contact though! Neither of the ones I met that I posted about without a pic, were contacted by me...never made that connection... Thanks for the insight!
Others I met without a pic on the profile ALWAYS had a pic to send, or a cam. As I said in the other post, it's not that difficult to show your face to someone your seriously interested in dating!
Linda | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/2/2007 9:05:05 AM | Nice synthesis of the responses Talldark.
My legitimate reasons are posted in another thread: Off Topic "Ladies with No Pictures".....I think it's called.
There are a handful of threads pertaining to this topic.
Cheers, | |
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| It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !!
Posted: 4/2/2007 9:23:47 AM | | Yes, it happened to me too! I was talking to a kindergarden teacher that I met over the phone personals and it was going well. Our personalities blended well and I even mentioned taking her down to Kentucky to visit with my family someday. Big mistake. Anyway, she told me she was blonde and a little chuncky which overall is fine with me...esp. the blonde part. | |
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