4tell
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Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 76 | |
| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/5/2007 2:18:20 PM | It seems sad to me tht someone could be so insensitive as to part company based on such a lack of appreciation of what must be a natural reaction in anyone who has sensitivity. I am sorry that you were carelessly discarded. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/5/2007 2:21:22 PM | OP - I'd have gotten the tissues and cried right along with you. Nothing wrong with emotion - and to heck with whoever says there is. Real men don't cry? Says who. If they ARE real, they cry - and so do women. Not everyone likes to cry - and it seriously makes me look awful - but it's like smile at someone and they often smile back - cry and someone will cry with you!
But just because someone doesn't have a tear running down their face, it doesn't mean that they are not crying on the inside and or that they don't feel everything just as deeply. It also doesn't mean that they are stronger - just that they have a different way of dealing with the emotions.
And no one should have to justify it. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/5/2007 2:40:02 PM | There's nothing wrong with a guy crying in public, private, or anywhere he pleases as far as I'm concerned. As a parent of two grown boys I can well remember they were born crying just the same as the girls were.
Sure, sometime after about 6-years-old the social pressure to toughen up begins. But it's ever so prematurely in my opinion given what life will throw at kids.
Being an only child until I was nine - as well as a girl - I don't know what exactly changes in boy's life that takes him from whailing if he falls and skins his knee to running away from any of mom's help. But [italic]something[/italic] changes.
It's nice to hear about a man who is still somewhat connected to the person he was born to be. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/5/2007 3:27:25 PM | Call someone to have her "retired"...
100 quatloos to whoever tells me the reference I just used!
That'd be Ridley Scott's Blade Runner, starring Harrison Ford, Rutger Hauer, Elizabeth Shue and Darryl Hannah. Loosely based on the book "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep" by Phillip K. D*ck.
And yeah. I cry during commercials and I'm still rock-solid in a crisis. Any woman who can't handle dating a real human with real feelings ought to stick to dating vibrating plastic. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/5/2007 4:13:50 PM | to On the edge - post 66.
I think you should re-read my post.
All of it this time.
She said her chest got tight, and she got scared. When we talked on the phone after, and we started talking about it she started sobbing - not just crying but sobbing.
I'm sorry, but thats not being turned off thats freaking out.
Brett | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/5/2007 6:38:11 PM | Each and everyone of us has an opinion on what's accepted or expected from the opposite sex. I wouldn't pass judgement on this woman,maybe it wasn't her "thing."
Rule #1 in "How to keep a woman": Never, ever  on the 1st or 2nd date! | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/5/2007 7:08:24 PM | Here's one of the problems. First problem: 99.9% of the time, when someone posts their situation in these forums, other people will post in support of the OP and knock the other person. You see, the other person is always one dimensional, a fraud, phony, player or scumbag. She has issues. She is this, she is that. I usually suspect that since people are complex, and I'm only hearing one side of the story, that there's more than meets the eye.
Now, onto what your problem really is.
You just had your first two dates with this person. She doesn't know you, you don't know her. She sees you get soft during a film. A film! Sure, you were moved but that's not the consideration here. She sees you weep. She makes a quick decision about you based on what you're giving her to base decisions on about you. Hey, let's be fair. If all of a sudden she exhibited a very masculine trait during a date, you'd probably be thinking, "oh geez, this girl is butch!".
Point is, this was just your second date. This is the time you two are evaluating each other. Save revealing deeper layers about yourself for later on, when the time is right for deeper stuff about you to be more accepted. Second date is not the time to open up.
She has issues? Maybe she does. Maybe the issue is that she's experienced an effeminate man in her life (not saying you are by any means, heck, it shows you're human. Have emotions. Hey, I got misty watching The Notebook, these movie folk know how to tug at our heartstrings, that's why they make money) and it has repercussions for her, maybe that's her issue. Maybe she feels a guy who easily weeps at a flick isn't the kind of guy that can take care of her and make her feel secure. Who knows? Doesn't matter. She's made a decision, right or wrong, and you're out.
Learn something about dating from it, why not? Is it fair? No. Do people make fast decisions based on just one thing? Yep. That's the way it is. Does it mean you can't be yourself? No, it means you have to think about what makes sense to do or not to and think first, just like if you're a salesperson and you don't like the customer but you deal with it, keep your best foot forward and try to get that sale.
p.s. that second date was way too soon after the first! Was she only in town for the weekend? It's better to wait a week or so between dates and I'll tell you why... gives her time to think about the good time she had with you, her feelings can grow, and she starts to miss you and looks forward to seeing you again. Don't underestimate the power of not doing anything! | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/5/2007 7:10:39 PM | I would appreciate a man who could cry at a movie; my ex would always, always look over at me when we were watching a movie during a sad part and ask, "Are you crying?" and mock me!! I hated it... He rarely ever cried--only when he was drunk!
A man who could express emotion? A breath of fresh air.... | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:34:14 PM | Men Don't Cry Like Women Do Dept.
I'm posting again because I've had this exact conversation before with a group of women. They maintained they wanted a man who could openly weep, be in touch with his feelings. But yet, they didn't really. So let me tell you: DON'T listen to what women say about wanting a man that can openly cry, a man in touch with his feelings. It's not really true, it's a half-truth. They say they want that, but as you found out, they don't really want that - until later on in the relationship, maybe. That's the missing piece! They want to know you're in touch with your emotions, but they also want to know that you can manage your emotions! That you can handle them. That you don't give in to them. That you maintain your composure. Why? It's primal. You need to be the Yin for them to be the Yang. The Rock, so they can be free to be the Wave. So cry when your mom dies. When there's a tragedy. A catastrophe. But don't cry when Leonardo DiCaprio comes back onboard the Titanic to claim his long lost love.
Like I said, I've had this conversation with a group of women. It dawned on me that they didn't make sense. If you read through the most of the female posts about this, you'll actually see how the logic is misleading too: A woman used to get mocked for crying, so he wishes her husband would've cried. That's what she says she wanted, but is it really? No, her real wish was that he wouldn't have mocked her. Big difference. Had he cried, she may be posting that he was such a wimp that he used more tissues up than she did. A woman posts that it's natural for baby boys to cry so ergo it's okay for men to cry. What??? No, it's natural for babies to also crap in their pants and throw tantrums and fuss but you wouldn't appreciate a man who does that. Babies cry because they have no other way of getting their needs met, this is not a reason why men should cry likewise. Someone saw their dad cry only once, when his brother died, but says that's just how they were in their family, that they didn't cry in front of others. So what? The man cried when his brother died, that's appropriate. And he may have cried about some other things throughout the years but wept privately. That's appropriate too. Why discount his public show of grief because the rest of the time he was reserved in public? Point is, he did cry, he did show his feelings. And so you see again, this duplicity: that even when men do cry, they get slighted for it, almost in the same breath that they're asked to show their feelings. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:50:14 PM | I cried too during that movie, its sad at that part.
If she's acting all freaked out at this point because you shed some tears about a movie, think about later down the road if something happens thats more serious and you cry. Your human, you can't be the "tough macho dude" all the time. She wants someone to protect her all the time and stay strong? Tell her to get a dog. She seems to have real insecurities if you ask me. She needs to be strong for herself too. She seems really dependent on a man.
Be wary is my advice.
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/5/2007 9:15:08 PM | Brett, you seem like a good guy.
She told me that her man couldnt show any signs of weakness, that had he had to be strong all the time for her.
Her statement is incredibly stupid. Might need to let this one go and get back to | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/5/2007 9:29:28 PM | @jeremy66, i agree with you
Hi Brett, I read your story...and some of the female replies..well this doesn't seem to be the popular answer but it's a true one. I would dump you too. And you should dump me as well for not wanting someone like you. It's a nice quality to be sensitive, but in truth, some women are not attracted to that. We prefer strong men who contain their emotions and are a bit mysterious. Yeah, we complain about them, but they keep us interested and are a challenge for us. And ''us'' are the women some men call btches. But on a similar note, most ''nice guys'' are attracted to btches too, or the 'damsel in distress' type. For the same reasons. The challenge it presents. This woman is not for you if she cannot handle your display of emotion. But then again, should you be displaying it so early? Does that show some kind of weakness on your part? I think it does. I have had men cry in my arms...after a year or two together and over some very deeply felt personal events....and it made me love them more. But if a man cries too easily or too often, I just think he's a pssy. Sorry, but that's the truth....and many women feel this way too, even if they won't admit to it. Not saying you should change, just saying you need to find a woman who doesn't feel this way....and apparently there are lots out there...many of them have posted here. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/5/2007 9:52:44 PM |
She told me that her man couldnt show any signs of weakness, that had he had to be strong all the time for her.
Well.... By all means give the woman what she asked for!!!
Is it that hard to do that????
Just tell her you could give a f*ck less what she wants or thinks and that if she died tomorrow that ya wouldn't shed a damn tear for her.....
Because that's the way she wants you to act about such a moving and touching scene in a movie....
then by all means:
GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS!!!!!!
and I bet next time she will be thankful for what she has........ | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 6:37:21 AM |
I'm posting again because I've had this exact conversation before with a group of women. They maintained they wanted a man who could openly weep, be in touch with his feelings. But yet, they didn't really. So let me tell you: DON'T listen to what women say about wanting a man that can openly cry, a man in touch with his feelings. It's not really true, it's a half-truth. They say they want that, but as you found out, they don't really want that - until later on in the relationship, maybe. That's the missing piece! They want to know you're in touch with your emotions, but they also want to know that you can manage your emotions! That you can handle them. That you don't give in to them. That you maintain your composure. Why? It's primal. You need to be the Yin for them to be the Yang. The Rock, so they can be free to be the Wave. So cry when your mom dies. When there's a tragedy. A catastrophe. But don't cry when Leonardo DiCaprio comes back onboard the Titanic to claim his long lost love.
Exactly - and by the way, this is the movies people, nothing like giving the producers what they spent millions on - they're not crying, they're counting their bank accounts.
If I don't know a guy two days and he cries during a movie, that's a pivotal moment. Not because it's wimpy for guys to cry, but because I'm a girl and I don't do it, so why would it make sense for a guy to do this? Real life tragedy, maybe - but a movie? Nothing wrong with crying during a movie - but keep it to yourself. If I was overly emotional and cried at the drop of a hat, I guess I couldn't complain about someone else doing that because I don't see things male/female; rather I see them as how people are individually - but if I'm not crying and he is during Titanic for God's sake, that just tells me we're not a match...he's emotionally geared and I'm not - I can't work with that. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 7:05:37 AM | Hi!
First of all I feel like you are quite a remarkable man. I do feel also that you handled the situation in a very beautiful way ...by accepting your date for who she is and giving her space. I feel that somehow she has been quite hurt in her life re: men and not feeling 'safe'. I feel from what you described that this woman does have a lot of warmth.We all have our issues to work through!
Where many men would have run from an incident like that ...I feel that you offered her true'strength!'
Way to go! I hope you hear from her again. Perhaps you have a lot to learn from each other!! | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 7:11:13 AM | | This is a strange premise. I tend to agree with CreativGuy about what women say they want vs. actually want. The whole 'nobody can have any baggage' notion is laughable, but a rocky road, nonetheless. It's too bad, but there is a thing called discretion that takes place in social situations. I am not suggesting I or anyone else has to shut down emotionally, but the 'reality TV show' world people think they have to present at times is messy. In the 'sensitive male' 1980s-90s guys learned this the hard way--some of us tried to swing the pendulum toward what might have 'helped' bridge intimacy and it was sort of a wash. Fact is, some guys have issues, too. God forbid you talk about that or show it to women at large. It's why the men' movement clarified it for us. Iron John and all that stuff. You have to be a MAN--not what a woman thinks is a man or some other macho guy browbeats you into. You find it or just become it over time as well. If I cry at a movie--it's likely not the movie that triggers it. But it hasn't been something that comes up these days much. I have compassion for either sex for tears--but you can sometimes tell if it is layered vs. the original matter. In those cases, your sense is "what's up here?"--the woman from the post was reacting. Maybe thats the issue--not emotions. There is always help for problems--trying to hash it out in the dating arena is a quagmire. Deaths, divorces, moves, etc., you can't skate over deep feelings by 'having fun' and being a quasi-social butterfly. Wounds have to be healed, too. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 7:32:58 AM | GEE WHIZ
It sounds as if she is very needy and NEEDS A STRONG MAN (HER PHRASE)
But her idea of what is a man is rather old school
Beleive my EX was the right man for her no feelings what so ever ...........
Maybe you should tell her you are looking for a woman that is not SCARED (HER PHRASE)
WHEN IT COMES TO BAGGAGE ................SHE HAS MORE THAN ONE CARRY ON
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 7:38:49 AM | Your date made a classic mistake-connecting the feeling or expressing of emotion with weakness.
Emotions are a normal part of everyones being and you did nothing wrong by feeling them or revealing them. The part I'm concerned about is her expectation that you never show emotion, that you never show weakness and that you are weak for showing emotion.
You might want to ask her what has happened somewhere else in her life where she had the expereince of a man crying or at least the topic came up as a means of putting this issue to rest. If she has sons, she might pass this erroneous teaching onto them.
I would think the man who "feels" is far less likeliy to use the hurting of another's feelings as a weapon. It is the one who denies and buries his emotions and who then capably hurts others so he can see their "hurt" emotion excpressed as a weak response to his torment who is dangerous.
In other words, you are normal and your tears can be considered emotionally healthy. | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 97 | |
| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 7:50:04 AM | Would you cry in front of your guy friends? Of course not. Why should
we treat women any different?
The universally accepted time for males to cry is during the property settlement.
I agree. LOL. Sandler sucks btw...his SNL skits would have been enough
to make me cry had I not changed the channel on him. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 7:55:14 AM | I wouldnt cry with my guy friends ewok. But then again I wouldnt be watching a sad movie with my guy friends. Also I really really hope you treat your woman different than your male friends or I feel really bad for her  | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 99 | |
| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 7:59:18 AM | Also I really really hope you treat your woman different than your male friends or I feel really bad for her
I treat everybody equal.....don't need to act out my sensitive side for
any particular sex.
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 8:29:46 AM | Note to men: even though women say they want a sensitive man, what they really mean is they want a man sensitive to them, not sensitive in general. Yeah I know, always about them isn't it....
Also, don't be too sensitive in the bedroom. I'm not suggesting you try a porno-style 'money shot' to the mouth and face, but typically this is the one area women like a man to take charge. Don't ask them if certain things are ok, just try them and watch her body language.
So yes, if a movie or song makes you a little misty-eyed, be discrete about it and hide it from her.
It doesn't make any sense that women pride themselves on being 'emotionally in-touch' and yet at the same time see male emotions of this nature as a weakness, but no one ever said women are rational. | |
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